Wally was not a happy camper. He sat below the deck of the Sea Cucumber having a smoke, contemplating how he wished to live his life moving forward into the future. Douglas walked by and saw him there smoking, he called out, “Dammit, who gave the prisoner a cigarette again? I thought I told you all not to, he keeps trying to light stuff on fire.” He turned to Doofus, “Was it you again Doofus?”
“No sir, I didn't give him no smokes, I just lent him my lighter is all. Should I have not done that?” Doofus stupidly asked.
“Yes Doofus, please don't give the prisoner anything.'' Douglas sighed with both heads.
“Headjob! Just the Dung lizard I've been meaning to chat with.” Wally greeted him cheerfully. “I’ve been giving me future some thought lately, you see. I’ve decided that going forward I’m going to be valuing freedom a lot more. I won't be wasting my life locked into one task this time around. The reason I bring this up with ya is that since I’m now valuing me freedoms so much, ye best unchain me soon. If you don’t, I’m gonna take it personally. Then I’ll most likely rip one of your knobs off to express my disapproval.”
Douglas winced with both of his heads, he regretted almost every moment of rescuing this human. “Look Wally, as I’ve explained, in scaled tribe territory all humans are slaves. That's just the way it is and there's nothing we can do about it. Be thankful you're not in long-tongue territory, they just kill any humans they come across. I understand that you don't like it much, but there's no need for name calling. It's truly out of my hands. Will you please put out the cigarette?”
Wally took his cigarette and flicked it out towards some flammable goods in the corner of the room. Douglas ordered Doofus to make sure nothing was on fire and by the time he turned back, Wally already had a fresh smoke, lit in his mouth. Douglas sighed deeply.
“Land-Ho!” A crewman called from above.
“Thank the gods!” Douglas exclaimed and went up to give orders. The sooner he handed off wally to the slave boss, the better. Douglas didn’t envy either man. They were not going to get along at all.
The Scale Tribe port city, Scaletopia, was a bustle of activity as they docked. The scale tribe did all of their trade and travel among the other tribes through this city. Most human and Scientist slaves in the city worked at the docks. Douglas was already trying to spot the slave boss as a dockmaster came by to greet them.
“Hoh Douglas! How was your catch?” the jolly blue Gecko dockmaster greeted.
“Complicated. Found a weird human out there. Is slave boss around? I kinda want to get rid of it quickly.” Douglas replied.
“Oh, Rotgut? Yeah he’s around. Want me to call him over for you?"
"No, I want him off my ship as soon as possible. I'll send him over with Doofus."
Douglas sent Doofus to escort Wally and ordered his remaining crew to unload fish. As Wally was walking away he turned and shouted, "we have unfinished business HeadJob, I'll be back for you. Lefty or righty? Which one you wanna keep!?
Douglas slapped both of his foreheads. Half the port had just heard Wally's nickname for him. That was definitely going to stick. At least he was rid of him. The man unnerved Douglas. The right ear of his left head ached like it did when a storm was coming. He hoped to be back out in open waters when this one came.
Wally quite liked Doofus. Sure, he was dumb as a doornail, but his heart was in the right place. "Pretty sure I just heard Old HeadJob calling out, telling you to set me free, mate."
"Why do you think he did that? He must be pretty dumb." Ouch, coming from Doofus, that was a S-tier insult. Wally doubted he could say something worse. "Doesn't matter, he's only the boss of me when we're on the ship. I don't do what he says on land."
"Why are you still escorting me then?"
"I was told to on the ship."
There was no arguing with that logic. So Wally kept on walking. He spotted a pub.
“Let’s go get hammered,” Wally suggested. “I’ve been dying for some booze for months now.”
“Oh you like to drink Mr. Wally? You don’t want to drink there. All they sell is watered down dogg urine. Did you know I make my own spirits?”
“You do? I like you more and more with every passing moment. I would very much like to try some of your spirits.”
“Really?! I’ll bring you some after i bring you to the slave office.”
Doofus led them to the slave offices and they walked in together. A few slave's stood chained in the lobby waiting for the slave boss. Doofus led Wally over and chained him to the wall with the others. There was a scream from the next room.
The slave boss, Rotgut, strolled into the room holding a dismembered finger. He was a very round lizard with scales that stuck out like bumps " 'Allo Doofus, whatcha got there?" He asked, throwing the finger into a small pile of others.
"We found a human in a human egg and brought it over for ya to slave." Doofus drawled.
"Good stuff, why's it smoking?" Rotgut pointed at Wally. Wally was enjoying a smoke checking out the room.
"It's always smoking, we dunno how to stop it." Said Doofus, "Can I just leave it here?"
"Yeah that'd be good. I still got a few to assign work before I get to it. It can keep the smoke, I'm generous like that hehehe." He grabbed the chains of another slave and yanked them towards his back office, "C'mon you! Seeya round Doofus!"
"Round is right ey, Pineapplegut, harhar." Wally joked to himself.
The supernaturally powered words made their way through the room right into Rotgut's ears who then spun to glare at Wally. His whole body tense with anger.
His wrath was interrupted by Doofus turning to say farewell to Wally. "Well Mr. Wally, I’ll be back soon with your spirits. You’re gonna love this stuff, I call it Doofusbrew. it’ll put hair on your scales."
“Honestly this body isn't even mine. It needs more hair everywhere, so bring out your dirtiest slag. I can handle it, trust me. Seeya then ey, mate.” Wally waved doofus goodbye.
Doofus left. Rotgut rechained the slave he had grabbed and strolled towards Wally like a cat stalking a cornered mouse. “Perhaps I misheard just now when you commented on me girth there little human?”
Wally knew he was in trouble. He took a draw on his cigarette so that he could answer this question as delicately as possible, “Are you under the impression that you aren't a Fat hunk of slimy dogg crap who makes his mother weep nightly at her failures before I come pound her silly?”
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Nice Wally, Smooth!
Tears streamed down both of Rotguts cheeks. He managed to stop himself from crying in the foetal position, but only just. He sniffed and pointed to the pile of fingers in the room, “When a slave is defiant I usualy take a finger. Slaves work just as well with one or two missing and they dont usually cause trouble again after that. As for you, I’m gonna take 3 of your fingers right now for what you said to me. Then, I’m gonna make it 4 if you don't put that cigarette out right now.” he looked at Wally with cold, dead eyes.
Wally understood well that he might have been a bit hasty with the insults. ‘My bad’ He thought. So he slowly took the cigarette from his mouth, looked at it, then shoved it into Rotgut’s eye.
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Coolsville, Capital of the SNOOP faction, burned.
Destiny fish had found Einstein and fred by swimming in a random direction. One of the quirks of his magic. DNA Jellyfish’s minions didn't have such luxury. Stallion galloped through the city causing mayhem and destruction at DNA’s orders. Eventually somebody would give Einstein up if enough damage was done. A heavy machine gun opened fire from down the street. Stallion evaded the barrage by a hair and dashed into a nearby public library. There it was shocked to find itself face to face with none other than Mr. Abs. Sexual tension sparked between them like a storm. Keeping his professional composure, Mr. Abs gestured an attack formation to Stallion. Stallion nodded.
They charged out of the Library and leaped off the walls of the opposite building to avoid the incoming bullets. By perfectly timing jumps and using each other as improteu spring boards they managed to reach the heavy machine gun and Stallion cut its users down with its claws.
“I don’t believe she is here,” frothed Mr. Abs.
“Nor do I,” Whinnied Stallion, It is a long shot, but perhaps she is still retrieving her friend at Apple Pisland. Noone has seen her since before I spoke to her.”
“Perhaps. Let us conviene with the others and see what they have discovered.” Mr. Abs placed his hand gently on Stallion’s.
Stallion pulled its hand away, “Please Mr. Abs, don’t.” Its eyes were pained. They both were struggling with all their might between their professionalism and their hearts.
They found Greg and The Quintuplets easily enough and as expected no one had discovered any sign of Einstein being in the city. As Apple Pisland was only an hour away, it was Decided that that was the next location to check.
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Doofus returned with his homebrew just in time to witness Wally having his hand cut off at the wrist. The office was chaos. Apparently Rotgut had cut each finger off individually. The other slaves were shaking and covering their ears after hearing the extreme curse words Wally bellowed after losing each one. There was vomit on the floor from where Rotgut had vomited in revolution at something Wally said. Doofus walked in as Rotgut was slamming his finger remover down on Wally’s wrist repeatedly to get through all the way. Wally just lit a cigarette and smiled at Rotgut. Doofus winced at the act of brutality; Rotgut broke entirely. He handed Wally’s chains over to Doofus and left the office staring blankly with his one remaining eye. He was never heard of again. Wally tied the end of his arm off with his own chains to stop the bleeding.
“Do you think you need to see a doctor?” Doofus asked genuinely.
“Na, I need some of that grog you got there more actually.” Wally took the offered bottle and chugged half of it down. He scrunched his face up in a mixture of pleasure and disgust and held it for a few moments before releasing a deeply satisfying “Ahhh.” He looked at his stump and poured the rest of the bottle on it, almost fainting from the pain. When his head cleared something clicked into place Universally speaking as Wally slowly came to a realisation.
Four recent memories cycled through his head on repeat. That dumbass douglass following the rules on his fishing vessel, That fatass Rotgut’s dead stare as he left, That crazyass Doofus’s evil drink, that badass stump arm he had now. HeadJob the Skipper, Pineapplegut the winker, Doofusbrew the hairgiver, Stump the stump. Nautical leader, an eye, a drink, a stump. Captain, eyepatch, rum….
“Doofus, do you know where I can get a prosthetic? I just realised what I want to do with my future”
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New Chook's Creek, the Capital city of the WU-TANG faction, burned.
The fires lit up the streets in the early evening. After giving Tugboat directions he stuck about to watch due to morbid curiosity. He floated now outside a burning orphanage looking around in disbelief. All this over a pair of sunglasses?!
A building down the street exploded outwards as Tugboat rolled through like a wrecking ball. It turned onto the street and slowed to a gentle roll.
A loud voice emitted from within the meat ball, "Will the person responsible for breaking my Tomas' sunglasses please step forward to receive their punishment." This message had been playing on repeat for the last few hours as Tugboat tore through the city. Thousands of buildings had been destroyed. The residents were all confused and terrified. A few times a random citizen was offered up as a sacrifice but Tugboat would interrogate them and quickly find that they were not the one responsible.
"Go no further, demon!" A heroic voice called out, both Destiny and Tugboat turned to see a dashingly handsome man standing in the middle of the street. He was surrounded by a waddle of ducks. Somehow that made him seem more grand and imposing.
"Tomas, what are you saying? Why are you here?” confused, Tugboat scanned the ducks, their eggs were huge. “No… you aren’t Tomas.” It Said menacingly.
Destiny Fish felt a Karmic connection with the man, but there was no way he was going to get in the way of Tugboat, too much drama. Instead he tried the diplomatic result, “Hey hey hey, we’re all friends here, no need to get heated. Why don't we all just take a minute to cool our heads, hey.”
“You don’t know what you're talking about,” Tugboat growled, “This is the imposter who upset Tomas by kissing a beautiful woman. You don't know him like I do. His entire personality is based around having sunglasses and not kissing anyone. This man is an affront to all that Tomas is. There is plenty reason to get heated.” Tugboat revved its non-existent engine.
Ricky, dismissed his ducks and got down into a sprinter's stance. He stared up at Tugboat and huffed.
“Dudes, c’mon,”
Destiny’s words were the starting gun. They exploded towards each other down the street. A deadly game of chicken that neither planned to back down from. They both screamed a warcry as they leapt into the air. Giant meat ball and giant man clashed in mid air and spun off, falling to the ground. Ricky landed a fraction earlier and immediately pounced upon and began raining down punch after punch into Tugboats meaty flesh. Tugboat spun Ricky head first towards the ground, forcing him to leap off acrobatically. Ricky rolled and spun gracefully but found his opponent already rolling towards him. Without time to dodge the blow, Ricky braced himself. He let out a loud “Ooof,” as he got slammed into. They moved back a few paces and started circling each other.
The two were evenly matched. They were about the same height, Tugboat was much heavier due to its shape. But that shape came at the loss of agility and versatility. Ricky’s limbs allowed him to land more blows, albeit lighter ones than the occasional ones that Tugboat would land.
“Duuuuuuuuuddddeeeeeessss!” Destiny tried diplomacy again, setting them off into round 2.
Tugboat bounced off the ground and aimed its descent at ricky. Ricky didn’t back down, instead he put his whole body into shoulder deflecting Tugboat into a wall. His shoulder dislocated from the blow. Tugboat had no trouble tearing through the wall into a living room. Ricky popped his shoulder back into place with a hard yank from his other arm and followed. He ran and jumped into a flying kick, landing directly in Tugboats centre knocking it back into a wall. It forced itself to stop and reversed its momentum as he landed smashing into his body and throwing him through an opposite wall. The house they were in started to shake.
“You fight well, for a monster.” Ricky grinned up at Tugboat with bloody teeth.
The house fell down on them.
Even though Tugboat was kinda cool and he felt a karmic bond with this new macho dude, Destiny Fish decided to bail. There was a lot of negative energy going on between those two and he wasn't about to hang about for that noise. Based on the fight so far, they’d just tire each other out and become best friends afterwards. It was basically destined at this stage. He’d let them sort it out while he went and made a cool sandcastle or something.
As he started leaving, a bone-chilling howl pierce through the night. His destiny senses told him that something bad was coming and both his new buddies were gonna die. No need for that to happen, he decided. He went to intervene.
Ricky and Tugboat pulled themselves up out of the rubble of the house, “You fight well for a monster too.” Tugboat Grinned up at Ricky, revealing that it too had teeth and they were also bloody.
Ricky grabbed a snapped house beam and wielded it like a club, “I could do this all night,” he boasted.
With a stylish flair, Destiny Fish spun through the air and tail slapped him. He was basically already unconscious before the tail hit him. The slap put him under. Then he whizzed over to Tugboat and did much the same. Not sure what to do with them, he magically levitated them into the air and flew them back towards where he had left Tomas with Einstein.
A few minutes after they left The matriarch arrived and surveyed the battlefield. She sniffed the air then slammed her fists into a still standing building, knocking it down, “Tomas was just here!” she growled, “Where the hell did he go?!” She sniffed again and caught a scent which she turned and chased after into the night.