In a forest clearing strewn about with large trees that seemed to stretch infinitely toward the sky, a young man ran for dear life. A dark figure followed closely behind. The grotesque abomination flopped and dragged its slithering body along the dirt path, leaving back a trail of saliva.

Why wasn’t this fucking distress call working?! Sean Wu wildly mashed the help indicator on his emblem as continued to run. He had been two-thirds of the way toward the mountain range when a large demonic beast took notice and started chasing him. Fortunately for him, it wasn’t very agile.

“Why won’t this damn thing leave me alone?!” Sean spat out in frustration. This fucker was relentless, it wouldn’t stop chasing him! What the hell, there was a deer drinking from a pond to the left! Look, you fucker! There’s a deer right there! Stop chasing me, goddamnit!

“Give me… your skin… I want… to feel….”

[What the hell, that thing can talk?! Nope, that’s a straight nope.]

Sean Wu ran without stopping until a mountain-top came into view. At last, he had arrived at the Wither Peak mountain range. Sean passed by a small bridge tethered above a deep ravine and started to climb the nearest mountain he could find. The youth looked down; that fucking nightmare fuel was still chasing him! With four arms outstretched, it was slowly hauling its gelatinous body up the side of the mountain. Sean turned around and started climbing even faster.

An incense time later, a thin, black arm grabbed onto Sean’s foot and started to tug. The young man looked down, only to be met with a grotesque humanoid face attached to a bulbous mass of flesh. The creature smiled and opened its eyes. Two hairy black worms crawled out of its eye sockets and circled about. When had it gotten this close?! Sean let out a shriek and began to kick and thrash at the arm wrapped around his ankle.

“Heeeeeelppp! Someone come help meeeeeee!”

“Un.. Urr… Unk…I want… to feel… mother’s embrace…. Ern...”

Sean squinted his eyes. [Oh lord that’s terrifying.]

“Stop shouting so much, you’re ringing my ears.” A feminine voice resonated from above. Sean turned to face the voice. Standing above him, overlooking a cliff was a girl in a velvet blue dress. She was a jade beauty with soft, jade-like skin, her twin peaks were like jade hills resting in a shop counter on display, her eyes were like jade marbles refined by a master jeweler over the course of several decades, the nail polish she had on was made of finely crushed jade powder, the high heels she wore were made of jade, the hairpin on her head was made of jade, the enchanted jade stone she had in her storage bag was made of jade, I am out of breath, the jade ore located some thirty meters below ground was made of jade, let me catch my breath, the jade-tablet in her family’s storehouse was made of jade, the jade-. Ahem, as I was saying, Sean looked up and locked eyes with a girl in a blue dress. She was making a face as though she had stepped in mud. “Damn, if only he were good-looking...”

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

“Excuse me for having an passable face! Can you please get this thing off of me?!”

“What do I get out of it?”

[This girl is courting death.]

“I have this heaven-defying fruit that will improve your dao cultivation from simply looking at it! You might be stuck in an acid trip for some time, but I promise it will be worth it!”

“Don’t want it-. ‘Got anything else?”

“I don’t have anything else!”

“Then I will visit your tombstone to pay my respects.”

“…. “ Sean Wu closed his mouth, this girl was really starting to get on his nerves.

“How about this. If you become my servant for a month, I will save your pitiful self.”

[Maybe I should just take my chances with Thomas-the-Tank-Engine down there.]

“If I did that, the author would have to waste three to four chapters on filler garbage that inevitably end with me performing some inhumane feat to help you from some family troubles, thereby gaining your trust, respect, and possibly infatuation. Why don’t we skip all that and you can just come save me right now?!”

“No deal.”

“Fine, I’ll be your servant! Now please get it off me!”

The girl smirked and pulled out a hairpin. This hairpin was inscribed with transcendental myriad fire essence. With a flick of her wrist, the girl threw the hairpin toward the demonic beast, enshrouding it within a blanket of ephemeral white flames. Sean hurriedly jumped away as the abomination’s grip on his ankle loosened. Within a short time, the veil of flame was lifted, and the only thing that remained where the beast once stood was a charred corpse clinging to the side of a mountain.

“Well? Aren’t you going to thank the one that saved you?” The girl looked pleased with her work. She put two hands to her hips and smiled triumphantly.

[You witch, I nearly burned to a crisp!]

“If I hadn’t pulled myself up, I’d be charcoal right now!”

“You are alive, are you not?”

Sean didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. This girl was a menace! And had the abomination not released its grip on him, he would have burned alongside it!

“Thank you for saving me.” In the end, Sean expressed his gratitude. It was the only right thing to do, since the girl was technically correct. She had indeed saved him, and he had gotten out without so much as a scratch. There was no use in dwelling within the past.

“Very good. As your first act of fealty, go get my hairpin.”

“….” Sean looked down. The hairpin had fallen from the mountain and now laid at the bottom of a canyon. Sean looked back up. “You’re joking right? That thing is like... two miles down. I can’t get that.”

“A servant who does not follow commands is better off dead.”

“I will be right back.”

Sean started his way down the canyon crevice.