Ricca

Fear strikes those who seem not to sense it; they seek an escape from the fear but never find one. People think they are trying to escape from something else, but really it is the fear. It could be the fear of something happening again, something that will happen, or something that may never happen. Those people I feel for, for I am one of them. The fear eats at us; the walls surrounding it slowly disappear over layers of memories that most people cannot recover from. All of it slowly fades into darkness; the emotional part about it just seems to destroy the person from the inside out. It makes us think about things that “normal” people would never give a thought about, like suicide or just whys. It makes that person’s whole world turn inside out as if the beginning was the ending. We cannot get past the memory that made them start to feel so lost, lonely, worthless, dead, and so on. Other people generally cannot detect this in the person this is happening to, the wall is too thick for others to see through. We can hide whatever we are feeling because the memory just blocks everything. We can function like anyone else, except we are being eaten alive by our own minds.

I can still feel the horror, the pain, and the not understanding why people do some of the things they do in most of my memories. I learned that the world was corrupt before I turned five years old. I saw a man abuse a woman, a father and son physically battle against each other, child abuse, animal abuse, and suicides. Every time I saw one of these events or felt the presents of one, I would see a butterfly with a black diamond on its wings. The butterfly is not something calming to lay my eyes on. Matter of fact, it is just the opposite.

I will never tell someone of such a horrible demon; no one should know of them. These butterflies are not typical. No, it was worse than the bible version of the fallen angel. The diamond opens like a mirror to everything. It becomes part of my dreams; the mirror shows me the truth of the world. It opens another world, yet this is still my actual physical world. It makes no sense. I do not believe I will ever figure out the butterfly's purpose for fluttering in my world.

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However, the diamond upon its wings will always be my living nightmare. The diamond opens to show me the world for what it really is; and how the corruption in the world is increasing quickly over the last few years. I have seen firsthand the darker side of the world; I did NOT need a second realm that seems just as bona fide as the real world.

It is the only thing I really want to know and understand. I want to feel my own emotions, not other people's emotions. I want my life back, or at least to begin a life. What if the butterfly is linked to the world? And what if the mirror is not just a mirror... But a mirror to a specific time then is it what is happening now, or what happened in the past? If that is true then that means I had my life in my hands all the time... If the mirror is real, I want to save those people. Maybe it should mean something to me. That sounds totally outrageous. Why was I seeing all of them so vividly though if they are not real? UGH, WHY I CAN NOT GRASP THE MESSA-

“Hey... Ricca?” asks the shaky voice. “Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it again...”

Ugh, it’s Seiko... “Erm, I'm fine. Seriously! Stop giving me that look!” I sigh wondering why he wished to disturb my thoughts once again. I stare into his deep ocean eyes; his eyes tell me he is hurt by my response. “What’s wrong with you? Your eyes show that you are hurt by my answer, yet you are the one that disturbed me.”

“Ha. You are always so blunt,” He smirks as if he has some dancing riddle, which he plans on me solving. I hate that. “Why do your eyes tremble with hate and sorrow when another person speaks with you?”

He grips my hand softly, leans over, and gives me a hug making it so I cannot respond to him. Then he walks away with a huge smirk across his face. I wonder what he’s up to. I lost myself in my thoughts of what he possibly might be trying to succeed in while glancing into the mist that settles down to the ground. He is acting so strangely lately... I don’t get it. Nothing has changed, so there is no need for him to all of a sudden just change.

Though, Seiko was always the person to leave you with questions buzzing in your head. Oh and the meaning of his name, my god. Seiko Keitoryu, Blessed Dragon of Truth. He has no middle name, or none that I know of; which is somewhat weird, but whatever. He finds humor in our names, we are given titled names of known meaning and we are not even from the same origin. In a way, I agree with him, I mean who gives a child a name of high meaning but of separate origin? What I don’t find humor in, as he does, is that it means that we are destined. At least he says so; I never really paid attention to all the talk. I don’t even know what he means by destined, knowing him it is something he knows about, some secret, something he saw, something he's not sharing; everything is a puzzle with Seiko.