“Well? Are you going to just ignore me now?” My headache is still getting worse so I decided to go into the kitchen behind the couch and get some water to wash the painkillers down. After I finished the glass of water Jacobus decided to give me an answer.

From what he said I understood that if their ‘higher-ups’ found out about my death, they would be in some major trouble. Thunder and lightning, destruction of continents kind of trouble. I really don’t know what that has to do with me, but they didn’t seem very keen on going through that. By what they meant by ‘higher ups’, I had no idea. I know there is a hierarchy for angels, but I didn’t know the details and they weren’t saying anything about that.

In other words, They were just covering up their mess and I was dragged into it with no say or knowledge. They also inferred that for some reason, I would be in trouble as well. I don’t know why the victim of something so spectacularly idiotic as them screwing around and killing me would get me in trouble, but they kinda spoke around that point so I have to guess about it. So much fun I feel like hitting my head against a brick wall.

“So, you ‘fixed’ my body and made me like this because you didn’t want to get in trouble? Are you two five or something? Trying to keep your mom from finding out you broke something?” I really wish my eye would stop twitching. It’s getting even more annoying than my ‘ancestor’.

As I filled my glass once again and started to drink, Jacobus started talking again. He said that ‘no’ they weren’t five, and they were definitely trying to keep people from learning about their ‘minor mishap’. Like that would make me feel any better calling it a ‘minor mishap’. What’s minor about any of this?

As his explanation continued, there were a few moments I really wished I kept alcohol around. A stiff drink would really come in handy about now. I decided to make coffee instead.

The biggest problem that I could understand was that it wasn’t my time to die, and the ones responsible for keeping track of that would definitely know and report it. How? Again I have no clue. That’s the reason they ‘remade’ my body so my soul wouldn’t move on. As for why I’m a girl now? Neither of them had a clue. They tried multiple times to ‘remake’ me so I would grow up the same as before, albeit with a few changes so I wouldn’t look exactly the same and throw some ‘red flags’ down the road. Whatever that means.

“So, let me get this straight. When you ‘remade’ my body, trying everything you could to keep me mostly the same, I just kept coming out like this?”

“Pretty much. We tried everything we have ever heard or seen when bringing you back. We don’t know what went wrong.” Jacobus answered quietly.

“Wait, are you telling me you didn’t know what you were doing?”

“I wouldn’t say that. We have seen something like this before. Trust me, it’s not that hard to do.”

“You’ve seen this done before… Am I to assume that you have never done this then?”

“Of course not. Do you really think that a couple of guardian angels are trusted with this sort of thing?” Methodius quipped with that stupid grin again.

“…” Dang it, my eye really hurts now.

“Shut it! You stupid neanderthal. Why would you tell him something like that? Dang it I knew I shouldn’t have brought you with me for this.” Jacobus was looking a little green at this point. I can’t say much about that though, pretty sure I almost passed out at that point.

Not only did these incompetent meatheads kill me, they tried to put me back together and failed. Well, kinda I guess? I’m alive… That’s a good thing. At least I have that.

“Why didn’t you get some help from someone who knew what they were doing? Are you responsible at all? For that matter, how the heck did you become a guardian?”

“Nope, not a chance we could ask one of those uppity snobs to help. They always think they are so much better than everyone else who ‘can’t do what they can do’. They keep going on and on about how long it takes to get proficient with the techniques and power. So annoying. Neither of us can stand them.” Methodius waved his hand in front of his face again with a slight grimace.

“…”

“Please don’t look at us like that Alex. There was no way or time to get help. I promise you it’s not so bad. You will grow up just like any normal kid. Everything works as it should, and just think of it this way, you get a fresh start at a new life. You can do anything you want, and become someone different. Maybe even get out of the slump you’re in. You could even start a family in a few years. Sounds like a good deal to me.” Jacobus was really trying hard to sell this. Trying to change the subject of them being incompetent idiots that screwed things up and couldn’t even bother to try to get help to fix it.

“Start a family in a ‘few’ years. As much as that actually sounds nice, I’m only ten now, and I would have preferred to be able to become a FATHER. There is no way I’m having kids. Not happening. I’m not even going to think about that kind of thing with another guy.”

“Tell you what kiddo, to make things easier to adjust, we’ll throw in a few things to help,” Methodius said grinning.

“Like what, make me a guy again?”

“No can do, sorry. But we can make it easier for you to become comfortable with the ‘new’ you along with helping out making it easier on you until you become of age.”

“What would that entail Methodius? Can you age me so I can get a job? Pay my bills while I work somewhere I don’t need experience and therefore get a lower salary that can’t pay me enough? What about my parents, brother, sister and nephews, and niece? How am I going to explain this to them?” Yep, it’s finally sinking in that this is reality. I still don’t want to admit it, but I can feel my body, smell the coffee that just got done brewing, touch the counter and I could taste the water. Yes, taste water. All my senses seemed hyper right now.

“Well, let’s see. How about we help you out with as much as we can? We can set you up with a new identity, along with helping with the bills, in a way. It’ll be kinda like cheating though, so no one can find out about it.” Jacobus interjected with a thoughtful frown.

“Cheating how? I really don’t want to get into trouble. I have enough of that on my plate as it is, no thanks to you two.”

“Easy kiddo. Remember who you’re talking to.” Methodius actually growled a little. I’m so scared, what’s he going to do, kill me? Again?

The look I gave him actually made him flinch a little. That’s interesting.

“Calm down, the both of you. I get that you’re worried about what to do, so here is what I’m thinking we could get away with.”

After saying this, Jacobus went on to explain his thoughts. They would be able to get me a new identity, start a bank account in my name along with a college fund and somehow make it so my parents ‘won’ the state lotto. Who were my parents? So far, that was a good question. They couldn’t make it so my actual parents had me, or even adopted me. It sounded like it had something to do with me being too close to them. As far as me being ‘dead’ and my new body being only ten, they could make a construct that would mimic my old self. It would only last about eight years, just enough to get me to eighteen, and then had to have some kind of accident and die again. My brain must still be fuzzy because if they could do something like that why couldn’t they just make me a new body? Apparently, they couldn’t because the construct wouldn’t be alive. It would be able to do pretty much everything I did like drive, work, and converse with other people. It would also have the same personality, skills, and knowledge I had before the accident. They assured me that nobody would notice the difference.

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“So what about parents? Can you just make it like I was my own father?”

“Sorry, no. It’s complicated. With how your family is, they would reject the false memories. It wouldn’t hurt them per se, but they would always feel like something was off and have trouble with it.” Jacobus commented.

“Great, so what do we do? Make up fake parents or something?”

“That won’t work either. They won’t have a background and we can’t make something up and have it be excepted. These kinds of things are too nuanced for that.”

“What we need is someone that you knew around ten years ago, preferably who was married that didn’t have a kid. Someone we can just tweak things a little and make a plausible story out of.” This from Methodius.

“Ya, like I can just pull something like that out of thin air. You realize I was usually at home or out in the mountains when I wasn’t working right? I hate being around crowds and people in general.”

“It doesn’t have to be someone you knew well, even a passing acquaintance would be good enough. Just someone we could tie memories to.” Jacobus elaborated a little more.

“I don’t really understand what all that has to do with making a background.”

“Trust us, it’s complicated and convoluted. Just know that it’s needed.”

I thought about it for a while. I couldn’t think of much really. Like I had told them, I hated being around people and rarely made friends. I got along with my coworkers well enough, but didn’t ever really try to ‘fit in’. There have been a few times when I started to hang out with people I worked wi…

“Hey, I might have something. I worked with a kid about eleven years ago. Good kid and a hard worker. He was my rigger while I was moving rigs in Texas. He was actually about to get married just a little while ago to. I met his fiance a few times as well. They seemed like a good couple. The thing was, Both had lost their parents. Both families had known each other for a long time and they grew up together. Their parents were driving somewhere and were hit by a drunk driver during a high-speed chase or something like that. I think that was about five years ago. It crushed both of them, but they pulled through it. Anyway, the really bad part was they were killed in another car crash just before they got married. I was actually invited to the wedding. I think it was supposed to be about five months ago? Like I said, bad things all around.”

“How old were they when this happened?” Jacobus started to get a little gleam in his eyes.

“If I remember right, Zeke was around thirty and Valeria was about twenty-eight? I could be off a couple of years. I do know that they had been together since Zeke was in high school.”

“That might work. Ok, let’s see. How would we connect everything? We need to come up with a good excuse for you to be here with the construct. They’re not here anymore so we don’t need to worry about that side of things. Did they have any other relatives?”

“I don’t believe they did. They were both only children, their grandparents were already dead before I met Zeke, though I don’t know when or how and they never spoke about aunts or uncles, let alone cousins.”

“This is too good to be true. It’s kinda scary how well everything fits so well for us.” Methodius lost his grin. “I’m getting a weird vibe about that.”

“I agree. This seems too perfect.” Jacobus frowned at his own words.

“Could this be…”

“It could, but what choice do we have? Unless you can think of anyone else Alex?”

“No, I can’t. What do you mean by ‘could this be’? Should I be worried?”

“No, no. It’s fine. Trust us. Everything lines up as we need it. Now about how to connect everything?” Jacobus’ words didn’t give me any comfort. I took a sip of my coffee to help me think.

“Hmm, I don’t know if this will help, but I do remember Zeke talking about Valeria wanting to have godparents for their children. At least I think I remember him talking about it? He seemed kinda annoyed about it, really. He would always complain about how traditional Valeria’s family was. Sounded like they were old school brimstone and fire traditional.”

“This is getting weird Jacobus. It’s too perfect don’t you think?” Methodius was sweating a little at this point. Do I need to be worried? I think I need to be worried.

“It’s fine, I promise Methodius.” Jacobus started to rub his hands together, looking like a kid about to raid a cookie jar, and everyone knows about how well that usually goes. I really think I need to be worried.

“Don’t worry Alex. This will work out fine. We just need to make it look like they were your parents, get the birth certificate together and viola, there is your background. No one will be able to dispute it.”

“What about their friends? People who knew them? Won’t they know something is up like my parents?”

“Friends are a little different than blood relatives. No matter how well they knew the person, there is something about a blood tie that negates tweaking things. That’s the biggest reason it won’t work with your family. We’ll be able to get everything to line up. I tell you what. Just to make things a little better, let’s make it so they were married when you were ‘born’, how’s that sound? Maybe they eloped?”

“That’s true. It would also make things dealing with godparents more believable. Good thinking Jacobus.” Methodius said.

“I still don’t know if I like it. Those two were good people. I don’t want others to think bad about them.”

“That’s why we will make it so they eloped. You can also think of it as carrying on their memory. That way they’re not forgotten.” Jacobus had a good point for once. My family had my older sister and younger brother along with their kids, while they had nothing. It would still hurt my family when my construct ‘died’ in a few years, but my memory and family would still move forward. I liked Zeke and Valeria. I was kinda envious of them in a way. They seemed to fit each other and just seemed right.

“So, do you remember their last name? Oh, and what name should we use for you?” Jacobus brought me out of my musing.

“Hmm, what was it again? Give me a minute and I will look through my phone. I think I had Zeke’s last name on his contact.”

As I searched through my contact list the last part of Jacobus’ question hit me. My eye started to twitch again thinking about having to change my name. Why? I was actually coming to grips with everything to an extent, but that just took me back to square one.

‘There’s not much I can do about it now.’ Thinking this, I went back to searching for Zeke’s contact.

“Let’s see. Zeke’s last name was Drakoen. I think he used to joke about how one of his ancestors got the name because he was a ‘dragon slayer’ or something like that. I used to give him so much crap for that. Dang, I really miss those two. I wish I would have kept up with them after I quit and moved.”

“Sounds like you were pretty good friends to me,” Methodius commented.

“Not really. It’s just when you spend up to sixteen or more hours a day together at work for months on end, you tend to pick up bits and pieces. It doesn’t hurt that Zeke was a chatterbox. You could hardly get a word in when he went off on one of his tangents, and you couldn’t get him to shut up if he started talking about Valeria.”

“Alright Methodius, let’s get started on this.”

“Right.”

“What do I need to do? What else do we need to figure out?” I’m still not over the fact that this is happening, but I guess there is no sense in crying or throwing a fit. It won’t change anything. Better to use my energy for what I can do, not what I cant.

“Not much right now. We still need to figure a few things out, but I think we have most of it. If anything comes up while we’re getting everything set up we can go over it then.” Jacobus assured me.

“That reminds me. I’ll need a social security number as well. This might sound crass, but I wonder if they had any retirement or life insurance? As I said, I don’t believe they had any other relatives and I see no reason for the government to get it. Maybe we could set it up as a college fund or something? Maybe combine that with the lotto and just give me some that are accessible as living expenses, Though saying that out loud actually sounds kinda bad.”

“Right, that. Hmm, That’s something to look into. It may sound bad, but it’s somewhat of a good idea. Better you use it than some bureaucrat gets their hands on it.”

“I believe Zeke would have actually gotten a kick out of it. He hated big government.”

“In that case, we will look into it.”

“Exactly how will you get all of this done again?”

“Don’t worry about it, we have our ways. It’s easier for us than you would think.” Methodius just waved his hand again with another of those grins. I’m starting to think he’s a little too simple-minded to pull this off.

Great, there goes my eye again.

“Alright. That’s all I can think of. Is there anything else you need me to do?”

“Just relax and get used to the new you. Other than what your new name will be, there isn’t anything. Do you have any thoughts?”

That again. Great. I’m horrible with names. Think. What sounds good and would be something Zeke or Valeria would like? Josephine? I could go with Joe as a shortened version. Nah, not me. It would be nice if I could keep Alexander somehow, but that would just be confusing.

“Hmm, how about Sasha Lillyanna? I always liked that name for a girl, and I think it’s something that Valeria would like. It helps that it’s an offshoot of Alexander and I think Zeke said Valeria’s grandmother’s name was Lillyanna. Don’t ask me how I remember that, I just do.”

“Sasha it is. It sounds like a good name. How did you figure out it was an offshoot of Alexander? I like the addition of Lillyanna as well. ” Jacobus seemed to like it.

“Like I said, I always like that name so I looked it up once. It just kinda stuck with me.”

“Defender, it suits you and how you lived. Jacobus always said you would get into trouble by stepping in to help people.” Methodius seemed amused with something. I didn’t really want to know so I didn’t comment on it.

“With that figured out, let’s get to work Methodius. Times a-wastin' and we need to get this done before anyone figures out what’s going on. We’ll probably be back in a few hours.”

With that, they were gone while I just stood there with a coffee cup in my hand and endless questions to go with my slowly receding headache. Dang it. What do I do now?