Ding Ding Ding

“Owe, my head is killing me.” Actually, my whole body felt like I had been run over by ‘truck-kun’. Yes, I know, I’m a grown man and I know who truck-Kun is. Again, don’t judge.

My phone started chiming again so I reached over and grabbed it. I figured it was probably my mom wanting to know where I was and if I made it home through the storm. After looking at the text, it was exactly as I expected, I sent a quick response telling her I made it home.

“Dang, my head really hurts.” Lying back down and putting my hand over my eyes, I tried to remember what happened last night.

“Was that just some sort of weird dream? I don’t remember much after the snow started falling. How the heck did I get home?”

When you live alone, you sometimes need to talk to yourself, you know, like when you need expert advice. I know, but it’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. To be honest, though, I was in quite a bit of pain so I didn’t care that I was mumbling to myself.

“I need to take something for this headache” Getting out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom felt weird. Nothing felt right. Even though my body hurt, things just felt wrong. For one, my line of sight was way too low. Usually, I have to duck to go into the bathroom of my fifth-wheel trailer, which I was living in until my house was finished. Along with that, the cabinet where I kept my medicine was up way too high.

Figuring I hit my head somewhere and possibly had a concussion, I decided if my headache didn’t go away soon I would go to the hospital. Reaching up to open the cabinet I noticed my arms were way too small and skinny, my hands were tiny and my skin was way too white and soft for someone who worked outside all year round, especially after a long and hot summer like we just had.

“What the…” I brought my hand in front of my face and moved it around a little, waving it back and forth and turning it from my palm to the back of my hand. I brought my other hand up as well and studied them both. They looked like my cousin’s eight-year-old daughter’s hands, though maybe a little bigger… Maybe.

As I moved my hands around, my long red hair fell into my line of sight. I should clarify that my hair used to only be long enough to fall past my shoulders by about an inch. Just enough to put it into a somewhat thick braid while I was at work. Now? Well, I’m pretty sure it fell about to my knees. Seriously, my knees. I didn’t even think that could be possible, especially for a young kid.

“OK, what the actual heck is going on? Did someone drug me? or did I…”

I started to ask myself that but trailed off when I realized my voice was kinda high, like really high. It was a soft and pure little girl’s voice.

My brain started to shut down. I think I stopped breathing for a little bit too. This had to be a dream, a hallucination, or something right? There is no way I changed. That only happens in anime and light novels right? I’m still asleep, pulled over somewhere along the road in a snowstorm, or at a hotel in some little town. There is no way I’m awake right now.

“OK, Ok. Calm down and breathe. You’re still asleep and just having a weird dream.” As I softly spoke those words to myself, I moved towards the living room/kitchen to get something to drink.

“Sorry to disappoint, but this is not a dream”

I heard a deep booming voice come from my kitchen as I made my way down the stairs from the bathroom. I’ll admit I jumped. What I won’t admit was the cute little squeak that came with the jump. Nope, didn’t happen. I was so startled that when I landed my foot slipped on the edge of the last stair and I ended up landing hard on my butt and sliding down to the floor.

“Not so loud you idiot! You don’t need to yell every time you say something!”

I heard another voice speak in a normal if also deep voice. I jumped up in a panic looking around for the two people that were in my home. Thoughts like ‘how did they get in my house’ and ‘crap, what’s going on?’ bounced around inside my head. I hear you, I understand my thought process right now isn’t up to par. I know, I know, but you try waking up with a massive headache, your whole body hurting, and having what you can see of your body being totally different from what you were used to the last thirty-some years and see how your brain functions. I dare you.

“Who’s there?”

Honestly, looking around I couldn’t see anyone. By the sound of the voices, The two people I heard had to be fairly good-sized. Their deep voices reverberated around the small space. There was really no place for one person to hide, let alone two people.

“Easy Alex, we’re here to help.” The first booming voice said. It wasn’t quite as loud as earlier, but still had a volume that hurt the ears.

“Umm… Like that would make anyone feel better. Usually, when you hear something like that, you should get out of there as fast as possible.”

“I told you not to say something like that, you idiot!” The second voice said. “That’s usually a flag in movies and books. Didn’t I tell you to let me talk?”

“Ya, ya. I heard you, but…”

“No buts. Let me handle this would you?”

“Umm, not to interrupt your little chit-chat, but who are you? And also, how the heck did you know my name?” My head was still hurting, my body ached and I was talking to thin air. I’m insane or delusional. Yep, I knew I shouldn’t have done whatever it was that put me in this spot. Now if I could only figure out what that was, maybe I could understand what was going on.

Both of the voices stopped talking and I felt like whatever they were, they were looking at me. How can nothing be looking at something? I don’t know, and if you can explain it to me I would be grateful, just know that right now it felt like two sets of something were boring into me. It felt, well, I can’t explain exactly how it felt.

“Right, we haven’t introduced ourselves yet. My name is Jacobus and my associate’s name is Methodius.”

“That’s fine and all, but that doesn’t tell me much, or help me figure out why I’m talking to air.” I started to massage my temples. This isn’t real. I’m talking to air, or hearing things, right?

“Oh, ya. sorry about that. We forgot that mortals can’t really see us. Well, most mortals that is.” Jacobus replied.

‘wha… no seriously. What did I just hear? Mortals? Nope, I’m insane. There is no way this conversation is going on in my kitchen/living room with two voices coming from somewhere or something I can’t see.’ My thoughts were spiraling. Still rubbing my temples, I tried to breathe deep and slow, using a technique my Sensei taught me. thirty years in multiple disciplines of martial arts helped to let me focus my mind and calm down… A little at least. I might have trained for years, but that doesn’t mean you can deal with all situations equally. This isn’t a self-defense situation. This is me having a mental breakdown or something. I still haven’t figured it out.

“No, you’re not having a mental breakdown, you are not going insane or crazy, and you are awake in your living room.” This came from Methodius’ booming voice as I started to see two forms surrounded by a subdued golden light manifesting while sitting on my couch. Quite comfortably lounging on my couch like they owned the place. I should have felt awe at the sight of two well-built men in what looked like white togas slowly solidifying in front of me. That’s what I should have felt but in all actuality? I could feel a vein in my right temple throb and my right eye twitched.

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This isn’t good. That only happens when I get really, and I mean really, pissed. Like someone just hit one of my family or friends pissed. That usually doesn’t end well for the other party. Something like calling an ambulance bad. I usually don’t have a hard time keeping my anger in check, especially the last couple of decades. That’s why I started taking martial arts at eight years old. My uncle thought it would help me control my anger, and he was right. The discipline helping me calm my mind and not explode.

The crazy part of it was, I wasn’t a violent child growing up. I was calm, collected, and generally easy to get along with. The thing was, if my family or friends were picked on or harassed my mind went blank and I had what my uncle called a ‘red out’. I literally saw red. It didn’t take much either. Just a snide remark or stupid comment. I hated it. I still hate that feeling. The loss of control, the gut-churning feeling I get when my anger explodes. I don’t even know what really sets it off, and that has always worried me.

Martial arts helped. It cleared my mind to move my body so I threw myself into them. I trained like someone possessed. I ended up as a black belt or ‘Dan’ ranked in Karate, practiced Muay Boran, ‘that was actually my favorite so I really went crazy learning it’, and was first dan in Aikido. I know right? Over achiever much? As I said, I was possessed and wanted to get control of myself so I put everything into training. I was just lucky my uncle had connections and found someone who knew a few different martial arts. He was a strict old man in his early seventies that didn’t mess around. I think he went through the same thing I was going through and knew what I needed, mainly because he could be very compassionate at times.

I closed my eyes and started another breathing exercise. I could slowly feel my anger dissipate and my blood pressure start to drop. After about twenty to thirty seconds I let out a long breath and opened my eyes again.

“Feeling better?” Jacobus asked after giving me a moment. “You always did have an explosive temper at times. I’m glad to see that you have managed to get it under control. I know it took a lot to do and I’m proud that you were able to.”

“How did you know about that? Are you some kind of stalker or something?” My eye started to twitch again.

“Not quite.” He laughed at my question. Now my eye was really starting to twitch.

“Whoa, whoa, calm down. It was a joke.”

“…” I just stared at him. It’s all I could do.

“Ok, Ok. Sorry. This is gonna be hard to believe, but I’m your guardian angel. NO, I’m serious so stop looking at me like that. I really am your guardian angel.”

“You’re right, it’s hard to believe.”

“Understandable. I know you’re a devout Christian, so you should have some concept of angels right?”

“Yes, I guess you could say that, but for someone to actually have a guardian angel is kinda far-fetched to me. I mean, how would that work? There are billions of people on this planet. For everyone to have a guardian would be kinda crazy.”

“To an extent you’re right. The thing is not everyone has one, especially if they don’t believe in God. To make things a little easier to get your mind around, I’m one of your ancestors, many generations removed. That’s how we get around the logistical problems of having so many people with guardians.”

“Riiiight.” That sounded plausible… Kinda. Thinking about it, to get to me, if you went back ten generations it would be a little over a thousand people in my family tree… Right? I think that’s right. Anyway, that could be plausible, but still seems off. I mean, Technically I would have other relations many times removed by now, wouldn’t I?

“I’m serious. We watch over our descendants. I look after a few of them, not just you by the way. You could look at it as a form of entertainment.”

‘Great, my life is a soap opera for my ancestors.’ Wait, in thinking that was I starting to believe him? No, that’s not it. I shook my head trying to get the thought to go away.

“Anyway, If you really are my guardian, who is that then? Another of my ancestors?” I asked Jacobus. Still trying to wrap my head around what was going on.

“Methodius is a friend of mine. You could say he is also a great sparing partner. You’re not the only one who likes to have a good fight in the family. I had the same problem as you when I was young, and I found the same outlet as you. The difference was the type of training. We didn’t know as much about eastern martial arts back then. Actually, most didn’t even know they existed. We did have our own though, so that’s what we practice.”

“Uh-huh, I see. So, you’re saying my ‘problem’ is hereditary, you had the same problem and found the same outlet. Also, you lived before eastern martial arts traveled around. Saying I believe you, when exactly would that have been?”

“Your skepticism is understandable, if not a little annoying. Let’s see, as for when that was, I would say Rome hadn’t fallen yet? Though it was definitely on the decline.”

“…”

This is getting ridiculous.

“That would mean you practiced what, pankration?” Again, don’t judge. I’m a history buff, especially when it comes to fighting styles.

“Yep, right on the money. See Methodius, I told you he was smart.”

“Whatever, I’m so tired of hearing you brag about your descendants. It’s getting old and I’ve told you that before.” Methodius lazily responded while waving a hand in front of his face. At least his volume was at a somewhat decent level now and didn’t make my eyes cross.

“You’re just jealous. Just because your descendants are lazy this time around, you complain constantly. That little girl looks promising though, you should keep an eye on her.”

‘This is getting kinda creepy. I need to report these two or something, right after I figure out what is going on.’ I thought to myself as I watch the two people sitting on my couch.

“Whao, whoa. Easy Alex. We’re not stalkers. I told you, we’re guardian angels. We watch out for our descendants, that’s all. You know how many times you got out of some stupid situation and thought ‘I really should have died there’ right? well, that’s us giving you a nudge in the right direction. Some are better than others, some are more ‘ hands-on’ you could say. Not all of us care though, just like in life.”

“So you say. I still don’t know if this is real, or if I believe you, but moving on. Why the heck am I so small, what happened and how can I get back to normal?” I’m starting to get annoyed. This is getting nowhere and I still want to know what’s going on, that is if this really isn’t a dream or hallucination. I did have to concede the point that I was really stupid growing up. I probably should have died at least a couple dozen times… Probably.

“OK, first, You died last night.”

“…” I messaged my temples again. “Than is this heaven? Purgatory? I think this would be closer to hell, actually.”

“None of those. This is your house in the Black Hills.”

“Then if I died, why am I in my house? Wait, before that, how did I die?”

“…”

“Really, now you have nothing to say?” Jacobus got an anxious look on his face and looked away from me while Methodius just grinned one of those Cheshire smiles and chuckled.

“Might as well get it over with Jacobus, It’s gotta come out sooner or later.” Methodius looked like he was having fun with this and it didn’t give me the warm and fuzzies, if you know what I mean.

Slowly Jacobus looked my way and started to speak. Apparently, he and Methodius decided to play around in a small storm cell that was building over the Rocky Mountains of southern Colorado. When he says ‘play around’ I get the feeling they were wrestling and generally being idiots. Anyway, their roughhousing caused the storm cell to build somehow… I don’t get it either, and that’s what I ended up driving into. All the way in Kansan at that. As far as what I experienced, (remember the blinding light, loud noise, and freaky wind?) that was them getting ‘A little out of hand’. As for the meteorite that hit me? Well, that was Jacobus. No, really. Jacobus, who is supposed to be my guardian angel, killed me after he was thrown by Methodius and landed on my hood. Seriously, how cursed am I? That is of course if I can believe this. Can this seriously be real? Please, please say I’m in a coma somewhere and this is all just a really bad dream. Please?

“Still don’t believe this is real do you kiddo?” Methodius asked with that Cheshire grin of his.

“Of course not. There is no way this can be real. I mean, it’s still hard to believe guardian angels exist, let alone I was killed by mine while he was being irresponsible and goofing around. Not to mention my body right now. You still haven’t explained why I’m so small, along with other changes I’m seriously trying to ignore right now.”

“Well, it’s all real Alex. I’m sorry to say, but I did land on your car. Not much of anything was left actually. That’s one reason for your body you know. There just wasn’t enough left to put you back together so we had to improvise.”

“Uh-huh. So what, I have the body of an eight or nine-year-old now? I don’t know if I want to ask about the other elephant in the room right now, but would you also please explain why I’M A FREAKING GIRL NOW?” Dang it, my eye is twitching again. Calm deep breaths, slow down, and breathe.

“Well… There were some other complications. Other than that, you would be ten I believe?”

“Ten you believe… That’s sooo much better. Why was I even worried? I mean, I can just go back to work in a couple days like nothing happened right? What was I even worried about?”

I’m a sarcastic ass at times, I know. Right now I don’t really care though. You understand, right?

“Along with that, what do you mean complications? Do you seriously think this is just a complication?”

“So, About being ten again. As I said, there wasn’t enough left to give you your old body. Sorry, nothing can be done about that. About the ‘complication’, we really don’t know what went wrong. This has never happened that we know of.”

I sighed after hearing that. What else was I supposed to do? This just keeps getting better and better…

“Ok, I can kinda understand that… kinda. Let’s leave the other thing for later and ignore why you started using air quotes for complications. The biggest question I have right now is, why bring me back at all? I mean, I died right? So why would you not just let it end there?”

“…”

“…”

Both Jacobus and Methodius wouldn’t look at me. That can’t be good, even Methodius’ Cheshire grin was gone.

Crap, I feel my headache coming back.