A lot of pain.

This are the best words describing my current state.

Pain is not only unpleasant feeling but also very frustrating one. Imagine yourself, that with every single breath, new wave of pain explodes in your chest. This pain stuns you like electric shock, so every breath is short and almost insufficient. That’s how things are with me, right now.

Additionally shotgun seat in pick-up truck isn’t best place to transport somebody with broken ribs. But enough with whines, lets focus on good things. I am not coughing with blood, hurray! And I am still alive, which is kind of surprising thing.

I wish I could spend a little more time on my internal talk show but there are more important things going around me. Firstly the car stopped, and it is a while since that happened. I don’t know how long and where Anna was taking us, but it’s obvious that she decided that it was enough. The sound of opening zippers is a final sign for me to return to reality.

When I open my eyes everything is blurry and little light inside the car causes a little pain explosion in my head. That’s right, I was so focused on my broken ribs that I forgot that my head hurts too, basically my whole body hurts in some way or another.

When my vision is clear enough to recognize basic shapes and objects, I notice that Anna is literally plundering trough my backpack on the driver seat next to me. With victorious look on her face she manage to find little box, which was serving me as my first aid kit.

Look on her face changes immediately when she finds out that all medicines are in containers without any descriptions on it. It is quite amusing to watch her troubled face, but I need act before she decides to feed me with wrong medicine.

“Pain killers are in blue container and in case if you wanted to kill me, yellow one contains… I don’t really know what kind of stuff is that but last guy who took it, died in certainly unpleasant way.”

Yep, I was keeping poisons together with my meds. Just a little present in case of someone taking my gear from me.

“Give me that elastic bandage, yes all of it. Oh, and bottle of vodka too, it should be in my backpack.”

Unsurprised by sudden awaking, Anna pass all stuff to me. That’s where things start to be very ugly. First painkillers and two long sips of alcohol. Third sip and I am ready.

Taking my shirt of seems to be bad idea from the beginning, I am pretty sure that I am not able to move my arms over my head. Without much hesitation I cut shirt with my knife, which in some miraculous way didn’t left my pocket during whole earlier action.

I have to admit, even I am stunned by huge bruise almost black in color, covering my whole right side. Anna is looking at me with widened eyes, no wonder, it’s pretty impressive injury.

Meds and alcohol are starting to work after few minutes, it’s time for second stage. I somehow manage to leave care  and leaned against pick-up with my back, I try to lift my arms as high as I can. The view before my eyes goes all white when pain explode in my chest, but results of this experiment are rather optimistic, it could be much worse. I teach Anna how to put elastic bandage around my chest, she got some nasty job to do.

I take another dose of booze, and once again I lift my arms but this time I need to hold it for a while. Anna don’t hesitate and with sharp movements, she wraps elastic bandage around my chest.

World around me goes white once again, but I am still leaning on the side of a truck. When Anna finally ends, I can put my arms down. Effects are even better than I thought, I can take almost full breath without triggering pain in my chest.

Painkillers kicked in too, making me feel little numb. Maybe I feel a little to numb. With rest of my strength, I manage return to pick-up. While sitting on my seat, I feel waves of darkness covering my body and mind.

I wake up again, little stiff, but feeling much better. Air around me is filled with familiar smell of canned food heated on a bonfire. When I open my eyes, I can see Anna holding a pot over the fire.

First attempt to leave a car is failure, my movements are to quick and I end up moaning in explosion of pain from my chest. I guess my moan was more like a scream, because Anna jumps up after hearing it, almost spilling food from the pot.

Second attempt is much better, with slow and careful movements, I manage to leave a car on my own. Anna looks at me with truly strange eyes.

I sit next to the fire and I straighten my hands to the pleasant heat. Silence around us is a little awkward, I feel like I should say something.

“Thank you.”

Anna is really surprised, I don't now what she thinks about me, but apparently “thank you” wasn’t something that she expected form me.

“Thank you for taking care of me and rescuing me form those guys on the road back then.”

I want to praise her fro good shooting, but I can see that thanking for killing someone, is already to much for her. After hearing my words Anna face immediately goes white, she stands up quickly and move behind tree, where she throws up in violent way.

When she finally comes back, here eyes are full of guilt. O don't blame her, not all of us can kill and forget about it. When Anna calms down, I feel like it is a right moment to ask important questions.

“How long was I unconscious?”

Yeah, yeah I am heartless bastard, girl has probably nightmares after her first time killing other people and  I don’t even do a single thing to help her.

It's not like I don’t want to help her, I just can't. Personally, I accepted the fact that I am a killer, it's just a normal part of new reality. Yeah, it may sounds a little dramatic and brutal, but it's truth.

Anna got two choices, she will understand that she did what she had to do, or she will die soon because her enemies won't hesitate to pull the trigger. You shouldn't think about it anymore, there are more important matters right now.

“First time it was almost two days and second you were  sleeping for whole day.”

I am little shocked, two days? That's a lot.

“Where we are?”

Anna hesitates a little and her eyes are directed at ground.

“I don’t know…”

That’s bothersome, but it's not end of the world. I am pretty sure… Wait a minute!!!

“Did you drive for whole 2 days while I was unconscious?”

Quick nod confirms my worst worries.

“And fuel?”

Her eyes are still looking down, she won't dare to even look at me.

“There is nothing left.”

Oh, fuck me!

“Spare canister on the back!?”

That was a little to loud.

“I-I used it all.”

I fell a little of fear growing inside my chest, she took us far away from earlier location, it could be even few hundred kilometers. But I am not worried about not knowing where are we, nah it's just a little problem.

There is just one thing I am truly afraid in this new reality of ours, running out of food. It may think it's funny for you that in world full of zombies and where other humans wants you dead, starving is the only thing I am afraid of.

If you do, only thing I can say, is that you are fools. Yes, it is true that people can survive without food for many days, but with each day of starvation, you are becoming weaker and weaker and there is only one destiny for weak ones, death.

So, it is time to take some action, because sitting next to cozy fire in unknown forest and eating out our last food supply, will finally end up with us dead.

“How much food is left?”

Now, Anna is able to look me in the eyes, it's obvious that she is somehow proud of herself.

“We got about dozen of those bean cans on the back of a truck, everything you got in your backpack and these.”

She stands up and walk away only to show me two buckets full of strawberries. They are smaller than the one from before apocalypse, but it's only normal, there was no one who would take care about them for three years.

To be honest I am surprised that they even grow by themselves, I was pretty sure that they should die after two years. I take one of strawberries form bucket, it's rather sour, but we still cane use it as some kind of addition to our meals, it's better than nothing.

“God job, where did you find them?”

“At the first day of escape, I was driving next to some fields when I found one in bright red color. I couldn't stop myself form, taking them. I haven’t seen strawberries for three years…”

Anna who was holding herself bravely to this moment, bursts with sudden cry.

I feel awkward, even before apocalypse I wasn't very social guy and that whole survival made only more socially broken, but I try to give her a little hug. That’s what a man should do when he sees crying girl right?

To my surprise, she is nor running when I pull her closer to my healthy side. I am even more surprised when she clings to me even harder and her cry becomes louder.

“Everything is alright”

I try to calm her while stroking her head with my hand, she needs to calm down quickly, what if someone will hear her?

Anna POV

We were living in fake feeling of being safe. The shelter build by my father and our new friends made us think that we run away from al threats.

How wrong we were.

When they came, I managed to hide myself on the wide shelf under the roof of our hut. When huge explosion shattered shelter gates, I was already watching through the hole in wooden roof. I now regret that I did that, bit in that moment I couldn't turn away.

Everything was happened later have written in my memory so clearly, that I could still feel smell of blood and gunpowder in my nose.

Slaughter was fast and efficient, clearly they have done it before. Air filled with screams, blood soaking ground, headless bodies thrown on the pile and me as a silent observer.

When they left I was paralyzed, not because of unhuman acts I have witnessed seconds before. I was paralyzed by all my believes shuttered down by monsters in human skins.

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But I was wrong once again, I realized that when I saw a man walking through broke gates. His movements were different than attackers from earlier, he was careful and slow. He obviously wasn’t walking, like he was afraid. Being afraid was totally opposite how he look like, his presence was that of true predator.

I immediately felt fear that made all my feelings from before nonexistent. I realized that people from before was just trying to be monsters while this man was the only true one.

He was looking on everything with empty eyes, pile of bodies and heads next to them wasn’t making any impression on him, his presence made those signs of carnage look pity.

Than something snapped inside of me, I felt that there is no way for me to survive this encounter, I knew that he will find me in my hiding.

a

Feeling anger raging through my body, I jumped on the floor as silently as I could and took revolver which my dad gave me in secret.

I walked up to broken doors and while hiding in the shadows inside the building, I slowly took my time to aim.

I cleared my magazine, I didn’t have any more bullets, but I was pretty sure that my first shoot hit the monster.

When I realized that he wasn’t dead, overwhelming fear froze blood in my veins. Only one thought appeared in my mind, I had to run.

I barely managed to pull myself up to my hiding under the roof. After some time I saw the monster walking trough the doors.

Once again I feel burning anger inside my guts, I won't  die like this.

My father would be pride of me, I managed to jump on enemy and he even made sound of pain when I hit his left arm, nut my luck run out when with effortless movement he thrown me on the wall.

While seeing that the monster was getting closer to me, I swear from pain, after hitting the wall all my body hurts. I yelled something at him, I cant remember what, I was little stunned.

“Hey, I am not here to hurt you.”

Fear paralyzed me once again, monster spoke with human voice.

“Don’t lie to me murderer.”

I managed to yell at him. He tried to say something more, but I didn't pay any attention to his words anymore, on the edge of my hearing, familiar sound, messenger of slaughter appeared.

Monster heard that too, with one quick movement, he got closer to me and with quick flash of light, darkness embraced my mind.

I didn't thought that death will be shaking so much and will be sound like car. When I opened my eyes, it was obvious that I wasn’t dead.

I was sitting in the car and on the drivers car monster was sitting. With his dead man eyes, he was watching road ahead through windshield with blood stains on it. I didn’t know how he could see anything, it was dark and heavy raining.

I tried to move a little bit, but it was impossible, I was wrapped tightly with rope and my mouths were covered with duct tape.

When I finally managed to change my position a little, I felt pain exploding in my back, landing on the wooden wall made some damage.

I let out muffled moan, which caught monster's attention.

“Hello there, so you are finally awake and yes I will release you soon but firstly you have to promise that you won’t scream after I remove tape from your mouth.”

This motherfucker!

His voice was deep, so calm and emotionless that everything he said sounded like a threat or mocking, it was so confusing.

I tried to scream at him with frustration, tape was holding tightly. When I finally calmed down, he removed tape with one quick movement.

It hurt badly.

“You fucker…”

I wanted to continue my angry monologue, but I stopped myself.

“So, I guess we can move forward. Firstly you need to understand that I don’t want to harm you.”

And again he was talking about being friendly, I didn't think that kidnapping someone against their will was obvious sign of friendship.

“Of course you don’t want to harm me, this fucking rope and huge swelling on my head are proof of your good will.”

I looked like my words hit him a little, his eyes were dead like always, but his face made strange unhappy look for a second.

“ Hey, don’t be like that I saved your life. Those guys who butchered rest of your camp have heard you shooting at me and came back.”

He had me that time, he was probably right, but if he wasn’t there I wouldn't had to shoot and there was no threat. And why should I believe him? He could be with those guys

“Why should I believe you?”

“Let’s see… Why you should believe me? I don’t know, maybe it’s because you don’t have other choice? Of course if you want to live. If you don’t mind dying, I can leave you in this forest, you will be able to survive for about week or two.”

He was right, his every word was true. I was angry, so angry. Not at him, but at this whole world. The world where I wasn't able to survive and where I needed to depend on others in order to be alive.

“Why are you helping me?”

My mouths formed one loud thought by themselves.

“Trust me, there is no special reason. I am just really nice guy.”

That made my hearth skip a bit and I felt shiver down my spine. “Really nice guy” sounded like a death threat in his mouths.

“So, I can assume that you won’t do something stupid if I release you?”

I nodded, it wasn’t like I could do anything, I was paralyzed by fear. He released me from the rope.

For the next half hour, I was fighting in my mind. Thousands of thoughts where speeding, my worries, my fears, my dreams and my memories were fighting again each other for my attention.

I was about  to cry, when one emotion, stronger than anything else started growing in my hearth.

“I want them dead.”

They should die, they should feel the same pain of their friend killed and their bodies slaughtered. I wanted to see the pile of their bodies, just like pile of my dead friends.

“Those people, who killed my friends, I want all of them dead.”

 “Yeah sure, why not?”

He didn't take me serious, how dare he! Anger inside of me was rising to the new levels. I was silent until, I made clear decision in my mind.

“Will you help me?”

“With what ?”

“With killing them.”

He was playing dumb with me.

 “Sorry, but I am little confused right now. You ask me if I will help you with killing group of dangerous and well armed people?”

“Yes.”

“Are you out of your mind?” 

He… My fear of him was still stronger than my anger, but I am sure that if someone else would be siting on his place, I would rip throat of that person with my bare hands. After few minutes I decided to play his game, I wanted to check how nice was our “really nice guy”

“If you don’t want to help me, I will do it by myself.”

He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even look at me.

“Don’t treat me like an air! Will you help me?”

My anger finally won against fear, I tried to grab his hand. Instantly car stopped and my forged meet with windshield on full force. For a second view in front of my eyes went black.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the barrel of a gun pointing directly at my head. With second hand he hold me tightly causing pain in my arm.

Look in his eyes calmed me completely, fear paralyzed me again and I remembered that that was not human but monster.

“Listen to me little kid! I don’t know how you spend the last three years and I don’t care, but it’s pretty obvious that you barely know how to survive. That’s why I am trying to help you. I even risked my life to safe your life, so it would be nice if you won’t try to make it harder for me. Do you understand ?”

There was only fear filling my body and nothing besides that fear.

“Those people, in that fort, they were friends of yours?”

I nodded.

“And you really want to avenge them.”

Another nod.

“And you are sure, that you will be able to do anything it takes to get your vengeance?”

Anger in my guts burned with little hesitation. I confirmed once again. His face made a small smile, which looked terrifying with his eyes.

“Ok, I will help you, but there is one condition. You will do everything I tell you without exception. Do you understand me?”

My head nodded automatically.

 “Say it out loud.”

I was still paralyzed by fear, but anger fueled by fresh hope, gave me strength.

 “I  will do everything you tell me to do.”

After those words by mine, he just turned car around. I was just sitting in silence thinking about his promise, anger in my hearth was burning with pleasure.

 “ What is your name?”

He surprised me, why monster wanted to know my name?

“Anna.”

I didn’t know why my name should change anything. I was trying to understand his motives, spoke some more

“This is the moment when you ask me what’s my name.”

I don’t know if he tried to be funny, but look on his face and those eyes made me ask question he wanted to hear.

“So, what’s your name?”

“ Thank you, I’m Stefan.”

So, monster had a name.