“Bruce was one of the best people I’d ever met in my life,” Reese began. “He always had a smile. Always a kind word. He had an odd sense of humor and was a bit of a smartass, but it suited his personality. Even after some of the things we’d seen on our quests, he never wavered in doing what he thought was right for the world. Whenever one of us was feeling down or having issues coping with something we’d just been through, he was the first one to reach out. He truly cared for the three of us and placed our wellbeing above his own. He got this house and land for us, not him. Always said he would be happy in a small apartment somewhere. He was the kind of leader anyone could dream of having, and we were lucky enough to call him ours.”

Phil said nothing. He thought about the miniature version in his head and could see the shadow of what she described. The version he knew, however, was scarred from he had become.

“I guess it came as no surprise that Rose fell head over heels for him. I mean, all three of us loved him in our own way, but the love they shared was the stuff of legends. I’ve never seen two people more suited for each other. As you know, however, the guild frowns on dating within a party. They found out and tried to talk them out of it, but Bruce wouldn’t have it. Told them that since it wasn’t forbidden, they had no business sticking their noses into his household.

“Looking back on it, that probably should’ve the first indication that something was changing in him. He’d never called it his household before. It was always ours. He said we were all equal members of the team, and he was just the party leader in title only. Anyway, watching the two of them was both a pleasure and a curse to me. I couldn’t figure out why at first. I was happy for the two of them. How could I not be? Rose was closer to me than my own sister. Her happiness was mine. When they finally started dating, she was positively radiant with joy.”

She smiled sadly and looked down at their hands. She ran her thumb over his still bruised knuckles, then released him and stood up. Pacing a couple steps out and back, she continued speaking while Phil listened patiently. He had a good guess where the next part was going.

“I figured it out one night. I passed by his room and overheard them. They were making love and I could hear her through the door. I didn’t mean to listen in, but honestly it was hard to miss. That’s when I realized it. Why I’d started avoiding being in the same room as them. Why I’d buried myself in studying more magic in my room and the library. Why I started finding excuses to eat at different times. I still loved them. I loved Rose. But I was in love with Bruce. When I heard her cries of ecstasy that night, I realized I so deeply wanted that to be me. To feel his arms around me. To cuddle with him in front of the TV. To feel him inside of me as only she could. Sorry,” she said, noticing Phil’s blush. “The point is, I’d fallen in love with Bruce. I couldn’t do anything about it, though. It was him and Rose, and I never wanted anything to separate them. My love was destined to be unrequited, and I had to come to terms with that.”

“For the next year I did my best to hide my feelings. I’m honestly not sure how well I did, but we still managed to live a peaceful life. Well, as peaceful as adventurers can be, that is. Looking back on it, the signs of him changing had been there, but we were blind to it for some reason. A grumble here, an irritated sigh there. An angry outburst once or twice. We chalked it up to working too much and needing a vacation, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Said too many counted on his party to get things done. His party.” She shook her head. “How blind we were.”

Sitting back down on the couch, she sighed. “I never saw it coming. We had just returned from a quest. I don’t know where the girls had gone, but I was in my room writing in my journal about the mission. It was my way of decompressing, and that day we were unable to save a little girl from a vamp, so I was taking it pretty hard.”

“A vamp?” Phil asked without thinking.

Reese blinked, suddenly pulled out of her memories. “Oh. Umm, a vamp is like a vampire.”

Phil realized what he’d done too late. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… um, I should’ve waited.”

She gave him a grateful smile. “No, it’s alright. You probably did me a favor. Recounting it is hard enough, but the feelings attached to it were starting to come back as well.”

Hesitantly he reached out and took her hand again. “Hey, if that’s what you need to get past this, then you do what you need to. I’m not going anywhere. Need a punching bag for any anger issues? I think I’ve demonstrated my ability to take a hit quite a few times since I got here. Need to yell at someone, pretend I’m them. Need a shoulder to cry on? I’ve got two, pick one.”

She stared at him in wonder. “You’re like a completely different person, you know that?

He shrugged. “Maybe this is who I was meant to be all along? I don’t know. It’s who I am now though, and I want to help you, all of you, become the best that you can be.” A concerned look crossed his face. “Do you want to continue or try again another time?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to do it now. I don’t think I’ll be able to again. The sooner I tell you, the sooner I can move on. Just give me a couple seconds.” She gripped his hand tighter, grateful for his presence. He was different from Bruce, both the old and new, in so many ways, but had the same kind eyes. Without realizing it, his being here had changed the house. Britt was lightening up. Rose was, well, she was still dealing with things. As for herself, Reese was finally wanting to heal. For so long she’d bottled things up. The pain, the misery, that sense of betrayal she’d carried with her since that day. She took a breath.

“I was having a hard time dealing with it. Seeing that small, unmoving form at the bastard’s feet, that satisfied grin on his face. It haunted me. Even after Britt had put her fist through that smug smile, all I could see was that dead little girl. Couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5 years old. I wasn’t doing well. That’s why it wasn’t a surprise when Bruce came to my room. I figured he was there to comfort me, like he did whenever one of us was feeling down. He sat down next to me on the bed and put his arm around my shoulder. Despite what I was going through, I still couldn’t help but be a little excited, you know? I loved this man, and now he was holding me. I let myself lean into him, crying over that poor girl into his shoulder.

“He sat there, letting me cry it out. He kept saying that he’d take care of his girls. No one was going to hurt his girls. No one was going to take them away. That’s when I started to pay attention to what he was saying. His girls. I remember looking up at him to ask what he meant by that, but he grabbed my face and kissed me. I was so shocked I couldn’t move. Then he said that I should just do what I want. What I’ve always wanted to do. It wasn’t advice he’d given me, but an order. To do what I wanted! He knew what I wanted. I wanted him, and he used that! I have never felt so torn in my life. Part of me was screaming ‘no!’ but the rest wasn’t listening. My heart wasn’t listening. I wanted him, and even though I told myself no, I also knew that my desire was stronger than my reason. So even though I knew I was betraying Rose, I did it. I climbed up on his lap and… well, you can probably figure out the rest. Afterwards, he left like it wasn’t a big deal at all. Like he expected it to be part of our normal lives. Still talked about his girls. It was then I’d figured out that he was trying to form his own little harem. What he and Rose had was beautiful, but somewhere along the way he’d gotten greedy. She wasn’t enough for him anymore. He wanted it all. After that he didn’t hide what he was becoming anymore.”

She looked at Phil and saw the rage evident on his face. His hand was trembling in hers. She rushed to finish her tale.

“I told Rose what had happened. I confessed to her that I’d been with Bruce. I told her how it happened. About him using my feelings to get what he wanted. She didn’t believe that he’d done it intentionally. I’m not sure if she was truly that naïve or if she didn’t want to admit it to herself, but ever since then we’ve been more or less estranged, stuck together by this party magic and Bruce’s will. He never came for me again, but I could always feel his eyes on me. I know he looked at Britt the same way, but he either never went after her or she hasn’t spoken about it if he did. I just know that there was no mistake in the order he gave.”

“Because it’s about the intent, not the wording,” Phil finished, recalling Britt’s words. “That motherfucker. He raped you! Now I don’t feel so bad about killing him. I only wish I could do it again.”

She pulled his hand to her chest and tried to keep his attention. “Phil! Please. I appreciate the thought and that you’re getting so angry, but that solves nothing now. He’s dead. He’s paid for his crimes.”

Phil’s eyes met hers and they softened a bit. “What can I do?” he asked somewhat helplessly. “I have no idea how I can help in this sort of situation.”

“Just keep being you,” she said, reaching out and stroking his cheek. “The guild has councilors that can help with this sort of thing. I’m going to start going to one. I know I’ve teased you mercilessly in the past. Purposely entered your bubble to get one of those cute reactions you have. I think I was overcompensating. I wanted to prove to myself that I could still be around men without those old emotions flooding back up. Despite everything I did, you never once attempted to take advantage of the situation. I don’t know what might’ve happened if you had, but I am so grateful to you for being so… awkward.” She smiled when she said that, and he knew she didn’t mean it as an insult.

“A large part of me feels incredibly guilty, though. If I hadn’t wanted it so badly-”

“Stop!” Phil said sharply, surprising Reese. “It doesn’t matter that you wanted it. You never would have acted on it if he hadn’t given you that order. He used your emotions and feelings against you. Whether you wanted it or not, he’s completely at fault here, and you have no reason to feel guilty. At all. I know it’s not going to be as easy as me saying that for the thought to leave your mind, but it’s something you should know. It was not your fault. The sooner you begin to accept that, the sooner you can begin to heal.”

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

She sniffed and blinked back some tears. She’d done her best to keep emotion out of this, but she was pretty much at her limit now. The old hurt was coming back. The anger, the pain, the sense of helplessness, the guilt. It was the guilt that was the worst. The guilt that she’d betrayed her dearest friend, and the guilt that she’d enjoyed the act so, so much as it was happening. She didn’t mention that to Phil, but she’d quickly given herself over to it and tossed reason out the window, wanting to savor every second of it. That voice in the back of her mind that should have told her it was wrong had gone silent as she’d rode him like her life depended on it. That’s what had disturbed her the most after all was said and done. If she were to continue being honest with herself, she wouldn’t have minded sharing Bruce with Rose if it had happened organically. It wasn’t unheard of. Some parties were built around it, and oh how the guild hated that. But it hadn’t happened that way, and she’d been put through two years of hell because of his selfishness. Intellectually she knew none of it was her fault but try telling her heart that.

She gave Phil a grateful smile and squeezed his hand one last time before letting it go. She stood and took a couple steps before turning back to him.

“Thank you for listening. Thank you for being… well, you. I’m going up to my room. This was harder than I thought it would be and need some time to myself.” She held up a hand as he started to get up and say something, prompting him to sit back again and close his mouth. “I’ll be alright. Well, as alright as I can be after reliving that. I’ll be back down for dinner, ok?”

Phil nodded and she felt his eyes track her as she left the room. She managed to make it up the stairs and most of the way to her room before the tears started. She passed by Rose without saying a word, entered her room and closed her door behind her, and collapsed to the floor. Her sobs could be heard down the hall.

*

Phil sat in silence by himself after Reese had left the room. Tiny Bruce had told him before that he hadn’t forced her to do anything she didn’t want to do, but that was only a half truth, wasn’t it? It was both something she’d desperately wanted and didn’t want at the same time. His order had stripped her of the right to choose, and if that wasn’t rape, he didn’t know what was. It wasn’t always pinning someone down and taking them against their will. He’d used his position and power to get what he wanted in the most despicable way. He wondered what Tiny Bruce would have to say about that. Phil was already aware that the after image detested what he’d become, but he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to look at the little man the same way again.

“He never tried anything like that with me, but he certainly wanted to.”

Phil’s head whipped around to see Britt entering from the dining room.

“You were listening?” he asked.

“I came down to get a bite to eat and heard it, yes.” She flopped down into the chair nearest him, completely unapologetic for being called out for eavesdropping. “Truth is, if he’d given me a similar order, the result would’ve been the same. He just didn’t know that.”

“You were in love with him too.” It wasn’t a question.

“Naturally. You would’ve been hard pressed to find any woman that didn’t swoon when they saw him, but we lived with him for years. We all loved that man. Rose just got there first. It took Reese longer to figure out her own feelings.”

“And you?”

“First sparring match. He was the first man to not hold back against me. It told me that he respected who I was enough to treat me as an equal.”

Phil sat forward, intrigued. “You fell in love with him because he hit you?”

She smirked. “When you put it that way, you make me sound like a masochist. No, I fell in love with him because he didn’t treat me like a fragile woman. He understood my role in the team and was determined to help me be the best I could be at it. He knew I’m orc descended and could take a lot of punishment. In our line of work, progress comes with pain, and he didn’t shy away from delivering it when it was needed. If I dropped my guard, he exploited it. If my attention wandered, he made me pay for it. If I fell for a feint, he made sure I remembered the lesson. Up until two years ago, I would’ve had that man’s babies if he’d only asked.”

“Until he raped Reese.”

For the first time since he’d known her, he saw a sad look cross her face. “Yeah. Until that. When I learned about it I destroyed the gym in a rage and went to confront him. He ordered me not to bring it up again. To pretend like it didn’t happen. So that’s what I did for two years. Part of me still wanted him though. You may not realize this, but I’m not generally hung up on romance and sentimentality.”

Phil raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t say?” he asked sarcastically.

“Yeah,” she answered while mean mugging him. “He was still a prime physical specimen, even if he’d turned into the world’s biggest douchebag. He still knocked me on my ass from time to time, which is no mean feat. So yeah, the physical attraction was still there. If he’d given me a similar order to Reese’s, I’d have jumped him right there, no matter where we were. Fortunately, I’d managed to mask my feelings well enough that he didn’t notice. With Reese he could’ve just written it off as a bad turn of phrase, since everyone knew how she felt. With me, it would’ve been more difficult to pass off as an accident.”

“You’re surprisingly forthcoming about all this,” Phil said.

“Better you know as much as you can than only snippets from certain perspectives. I’m sure Rose will tell you her side when she’s ready now that Reese has opened that door.”

Phil flopped back on the couch and rubbed his face with his hands. “Damn. And I thought I had it rough lately. The fact that you ladies are able to function at all is the true testament to your strength, you know that?”

Britt half smiled. “One does what one has to for survival. I work out and beat things up. Reese flirted and played games. Rose… had me.” Her cheeks flushed slightly. It took a second for that to register in Phil’s head.

“I’m sorry, what?” he asked, sitting up. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

Her face turned dark as she glared at him. “Yes. Yes, I said it. Rose and I fuck to keep the pain at bay. Got a problem with that? Or worse, are you imagining it right now?”

“What? No! Of course, I don’t have a problem with that! What people do in their own bedrooms is their business, not mine! I just didn’t expect it, that’s all!”

“And did you just imagine it?” she asked, standing up. Phil quickly stood with his hands in front of him in surrender as she stalked towards him. Unfortunately, his mouth wasn’t as quick to catch on as the rest of him.

“Of course, I did! Uh, not! I did not!” He realized he was too late with the addendum as her fist came flying at his head. It was a textbook punch she’d thrown at him thousands of time by now when sparring, and his body reacted on instinct, dodging the fist quickly, securing her arm over his shoulder and hip tossing her on to her back. She hit the coffee table hard, collapsing it beneath her. It happened so fast neither one even realized it had happened until it was done. They stared at each other, both wide eyed in surprise.

Phil released his grip on her arm and backed up quickly. “Sorry!” he squeaked and bolted out of the room, leaving the beautiful redhead on the floor. She didn’t even watch his departure. She was still staring wide eyed at the spot where he had been standing over her.

“What the fuck just happened?” she asked herself as her breathing quickened.

“Philip!” Rose cried as she ran into the room. “I heard a crash! What happened? Are you alright? Britt?”

Britt continued laying on the remains of the coffee table but turned her head to see Rose drop to her knees next to her.

“Brittany?” Rose asked.

“Um… I’m not sure, but I think the wimp just bested me.”

Eyebrows lifting slightly, Rose stared at Britt. “Philip… bested you?”

“Yeah… I think so. I went to punch him for imagining us in bed, and then I was here.”

Rose turned beet red. “You told him!?”

“It kind of slipped out. He’s cool with it, by the way.” She shrugged and started sitting up.

“You told him!?” Rose screeched.

“Look,” she started, but winced as she felt something stabbing into her back. “Can we save the lecture for later? I’m actually in a certain amount of pain here.” She reached back with her hand to investigate the pain, but Rose slapped her hand away.

“Let me look.” Britt turned so that Rose could get a better look and felt her fingers probing her back. “You landed on the scented candle that was on the coffee table. You’ve got glass imbedded fairly deep. Give me a few minutes.” Soon Britt felt the warmth of Rose’s magic working on her back, the glass shards and wax working their way out of her skin.

“I can’t believe the little wimp did that,” she muttered.

“Can you really still call him that after this afternoon and now?” Rose said, preoccupied with her task behind Britt.

“This afternoon doesn’t count. He had that damn suit on.”

“But this counts?” Rose asked. She looked up to see Britt’s ears turn pink and gasped. “No way!”

“Shut up.”

“Are you serious? You really are a masochist, aren’t you?”

“I said shut up.”

“Guy throws you through a table one time and you’re smitten?”

Britt growled and folded her arms around her knees, resting her chin on them. “Just hurry up and finish, will ya?”

“Relax. The glass is out. I’m just healing the cuts and I’ll be done. I can’t do anything about the lavender smell though.” Rose watched the back of Britt’s head nod, her red ponytail bobbing with the movement. She smiled at the woman, her shock at their secret being revealed having passed. There was nothing romantic going on between them. It was just a physical outlet for the two of them. Now that she thought about it, there was no real reason for it to be a secret. Reese undoubtedly knew, and Philip had never shown any indication that something like that would bother him. Come to think of it, after being dropped into a world that he’d only read about in fantasy novels, two women sleeping together would be pretty tame by comparison. And of course he’d imagine it. Britt was gorgeous, Rose wasn’t so modest as to not be aware of her own beauty, and he was, as far as they knew, a fully functioning heterosexual man. Britt wouldn’t have been surprised that he would try to picture it, which means she told him on purpose.

“You wanted to punch him, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” Britt wasn’t paying attention, still trying to figure out what the hell was happening in her head.

“You told him about us because you wanted to punch him, didn’t you?”

“Why would I want to do that?”

Rose patted her friend’s back. “Because under that armor-like exterior, you’re a big old softy.”

Britt stood up and started kicking the coffee table debris into a pile. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Rose got to her feet as well and crossed her arms as she watched Britt work. “I know what Reese told him.” Britt froze for a second, then resumed what she was doing, not saying a word. “You wanted to distract him. Keep him from dwelling on it and making himself too angry.”

Britt sighed and picked up the pile of debris. “Get the door for me, will ya?”

Rose led her to the side door of the house where the trashcans were and opened the door for her, lifting the lid of the can so Britt could use it. “So, are you going to tell me?”

Britt dusted off her hands, then placed them on her hips. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“I already know most of it, don’t I? Listen, I think we’ve all been putting this off for too long. Reese found the courage to talk about it, and she caught the worst of it. I’ve tried to make amends, but I’ve never truly acknowledged the extent of it. I’ve… been afraid to.”

Britt sighed and waved for Rose to tag along as she started to walk around the property. “I think you may not know as much as you think you do. Come on. We’ve got a lot to talk about, and when we’re done, you might want to consider talking to Phil. If he’s going to lead us, all the cards need to be on the table.”