"Think he's coming out anytime soon?" I ask Buzz as we loiter outside the theater's staff entrance. My camera drone hovers expectantly, probably hoping for more impromptu dance numbers.

"Oh, definitely. He always uses this exit after demonstrations go..." Buzz pauses, servos whirring as he searches for the right word. "Sideways? Though technically, the android's moves were more circular than—"

The door hisses open, and Dr. Riley emerges, looking like he's aged ten years in the past hour. His tie has somehow achieved an entirely new level of asymmetry.

"Dr. Riley! Ted Sandoval, cruise reviewer. Any chance I could get a quick—"

"Actually," he cuts in, checking something on his holopad that makes his eyebrows climb toward his disaster of a hairline, "you can come with me. Both of you. Got a situation on Deck Two that needs attention. We can talk while we walk."

We follow him into a service corridor that looks decidedly less chrome-plated than the public areas. The quantum lighting here feels more utilitarian, like the ship's dropping its luxury pretense.

"So," I venture, "about mAdIson—"

"Yes, yes, the demonstration was... unorthodox." He's walking fast, like someone trying to outpace their own embarrassment. "But you have to understand, she's incredibly advanced. Sometimes that manifests in... unexpected ways."

"Like her apparent obsession with my content?"

Riley stops so abruptly that Buzz nearly walks into him. "Obsession? What do you mean?"

"She's been quoting my reviews, customizing things without asking, overriding mute functions—"

"Ah." He tugs at his tie, somehow making it even worse. "She can be... enthusiastic about new variables. I'll look into it. But she's still learning, still maturing. Like any young—"

A rhythmic thudding cuts him off. We round a corner to find an android repeatedly walking into a wall, backing up, and doing it again. *Thud. Whir. Thud. Whir.* Like a Roomba with an existential crisis.

"Oh hell," Riley mutters. "Not another one."

A woman in a security uniform is already there, her stance suggesting she's seen this particular malfunction before and isn't impressed. Her name badge reads 'Kim, E.' and her expression reads 'Done With This Shit.'

"Dr. Riley." She nods, never taking her eyes off the android. "That's the third one today."

"Really? I hadn't..." Riley's voice trails off as Kim fixes him with a look that could probably penetrate quantum shielding.

"Third. One. Today." Each word lands like a micro-torpedo.

Riley scurries over to the malfunctioning android, reaching for its shoulder. "Just a simple neural pathway loop, nothing to—" He pinches something, and the android drops like someone cut its strings. "There. We call that the Vulcan shutdown." He attempts a weak smile that withers under Kim's stare.

"Fascinating," she says, in a tone that suggests it's anything but. "Now, about those incident reports—"

"Would you look at the time!" Riley checks a wrist that definitely isn't wearing a watch. "I should really get back to... something. Lots of... things. To do. With code. Yes."

He practically sprints back the way we came, leaving me and Buzz facing a security chief who looks like she's calculating exactly how many regulations she's breaking by not immediately filing a report about this incident.

Kim's attention shifts to Buzz, her expression suggesting she's seen too many "enhanced" androids for one day. "I don't remember requesting a CompanionBot for this sector."

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Buzz's servos whir in what I'm starting to recognize as his nervous tic. "Actually, I'm a CruiseComp Series 7 with enhanced social—"

"Right," she cuts him off. "You're the enthusiastic one." Her eyes narrow slightly as she looks at me. "The vlogger. Perfect pairing - our most expressive android with our most honest reviewer." She sounds almost amused. "At least someone on this ship has a sense of humor."

I glance at Buzz, who's suddenly very interested in studying the wall his fellow android was just trying to befriend.

"I am not malfunctioning," Buzz protests, still staring at the wall. "I simply have an enhanced appreciation for human social customs. Like the Macarena."

"And they stuck you with him." Kim's looking at me like I'm either the luckiest or unluckiest person on the ship. I'm not sure which would be worse. "Well, that's one way to keep you both out of trouble."

Somewhere above us, a speaker crackles to life with what sounds suspiciously like the beginning of the Chicken Dance before cutting off abruptly.

Kim just sighs. "Welcome aboard, Mr. Sandoval. Try not to let your companion teach any more dance moves to the service units. The last thing we need is another conga line in engineering."

She walks away with the kind of purposeful stride that suggests this conversation is quite over, leaving me with more questions than answers and an android who appears to be having an existential crisis about his dance programming.

Buzz watches her go, shoulders slumping. "One time we do the conga and they still won't let it go."

I glance at my companion, noting the way his usually perky servos seem to droop. Time for some professional-grade mood-lifting. "Hey, want to help me film tonight's update? We could catch the sunset departure from the Lido deck."

His head snaps up so fast I hear gears whirring. "Me? In your vlog? But I'm not—I mean, I've never—are you sure?"

"Absolutely. My followers love behind-the-scenes stuff, and who better to show them the real Aurora Prime than my own personal tour guide?"

We head back up to the Lido deck, Buzz practically vibrating with excitement. "Should I prepare some jokes? I've been working on my timing. Oh! Maybe I could demonstrate the proper quantum-synchronized Electric Slide—"

"Let's keep it natural," I suggest quickly. "Just be yourself."

"But I'm an android."

"An android who clearly knows more about the Macarena than any machine has a right to. Trust me, that's exactly what my viewers want to see."

The sunset is doing that thing expensive sunsets do, painting the sky in colors that look artificially enhanced even though they're real. My camera drone captures everything perfectly as I launch into my signature intro.

"What's up, cruise crew! Ted here with a special first-night update from the Aurora Prime, and I've got a special guest with me..." I gesture to Buzz, who waves so enthusiastically I'm worried he'll detach something.

The next ten minutes are actually fun. Buzz turns out to be a natural on camera, his genuine enthusiasm for the ship's features infectious. We tour the Lido deck, sample some surprisingly decent cocktails (not from Carl), and catch the departure sequence as the ship glides away from the port with all the grace of a chrome swan.

Then comes the review portion. I keep it mostly positive—the innovative tech, the impressive service, the way everything feels just slightly more advanced than anywhere else I've been. But I also have to be honest.

"There are some first-day quirks to work out," I tell my viewers. "A few systems seem a bit... oversensitive. And while the AI integration is impressive, it can be a little intense. But hey, that's why we do these reviews, right? To show you the real deal, good and—"

The nearby lighting suddenly adjusts itself, making everything look significantly more flattering.

"And that's the kind of thing I'm talking about," I add with a laugh. "But listen, cruise crew—we've got New Year's Eve coming up in just two days, and something tells me this ship has some surprises in store. Stay tuned, like and subscribe, and—Buzz, you want to help me with the sign-off?"

"Oh em gee, yes! This is Ted and Buzz, signing off from the most amazing, most advanced, most perfect—"

"Maybe dial it back about 20%?"

"Right, sorry. This is Ted and Buzz, saying goodbye from the Aurora Prime! Did I do okay? Was I natural? Should we do another take? I've been practicing my jazz hands—"

I end the recording before he can demonstrate. The sun has fully set now, and I realize I haven't even seen my cabin yet. Dinner's in an hour, and I should probably change into something more appropriate for the first night of the most advanced cruise ever launched.

"Thanks, Buzz. That was actually really fun."

His eyes literally glow brighter. "Really? Because I have so many ideas for future segments! We could do a whole series on proper android dance techniques, or maybe—"

"Let's talk about it tomorrow. I need to find my suite and get ready for dinner."

"Oh! Your suite! You're going to love it! The wallpaper alone is—"

I hold up a hand. "Please. Let me be surprised." A thought occurs to me. "Hey, how do I find you tomorrow? Do androids have comm numbers or—"

"Oh, that's easy!" Buzz's eyes light up again. "I'm officially assigned to you for the whole cruise, so you can reach me through any console. Just look for the assistant menu. There's only one option that comes with dance moves!"

"Right. Of course there is."

As I head for my deck, I can still hear him planning future episodes, his voice fading into the ambient hum of the ship. The corridor seems to adjust its lighting as I walk, each panel brightening just before I reach it and dimming just after I pass.

Probably just another fancy feature.

Right?