The next morning wasn't an easy one. At least it wasn't for me, as muddled, foggy memories of another life once again rose from the deepest depths of my soul to wrap themselves around my conscience. My dreams had already been haunted by what I had done with Yath'zur but that had at least in some ways been enjoyable. This flashback was not. For a moment I tried to fight against it but it was all for naught. The harder I struggled the tighter the memories' hold became. Instead of shrugging off this unwanted reminder of another life my efforts brought everything just even more into focus.

I was standing there in a cramped, small office, as a pair of students was being dressed-down in a most ferocious way by an old man. The two flinched time and again as the headmaster tore into them. I had a hard time keeping a straight face as the old man's words hurt me almost as much as the two youngsters. It took me a moment to realize why. I had felt guilty. After all it had been me who caught the two fornicating, as the old man put it, on school grounds. I had dragged them here. I could have looked the other way but I hadn't.

Sure the two had been entirely too irresponsible and needed a serious talking to but not like this. The headmasters words left me with a bitter after taste. After all I knew that he was an absolute hypocrite. The smirk on Otohe's face as she stood behind the headmaster in her still slightly ruffled clothes left no doubt about that. That face, that smirk, it let me focus past the unwanted memories, that left me feeling like I had done something wrong. And for a moment I was back on the hilltop where I had defeated the ghoul king of Gothol'uin, lying in the mud, with her straddling my chest, smirking down on me before baring her fangs.

Then, at last, I woke with a start as I fell of my cot, all sweaty and tangled up in my blanket. Kaele was sitting up on her own cot on the other side of the tent, blinking at me, still sleepy. “Is everything all right?”

I barely took notice of her words as I pushed myself up onto my elbows with a groan. It took me a moment to get up for good only to sit right back down onto my cot again. I hurt in ways I had never hurt before. And as I sat there blinking in my sister's direction the muddled memories of my dream started fleeing me again, only to be replaced by memories of yesterday that had me groaning again. Finally I answered Kaele's question. “Bloody damn dream. I'm fine. Just fine … except that I'm a total and complete idiot.”

She raised an eyebrow at my admission. As far as she was aware that had come out of the blue after all. I didn't feel like elaborating though, thus I waved her off before she could inquire.

She eyed me for a moment, one eyebrow still raised, but in the end she just shrugged and slipped under her blanket again. “Wake me when its time for our morning meal, yes?” And even as she voiced her request, she was quietly snoring again.

For a moment I blinked at her. Oh, how I wished I could just go back to sleep like that. I didn't dare though. I didn't want any more of these muddled memories to surface. Not right now anyway. I didn't want to dwell too much on my memories of yesterday either. That was a lot harder though.

I barely managed to resist the urge to curse out loud as I got to my feet again. I was entirely too wobbly and every step hurt. I slipped a fresh tunic on and grabbed a glaive from my new weapon rack. It wasn't my actual weapon. I had grabbed a wooden practice weapon I had made for me. Thus I didn't feel all that bad about using it as a walking stick of sorts as I left the tent.

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I paused for a moment as the tent flap closed behind me. Kaele had been right. It was still early. The sun wasn't up yet, although the sky was already turning pretty shade of dark blue. The air was still pretty crisp and fresh as well. Well, it was as fresh as the air in any army's camp could be. The cooking fires had not yet been lit for sure though. Most people were still sleeping. Only some guards patrolled in between the tents. I didn't pay them much mind. I did straighten up a little though.

I was about to leave when a soft meow stopped me in my tracks. There, on a tree next to our tent, one grown by my sister from one of her enchanted seeds, lounged Kaele's familiar. “Hey there. You want in?” The cat probably could have found her own way into the tent with ease but I held the tent flap open for her anyway. Without making another noise she came down the tree, actually running down the trunk instead of jumping, and slipped in. Well, that was that.

I turned towards the eastern exit of the camp to head for one of the training pits that had been set up not far from the steam bath. I greeted the guards on duty there with a nod and they responded the same way. At this time of day, or rather the night, they would only call out loud if they perceived any kind of threat.

I reached the sand of the fighting pit soon after and started going through various well practiced exercises with my weapon pretty much right away. It didn't really help to clear my mind as I had hoped though. With every step or other movement a dull ache reminded me of yesterday. Oh Maidens! How could I have been so utterly careless? How could I have done something so utterly stupid!

Yath'zur was one of my officers, for crying out loud! He wasn't any officer either. He and his company would be indispensable in the campaign we were preparing. Sure, there were no laws forbidding something like that but common sense alone should have made me reconsider! Doing something like this was just asking for trouble! Really, it would be awkward at best. And Tora's presence during it all didn't exactly help either.

We hadn't even used any protection! A cold shiver ran down my spine and I dropped to the sand as I finished my latest weapon exercise. Why hadn't I even thought of that before! My stomach clenched into a tight knot as I thought of the possible consequences. That would be more than just a little inconvenient. I shuddered again. “Oh Maidens! Sacred Mother, please spare me this one time.”

Only then did I realize that I wasn't alone anymore. It was Tortho, my captain of scouts, who was standing there, at the edge of the sandy pit. I groaned and rose from the sand to greet him. He spoke up before I got a chance to do so though. “You know, if it still hurts, you probably should see a healer about it.”

I groaned again as I realized what he meant. “Curse my careless stupidity. Does the whole camp know?”

He just shrugged. “It is not a terribly big camp.” The darkelf flashed me a cocky grin, raising the wooden practice swords he had brought. “So, do you feel up to a little spar? Or should we return to camp and see one of the healers before too many people are up and about?”