My name is Michael. I’m 12 and I have no idea how I ended up getting carried under some scumbag’s arm like a piece of luggage. I’m confused about quite a few things right now, but I am quite certain I’d rather not be in this position.
“Uh… you can put me down now.”
“Not a chance. What if you tripped and got hurt? What’ll happen to me then, huh?!”
I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about. Well, actually, I do kind of get the first half. The sun’s basically gone and there’s lots of clouds in the sky besides. It’s so dark that I can barely see my hand in front of my face, so there’s a high chance I could stumble over something on this rubble-filled road. However, what’s that got to do with this skin-headed bastard? Ah, no, he is technically helping me, so I shouldn’t be calling him that. That doesn’t mean I just have to take this. I may be small but I’m still a man! If any of the others saw me like this, I’d die of shame!
“Don’t care!” I start flailing again. “I promise I won’t run away, so just let me go already!”
“Listen, kid. I ain’t doing this because I wanna,” he declares with a sour face. “If anything, this is all your fault.”
“Shut it! Stinky! Baldie! Bully!”
That’s right. I’m a kid. It’s fine if I act my age now and then, isn’t it?
“Yeah, yeah, keep yapping, junior.”
“Don’t call me junior! And put me down or else!”
“Ha. Or else what?”
“Or else… uh… I’ll tell Sister Agatha to beat you up!”
The man suddenly froze. It’s very dark so I can’t see his face too well, but I get the feeling it turned very pale just now.
“… Alright. I’ll put you down, so let’s not get her involved, yeah?”
Wow. Was that all I really needed to say? The sister is useless in a lot of ways, so I never thought her name would carry this much weight. Then again, she did beat the crap out of this guy’s boss. He’s probably scared he’ll get the same, so I best keep quiet that it was actually a bluff. The sister may be strong in a fight, but I’ve never seen her start one, and I don’t think that will change just because I said something. Well, it’d be another story if he actually hurt me or bad-mouthed the Supreme Goddess in front of her, but that’s not going to happen. From what I saw earlier today, this guy’s the smart one in that group of scum.
On that note, I admit what he said earlier was right. I really don’t wanna come back with scrapes on top of being late. As soon as he puts me down, I rummage in my pack and bring out a rare item I found three weeks ago. I didn’t want to use it since batteries are also rare and I’d rather save them for digging up more treasures, but I guess it’s my own fault I’m in this mess. I rattle it a bit because that’s what you’re supposed to do, flip the switch, and the road in front is suddenly bathed in a powerful white light.
“You had a flashlight this entire time?!” the man yelled. “Why didn’t you say anything?!”
“Uh… you didn’t ask?”
“Don’t get cheeky with me, you little shit!”
I know he’s scum and all, but I really can’t stand being looked down on by adults just because I’m young.
“You sure you want to talk that way to Sister Agatha’s eldest son?”
“Urk…”
I knew it. He instantly backed off. Hehe, serves you right. Ah, no, I can’t let this become a habit. I don’t want to be that kid who cried wolf.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I’m just nervous, is all.”
“… You and me both, kid. Anyway, you gonna be fine on your own if you have that light?”
“I was gonna be if you let me go from the start, but now I’m a little lost.”
Looking around, it’s not the path I usually take, so it would take me a while to find my way home if he just left me here.
“Figures,” he sighs. “Well, I’ve come this far. C’mon, the church should be down this way.”
“Really? How can you tell?”
They’re obviously new to the area if they didn’t know about the sister.
“I was a ranger for the army, you know. I’m used to week-long treks through the southern jungle. You think I can’t handle some smashed-up streets?”
“Huh. I don’t really get it, but it sounds kind of cool.”
Come to think of it, he was walking just fine even without the flashlight, wasn’t he?
“Ain’t nothing cool about the army, kid. Don’t believe what anyone tells you – you’ll regret it if you sign up.”
“So if I shouldn’t believe anyone, does that also mean you?”
“Hmpf. Pretty sharp for a little twerp, aren’t you?”
“And you’re not half-bad for a smelly crook.”
I follow the scumbag’s lead while lighting the way for him for a few minutes more before I finally work up the nerve to speak up again.
“What’s your name?”
“… Edgar. You?”
“Michael.”
“So, what’s on your mind, Michael?”
I guess it’s obvious something’s been bothering me. No, it would be weird if I wasn’t bothered at all by how things turned out.
“You guys seemed shockingly nice for a bunch of worthless scumbags.”
When I first walked into their camp I thought they were gonna catch me, beat me up, take my stuff, and maybe hold me hostage. I guess that first thing did happen, but it was so they could deliver me safely back home whether I wanted to go or not. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy I wasn’t mugged. However, I don’t like feeling confused and from what I could tell this whole thing was Edgar’s idea, so if anyone could explain what’s going on, it’s him.
“You really have a sharp tongue, don’t you?” he glared at me over his shoulder for a moment. “Well, if that’s how you saw us, then that’s fine.”
“… What?”
“Listen, kid. You’re a bit too smart for your own good, so let me teach you something simple. Do you know what’s the best way to win a fight?”
“Uh… Just be stronger than the other guy?”
“Easy to say, but what if he’s stronger? Or what if it’s two guys? Or, hell, ten?”
“I don’t know. Get more friends so you can beat them up?”
“Right. And then they get their own friends, and then their friends’ friends, and before you know it, the whole world’s fighting and nobody wins.”
What is this idiot saying? How did the Great War pop up when I was just asking him why he’s so weirdly nice?
“The best way to win a fight is to make the other guy give up before he takes a swing at you. Make him think you’re not someone he can mess with. Act mean, threaten him, whatever you want, but so long as he backs down and nobody gets punched, it’s a clean win. Feel me?”
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“Ah. Like how I said I’d tell Sister Agatha on you?”
“… Yes. On that note, please don’t mention me at all when you get home. Like, I’m actually begging you, here.”
Now that I think about, she’s probably why they didn’t dare lay a finger on me. Mr. Edgar’s pretty smart after all, isn’t he?
“I got it, calm down already.”
It’d be all sorts of trouble if I told on him anyway, though not the kind he was probably thinking about.
“I still don’t get it, though. If the scumbag thing is just an act, why would you bully a bunch of orphans?”
“Well, it’s not entirely an act. We’re definitely not nice people, but we’d rather nobody got hurt if we could help it. It’s just that the provisional government gives a lot of hand-outs to orphanages. Even if someone took all your food tomorrow, the bleeding hearts upstairs would go out of their way to replace it.”
Well, that’s true. I think. I’m not sure what ‘bleeding hearts upstairs’ means. Ah, people like Mr. Klein, perhaps? He certainly makes sure we have the bare minimum whenever he visits, though he rarely gives us anything more than that. From what I overheard he’d help us out more if some strange monster called a ‘budget’ didn’t make things hard for everyone.
“Meanwhile,” Edgar continues, “us disgraced veterans have to fend for ourselves. Messed up, isn’t it? You brats are looked after and that’s great, but we fought, bled, and died for this damn country only to be thrown out like garbage now that it’s all over. Surely we deserve a bit of sympathy as well, don’t you think?”
I see. It does sound kind of unfair when he puts it like that, but I’m not so easily fooled. Mr. Klein taught me all about how to spot a scammer’s spiel, you scumbag.
“I don’t buy it. The old guys in Broketown aren’t getting any help either, but they never try to take our stuff. If you really don’t wanna hurt anyone, then why don’t you just work in the fields outside of town like everyone else?”
“Because we’re no good at it. Being thugs is the only thing we know how to do, but nobody wants hired muscle these days. We can’t farm, look after animals, or anything else like that, and if its simple labor like logging or scavenging there’s loads of other guys who are better than us. Scumbaggery feels like the only option we have left.”
“Then shouldn’t it be fine if I just showed you how to scavenge?”
“… You what?”
Edgar looks at me as if I’m some alien from the moon.
“I don’t mean to brag,” I lied, “but I’m pretty good at it. I’m the one that found that safe you guys were talking about before, and it only took me a few hours to find these.”
I pat the bag with the gun and badges I looted earlier. Sorry, salvaged. Looting is a crime, after all. Anyway, the scumbags didn’t take anything but they still rifled through my stuff, so he should know what I’m talking about.
“Big strong adults like you,” I add, “you can easily get way more if I just teach you a few things.”
“Ha! You really are a cheeky little shit, you know that? Teach us, he says. Hahaha!”
Hmm. So this scumbag could laugh normally after all, huh?
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, junior. You’re ten years too early to be worrying about us.”
His words were cold, but for some reason I got the feeling he was kind of happy.
“Besides, I don’t think the g-man or the war criminal would appreciate you hanging around us too much. Can you imagine, after everything we did earlier?”
I am confused yet again. The ‘g-man’ was probably Mr. Klein, but I have no idea who that ‘war criminal’ person could be. Actually, since when is war a crime? Well, I guess people get killed in war, and that’s super illegal, so it makes sense to me. Still, who is he talking about? Ah, did he mean the Scumperor? Sounds like these people were soldiers and he’s the scummiest of them all, so he probably meant him. I let Edgar enjoy his quiet giggles for a bit more before I ask, just to be sure.
“What’s this about your boss?”
“Hm? Oh, you mean Jaeger? He’s not actually our leader. He just plays the part really well in front of strangers. A bit too well, it seems. Never seen him take a beating like that, but he’ll pull through. Jerry’s a massive pain in the ass, but he’s a first-rate medic.”
“I… see…”
Why does that last bit sound so familiar?
“Anyway, if he’s not your boss, then who is?”
“We don’t really have one. We just talk things out and decide what’s best for everyone together. Though, if I have to be honest, I’m surrounded by idiots who know they’re idiots, so my ideas rarely get questioned.”
“Is this that democracy thing the foreigners keep talking about?”
I do like to listen in on the grownups around Broketown when I get the chance. I have to know all kinds of stuff since the sister in charge of us is so useless.
“Kind of like that, I guess.”
“Then if Mr. Klein and all the other scum are fine with it, we go salvaging together, yeah?”
Since this war criminal could just be outvoted, then all that was left was to convince the g-man, and I’m pretty sure I can do that. Mr. Klein is very strict, but also very fair.
“Huh? You’re still on about that?”
“Well, duh.”
“Why? What’s it to you?”
“I’m just a kid, so there’s lots of stuff I can’t do, but if you guys help me out I’m sure we’ll get enough loot for everyone to make a profit.”
Like in that old police station, there’s plenty of doors and lockers that are too strong for me, but these scumbags– I mean, these veterans could easily pry them open if I showed them the way.
“It’s what you’d call a mutually bene-fishery arrangement.”
I proudly state the special words Mr. Klein taught me about last year.
“Hmm. You sure you’re just 10?”
“… I’m 12.”
“Same thing. Fine, I’ll bring the idea up with the others, but no promises. If they’re fine with giving it a shot, and this Klein fellow doesn’t mind us loitering in the area, then you should come find us where we met earlier. I don’t think we’ll stick around for more than three or four days without a reason, though, so be quick about it.”
“Got it. I’ll do what I can!”
For the sake of getting my little brothers and sisters away from that disastrous nun, I’ll even work with the Scumperor. Wait, what was his name again? Ah, whatever. He seems like the emperor of scum, so Scumperor’s good enough for him.
“Ah, looks like we’re here.”
Edgar suddenly points into the darkness ahead, and I’m surprised to find the old chapel’s shadow in the distance. There’s no twilight left anymore, but I recognize the windows from the light of the oil lamps inside. It’s a very strange shape you don’t see on other houses, flat on the bottom and pointed yet curved at the top. Like a bullet, now that I think about it. That aside, I’m a bit surprised we got here so fast. Was Edgar’s route really that much quicker than mine? Or did the time pass faster just because we chatted so much? Either way, I’m glad to be back, but I realize I’ve made a big mistake.
“Oh, shoot!”
I switch off the flashlight in a panic. I would’ve done it sooner, but I had no idea we were this close already, and it’s already too late. I hear a distant thud of a door being slammed, followed by a rapidly approaching thumping noise. We’ve definitely been spotted, so I figure I might as well turn it back on.
“Edgar, you need to leave.”
“Huh? Why? What’s wro–?”
“Now!”
Rather than flee like he’s supposed to, he hovers over me as if to protect me. What an idiot. Wasn’t he supposed to be the smart one? Anyway, I have to do something. It’s my own fault I’m late, so I can’t drag this guy into this. I may be 12, but I’m still a man. I have my honor. So, I desperately try to shove him away from me. I’m also an idiot so I don’t consider the size difference at all and just end up pushing myself back. Well, this works too. He’ll be fine so long as he’s not too close to me.
“MIIICHAAAEEEL!”
The ground peels away from my feet and the air leaves my chest as that hopeless sister tackle-hugs me to the ground. The world spins around as we both roll over a hundred times, or at least that’s what it feels like. When we stop, she’s sitting up, I’m in her lap, and I can barely move a muscle. The flashlight I dropped didn’t break, at least, but having it shine right in my face isn’t great.
“I was so worriiiieeed! How many times do I need to tell you?! Don’t just vanish like that on meeee! Waaaaah!”
As I feared, she’s having another teary tantrum. It’s a really bad one. She’s hugging me so tight I actually can’t breathe. I keep tapping her shoulder as if to say ‘uncle’ but she only squeezes harder? Argh! This stupid sister! Is your brain made of muscles, too?!
“Ugh, miss? The lad seems to be going blue in the face.”
“Oh, dearie me!”
She finally lets me go, and I gasp like a drowning man while she frantically wipes her healthy eye with her sleeves. Thank you, Edgar! You’re an ally after all, aren’t you?!
“Did you bring him home? Thank you so much, my child!” she tells him while sniffling. “I’m sorry for all the bother he’s caused you, but he’s really a sweet boy. Come now, Michael. Apologize to the nice man!”
Apologize? For what?! You’re the only one at fault here! Also, did you seriously not recognize one of the guys who threatened us just hours ago?! Ah, not good. If I yelled at her she’d just start crying again, and my ribs can’t take another tantrum. Let’s play along until she lets me go.
“S-sorry, Mr. Edgar.”
“Ah, it’s alright. You, uh, Ovha guide your path, sister.”
“And yours as well, my child!”
They exchange some parting words and friendly waves as he vanishes into the darkness. It’s a flawless strategic retreat. I am once again reminded he is the brains of his unit for a reason, though I can’t help but feel a bit abandoned.
“Now, come along, young man. You are lucky you aren’t injured, or else you’d be going to bed without supper! Disappearing like that, what were you thinking?! Do you have any idea how worried we all were?!”
I can do nothing as I’m flung over the nun’s shoulder and carried off like a piece of luggage once again. Well, it’s fine so long as nobody else sees me like this.
“I am most disappointed in you, Michael,” Mr. Klein says as I’m dragged inside. “We will have a serious talk about your behavior when I have the time.”
“… Yes, sir.”
I take back what I said earlier.
I think I would’ve preferred getting mugged after all.