"Mei, wake the fuck up!"
"WHAT"
"You've been sleeping for uhhh what, 10 months? WHAT ARE YOU? PREGANANTE?"
Mei got the fuck up and looked at the piece of shit that dared to disrespect.
"I'm like uh 15 or something wtf, you can't make a joke like that! (the author never made it clear)"
Because nobody cleaned the palace after Mei passed out for 10 months it was dusty as hell and Mei sneezed because it was terrible.
"Aw what the hell this doesn't even make sense." she said as she looked around. "Shouldn't there be a formation that cleans up this place while I'm sleeping. Why'd it only get dusty while I was here?"
There were fucking cobwebs everything and the author even started swearing despite not swearing because idk haha funny.
At that moment, Qiao Shun and that spear elder no one remembered from chapter 12 showed up. I think his name was Yang Fei or something? What is the author even doing bringing back stupid 1 off characters no one cares about?
"AYO WTF" said Mei. "Hey! You guys aren't supposed to show up yet! This is a spoiler! There's not supposed to be plot on the april fools chapter!"
"Shut up dumbass." Qiao Shun said. "I think the author dropped this novel so who cares anyway."
"N-no!" Mei said defensively. "The author just went to write another story, saying she wants to stockpile 100 chapters first! I'm sure she'll be back!"
Tears brimmed in her eyes but because it was super dusty they got all red and irritated like she just smoked 10 bags of weed.
"Pfft. Cope. It's been 10 months and she only wrote 26 chapters. Yeah we're just going to spoil it to all the readers. Mei was supposed to meet us in this palace because we-"
"SHUT S-SHUT UP!" Mei yelled.
"You're being really out of character bruh."
That same voice that woke Mei up echoed, and the 3 losers turned to it. It was a green ass glow like weed no wait it was cyan I forgot.
Su Qing! That fucker!
He's not even supposed to be here!
Qiao Shun walked straight up to him and bitched slapped the hell out of that green ass light. I mean cyan.
"The hell you talking about? You're the one most out of character!" he roared.
Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.
"Fuck you! It's annoying as hell to baby talk for 199 chapters! The author couldn't even at least go on hiatus on chapter 200!" Su Qing cursed. "And I left my ipad at home so I couldn't watch youtube for 10 fucking months!"
"Um..."
The spear elder tried to be reasonable but everyone ignored him.
He decided to sneak off with the camera while Mei and Qiao Shun beat the shit out of the weed spirit. Everyone forgot he had water powers too so now he is green (canon).
He put the camera (it's xianxia camera guys don't worry not modern tech).
"How's it going guys-"
(oh yeah btw that youtube su qing mentioned? xianxia youtube)
"Please don't interupt me." said Yang Fei the spear elder no one remembers.
(fine)
"How's it going guys, my name is Yang Fei and today we're going to investigate the palace after the sect master left. Me and my boi Qiao Shun thought his departure was hella sus, so we snuck into the palace before Mei to-"
"HEY!" Mei yelled. "No spoilers!"
"What the hell, how'd you hear me from there?" said Yang Fei. "Is this plot armour?"
(wtf! you're in a giant enclosed room with echo. why are you blaming this on me!)
"Oh ok." Yang Fei said calmly.
At that moment the ceiling broke and the room started glitching out. Some random boy fell through the ceiling and smashed onto the ground.
"Oof..." he said, scratching his head.
"OH MY GOD!" Mei yelled. "It's fucking Baiyun! That motherfucker!"
She rushed to him, waving her fists in rage, but Yan Fei the forgotten pokey stick elder suddenly grabbed her by a scuff like a kitten (not discord kitten 😡), pulling her back.
"Wait we should at least explain first-"
"I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER! HE'S JUST A STUPID UPSTART!" Mei screamed.
"So basically this guy is the main char of the fic the author has been writing in the background." Yan Fei finished.
"Wait." Baiyun paused. "This doesn't even make sense."
"Huh?"
"My story takes place several thousand years in the past, so why would I be a child right now? I'm literally still alive in the Virtuous Cultivation timeline, and an old man by now!"
(shut up nerd)
"Yeah nerd! You can't go 10 lines without breaking into a long lengthy exposition about some stupid infodump!" Mei jeered.
"What-" Baiyun said-
"I still remember that one time you saw some dumb centipede and went on a 1000 page rant about evolution or something!" she yelled.
"I thought you said no spoilers?" Yang Fei asked.
"That's for my story! I'm going to spoil his story! Guys! You the fans here! You don't care about that dumb fic, right?"
Mei leaned into the camera with a sinister look, whispering.
"Remember that one time the author went off to write some dumb sparrow xianxia fic? It was me. I KILLED THAT FUCKER. STUPID BIRDD."
(wtf Mei)
"Not cool."
"Yeah not cool."
"Not cool."
Even Xiao Mei who always doesn't talk and keeps getting forgotten decided to voice up.
"Shut up Xiao Mei no one cares about you." Mei said.
"Fuck you." Xiao Mei said.
"Damn. She has issues." Baiyun commented. "Right guys? Heheh."
Qiao Shun and Yang Fei looked to each other and then to this stupid upstart tiny ass small boy and nodded their head.
"Hey hey what do you think you're doing?" he asked, stepping backwards.
"He's still a qi-gathering cultivator, beat his ass before he ranks up!" Mei yelled.
"Shut up Mei! I'm already stronger than you and my fic is only 27 chapters in!"
"Wait didn't you say 26 earlier?" Qiao Shun asked.
"To be fair." Yang Fei said. "Your chapters are 2k+ words each unlike our 1k word chapters, so that's like 54 chapters. Also some of your chapters are extra long like nearly 3k words so maybe like 60 chapters."
Qian Shun tapped his shoulder.
"That's not exactly a big feat. Mei is weak af."
"Hey!" Mei yelled.
"True." said Xiao Mei.
"Shut up!"
"By the way guys," Baiyun suddenly spoke up despite no one asking. "I'm actually making progress every chapter and I actually learn stuff unlike Mei. I also-"
Everyone looked at this smug upstart, then looked to each other and nodded.
"Hey hey guys? Chill...?"
"no."
The entire gang beat the shit out of him.
The end.