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Venomous Agenda Memoirs
Chapter 5: The Search for the Third Girl

Chapter 5: The Search for the Third Girl

A thought then traverses Glen: if I could keep the math team budget at $600 next year even if there were only two girls on the team, maybe I could charge the shortfall as "summer enrichment" against the ESSER 3 money if no additional girls play on the math team next year? Too bad Valerie is currently a sixth-grader... Three school years from now, she will wear the green and purple of the Venomous Agendas as a mathlete! I ought to request a meeting for the math team! He then proceeds to email Trent and the school's mathletes regarding said meeting.

Once the meeting starts, with Glen, Trent and a half-dozen mathletes...

"I have an idea: it appears you didn't spend much of your budget this year. Unless a third girl joins the math team next year..." Glen warns Trent about the math team's budget.

"The next entering class has undoubtedly suffered from the pandemic. I won't pretend to know who the potential new recruits will be" Trent pleads with his principal.

"I meant that unless a third girl joins the math team next year, to keep the math team funded at its current level, we'd be forced to use ESSER money for this as summer enrichment. You know what this means? We will need to train mathletes during the summer!" Glen admonishes the math team.

"Wait a minute: does this mean the team is funded entirely through girls-only parish funds?" Éliane asks the principal.

"Are you sure you want to keep playing next year?" Trent asks his two remaining female mathletes. "But yes, this season is entirely paid for through girls-only parish grants"

"Yes" both Éliane and Geneviève answer their coach.

So we only need one more girl for this mathletics team to avoid what is, to me, wasting our share of the ESSER money. In my mind, better spend ESSER money on things that will help lesser students over summer enrichment, Glen muses, while the mathletes gasp at the realization that, without female mathletes, there is no money for VA mathletics. Good thing Éliane and Gen are still playing; there's only $200 to raise, but mathletics is a complete unknown in town, and no one would donate anything to it. Even if I had to ask every math teacher in school outside of Trent to get that third non-senior girl to replace Imélie, or to convince Imélie to play again...

"Before you go around trying to get a third girl to play next year, there's a reason why the parish awarded funding on that basis. The STEM achievement gap, which made the parish give two hundred bucks per female mathlete or quiz bowler, labeled as Title IX grants" Glen explains to the team.

"Regardless of whether we can find a third girl to do mathletics for us next year or not, this region is a complete academic competition desert, which keeps our competition costs affordable. With our remaining budget I would say we buy more advanced training materials for the AIME" Trent explains what the team is planning to do. "Before I go around asking the rest of the math department for girls who could potentially be mathletes, and talk to them about if they can identify any, I would like to ask if you know other girls for whom the math team would be a good fit next season"

"One question: if someone was to play on both the math team and the quiz bowl team, would the school receive Title IX money twice?" Gen asks the principal, because of Marcia being her first choice for the team.

"I'll get back to you once I get the answer from the parish finance department" Glen promises to the mathletes.

This is worse than how the school district in Mean Girls awarded Title IX money for North Shore's mathletics! They matched dollar for dollar the pre-existing budget but there was a budget for mathletics without Cady; here there is no money at all for mathletics without girls! Éliane muses, while reminded of watching Mean Girls with Curtis, the wide receiver. Inadequate resources did us in this year; Gen narrowly missed the AIME, and Imélie was 9 points out from Gen, but Imélie is a ninth-grader, so Imélie has more room for improvement.

By contrast, quiz bowl is not as dependent on Title IX money because Warren pays for the team's expenses out of his own pocket after the Title IX money runs out. He'd personally drive the team to in-person tournaments, and he only used Title IX money to pay for entry fees for tournaments.

"Julie is good at math, maybe I should ask her" another junior on the team then suggests his teammates.

"You may as well ask Florence, but Florence has her hands full with the debate team. Honestly I would rather have even Imélie over Florence but Imélie was traumatized by the AMC-twelve" Gen makes her observations. "Yet none of these girls are my first choice and you know Marcia is mine because she has stronger nerves than Imélie, while being approximately on Imélie's level"

"I have my objections over Julie. I don't want people to think that she would be on the team because she dates the principal's son" Éliane retorts. "Florence? How good is she at math?"

"Don't underestimate Florence. She might not have been mathematically accelerated the way we were, but she performs well enough in math" another mathlete tells the group.

"You're the cornerstone upon which the future of the Venomous Agendas will be built. Going forward, I want this school to be a school the rest of the parish can be academically proud of. Math is severely neglected by so many in the parish and mathletics flies under the radar!" Glen harangues the mathletes in the room.

"Although you will say that the kids in AP Calculus BC are the brightest math minds on campus, in the parish even, unfortunately most kids in the course are seniors. There are no non-senior girls in this course this year" Trent comments on who he knows could make the math team next season.

Sure, Southwest Louisiana will never be a nationally recognized hotbed of mathletic talent, but mathletics is the cheapest vehicle for effecting the change I want to see. Debating is far more expensive and, at this point, we have the only functional debate team in the entirety of southwest Louisiana. I will also stop announcing sports news. Of course, no pass, no play still applies, but... Glen reflects on why he picked mathletics.

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The mathletes start combing their social contacts for non-senior girls who can be suitable candidates for the team, while Trent places his order for more advanced math books aimed at AIME hopefuls. Like books from Art of Problem Solving and spending the entirety of the residual budget to do so.

Around the dinner table, that night, Glen attempts to beg Julie to join the math team for next season. Dexter and Julie both cooked the meal for the night.

"For as long as I've known you, Julie, you've always been good at math. But, for next season, we would love it if you could just join the math team? I promise it won't interfere with soccer" Glen pleads with his son's girlfriend.

"I'll even join the team myself if you do!" Dexter adds to the cacophony of pleas.

"What do you mean, the math team won't interfere with soccer?" a confused Julie asks about the offer made by the principal.

"I assume you're not familiar with the contests the Venomous Agendas take part in. The main mathletic tournament for the VAs is, for athletic purposes, in fall, and soccer is a winter sport here" Glen explains to her, with his tone hardly able to hide his despair.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"I thought mathletics was about using your competitive streak, which you use as a goalie in soccer, for academic purposes!" Dexter keeps pleading with Julie.

"You know how stressful senior year is when you're applying to college, right?" Selena retorts to the two guys.

"Yeah, I already have a lot on my plate" Julie adds to this cacophony.

I must not talk about ESSER funding, Title IX or some other legalese things with Julie, even though the cold, hard truth as to why I want Julie, or just about any other girl I could possibly find, is rooted in these things! Meanwhile, I await the parish's response for Marcia's case, Glen ruminates, not wanting to make it look like the mathletics team's survival depends on things such as whether there are girls on it or not. And how many of them. Maybe I'll try Marcia if the parish will allow double-dipping of Title IX funding; Julie is my backup plan.

"In that case, Julie, who else do you think the math team is a good fit for?" Dexter asks his girlfriend. "That's not going to work with you, sweetie, I only want what's best for you"

"It's just that the coach believes the math team is more beneficial for all if the team is gender-balanced" Glen explains to all people in the room. "Plus looking for new mathlete prospects now gives them adequate time to prepare for the next season"

"I am far from the only one who might be good enough for it" Julie then gives names of kids in her own pre-calculus section whom she knows are good at math.

"Just tell me who, among the names you gave me, aren't seniors. I am not in your pre-calculus section so maybe I know them from other courses" Dexter then reacts to his girlfriend's list. "Thank you"

Wait a minute: Éliane and Gen are not in Julie's section either! The only girl in the few names Julie gave me is Marcia and my dad has a request pending for her regarding Title IX money, Dexter realizes before he kisses Julie. After the kiss ends, he doesn't hesitate to tell his father about who Julie knew.

"Dad, neither I nor Julie know anyone else beyond Marcia"

"Fine, I hope that the Algebra and Geometry teachers will have other names to supply then" Glen sighs.

The parish might call the girls-only money given to us for mathletics and quiz bowl Title IX money, if a girl for whom we receive the so-called Title IX money doesn't play at least one contest, we must return the money at the end of the year. Sure, Imélie is one of the smartest girls I know from her class. That said, Imélie was traumatized to no end by the AMC12, an unhealthy Imélie would not be worth the $200 in Title IX money we'd be getting for her. Even with ESSER money, every dollar counts! Glen reflects on how he seems to see students not as people, but as opportunities to wring funding out of the parish. Because every dollar counts, I want to get the best girl possible this $200 can buy the math team. If it means Florence, so be it.

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The next night, Trent faces his colleagues asking for explanations as to why he specifically requested girls for the next mathletics season. But if that's what it took for the other teachers to release their recommendation lists for next year's team... so be it. He faces a group of teachers that are confused by the gender requirements...

"How important is it for the third girl you look for to perform once on the team?" a math teacher asks Trent, about to lose his cool.

"Do you already have identified prospects? If so, who are they and what concerns do you have?" another exasperated math teacher asks him, believing the entire search for the third girl mathlete is a distraction that lasted too long to that teacher's taste.

"She'll be held to the same standards as all other mathletes. It appears that several of our prospects already have busy extracurricular lives" Trent explains to the other teachers, after listing them and what are his concerns over the kids named by the pre-existing mathletes. "Who else did you identify that could be good fits for the team? Doesn't matter what grade the prospects are in, only that they are eager to compete in mathletics"

"Fine, Catalena" another of those teachers seems to relent in an attempt to placate Trent and the principal.

Catalena is one year older than Imélie, but she's one of my stronger girls in my geometry sections, that teacher muses while he feels like the principal is holding students hostage because of his obsession for mathletics. Florence, a student previously evoked by Trent, is approximately of the same mathematical strength. However, she's our star debater, as much as she could be called such given the team's lack of tournament experience. To my eyes, Flo is smarter than Catalena but Flo's strength doesn't lie in math.

It turns out the other teachers were reluctant to produce any names, and these teachers feel concerned about the mathletics team being held hostage in an attempt to wring money from the parish's school district. When Catalena's geometry section meets the following day, and the students are working through some exercises...

"I'm done" Catalena tells the teacher, her hand raised.

"I think the principal wants to see you" her teacher then tells her.

"What?" an astonished Catalena asks, wondering what she did to be brought to the principal's office. "I didn't break school rules!"

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Meanwhile, the principal receives the answer from the parish regarding double-dipping of Title IX money. Ouch, no double-dipping allowed, and this means Marcia is not a viable option for us to keep the Title IX money. On the other hand, I feel like there are a lot of people who might be turned off by negative perceptions of mathletics, especially with our budget being so tight that even $200 in Title IX can make a difference in what we're using it for! Again, I feel like ESSER money is better spent on mitigating learning losses in low-achieving kids, Glen muses when Catalena is brought to his office by an unhappy geometry teacher. Shortly after the meeting begins:

"I feel like you are holding the kids hostage!" the geometry teacher yells at the principal.

"What do you mean, I am holding the kids hostage?" Glen asks, puzzled by the geometry teacher's statement.

"You asked us in the math department to find another girl for the mathletics team; your search for the third girl led to dead ends! Catalena is the only lead remaining I have" the geometry teacher tells him, while turning to Catalena. "You're good, and mathletics will cover other math topics that aren't covered in class. It will help you for college, too"

"I am questioning just how much Title IX money there really is at stake that you feel it's necessary to comb the entire school for another girl" Catalena asks the principal.

"Enough to mean the difference between there even being a math team for next year or not. Because of our limited budget, and size, we don't offer a whole lot of extracurricular activities, every dollar counts to keep doing what we do have" Glen explains to her.

Already that band, theater and 3 academic teams is a lot of non-sport ECs for a school our size in this region. The closest comparable to us is these guys over in what we call the "neighboring parish", a.k.a. Allen Parish, but other schools in the region often don't even have anything available outside of sports. Mathletics is often something a school can offer on the cheap, Glen reflects on the need to maintain what activities the VAs do have. He feels he must get Catalena to play alongside Éliane and Gen or else he would need to find an extra $200 in savings elsewhere at school for the team to stay afloat.

"Not many kids even know about the mathletics team around here, sir. I don't see how mathletics would help me get into college" a confused Catalena then asks the adults in the room, doubting the value of extracurriculars. "All I was told about that was, better GPA and ACT will help but no more than that"

"The cold, hard truth is that you can get in somewhere without extracurriculars. Just not necessarily the elite schools, but remember that where you attend will not define your future" Glen then advises the confused student. "But, if Catalena here does not accept, since I heard from others that all our other prospects have declined, do you have any idea where to get that missing two hundred dollars?"

"It follows that the greatest expenditures should also benefit, ideally, all students, or at least the largest chunks of the student body. A math team will only benefit a small number of students, and can be run on the cheap and so, my guess is that the big money has been spent for the benefit of all. And we can't skimp on that without hurting people" Catalena's teacher then states the obvious, but Catalena was completely clueless about educational budgeting.

"I feel like I'm treated as a card into some sort of giant parish-wide poker game!" Catalena, resentful of the principal, voices her discomfort upon being told about the elephant in the budgeting room. "I don't want to play on the math team next year"

"Maybe professional development should be targeted rather than done for all teachers, because, frankly, not every teacher needs it, only the more underperforming ones" Catalena's teacher then suggests. "However, I can only say that, for math, if PDs are targeted properly, then you can save more than just two hundred dollars"

"Thank you; PD budgets can still be adjusted for next year" Glen then looks at the PD budget and the legal requirements to allocate it.

That teacher has interesting remarks to make: my predecessor had too many teachers go do PDs they didn't need. The result is frustrated teachers whose effectiveness has diminished, Glen thinks, while he reviews the performance evaluations of the teachers to determine whether there is actually any leeway to cut PD expenses while remaining compliant with the regulations.

He then proceeds to text Trent: "We'll no longer need to get a third girl for the math team, and the math team's budget will remain the same next season"