Hey, time to wake up dipshit. Your little suicide trip is over, so rise and shine princess! Apollyon’s voice rang in her head like the galaxy’s largest gong.

Morrigan groaned and winced as she twitched her head, only to feel more pain in her head and neck.

Her eyes fluttered briefly before squeezing out the searing light of the room, “Off… turn the damned lights off, fuck…” she groaned out as she covered her eyes with her hand.

The pain in her head sent a wave of nausea throughout her system, forcing her body to respond as she twisted towards the edge of the bed and vomited nothing but rancid bile.

Now that's just gross, Apollyon quipped in mild amusement, enticing a long groan from Morrigan as she spit the bile that coated her tongue onto the ground.

The clicking of hard soled shoes rang in her ears, only adding to her misery, as Doctor Tamina stepped into the room and stopped, scrunched her nose in disgust.

“I see you’re finally awake…” she said, her tone hinting at her surprise.

“Lights, off,” Morrigan demanded.

Tamina instantly connected the scene she had been witnessing with the telltale signs of a severe migraine before unlocking her data-slate and remotely switching off the lights except for the small glowing lights on various medical devices.

As Morrigan's vision turned to the grey scale of her dark vision, she sighed, holding herself over the edge of the bed as the skull splitting pain in her head began to ebb away enough for her to deem it safe for her to lay back down.

As she moved, all of her muscles and joints registered the movement with pain as she winced again.

Tamina grabbed a biohazard mat and placed it over her vomit to be soaked up and safely disposed of before grabbing a chair and setting it next to the bed Morrigan was on.

“This is probably a redundant question but how are you feeling?” Tamina asked softly, making sure to keep her voice low.

Morrigan made a pained face the doctor could barely see before coarsely replying, “Sore… what happened?”

Tamina, who Morrigan realized was dressed in a simple dress as well as having her hair and make up done, leaned forward and sighed.

“Honestly… I was hoping you could tell me. I mean, I spoke with Admiral Shepard but she was so shocked and angry that she didn't make much sense. As for in here,” she gestured to the room, “I’m aware you heal at an abnormal rate but by the time your guardian brought you here, you had no sign of injury and all of your scans came up normal except your brain activity...”

Morrigan gave her a puzzle look, “My brain activity?”

Tamina nodded as she bit her lip before pulling up something on her data-slate and handing it to her.

“Your brain activity was going off the charts…” she added as Morrigan pushed through the painful act of looking at the bright screen.

What she saw was a 30 minute log of her brain activity as well as a side panel of her brain waves going completely crazy.

Yeah, that was probably me. Be happy you weren’t awake to hear me because mad as a bag of ferrets does not even cover it.

Morrigan turned the screen off and blinked away the pain in her eyes, handing the device back.

“What happened?” she asked the deity.

You seriously don't remember? You damn near killed yourself you reckless little shit! Apollyon roared in her head, causing Morrigan's entire body to cringe reflexively.

Tamina stood immediately, “I'll get you something for that migraine, be right back,” she announced before stepping away.

“Seriously Apollyon… what happened?” She implored bracing herself for the deity to start screaming at her.

Instead, Apollyon only sighed.

Where to start, you lost your shit, filtered significantly more ambient energy than was safe to do so and along with ripping that Federation ship in half, you also nearly tore your internal organs apart in the process… you’re stupidly lucky girl, because I was just barely able to keep you from killing yourself.

Morrigan’s heart clenched tightly at the memories that flooded back through her mind, the amount of anger she felt as she witnessed the orbital bombardment of Mars, the event that no doubt killed her father.

The anger wasn’t there anymore though, only the hollow feeling inside her chest as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Tamina came back with a syringe in one hand before freezing in place, the data-slate and syringe falling from her hands to the floor as the doctor saw the dark lines streaking down Morrigan’s face, reflecting off the low light coming from around the room.

“Mori? Are you okay?” she asked calmly despite her shock, not wanting to alarm the young Inquisitor.

Morrigan looked at her in confusion before considering the question, “No… my father is gone… I failed and I…” her breath caught as her lip quivered, rolling to her side and bringing her knees to her plated chest.

She was harrowing at the realization that she felt nothing; no pain, no anger not even sorrow. She was empty of all emotion but the very real shock she felt in that moment.

Tamina scrutinized her in worry as she tried to discern what had happened between leaving the room and coming back. Her assessment was inconclusive seeing as she saw no reason for injury or cause for what she assumed to be blood running down the girl’s cheeks, similar to how she arrived yet Morrigan gave no hint of being in discomfort any longer.

She picked the data-slate up and syringe off the floor and set them aside after viewing a private message from Sister that Admiral Shepard would be on her way in a moment.

Sitting next to the medical bed, she brushed her finger through her hair in a loss of what to do.

“Is there anything I can get you? Water? Someone you wish to speak to?” Tamina asked softly.

Morrigan immediately shook her head as her mind raced through the events that had transpired. She had killed before, more often than she would ever care to admit, but what she had done was everything short of genocide. All the people aboard the Federation ship, tens of thousands killed at her whim, let alone those on Mars. She barely remembered the back half of the ship colliding into the planet. Gravely, she wondered just how many others lost their life to her rampage.

Without warning, the sound of heavy boots stormed into the room, the light flicking on in a blinding fashion.

“Where is she?” Shepard’s voice called out in anger before the heavy footsteps stopped.

Tamina pursed her lips as she stared down the admiral, casting a glance at the unmoving Morrigan who could be seen staring off into nothing. Tamina frowned as she spotted the drying blood that streamed down her cheeks but chose to address that later.

Shepard studied the situation as her furious mind processed the scene. As angry as she had been; seeing the young Inquisitor devoid of life caused her fury to flee as her life’s worth of experience sympathized what the girl was going through.

Shepard deflated with a sigh and grabbed a stool, sliding it over and sat next to Tamina, Morrigan not reacting to her presence.

“What’s going on?” Shepard asked.

Tamina shook her head, “I’m not sure, I left to get her something for the migraine she woke up with and when I came back she was crying blood… and just shut down,” her voice thick with concern as she took a sanitizing wipe and made the cautious effort to wipe the dried blood away from Morrigan’s cheeks.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

“Why is she needing to wipe the blood away?” Morrigan thought to Apollyon, she could tell even her inner voice felt hollow, empty.

Uhhh, not sure, this is new. Looking around… everything is in working order, oh wait, I see… that’s interest. Well, I think it’s safe to say you should never use your blood in a blood transfusion or something, Apollyon mused.

Morrigan wanted to question it, but she did not deem it worth the effort at the moment as she focused on the tender touch of Doctor Tamina, the cold tinge of the alcohol and sanitizing chemicals dancing along her nerves.

“Hmm, Mori? Do you have any idea what happened?” Shepard asked her after letting Tamina clean her face. Morrigan's eyes shifted to Shepard, before giving her a small nod, her lips thinning tightly as she fought back the overwhelming need to cry.

Shepard sighed, “Well, lucky for us you had the S’randin aboard. They made quick repairs to get us going again… but that's not what's upsetting you.” Shepard really wanted to ream the girl out for nearly leaving the Archangel stranded in space but she could not overcome the understanding that she had just lost her father.

“How many?” Morrigan croaked.

Shepard furrowed her brows in confusion, “How many what?” she asked.

Morrigan's breath suffered before she forced out, “Did I kill?” her voice thick with worry and remorse.

Both Tamina and Shepard’s eyes widened as they looked at each other, “Mori, I don't think that's something you need to worry about right now, we need to make sure you're alright, physically at least…” Tamina said.

Morrigan's voice rose as she pushed herself up, “Just tell me!” staring directly into Shepard’s eye.

The admiral sighed and shook her head, “There's no way for us to know for certain, no one aboard our ship though… I will tell you this, because I understand what's going through your mind right now. I have condemned many to death in ship to ship battles over my many long years of service… my best advise is to not dwell on it. This is war Morrigan, lives will be lost, even unnecessary ones. Mourn for them if you need to but do not dwell. Until this war ends, there will be many more, even at your own hands, or my own. We must live with our choices, reflect upon them and even feel for them, but we must push through our consequences or else we lose ourselves.”

◇◇◇

Morrigan avoided everyone for the entire day as they soared through the stars, hiding away to be alone with her thoughts. Admiral Shepard had told her they had resumed their course to Tik’Taq’To after she had spoken with Solomon about the events that had happened at Mars. Solomon was understanding and did not hold Morrigan accountable for the deaths that transpired though he had not been happy to hear she nearly disabled the Archangel. Eventually, she would have to explain what happened to him.

Within a day and a half though, she would need to be back to her normal self so she took Shepard’s advice and made the time to mourn. In the moment, she had forgotten how the Federation threw its power around and forced innocent people to do things they did not want to do, much like her graduation ceremony. She knew not everyone on Mars supported the Federation, or even on the ship she destroyed, but that did not stop her from snuffing out their lives like a candle flame.

I don’t see what you're so upset about kiddo, there is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt and with my power, it’s within your ability to command death to those who are guilty.

“I wouldn't expect you to understand…” she stated. Her voice retained some of her emotions after spending some time doing as Shepard recommended. Her wings folded around her in a protective shell as she sat near the edge of the hanger bay, staring out of the kinetic plasma shield that kept the vacuum of space out of the ship yet allowed physical objects like ships to pass through unhindered with specific ionic signatures.

Everyone in the hanger gave her a wide berth, despite not being in anyone’s way, and gave her the space she desired.

Sitting in front of the shield, she watched the galaxy go by in streams of light, the simple yet chaotic patterns of FTL travel creating a calming effect for her. It wasn’t much, but it helped.

Someone whistled a jaunty tune as they entered the respectively busy hanger. “Ah, there’s the wee lass!” Sigurd called out from across the room.

Morrigan held her knees tightly against her chest as she felt the vibrations in the metal floor as he approached her. She did not want company, all she desired was to be left alone however, Sigurd stopped behind her.

He scrutinized her shrunken form hiding beneath the semi opaque shroud of crimson light of her wings, cocking his head as he studied her before he sighed and stepping around to her right.

He sat down next to her with a grunt, unafraid of the crimson wings surrounding her, as if he were an old man, though given his age, he technically was the oldest living human on the Archangel. “Och, I get it lass. Bit of a sad bit about yer old man an such, yeah fer sure,” he stated with aloof compassion.

To Morrigan, it sounded more like someone lacking empathy trying to be sympathetic which only caused her to bury her face into her knees and wish him away.

“Ye know, I killed me own da when I was jus’ 19. A right bastard he was; an abusive drunk and an absolute shite being, beatin’ on me ma in the kitchen one day…” he paused giving her a look before continuing, “I grabbed one of the knives in the block and ran it across his throat. Was the day me love of killin’ came to form. Off ta the clink an later, offered to become who I am today but I take it yer old man wasn’t a shitebag like mine was.”

Morrigan let out an unsteady breath before looking up to watch the stars sail by again, “No… he was a police officer… one of the very few good ones in Denver,” her words pained with longing.

Sigurd nodded and leaned back on his mechanical hands, “Aye, yer lady told me what she knew. She’s worried ye know? The lizards are ferret crazy too about ye. I’m not though.”

Morrigan scoffed in disbelief, shifting her wings to look at him as she felt her irritation rise, “What is it you’re trying to do Sigurd?”

He grinned at her, “Get a rise out of ya, see look at ya, glarin’ the death glare at me,” he pointed out, chuckling when she let out a sharp snort at him, “But seriously, we understand. Yer old man sounds like a decent bloke, an as any wee lass, ye should mourn but I know ye will be fine.”

Morrigan furrowed her brows, recalling her energy from her wings, “I don't see what you’re trying to say…” his words made little sense to her though she knew the mad man was trying to tell her something important. She may have not known Sigurd long, but she learned that he held a special kind of worldly wisdom stemming from his long, violent life.

He chuckled at her confusion and leaned forward, hunching over as his shoulders shook, “Aye, that’s the way of it ya? Look, what I’m sayin’ is that yer the strongest lass to come through me life. Not only can ye stand toe to toe with me but ye also ripped a feckin’ ship in half!” he exclaimed in amusement gesturing to the void of space they sailed through at unimaginable speed.

He laughed, “Why else would I offer meself to ye? Yer fecking strong both in arm an soul. Ye have a mad bit just as savage as me own an ye don’t even need me happy juice ta get there! That speaks of ye character somethin’ fierce an anyone who lives with such savagery is one to never worry about… in the end, they be just fine. Jus’ two mad folk livin’ in chaos, we are,” he concluded with a mad grin as he looked at her.

Morrigan’s mind halted as she tried to process what he said. The only conclusion she saw was that he had claimed she were as insane as him, which she knew wasn’t what he was truly trying to say though it didn’t help her irritation at all.

“Do you have any idea what he’s saying?” she asked Apollyon.

Hmm, he’s saying that you’re strong enough to get through this and come out the other side the same. I think he’s also saying he understands you and you’re not as alone as you think. That’s my guess anyways, I also think he’s trying to say he’s here for you as a friend or kindred spirit… I don’t know woman! Why do you ask me these things? You know damn well I don’t deal in this sappy crap! Apollyon complained.

Apollyon’s whining made her breath a chuckle as she considered the deity’s interpretation, a small smile crossing her lips because she knew having spent a few years inhabiting her body, Apollyon knew more about emotions other than rage than it was letting on.

After consideration, she deemed Apollyon’s interpretation to be correct, at least, she hoped and let out a small chuckle.

“Ah! There’s that wee smile that could melt a sun, already on the mend an such,” Sigurd mused.

“Thank you, Sigurd,” she said softly as her temple felt the cold metal of his shoulder plate, leaning against him awkwardly.

The mad man preened as he looked down at her, watching the dancing lights of space flash across her eyes as she stared out into space. He reached over and patted her on the head, “Its all keen, lass.”

As awkwardly amusing it was to feel the Berserker pat her on the head like a child or animal, she felt a tenderness to the gesture that helped her feel better, almost like a father comforting a daughter, but not quite as personal.

“Yer lizards are bonkers for headin’ home, hopefully yer as excited as they are. A world full of tongue flickers could be a bit of fun,” Sigurd segwayed the conversation.

Morrigan snorted at the notion and patted his metallic arm in a return gesture, “Yeah but you should probably stay on the Archangel. You piss the four we have off on a daily basis and this is supposed to be a diplomatic mission, couldn’t imagine the damage you’d do pissing off an entire planet,” she mused.

Sigurd let out a sharp bark of a laugh before nodding, “Aye, that’s fair. Can’t go droppin’ all the marbles when yer supposed to be pickin’ em up. If they do want a good tussle though, let me know. It’d be a grand time.”

Morrigan laughed. She finally figured Sigurd out in a way she had not expected. Even though he let himself be turned into a tool of war and reveled in the madness of violence, he was still human underneath the drug induced insanity and metal. Not only was he still human but a lonely one, and she was the only one he could consider equal enough to call a friend. His long life was filled with flights of fancy and savage butchery but she realized then and there, that when they fought on IPC-98, he saw someone who understood him.

More so, it gave her comfort that no matter what happened or what she does, he wouldn’t judge her, he would be a true friend because he also understood her on an entirely different level that no one else could seem to understand. What he truly meant by his words was that she wasn’t some monster, but a unique and strong-willed individual that would persevere through any dark times she found herself in, with people who cared about her to support her, including himself.

The Marmuro’k knew her darker side but respected her enough to see past it, adoring and fearing her at the same time where as Nora, she loved her so much that she either ignored Morrigan’s negative issues or simply didn’t care enough for them to even exist to her, yet Sigurd saw her for who and what she was, not ignoring any of it but respecting her for it as if she were a rarity in the universe.

That made her comfortable enough to trust him and even find kinship in the mad man as she leaned against him watching the time pass by in the cascading starlight, feeling more at peace for the time being than she had felt in the last few days.