Chapter 19 Decisions

Sarena looked at the Khatan girl stretched out next to the fire, passed out on top of the bed of branches she had collected for her. Well, perhaps girl was not the right term, she was, after all, a woman, one who could handle herself in a fight. Even if her current worldview was a little naive, she was still old enough to be called a woman and to make her own choices. It had been about a day and a half since they had fled, and Rinmua had only woken up twice in that time, the first time because she had needed to get something to drink, the second time because she needed to relieve herself afterword. She hadn't even woken when Sarena had stripped her naked and rubbed her body down, in an attempt to help her muscles loosen. It was not the only affect her rubbing had had, however. The little kitten had moaned, the nipples that were mostly obscured by her fur had shown themselves as she had gotten a little closer to them.

Sarena smiled to herself, her little kitten might be a woman, but she was completely inexperienced in that stage of adulthood…

Did Sarena want to teach her about it? Part of her said yes, though she had never been with a woman before she knew exactly where she liked to be touched and nipped, and she imagined it would be fun to teach Rin those locations as well… Another part of her screamed no, she had spent the last four years pushing away anyone and everyone, ever since she had lost her child…

The thought still brought spikes of pain to her heart and forced her to suppress a sob that seemed to work its way up from deep in her chest. She had ignored all the signs, the sickness in the mornings, the mood swings, she had attributed them to different things, after all it was in her knowledge impossible for a woman of her race at her age to get pregnant, so why would she even consider the possibility that she had morning sickness and not simply that she had eaten or drink something bad?

She had only known she was pregnant for a single day, just one day of joy and terror, followed by loss so immeasurable that she would never be able to escape its grasp. Most days she wished she had never known, ignorance, after all, was bliss…

The only reason she had found it was because she had gotten injured, a stray arrow to the shoulder, it had gotten past the defensive barrier that Tamerian had thrown up, one of the first arrow volleys the kobolds had fired. They had been hired by a small city to clear out a nest of the nasty creatures, seeing as they were preying on the rancher’s flocks, and a few people had turned up dead and stripped. As Alaina had healed the shoulder she had noticed something odd. The majority of her magic was not going towards Sarena’s shoulder, but rather to the area around her stomach…

Her womb.

The small life that had started to grow there had absorbed almost all of the healing spell, bolstering its small life force. Healing magic was indiscriminate like that when you cast it, it would heal anything it gets to first, and it recognized all forms of life, so when it had touched the weak little life in her it had worked right away to bolster it. That was how she had found out, Sarena had forced her to check, to make sure there was no mistake, and sure enough, she was pregnant.

And deep in a very very dangerous place…

She had talked to Hamin, had told him that he was the father, it could be no one else. Hamin was not the type of man she wanted to be forever tied to, it had been a drunk moment sort of thing, a way to relieve stress, nothing more, but it didn't change the facts. He had been the only man she had slept with in almost a year, meaning he was the only man that could be the father.

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Every child needed a father.

He had promised in that smooth suave tone of his, she had not truly believed any of it. But to his credit he had talked to Harland, convincing him to go back to town. Sarena knew he didn't tell Harland why, that would wait for when they got back to town, letting him know that the two of them would unfortunately not be traveling and adventuring anymore…

But they had never made it back to town, before they could they were ambushed, and Leah had died… Neither Harland or Alaina could ever forgive her for that after all Harland had lost his wife, and Alaina had lost her sister…

Sarena closed her eyes, the tears slipping out silently, her entire life had fallen apart in that single day, everything she had ever done all the feats she had ever accomplished was worth nothing compared to a child, a child that had been hers for a single day.

Only a day…

She breathed in deeply, forcing herself to push back the burning sensation that seemed to claw its way up her throat. She looked up at the clear sky through bleary eyes, her vision obscured by tears and blinked them away. She looked down at the sleeping Khatan, Rin was her own woman, Sarena knew this, and she also knew she was to conflict to make any clear decisions regarding her or anyone. She had made poor choose after poor choose since that day, and so she decided she would not choose.

It would be up to Rinmua to decide, Sarena was done choosing, if Rin wanted a more intimate relationship then Sarena would embrace it, if not…

Sarena poked the small fire with a stick, stirring the coals up before throwing on a few more sticks. After this she decided she also wanted to sleep, and walking over to the naked Khatan slid her over ever so slightly, practically laying on top of the prone form and snuggling in close, breathing in the comfortable scent of her fur, her face buried deep in the fur at the base of her neck, one leg over Rin’s and her arm around the Khatan’s waist, pulling her closer unconsciously.

She was out in seconds…

***

When I awoke it was with Sarena practically laying on top of me again…

Her face was pressed into my neck and as I rotated myself to look at her I saw that she had a contented smile on her lips. I looked at those lips and knew I wanted nothing more than to have them pressed against me, nothing more than to have her hold me like this for the rest of my life.

It was irrational, I knew, after all, I had only known her for a little longer than two days, but at that time we had been trapped together, the both of us worried that we wouldn't even survive to the next day, I knew her because I had seen her, there in the darkness, or at least that was what I told myself, whether or not it was an excuse I don't know… slowly I slid my paw up the taut muscles of her stomach, feeling the smooth dark skin under my fingers…

I was about to make a big mistake, one that I might regret, but something inside me gnawed at me, something deep inside, something dark and lonely. I didn't just want her sexually, though judging by the way my body was reacting that was a thing to, I wanted someone I could fully call mine, someone who was my equal. I didn't know how I knew it, but I knew it was a feeling that I had felt many times in the past. She didn't stir until I cupped her breast through the purple leather. When I squeezed slightly her amethyst eyes opened and she looked into my face. I felt sore everywhere, but that feeling seemed to vanish as a smile seemed to cause her lips to curl up ever so slightly, it was the first smile I had ever see reach her lips. Slowly I worked my paw under the edge of her corset and slid my hand up to the breast above. She didn't stop me until my other hand moved to unbuckle the fasteners that closed the front of her corset.

“I am glad you are an eager little kitten,” she smiled, leaning in, “But I am not the type of woman that wants to start rutting in the middle of nowhere on a bed of pine needles,” she grimaced playfully. “It sounds rather pokey,” she leaned in closer her forehead resting against my own. “So I am going to have to ask you to wait, good things are always worth waiting for, and I assure you, once we can get ourselves a proper bed I will show you how good it can get...”

She kissed me on the snout, right on the side, next to my mouth. “She will reluctantly wait,” I purred, rubbing my nose along her jawline. Khatan doesn't have lips like the more humanoid races, it makes kissing hard to do, so as a people we show affection other ways. I gave her a Khatan kiss, turning my head sideways I ran my nose along the bridge of hers and then touched our noses together purring extremely loudly. “Very reluctantly, and she would like you to know that she resents you thinking she ruts, she does not rut” I informed her, and from her lips, I heard the second most beautiful sound I would ever hear in my life for the first time.

I heard her laugh.