When facing death, one tends to philosophise, well as much as one can do when facing the endless chasm. Various unending questions pop up, seemingly innocuous, inevitably starting with prepositions such as what, who or seemingly more importantly why? Joe always wanted to know, and now, facing his death at the youngish age of 27, why? Why indeed, a well bred, some would say intelligent, even energetic fellow, was bleeding out in a hole beneath London, piss soaked trousers, which had seen better days even before the charity shops, now soaked with his life blood.
A wry smile attempted to break out on his face as, statistically speaking, he was within the correct parameters and expecting something different was wholly outside of study which was now his imminent death. He felt an odd sense of sadness that he wouldn’t be able to idly analyse the data of his death. He grunted. Pain or humour? Two sides of the same coin.
The strength leaked out of him in tandem with his now slowed blood, and he considered his path that led to this inauspicious end. His current homelessness, disabilities, addictions now felt so external they verged on the abstract. His face flickered when he thought of something else. His Ex, Julia, was she okay? So benign was the question yet, even in death, was of the utmost importance. He grunted again.
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He wondered what his father would think, or rather, say.
‘Pull your socks up Joseph’ or ‘Could be worse’. Don’t think so Dad, not this time. This time his chest did feel tighter, that was a pain he could not let go. He grunted, and shifted.
His mother, an old memory, her face seemingly backlit by the sun, smiling. A foreign memory, one of his long gone youth. A mother not just in name then. She had a home now, and Darius to visit her, not that she knew that. He grunted, and shifted for the last time, the only warmth left in his body at his back which lent against a rugged stone beneath the dust. As his head tipped forward, his eyes which were still wide open even facing death in the darkness, saw a faint glimmer to his rear. ‘Curious’ was his last thought as he truly tumbled into the ultimate darkness, the glimmer forgotten.