Joe awoke to a sensation of weakness. Trying to open his eyes he found them crusted shut with blood. Scraping away at the blood he blinked away the bloody dust and looked down at his body. He breathed deeply through his mouth, enjoying the sensation of his life bags swelling with that oh so sweet nectar. He remarked idly on how oxygen was truly a blessing, but also considered what it would take for humans to evolve without it. His brain was working again it seems.

He blew his nose onto the step, leaving a bloody mucus behind. ‘Bah, I have emitted worse’ he thought. Wiping his hands on his even filthier trousers he took to his feet. Now his nose was clear he could smell the now familiar noxious odour. ‘An upgrade it seems, if not…’ he trailed off in his thoughts, frowning. Climbing steps was a lot more dangerous than he had previously considered. ‘I could die here…’. With that sobering realisation, Joe ran his hands through his hair knotted with blood. ‘Perhaps I should train in this increased gravity, get my body used to it’. Nodding, he thought back on the exercises he knew from his rugby days, and something clicked. ‘Squats then, a compound exercise and it works in this narrow area’.

And so he did, Joe began squatting, up and down, legs straight and then down to just below 90 degrees to his shin. Up, down, up, down. He felt a bit daft, popping up and down like a yoyo in the gloom but who was there to witness him? Besides he could feel it working, his legs were warming up and sweat was beginning to gather on his brow, causing rivelets of clear skin to appear between the canyons of dried blood. Up, down, up, down.

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100 squats later and he stopped, his body had grown used to the action. No longer did it feel like a challenge to squat so he took to press ups. At first narrow standard press ups, yet it felt so easy, too easy. He changed to wide press ups, better but still too easy. He crossed his legs and went to narrow tricep presses. Finally he could feel a burn. ‘How fucking strong am I now?’

Before, he could only manage 20 or 30 press ups max. Now he could feel like he could go forever. His stamina seemed to recover even before anaerobic respiration kicked in. No lactic acid so no burn. He stopped his press ups and decided to try something he had always wished to do. Handstand push ups. He launched his legs in the air and found himself doing an impromptu forward flip where he landed inelegantly on his arse. ‘Ah right, stronger now’. He tried again, this time with restrained umph, and found that he could hold his legs in the air with ease. The issue was balance of course. Still, he persevered until he found that he could hold his legs in the air indefinitely. ‘Now time for a press up’. Down. Then up. Success! 10 more. 20 more. 50 more. 100!

Joe flipped back onto his feet and felt very pleased with himself. ‘Aha if the lads could see me now!’ He smugly stretched himself out and glowered at the next step’. “Onwards!”