Mark “Coop” Cooper

Location: Savannah City, New Savannah, United Commonwealth of Colonies

Carol floated around Argo and settled into a hover beside RADM Stillwater, LCDR Gold, and Aiko. The Twig had the same white bark-skin, brown cilia, and wiggling black wormy things inside her that Bob did. LT Wentworth and SSG Hightower reacted as normal human beings would to seeing an alien for the first time. They stopped walking forward toward the ET, their jaws dropped, and the SSG was a little less diplomatic when his face screwed up like he smelled something foul.

On the other hand, Coop and Mike had met a Twig before, so this was nothing new to them. “Hey, Carol,” Coop replied casually as he continued to walk forward. “I’m Coop and this is Mike. It’s nice to meet you.” He could have ended it there, but he kept going. “You look like another Twig I met, Bob. Do you know Bob? He looks like he could be your husband.”

The RADM’s jowls jiggled as he got worked up at Coop’s comment. Even Gold frowned, but Carol hadn’t been in their presence long enough to understand human behavior, so she took it as a legitimate question.

“I have met the one you call Bob, but we are not joined in a legal contract that awards us tax benefits. My species, Twigs as you affectionately refer to us based on our resemblance to some of your flora, do not have sexes like humans.”

“What now?” Coop found this much more interesting than whatever the RADM wanted to say.

“We are androgynous creatures, Sergeant Cooper. Each of us has the capability to produce spore-eggs, fertilize them, and release them to take root and grow.” Carol completed her explanation.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Coop asked, before the SSG grasped him on the shoulder with a not-so-subtle squeeze told him to shut the fuck up.

“Please forgive Sergeant Cooper. He is young and impetuous.” The RADM tried to sooth ruffled feathers, although Carol didn’t have feathers and she didn’t seem rustled in the slightest.

“No offense was taken. It was an insightful question of my species biology. Since this venture you have contracted with me concerns your own species biological functions it is relevant and should build trust between us.”

Coop savored the look on the RADM’s face when the Twig vindicated him, but he wasn’t sure there was ever going to be trust between him and a floating tree. Plus, the statement about this venture involving his biology had his oh shit-o-meter flashing warning signs. The only biological sampling Coop wanted to do was with a certain freshly promoted PO3.

Aiko was standing dutifully to the side of LCDR Gold. Her eyes weren’t immediately drawn to Carol, which meant she’d been working with the ET for a bit, but she didn’t shift her attention to meet Coop’s gaze.

Coop felt slightly hurt by that. They’d smuggled tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of contraband goods, they’d boned like jacked up bunnies on speed, and finished off the trifecta by killing a raging asshole. In both of their defenses that had been self-defense, but while the UCMJ tribunal found them innocent of all charges, their bosses had decreed that they didn’t see each other again. It wasn’t as much a decree as it was sending her ship off to almost get blown apart by the Windsors and Blockies, while Coop went toe-to-toe with giant mechs. To him it was basically the same thing, and now that he got to set eyes on her again it was half-chub at first sight.

“It is always good to exchange information regarding our continued partnership.” LCDR Gold stepped into the role of diplomat between the floundering RADM, Carol, and everyone else. “We will have plenty of time to continue informational exchanges over the coming weeks, but we should brief the sergeants and Lieutenant Wentworth about our mission.” Ben gave the LT a smile, and Coop was confident the rumors about them boning were true.

“Yes,” the RADM coughed into his fist and straightened his CMUs that were straining against his waist. “Take it away Lieutenant Commander.”

“Yes, Sir.” Ben pulled his PAD from his pocket as he stepped forward and hit some buttons. Several holos sprang to life behind him. “As you are all aware, the arrival of Bob and Carol as trading partners with the Commonwealth has created new opportunities and paradigm shifts between major starfaring nations and the art of war itself.”

Coop couldn’t stop from nodding. He’d seen those paradigm shifts up front, and one had nearly shish kabobed him with a meter-thick, nano-blade broadsword. He was still riding the high of being promoted to SGT with an E5’s pay increase, but that was quickly wearing off the more Ben talked.

“While the full impact of the trade agreement between Bob and the Commonwealth hasn’t been actualized yet, military and civilian leaders at the highest levels have decided that we can’t wait for the audit to be completed before we start moving forward. We are going to need people trained and proficient in the new technology when the time comes, along with having operational experience.” Ben flicked his finger and one of the holos floated forward so everyone could focus on it. “Discretionary funds have been made available to purchase technology and to integrate that into our table of organization and equipment on a small scale.”

Coop hadn’t paid attention to it yet, but there were a lot of people scrabbling across Argo’s hull. The sound of heavy machinery at work was being muted by technology, but it was clear the gunboat was undergoing some serious updates.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Argo is being outfitted to be a concept of theory for future fleet-wide deployment of the technology. She is being equipped with her own gluon power plant which will give us shield capabilities and the ability to Portal. The new power source is also being wired into the existing weaponry, so we can increase the punch Argo can dish out, plus we’re adding a new trick or two up her sleeves.” Ben should have been grinning at being given such an opportunity, but he wasn’t.

“Are you still in command of Argo, Sir? You saved my ass on New Lancashire, so I hope I get to sail with you again.” Coop threw his support behind the LCDR, and judging by the look on the RADM’s face it was the wrong thing to do.

Coop shrugged. Ben was still his get out of jail free card if things went tits up at some point. Coop glanced over to Aiko. She was looking at him this time. Their eyes met for a brief second. In that time she winked at him before turning her attention back to Ben. Coop couldn’t stop from grinning as he focused on the RADM.

“Lieutenant Commander Gold is still in command until a suitable replacement is found. He will undergo training with you so he is proficient, but it is unlikely you will deploy with him in command of Argo.” The RADM looked a little smug in his explanation, so Coop just had to ask the follow-up question.

“Why?” The RADM seemed a little stunned at being asked to explain by a SGT, but Ben smiled a bit, and Aiko did too.

“We’ll have that discussion off line, Sergeant.” LT Wentworth stepped in and onto the throat of his question, while the RADM waved for Ben to get back on track.

“As you might remember, the entire fleet underwent a complete physical and psychological examination over the past several months. The purpose of that examination was to collect data and identify certain markers. Carol has been analyzing the prevalence of those markers and identifying qualified individuals.”

Coop’s oh shit-o-meter had been pinging earlier but now it was blaring in his face and warning him to get out now.

The dominant holo switched to show some charts and graphs that Coop didn’t want or need to understand, and Carol filled in the rest. “A detailed analysis of a segment of the human species has been conducted for your compatibility with the Splitstreaming process. So far, the process has only covered members of your military forces, and I cannot say for certain if those results will hold true across the rest of your species, but the information we have gleaned is less than optimal. Of the humans catalogued, less than five percent have the genetic markers and psychological resilience necessary to endure the Splitstreaming procedure, but everyone here meets the criteria.”

Coop didn’t listen to the rest. His stomach dropped out his asshole and he felt like someone dropped a bucket of ice cold water on his head. He’d had a recurring dream since learning about Splitstreaming. He imagined one of those robo-chefs had him tied down to a wooden chopping block. The machine’s six arms had various blades rotating and whirling as they quickly went to work on chopping him up into small bits. He’d scream, beg, and try to fight back but it was all worthless. The worst part was when the robo-chef started to reassemble him. The machines nimble digits took the little Coop-cubes and reassembled them together. In each dream he ended up some nightmarish, Frankenstein creation. The worst one was when the robo-chef had replaced his nose with his dick. It gave a whole new meaning to the term face-fucking, and Coop woke up in a cold sweat and screaming about a face full of asshole. The cute nurse he’d been trying to score with in the recovery ward had switched shifts the next day.

“…lucky ones.” Ben was talking again, but Coop didn’t tune back in until he heard the bullshit.

“What?” He asked, sounding about as stupid as most people thought he was.

“I said, Sergeant, that the spacers and infantry that have tested positive for the SS-Gene are the lucky ones. They are now indispensable to the armed forces. As such, you are being awarded bonuses, and will be among the first soldiers to receive updated equipment. Are budget isn’t unlimited, but for our team, we’ve got an awful lot to work with. Whatever you need, you’ll get.”

“What if I want out of this chickenshit outfit,” Coop mumbled.

Ben either heard the comment and chose to ignored it, or he didn’t; either way he moved on. “The Splitstream Rapid Response Teams (SRRT) are being organized as ten-person units. Each will be stationed on a gunboat, and two of the ten will be spacers. Those spacers will be cross trained on all departments, and with the help of an upgraded Semi-Intelligent Ship’s Interface they will be able to maintain and fight the ship with only twenty percent of its prior MTOE. For Argo, those personnel are myself and PO3 Lee.” Aiko stepped forward when Ben said her name and gave the gathered soldiers a nod.

“We’ll keep the ship flying and fighting so you can do your ground-pounder stuff.” She kept it short and sweet, but Coop wanted to do something long and dirty with her.

Coop did the math. “Who are the other four team members?”

“The Rest of SRRT-Two will be arriving on plant in the next thirty-six hours.” The RADM took back control of the conversation. “You are dismissed until then, but everything you’ve heard and seen is highly classified, and if you break operational security you will be executed.” The matter-of-fact way the RADM said the punishment was believable enough for Coop.

Coop just hoped he didn’t end up with certain appendages in the wrong place. That would seriously interfere with his love life.

Speaking of that, as the briefing broke up, he walked over to Aiko who was standing next to the gunboat with her arms crossed. “So,” he crossed his arms and leaned casually against the hull, “how’ve you been?” He had to lean in closer due to all the yelling going back and forth between the refit crew.

“I’ll be better in five seconds.” Aiko grinned with the mischievous twinkle in her dark brown eyes.

“Wha…” Coop didn’t get a chance to finish as some sort of electrical current went through the scales on Argo’s hull and straight into him. The shock knocked him off the hull and onto his ass.

Coop shook his head to clear the spots in his vision, felt a weird tingling sensation in his nuts, and smelled burned hair.

“That’s just what I needed.” Aiko was standing over him and laughing, but extended a hand. “We should get a drink tonight.”

“A drink and…” Coop wiggled his eyebrows.

“We’ll see where the night takes us.” She gave him a slap on the ass as the LT and SSG called for him to stop lollygagging and move. The soldiers had other things to do today to prepare for the other half of the team’s arrival.

Coop just hoped the new guys weren’t a bunch of tools, or worse yet; they’d try to make a move on Aiko. Coop’s ego wouldn’t let him think anything less as he followed his superiors out of the underground hanger and back to the surface of New Savannah.