Dinner was the same monotonous event it always was. White people, I've learnt, really don't talk much during meals- or maybe they do and this "family" is more broken than I thought…

It was silent save for the quiet clinking and scraping of silverware against plates, and we all sat in our usual places, Claire and Martin sat next to each other, Claire sitting across from her daughter while Martin sat across from me. Lily, of course, sat next to me on my left, sitting so close we were basically sharing a chair.

"So," Martin spoke, clearing his throat and scratching at his blonde stubble, "Anything interesting happen at school today, girls?”

“No. Nothing.” Lily spoke flatly, twirling some pasta around her fork.

“Well, what classes did you two have?” Claire asked after a long pause. Lily and I were in all of the same classes- despite me potentially benefiting from being in a lower set- it was one of the first things Lily’s parents made sure to have put in place when we moved up to secondary school. We had to miss a whole month of year 7 because of all the legal court shit we had to go through, both Vanessa’s trial and my adoption. We sit next to each other too, of course.

“Science first, then geography, maths, English and P.E last. Riveting shit.” I answered with about as much enthusiasm as Lily had, stabbing my fork into my meal and slipping Lily my extra slice of garlic bread without thought when I noticed her eyeing it, smiling slightly at the sight of her face lighting up over such a simple action, happily munching down on the roll.

More silence.

I ate about half of the carbonara on my plate, then, like clockwork, stood up with my plate, walked into the kitchen, took a clear Tupperware container out of the cabinet, placing it on the granite-finish counter and scraping the rest of my food into the small plastic tub, making sure to get every single particle of sauce, cheese, bacon, seasoning and pasta, not leaving behind a single scrap.

My movements were practically robotic, snapping the lid onto the tub and heading straight to our room, opening one of my dresser drawers and hiding the half-eaten pasta under some of my clothes, tossing last week’s meal into the bin on my way back to the table.

I felt their stares before I saw them. Lily’s parents looked between each other and me as I sat back down, my hand instinctively finding Lily’s.

Claire sighed, and hesitantly spoke, already bracing for some kind of argument. “Emily, Sweetheart… We’ve had this conversation before…”

“We’ve had a lot of conversations over and over on loop, Claire.” I bit back, sarcastically “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“The hiding food, Emily.” She replied softly, glancing over at Lily for a moment before her dark blue eyes returned to me. “We just want to understand-”

“-Understand what?” I interrupted, my voice already raising, “understand why I still feel the need to stash food like a paranoid fucking squirrel? Well, I don’t know, okay? Just drop it!”

“Emily-” Martin began, but I interrupted.

“Don’t, Martin. I’m not in the mood. Neither one of you have room to question me right now.”

Claire’s face flushed slightly. “We’re just trying to help you, but this isn’t the way.”

“Help?” I snapped. “Help would’ve been telling us the truth about Vanessa! You think this—” I gestured angrily at the empty plate in front of me, “—this is the issue?”

“What are you talking about?” Claire asked, her voice trembling slightly.

“Oh, don’t play dumb!” I shot back. “I overheard you two talking last night. Vanessa’s out. You didn’t think to tell us? You let us find out on our own, like we’re just supposed to sit here and pretend everything’s fine?”

Claire and Martin exchanged a look of panic, their eyes wide and expressions defensive.

“You know about that?”

“Yeah, caught you two talking about it last night.” I folded my arms.

“Emily, I’m sorry, we thought you were asleep-”

Claire started, then Martin jumped in to finish, “We didn’t want to worry you.”

“Didn’t want to worry us?” I echoed, “Is that supposed to be some kind of excuse? You think we’re too fragile to handle the truth? Newsflash: we’ve been through hell. We can handle the truth. What we can’t handle is being kept in the dark!”

“Emily, you don’t understand—” Claire began.

“I understand perfectly,” I cut her off, “It’s not about what we can handle. It’s about respect. It’s about you thinking you have the right to keep us ignorant while you shield yourselves. But guess what? It’s not just me who’s been through this, she” I pointed to lily, “has too. And the only reason your precious little daughter isn’t as fucked up and scarred as I am is because I took the pain that was meant for her, so you’re fucking welcome for that!”

I regretted the words as soon as I said them, and it only grew as I saw Lily shrink back in her chair with a look of guilt staining her otherwise light, innocent features, out of the corner of my eye. God, I’m such an awful friend!

I didn’t say anything, however, I was a bit busy. My attention really didn’t stray from the adults for long.

“Emily! You don’t mean that!” Claire exclaimed, a hint of desperation in her voice. “We love both of you. We’re trying to protect you.”

“Protect us?” I laughed bitterly. “You think this is protection? Keeping us in the dark, pretending like everything is fine when it’s not? You’re just making it worse!”

“Emily, please,” Martin interjected, his voice softer, trying to calm the situation. “We didn’t mean to hurt you. We thought we were doing the right thing.”

“Well, you thought wrong!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the dining room. “We deserve to know the truth. We deserve to be treated like human beings, not fragile little dolls you can just hide things from!”

That’s when it happened.

Crash! The lamp left my hands, falling to the ground, the lightbulb shattering into thousands of tiny pieces that went flying in every direction, skidding to a stop at my feet.

Everyone froze. Claire and Martin were staring at me, wide-eyed, mouths agape. My breathing was slow and shallow. I didn’t say anything, I just stared right back, listening to the sound of my own breathing for a while, before looking down at my trembling fists, then back up at Lily, who’s eyes, full of genuine concern, searched mine.

“Emily!” Claire and Martin exclaimed in unison, Martin already standing, most likely to grab a dustpan and brush for the shattered glass, but I didn't stay to hear what they had to say.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

My eyes remained fixed into narrow slits as I looked over all three of them one at a time once more, fists still clenched and trembling at my side, before I turned around and stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me with enough force to make the photos on the wall shake slightly.

I stood there for a solid two and a half minutes, my back pressed flat to the closed door, shaking.

It didn't last long.

The second I could actually feel my emotions again, I exploded.

Everything within reach became a projectile, aimed squarely at the door or a wall or whatever the fuck else I looked at for more than a second.

After a little while, I heard the door open and Lily's quiet footsteps shuffling into the room. I didn't stop- I had no reason too- she's seen me in this state far more times than I'd care to admit- they all had. She quietly made her way over to her bed, sitting down cross-legged on the foot of it, watching me, her mouth turned down slightly in the corners and her head tilted to the side.

She sat there silently while I continued to have what I can only describe as a tornado level of destruction- if a tornado was only as strong and big as a sixteen-year-old girl- instead of tearing houses down or pulling trees out the ground, I was ripping books, throwing clutter and flipping any furniture that I could over- turning our shared room into an absolute wreck…

Eventually, however, I did calm myself down, collapsing onto my bed, face-first into my pillow, taking slow, deep breaths, my chest rising and falling visibly with each one.

My breaths warmed the pillow and I layed there, not moving an inch until I was completely calm.

“Finished throwing a tantrum now?” Lily's voice piped up, deliberately calm yet with a certain lilt in her words.

I let out a tired groan in response and lifted my head to meet her blue gaze.

I saw her visibly suppress a smirk, folding her arms, looking me up and down. “So, I guess all of this time, you've just seen me as a burden then, huh?”

“You know I didn't mean it, Lils.” I groaned again.

She giggled quietly, “yeah, maybe… But still, that was pretty out-of-pocket, even for you. Her voice and eyes softened with the last part of her sentence, “are you sure you're okay?”

I pushed myself up so I was sat-up, facing her, crossing my legs in the same manner she had. “That's probably the seventh or eighth time you've asked me that since we got out of therapy, Kid.” I chuckled.

“Well can you blame me? You're literally the only thing I can think about right now…” She had started off with a smile, but it faltered as she finished, sighing and running her fingers through her straight light blonde locks, combing out any small tangles from the day.

“Yeah, same here,” I replied, looking around the room to assess the damage, wincing at the mess- it looked like we had let a feral badger or something in here. “-I'll… uh, clean that up…”

She just nodded, parting her hair down the middle and starting to braid each side.

I started picking things up in silence, tossing anything that couldn’t be salvaged, and neatening up the rest.

Lily started getting ready for bed so when she asked, I made sure to keep my back to her while she changed, but other than that, no words were spoken between us.

“I’m sorry, Lily. Genuinely- I shouldn’t have said that…” I finally spoke, my voice catching at the mere thought of my own words.

Lily isn’t like me, she doesn’t show her anger- she doesn’t let people know that they get to her- but that didn’t mean I didn’t hurt her. I care about her way too much to ever let her think that I don’t care that she’s hurting.

“It’s fine, Em, I’m not bothered, you were mad; besides, it’s not like what you said wasn’t 150% true anyway.”

“No, it’s not fine! I shouldn’t of said that, I feel awful- I just-” I cut myself off with a sigh, collapsing back onto my bed, staring down at my hands, “There’s something… wrong with me… Something broken.”

Lily came over, sitting beside me and wrapping her arm over my shoulders as she gave me a gentle squeeze. I caught a glimpse of that one scar she has that went from the inside of her upper arm all the way down, stopping just short of the centre of her palm.

I still remembered the day she got that one- one of those awful days that I failed to protect Lily from her.

My stomach churned at the memory, and I looked away.

“I'm so sorry, Kid.” I repeated, my voice breaking somewhat.

“I know, Em,” She said softly, “I know.”

We sat there, arms wrapped around each other, my head resting on her shoulder for what felt like hours, listening to each other breathing. When we eventually did decide to call it a night, I did the walk of shame out of the bedroom to the bathroom across the house, luckily not running into Claire or Martin.

I quickly brushed my teeth and got into bed without changing- unless I'm wearing something uncomfortable like jeans, it's so much easier and more natural to me to just sleep in my clothes from that day.

I crawled into bed, and Lily joined me, snuggling up under the covers and resting her head underneath my chin. I held her protectively, drawing circles into her back with my fingers.

“Em?” Lily said quietly, moving her head back to meet my eyes.

“Yeah, Kid?”

“Promise me you'll never leave me, no matter what.”

I smiled at this- I didn't deserve someone like Lily in my life, yet here she was, and I'd do absolutely anything for her.

“I promise, Kid,” I said softly, holding her close, feeling her heart beating against mine, and watching her eyes flutter shut, her face buried in my neck, “I'll never leave you.”

----------------□----------------

The smell of wet pavement filled my nose as I walked through the neighbourhood, pulling my hood further over my face with one hand to try keep myself dry as the light rain fell from above, dark clouds blocking the view of the moon, while the other held a small, concealed pocket knife in my pocket for safety.

I sneak out like this almost every single night.

I know I had just told Lily that I’d always be there for her- and I will- but what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, and sometimes, I just needed an escape- I never really liked leaving her, but I knew she was safe at home.

I didn’t have a destination or route in mind, I was just following my feet wherever they took me. My sense of direction was absolutely shit, but over the years I’d managed to memorise most of this side of the city.

I passed by a shoddy looking corner-shop, casting a glare at a man who walked by with his large, out-of-control lab retriever who was running beside him, off-leash, jumping up and barking at everyone and anything it sees, including me. I flinched instinctively.

I hate dogs, always have, always will.

All thanks to her, naturally.

I ran my hand over my wrist as I kept a close eye on the man completely failing at controlling his animal- just in case- feeling the small bumps in hundreds of messy circles that will forever be etched into my skin like an unwanted tattoo, all because of the beasts most people call house pets.

The dog came bounding over to me, tail wagging and barking, causing my breath to catch and eyes to widen, jumping back.

“That thing should be on a leash!” I yelled as the owner quickly caught up, grabbing it by the collar and gently pulling it away from me with a brief but ultimately shallow and meaningless.

Some people.

I rolled my eyes, fighting the urge to flip him off, and continued walking, trying to shake off the encounter.

The light rain started to clear, so I pulled down my hood, freeing my messy locks that had frizzed up from a mixture of my hood and the rain.

The night-time was always so peaceful; no pain, no stress, no people, no fear, just me and my thoughts.

In my haze, I collided into someone, falling to the ground, skidding against the asphalt.

I heard a dog bark and growl at me, and the owner offered me her hand to help me up, which I stupidly took. Great. Another fucking dog! -At least this one is on a leash.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?” The woman spoke, and I froze instantly, unable to even look at her, breath catching in my throat, heart pounding louder and faster than any drum in my ears, "Don't mind Rex, he's harmless.”

I would recognise that name anywhere- I would recognise that voice anywhere.

No…

Her rushed out polite apologies stopped mid-sentence as she recognised me, a sickeningly familiar laugh filling the empty night air. "Well, I'll be fucking damned." She purred, those piercing green eyes sparkling as she looked down at me, making me feel like a scared little kid all over again.

Rex, the pit bull, barked and barked and barked, his dark chestnut tail wagging back and forth, as he leaned into his mistress who gave him a loving pat on the head.

"Look who it is, Rex,” Vanessa chuckled, “Hey there, Kitten. Did you miss me?"