Danny felt utterly lost in his own misgivings. No matter how cool-headed he normally was, he was still young. He was only in his early twenties and could not avoid feeling apprehension, hatred, and unwillingness towards the situation.
The monster was the main cause of his misfortune. He struggled for so long to escape its grasp and now it wanted to sit down a play nice, as if nothing had happened? As if it hadn’t tormented him his whole life?
How could he accept that easily? He could not!
He was loath to lower his head and hear what it had to say, no matter how much he felt he should. No matter how much his instincts told him that he should take the creature’s offer seriously.
His whole life, he searched for a way to change his fate. To take back control of his own life and to rid himself from this curse. But no matter how hard he looked, he never got even close to finding a solution to his plight.
…until now.
No matter how much he hated it, Danny knew that the creature’s offer represented an opportunity. Regardless of its origin, this deal was the first real chance he had in his whole life to take back some control over his fate and bring some semblance of order and normalcy to his life.
…and yet, he was reluctant to accept it.
This was not about the creature’s reliability. That was not what was holding him back. No, he simply felt the idea of accepting anything from the monster to be repulsive. The opportunity he searched for so long was right in front of him but he could not help but be against it.
It was the first day in years that Danny left his house without his agenda. He didn’t even realize it was missing until noon came. Normally, the absence of the personal object would have bothered him, but he felt it made no difference today.
What was the point?
He was completely out of his depth. He had no control over the situation and sticking to his organized schedule was meaningless. He had limited time to make his mind about this supposed deal, and a lot of things to consider. Everything else… was of no importance.
“Hey there!” Danny was in the cafeteria munching something he grabbed as he passed by, without really paying any attention to anything else other than his musings, when he was startled out of his mind Janice’s voice and the sound of a plastic platter colliding with the metal table he was sitting at.
“What got you so distracted today, Danny? Mind if I join you?” Janice asked while grinning mischievously, as if pleased to have startled him.
Danny only took one second to recompose himself and realize what she was talking about before nodding his head. Janice took no time after his acquiescence and sat down with a plop, before she started chowing down her sandwich.
“No Jane today?” Danny asked when he realized the other half of Janice was missing. It was rare to see them apart from each other. There were only the two of them there.
“Nope. She has her own thing to do during the lunch break. We are not glued together, you know?” Janice said in a sarcastic tone, as if knowing what he had been thinking.
“Are you sure about that?” He asked, jokingly checking her sides for signs of glue.
“Screw you!” She laughed back with a mouth full of bread.
‘I’ve been thinking for so long about my problems without reaching any kind of conclusion. Spending some time without thinking about it might be a good idea too. Just to clear my mind.’ He thought, glad about Janice’s interruption.
They sat there together for a few minutes talking about random stuff until both of them finished their respective meals.
“So… what’s on your mind? You have been zoning out the whole day. Talking about it with someone might help, you know?” Janice asked before Danny could find a chance to excuse himself.
He was about to deflect the question as he usually did when asked about any personal matters of relevance when he stopped himself. ‘Is it such a bad idea to ask for her input? I’ve been thinking about it non-stop ever since last night without making any real progress... maybe an outsider’s opinion might actually be a good idea?” He looked up at the ceiling and sighed, before making his mind about talking about it with Janice.
“I… have indeed been troubled by something. It just so happens that I have a decision to make, and I am struggling about what I should do.” When Danny lowered his gaze again, he found a stupefied-looking Janice staring at him, as if he had grown two heads.
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“What?” He asked, not sure why she was staring at him that way.
“No-nothing, it’s just… I didn’t expect an honest response from you, really. You are always so evasive about your own things, I just kinda thought you were going to dodge the question as always.”
“Well, if you don’t feel like talking about it, just forget-"
“NO! I mean… no, I am actually really glad to help, no need to run away little Dan. Come on, pour your heart out to Mama Janice!” Before Danny could change his mind, Janice interrupted him and thumped her chest in a confident manner.
“You might not know, but I am really good at giving advice, so come, come, spill out everything, tell me what ails you!” Janice said without missing a bit, with curiosity shinning in her eyes while sagely gesturing with her hands.
“Okay…” Danny raised his eyebrow, not really sure he made the right choice, but he felt he might as well not look a gift horse in the mouth.
“You see, I had this… problem for a very long time now. For as long as I can remember, I have searched high and low for a solution to it. At times, it felt like an unsurmountable task, something I would never be able to get through and that I should just give up… though I never did.” He said and paused, trying to find the right words before continuing.
“It just so happens that, yesterday, a possible solution to my problem presented itself. It was kind of anticlimactic really, it came without any effort on my part…”
“Well, that’s great, isn’t it?”
“Problem is: it came from a source I am really unwilling to accept. The… ‘person’ that suggested it is someone I really can’t see myself working with. Someone I really despise… and I… I don’t know… I guess I feel like, by accepting it I would be somehow agreeing or consenting with some of the things this person did in the past, you know?”
“Hmm…” Janice crossed her arms and closed her eyes concentrating on the matter. Gone was her playful demeanor, replaced by a much more serious expression. “I do have an opinion about it, but you might not like to hear it.” Janice opened her eyes and stared at Danny’s own.
“Please tell me. I promise not to hold against you no matter what you say.” He assured her, and was inwardly grateful for the seriousness with which she treated the issue.
“Okay, then. I feel like you are being too prideful.”
“Prideful?” Danny widened his eyes, not at all expecting this.
“Yes. You said it so yourself, you have been searching for a solution to your problem for a very long time, right?”
“That’s right.”
“So, shouldn’t you be celebrating right now? Does it really matter where the solution came from? If that’s something that is really important to you, you should grasp the chance with both hands.” Janice said while grabbing the air with fervor to illustrate her point.
“I know it is hard to put our own pride down sometimes, we feel reluctant in the face of what we feel it’s an injustice after all. However, while people should live with pride and stand by their choices and values, we should also know when to lower our head and give in to achieve our goals.” She crossed her arms and shook her head.
“If we let our own pride get in the way of achieving our objectives, in the way of our own improvement, that’s not having pride in yourself, that’s being petty.” Janice shook her head while smiling sadly, as if to indicate she knew all too well the difficulty of doing so.
Seeing and hearing Janice speak like that, it was as if a thunder clap of thunder suddenly echoed inside his head and the clouds of hatred that obscured his thoughts parted ways and revealed the clear skies that were always there… just temporarily hidden.
“Besides…” Seeing Danny did not refute her, Janice continued. “Someone once told me that the only power people have over you is the power you give them. The issue shouldn’t be about this person at all. It should be about yourself and your goals.”
“You should ask yourself: what do you really want? To deny this person? Or to find a solution? Then you should have your answer.” Janice nodded after finishing her piece, and looked at Danny while waiting for him to digest what she just said.
‘She’s… right. That’s right. Why does it matter if the monster is the one who offered me this way out? Why does it matter if it is the reason behind my suffering? If I really wish to change my fate and take back control of my life, all that matters is whether or not I am willing to take this chance… everything else can be sorted out later.’ He thought with a gleam of understanding shining through his eyes.
Danny looked down to his own hands and then to his backpack where he kept his mother’s memento and remembered the promise he once made her.
“Promise me you will never give up. No matter what, I will always be with you my dear boy.” His mother had spoken with difficulty, with tears in her eyes and an oxygen mask on her face.
“Mom, I don’t want you to leave me. I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go…” A snot-nosed and tear dripping young Danny held his mother’s hands, afraid of the future and afraid of being alone.
“Son…” His mother struggled to speak. The cancer had left her so feeble that every breath was a chore. “I won’t lie. It’s is going to be harder for you from now on. I can’t go on anymore, but I will always, always be watching over you.” She paused to gather more strength to speak, her breathing erratic and fast-paced.
“But no matter what, you must keep going and never give up. Always remember this, even if you don’t understand it right now. Someday you will find something for yourself, something good, something incredible, and then, once you find it, all this pain will be worth it. Mommy is sure of it. So promise me, promise to keep on going and never give up.”
Danny remembered her red-eyed stare. He knew every word that came was a torment to her, but that gaze was resolute and unflinching. It contained all the conviction and love of a mother toward her son, a faith so big it could move mountains. Facing such tremendous belief, he did the only thing he could.
“I promise.”
That day he lost his only family in the world. He did not know if his father was out there still, but it didn’t matter. Danny had no ill feelings towards his father, but he also held no affection either. The day his father walked away was the day he lost the right to be part of Danny’s family.
“Thank you, Janice. You truly helped me”. He thanked her with a sincere smile before excusing himself. She just smiled and waved him away as if it was nothing to be thankful about.
Then, he got up and turned away from the table with newfound determination. He might have left out the ominous words the monster spoke about the future, but what Janice said gave him the courage to face the odds no matter what.
He had made his mind. All for a chance at a new life.