Laughter is a curious thing with many faces. It reflects its master’s personality. I hate those that laugh without purity of soul and mind. I hate those that would pervert laughter into ridicule, derision, and hate. I’ll kill those fucking clowns—again!

~Arawn, God of the Dead

Slayer of Clowns

Crow didn’t have guard duty the previous night, so he woke relaxed. Thankfully, Mara had already left, but her bedroll and scent were still present. He gave her sleeping place a complicated look and didn’t know what to do about her. It wouldn’t be wrong to say she was confusing, and he didn’t understand women at all.

“Get up,” Lonny called from outside the tent, and Crow quickly dressed.

After stepping outside, he saw only Lonny was present.

“Where?”

“Out in the valley cultivating,” Lonny explained. “Eat while I talk. I let you sleep in, but in the future, the person who does not have guard duty at night will guard the other three while they cultivate. We changed plans. We’ll all help with the chores around camp, and at night we’ll take turns making dinner. During the day, we hunt as a team.”

“What happened?” Crow asked, curious about the change.

“Ryan brought up the point that you are the only one with any knowledge of this area and probably the beasts. He didn’t feel it was safe to split the group like we’d planned.”

“Got it.”

“I’m assuming you know places to set the traps today?”

“Yes, and I’ll show all of you. Someone will need to check the traps. Also, remind the others that they are not to wander off alone. There are quite a few pack beasts, like Ice Wolves.”

“Good. Want to scout the valley while you guard us?”

“Hmm, okay. Remain vigilant.”

“You and Mara, is there something I should know?”

“No!” Crow’s face turned bright red. “I… she… we—nothing happened.”

Lonny grinned. “I know, was just messing with you. Her tough act is a shield. I’ve known her for a long time, and if you are nice to her, she really might murder an entire nation to save you. You break her trust, and you’ll never get it back.”

“I know.”

“As long as you know. Interestingly, she chose you,” Lonny said cryptically as he walked off into the valley. Crow spent his time guarding them while practicing his abilities and techniques. Using his Ghost Steps, he skirted the valley several times without disturbing them. His steps touched so lightly that he didn’t even stir up any dust or leave behind any footprints.

He took his time to inspect every nook and cranny, looking for any hidden dangers, and other than a few minor snakes—not beasts—there wasn’t anything noteworthy. He saved the waterfall and lake for last as he’d lose visual line of sight on the others.

If his steps made any sound, the water crashing down from on high hid them. It was the cave behind the waterfall that intrigued him most about this place. The book stated that there were some emergency goods stashed in there. Nothing he cared about, but he was still curious.

Staying within the tree line, he circled the lake, looking for any footprints, and found nothing. Almost no beasts at all. Overall quiet. No sense of danger—it was almost too good to be true. It occurred to him they might not be alone.

In the surrounding mountains, an old man watched Crow move about and pause at the lake for a very long time.

“Little brat, too observant by far,” an old man sighed. The hooded red robe he wore obscured his face.

Stolen novel; please report.

Crow did not know that he was being watched, but he noticed the pinkish tint in the waterfall’s froth. It was a sight easily ignored, except Crow was already on high alert and felt sure something died inside the cave. And recently. Either way, it convinced him that that bit of pink froth was the only evidence he’d find.

Scanning the tops of the massive rocks that surrounded the valley, he considered options. It left him uneasy, but he still didn’t feel any danger. Rather than worry everyone, he kept quiet—

“What’re doing?” Mara shouted from right beside him.

“Damn your mother!” Crow called out instinctively. Focused intently on the distant peaks, he had paid no attention to his surroundings, and Mara got the jump on him.

“Is that how you talk to this mommy?”

“If you’re my mommy, then I’m your daddy!”

Mara let out a bellowing laugh that had hints of her rich, smoky voice.

Crow found her laugh pleasant. It was the first time he’d heard her actually laugh. He laughed with her, which turned into a scream as he went flying. Before he could do anything more than that, he plunged into the cold depths of the lake.

He swam up, sputtering. “This daddy is going to spank you for that, little lass.”

“Oh, still with the daddy, is it? The lake plunge didn’t cure you? Good. Good.” Crow felt a shiver down his spine at her domineering words and stopped moving toward the shore, choosing to stay in the water. “You coming out?”

“Nope, it’s such a nice day for a swim. Your daddy is going to relax in this oversized bath. You should go get this old man some food.”

Mara’s jaw hit the ground. It was her turn to be so stunned that she didn’t know what to say. Ryan and Lonny had already come over after hearing the shout and watched the two bicker. Neither of them was sure what to make of it.

“What is happening right now?” Ryan whispered to Lonny.

“Crow is flipping the script. Giving her a taste of her own medicine.” Lonny had an enormous grin on his face. Ryan, who’d known Lonny for a long time, found it surprising. “Wait for it.”

“For what?”

“Mara doesn’t give up that easily.”

“Fine,” Mara snorted. “Daddy wants to take a bath—?”

“Yes, good,” Crow laughed. “You know who your daddy is.”

“You are looking to die,” Mara said growled and stamped her foot. Suddenly, she smiled sweetly and starting taking off her clothes.

“Uh, do we look? Not look? Oh gods, what’s happening?” Ryan muttered nervously.

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t look.” Lonny’s face had a slight tinge of red to it, and he turned around. “Damn, she’s too fierce.”

“W-what are you doing?” Crow asked.

“Mommy needs to bathe too. I’ll join you.”

“W-wait… this isn’t good. Right? If you take off anything else, I’ll see—”

“You pervert, you want to see this mommy naked, keep dreaming. I’m going to drown you for that.” Mara dove into the water, still in her underclothes, and the water made it more alluring. Crow stood there thunderstruck and too inexperienced to look away—staring like a dead fish. It was too late by the time her hand wrapped around the back of his neck and slammed him underwater. “You want to call yourself my daddy? What gives you that right?”

Crow struggled and grabbed onto her, trying to get his head out of the water. He didn’t quite understand why, but she loosened her grip. Pulling himself up and spitting out water, he finally realized his hands were gripping something warm and soft. Both of them were staring at his hands on her breasts, and Crow casually released them as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Pu!

Crow gasped and felt his stomach tighten and the stirrings of an arousal. As suave as he thought he was, the two boys hiding in the trees only stared in horror.

“You dared touch this mommy’s body?” Mara asked coldly.

“Mommy?” Crow said piteously as he stood shivering in the water. The turnaround was so fast that Mara stopped.

“Alright, this lady won’t punish a dirty old man like you too hard. You just need to towel me off.”

“What the hell? Do you have no shame?”

“Hmmph, if you want to be this mommy’s daddy, then be a man. Towel me off…” Mara saw Crow’s eyes locked below her chin and looked down. Her white undergarment wasn’t hiding anything.

“Yes, you are right, I must be the man. This daddy will do—”

Smack!

Crow, too distracted to see the red face or the steam coming off her head, kept nodding his head foolishly. He only came around when the slap knocked him out of the water and tumbled him across the shore. Absently rubbing his face, he smiled as he stood up.

“This daddy thanks you for allowing me to win!” Before she could respond, he used Ghost Steps and disappeared practically in front of all their eyes.

Crow surprised everyone with his movement technique, and Lonny had enough rationality to grab Ryan and leave before Mara noticed them. By the time everyone arrived back at camp, Crow was already hanging up his wet clothes.

“You little cheat,” Mara laughed as if nothing happened. Crow saw a shine in her eyes before she entered their supply tent. Her wet undergarments flew out shortly after, and all three boys gulped.

“Is she always like this?” Crow whispered to Lonny.

“This is a first. Then again…” Lonny turned to stare at Crow. “No one ever claimed to be her daddy before. You might be crazier than her…”

Ryan was wheezing, suppressing his laughter. Or, at the very least, keep it silent. No matter how funny the situation, he was not willing to take Mara’s wrath.

“All you do is laugh,” Crow grumbled.

“If it helps, I’m glad I’m in this group,” Ryan gasped. “I’ve not had fun like this in a long time.”

Mara stepped out moments later and hung up her wet clothes next to Crow's. “Shall we go hunting?”