Maya froze, trying to search her fragmented memory. She remembered brief glimpses of her childhood, a few scenes from her young adult life. She remembered getting a job for the first time, though not what that job had been. She remembered long phone conversations with her brother about game design.
But beyond that? Nothing. She’d always assumed she died young; single and unattached.
"I suppose it must have been a long time for you," Darrow said, obviously concerned and trying to hide it. "For me, it feels like it just happened a few weeks ago."
Maya couldn’t think of anything to say. She could find no trace of Darrow in her mind, no image, no voice, not even a vague concept.
Darrow resumed before the silence grew too uncomfortable. "You … you lived well, I hope? You moved on?"
"I’m really sorry, I don’t remember you."
He slumped, seeming to lose a bit more of his confidence. "Is this about Lila? Are you still angry at me? I thought…" Darrow stepped back dejectedly, so he wasn’t standing so intimately close. "I shouldn’t have assumed …"
"It’s nothing to do with you," Maya said, though she mentally filed the name away. "I lost most of my memory when I was uploaded. It’s true I don’t remember you, but I also don’t remember my parents. Or very much of anything else about my life."
"It hasn’t come back yet?"
"Only glimpses.
"I should never have doubted you. After you did so much for me, how could I imagine—" he stopped, taking a deep breath. "I’m sorry, I seem to be excessively emotional at the moment. Please forgive me."
"This is all new to me. I can’t remember anything past maybe mid-twenties? I had a job, my own place, but I don’t remember anything specific."
"Oh. That’s— I suppose we can … it’s an opportunity to start over."
"Sorry." Maya smiled sheepishly. "Darrow, you said?"
"And you’re still Maya." He smiled. "Nice to see you again. I like the new look."
Maya glanced down at herself. She didn’t notice anything particularly special about the persona she wore today. She’d been considering changing it, growing tired of the same pattern, but nodded without mentioning that to Darrow. He was already having a hard enough day, she should give him what consideration she could.
"I’ve only been here a few days. What’s there to do around here?" He looked around at the city as though expecting dragons to leap out at any moment.
"Quests, dungeons, study magic, and fight other players are the main ones. Crafting, I suppose. And there’s a housing system, though I haven’t earned a house yet."
"Do you live here full time?"
Maya nodded. "I stay at the mage academy or my apartment by the beginner plaza. I have a friend who lets me use his place for storage too. Good not to put all your equipment in one chest."
"A friend?" Darrow asked, an odd note to his voice.
"Yeah," Maya said, but stopped herself before saying Sevard’s name. It occurred to her that she had no proof whatsoever that Darrow was who he claimed to be. He could be a Domitian spy. He could be a trickster just messing with her for fun. He could be a desperate student hoping that by getting close to her he could get preferential treatment when she was able to check over spells again.
He could say he knew her, but without proof she couldn’t let herself trust him too far. She wasn’t going to shun him, but she’d keep her secrets to herself for the moment.
"What’s your level?" Maya asked instead.
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"11"
"Not bad at all. We’re right about the same level. Do you want to go questing together, level ourselves up some more?"
"I’m going to need some time," Darrow said. "I’ve spent the past month trying to find you and now… I know it’s not your fault, but it’s not easy to pretend everything is fine."
"That’s alright," Maya said easily. "Take whatever time you need. I’ll still be around. I’ve got a lot to do anyway."
Darrow’s feathers ruffled in a quick fluttering before lying flat again. "Could we just talk? I’d like to know who you are now."
"Yeah, sure, any time. But we can talk while fighting, you know."
"You’re really into the game thing, aren’t you?" He sounded vaguely baffled.
"Well, yes," Maya said, feeling defensive. "Who wouldn’t be?"
"It’s a side of you I never expected to be this strong, is all. I thought …" He shook his head. "I’m sorry, this is very hard to process."
Maya laughed uneasily. "I mean, I’m not much better off here. I’m still trying to figure out how I managed to forget an entire relationship." It still wasn’t coming back. Her memory remained as blank as ever. Usually, when something brought a particular subject to mind, her memory would fill in a little bit on the subject. But Darrow? Nothing. Still nothing.
"I don’t know how you can treat this so casually."
"I have to, or I’d be a complete mess. It’s easier not to get too bogged down if I just …" Maya shrugged. "Though I’m a mess anyway. I don’t know how you’d have ever put up with me in the first place."
"You’ve changed."
"People do tend to do that."
He took her hands in his. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked softly, bright blue eyes searching hers. "If…" he swallowed. "If you don’t want me here, I’ll go."
"It’s not that, I just … I don’t know what to do. I’m barely capable of keeping track of my own life, let alone someone else too."
"I’m not asking you to manage my life. That’s not why I’m here. I only want to know if you’re still planning to be a part of it. Technically, death did part us, even if we were able to come back together. I wouldn’t want to hold you to a promise you made without knowing the full repercussions."
"What did I promise?" Maya asked faintly.
"Just, you know, that you’d find a way to save me so we wouldn’t be parted forever. That we’d see each other again. That sort of thing. And you did it, you somehow scraped together enough to have me uploaded, and yourself as well."
"Um. I don’t know how much scraping was involved. My brother is one of the co-creators of the game, so it was probably straight up exploiting family connections."
Darrow frowned. "You have another brother?"
Maya blinked. "Another?"
"Aside from the one who died."
"Who?"
Darrow paused, feathered brow furrowed as he thought. "Lou, I think? You were very close, but couldn’t bear to talk about him after the fire."
Maya shook her head. "I don’t know anything about any of this. Are you sure you’ve got the right person?"
"Why else would we be connected? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I had you on my friend list from the first moment I logged in. It has to be because we’re family."
"Or they just pair random noobs to help each other out," Maya said.
"And the random pairing just happens to pick someone with the same name as my wife?"
"I guess that does sound far-fetched. But … I thought I’d figured out who I am. Who I was. This … this is so completely unexpected. I don’t know if I can deal with it."
He gripped her hands a little tighter. "We’ll deal with it. All of it. Together. If you’ll still have me."
She didn’t want to agree, she wanted to run away and disappear again. People were hard. Relationships were hard. None of it was easy or sensible, and she always managed to do the wrong thing. At least so far she’d mostly only made her own life worse with her mistakes. She didn’t want to be responsible for hurting anyone else.
But there was no way to avoid hurting Darrow at this point. If she left him, if she stayed, neither would keep him safe.
"I guess, if you still want me, I won’t turn you away. But this is going to take a lot of getting used to."
Darrow smiled, taking a step closer. He didn’t try to hug her again, but she still felt the intimacy of his nearness. "We’ve got all the time in the world."
"Then you won’t mind if I go deal with some mage academy business before we do anything further?"
"Of course not. I know this will be a difficult transition for both of us. This is nothing like what I expected, and it sounds like you were taken equally off guard. But we’ll figure it out."
"Good. Are you enrolled here?"
He nodded. "I’ve been attending the Fire lectures. They told me that’s where you would come when you returned."
She blinked. "Oh, right." It felt weird knowing that other people were so well-acquainted with her. She kept forgetting she was semi-famous now. Perhaps more than semi, at least among the mages, if she weren’t being modest.
"Then there’ll be plenty of chances for us to see each other," Maya said. "For now, I need to check in with Shardlord."
"Am I still allowed to say I love you?" Darrow asked.
Maya shifted uncomfortably, but shrugged. "As long as you don’t expect me to say it back, I guess it’s alright."
"I love you, Maya. I know that we can get through this." He smiled encouragingly. "Have a good day today better than yesterday."
Maya frowned at the odd rhythm to his words.
"That’s …" He looked pained, though he still smiled. "That’s how we always said goodbye when we left for work. God, this feels so wrong, having to explain."
Maya nodded. "Then, have a good day today better than yesterday. I’ll see you around?"
Darrow nodded, released her hands and stepped back. "Thanks for giving me a chance even after everything."
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