“So, what’s your quest for today?” Maya asked, as she locked her workshop door behind them. Snappy and Hunter followed close behind her.

“Trickster Day One. I’m supposed to…” Andy shook his head. “Spend at least an hour arguing with an NPC.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah, I can go do it on my own, I know you seemed really into your project. I wish I could help, or watch, but…”

“Nope.” She’d said she wanted to help people, and that started with… actually helping people. “If I’m to be your trickster mentor, then we’re going to have fun with this. I can finish the spell another day.”

“Thanks.”

“Does the quest mention what kind of NPC? Friendly, hostile, merchant, quest-giver?”

“Nope. Just… argue for an hour.”

Maya thought back over her time so far in World 9352. She’d encountered a wide variety of NPCs, but none she had a particular grudge against. “Any target in particular, or should we leave it to chance?”

“No preference.”

“Then, Snappy, would you do the honors?”

Snappy waved her claw uncertainly.

“Point in a random direction,” Maya clarified.

Snappy skittered back and forth, then spun in a quick circle and pointed back towards the market.

“Good enough!”

Andy laughed. “You do have a unique way of looking at things.”

“Everyone does. I’m just a little less inhibited about it than most.” Which was very untrue, except when she was in the right sort of mood around a certain sort of person. She wasn’t sure exactly when Andy had slipped into her ‘trusted’ circle, but he certainly had proved himself today. Usually she only really relaxed around Sevard.

They headed toward the marketplace, a bustling hub for players both higher and lower leveled than Nirsym's zone. Its crafting facilities were unrivaled, attracting a great many visitors from all across the continent.

"Hunter? Care to choose our victim?"

Hunter barked at a woman in blue robes sitting behind an awning, reading a book. She didn't seem to belong to any particular shop, but to be an ordinary filler citizen making the place look more lived in.

"Interesting choice." Maya strode towards her, Andy trailing in her wake.

"What're you reading?" Maya asked.

"A beginner's guide to plant care," answered the woman without looking up.

"Sounds like as good a topic of argument as any." She turned to Andy, beak curved in a grin. "You're up."

"Really? Just... out of nowhere?"

"Yup. Trickster quests often end up being awkward, but it's good practice for all the random things. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something worth the time." Maya sat down nearby, wishing she had a cold drink she could sip while she watched the show.

Andy cleared his throat. "I think plant care is stupid?"

"Do you?" The woman didn't look up from her book. "That's a shame. I suppose I'll have to forego the opportunity of a fascinating conversation."

"Uh... no, no you won't. I'm going to be fascinating whether you want me to or not."

"Is that what you're going for? You're very bad at it. Maybe you should go back to talking about how much you hate gardening."

Andy slumped. "I don't actually hate gardening. I think it's a stupid use of wood though."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me!" Andy blustered. "You're reading a book, which means wood was used to make it, and it could have been used for something else!"

"So it's not the gardening you take issue with, but the book?" She finally looked up, her eyes dark. "How uncultured of you."

"Books are a waste of time and resources. That would be better spent elsewhere. Like in fires. Or decorative carvings. Or tables." He looked at Maya pleadingly. "Has it been an hour yet?"

"Less than one minute. But you're doing great."

The woman looked back and forth between them, eyes narrowing. "You're timing him? What is this, see how long it takes to trigger aggression? Because if that's what you want, I'm perfectly capable."

"No. I want a debate. I wish to debate the merits of everything. You have one hour to defend everything. Or... else," Andy finished without conviction.

"Everything."

"Yes. You are the chosen one to defend, everything. Otherwise, I will tear it down with my arguments and leave you in helpless despair."

"Alright. You're on. But if I convince you that everything deserves to exist, you owe me a favor."

"Yes, agreed, whatever you want."

"Then allow me to propose a counter-argument: you are here. Therefore, you already believe that everything deserves to exist, else you would have opted out a long time ago."

"That sounds like you're saying everything deserves to exist only in service to me, though. Is that really a stance you want to defend?"

"My aim isn't to convince you of anything, but to win the bet. Obviously, playing into your ego is the clearest path to that end."

"My ego? I don't have much of an ego at all. And what little I had got squashed pretty fast when I nearly got eaten by a bush!"

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

Maya's head snapped over to him. That was an oddly specific detail. "Darrow? Is that you?"

Andy froze.

"Did you... switch to another character just so you could approach me without making it awkward?"

"Ye-es, I did. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied about who I am."

Maya sighed. She'd almost managed to forget her so-called husband's existence, but... she had to admit that he'd made a solid effort to keep from pressuring her. "I have to say, the power dynamic here just keeps getting weirder."

"How so?"

Maya shook her head. "You're on the clock. Keep arguing. I'm going to walk around for a bit."

Andy - Darrow - looked momentarily crestfallen, then smiled sadly. "Have a good day better than yesterday."

"I'm not about to ditch you and run off, I just need some space."

He nodded,not seeming to believe her, then turned back to the NPC. "So, on the topic of everything's existence, I think you'll have to pin your hopes on something more stable than my ego..."

Maya walked a bit away from the plaza, her head spinning with sudden conflict. She was flattered that Andy, or Darrow, thought so highly of her as to go this far out of his way. But it also felt weird. Like... how could anyone really miss her that badly? That they'd make multiple characters, and spend days or months waiting around for her to show up? Did he have no life of his own? Was she the center of his universe? That just didn't sit right.

She still wasn't convinced he was really her husband. Trickster after her secrets, Domitian spy, obsessed fan, someone who wanted something from her... any of those made more sense than someone from her past really caring this much about her.

But while the usual arguments chased themselves around her head, they didn't carry as much weight as usual. She could see the tenor of her thoughts, the spiral of them, how they were subtly tainted by the self-deprecation that had been her sole constant throughout her entire life and afterlife.

She was willing to go to the ends of the database to find Drew. Why was it so surprising that someone else could feel the same? Just because it was her who was the object of... what, affection? Love?

Why did she see herself as so absolutely unlovable? Lucy and Sevard both seemed to think it was something she could - and should - change.

"Xaneta, Xaneta."

"Yes?" She sounded a bit strained.

"Maya, again, sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"Only a little. What do you need?"

"Just... someone to talk to."

Lucy sighed. "I'll be right over. Where are you?"

"No, you don't need to come, just... stay on the line a bit."

"Okay, I can do that. What's up? I thought you had a whole checklist to get through today."

"I do. But I'm trying to confront my self-loathing at the moment and I'm not sure how to."

"Self-loathing? I thought your luck was positive."

"It is. This is unrelated."

"Wow, it's worse than I'd thought."

"Yup, much worse. I'm a complete mess, I'm sure I've mentioned this before."

"Yeah, you should really stop reinforcing your negative self-image. It'll only make things harder in the end."

"It's not like I want to," Maya protested. "I don't enjoy being miserable."

"So why are you moping instead of having fun with your overpowered special magic luck powers?"

"Someone who claims to have known me in the past showed up and really wants to hang out with me constantly, and I don't know why."

"A friend?"

"I don't know, that's the problem. I can't remember him at all. If he is someone I know, then I don't know him now, and he doesn't know me, and I feel... even more inadequate than usual. Like, he's put me on this pedestal of The Maya I Might Have Once Been, or something, and I don't know if he has any real interest in the Maya I am now, or if I'm going to be leading him on and wasting his time, and if I even want to have anything to do with him--"

"Slow down a bit, take a deep breath."

Maya did so. It didn't help much, but Lucy kept talking.

"Now I want you to repeat after me: I am a wonderful person."

Maya laughed aloud. "I'm not saying that. There are people around."

"Say it, or I'll come and force you."

"Fine, I'm a wonderful person," Maya said, lowering her voice. "Happy?"

"Not yet. We've got more to get through. Now, say: I am worth the time and effort the people around me offer."

Maya groaned. "This isn't what I called you for."

"Yes it is. Stop whining and say it."

"I'm worth the time and effort the people around me offer."

"Now, again, all together, with conviction."

"I'm a wonderful person, worth the time and effort of the people around me." Maya shook her head. "It doesn't feel any less silly."

"Dignity is for those who've earned it. Have you?"

"No, I guess not."

"See? This is why you don't get to make excuses. Until you change the way you perceive yourself, you're going to keep avoiding anything that might require an emotional connection, because you're not actually trying to destroy yourself, but to protect yourself from being abandoned."

"Have you been reading articles online?"

"Yes."

Her flat affirmation stopped Maya, the casual way she admitted to wasting who knew how much of her time in the futile attempt to--

But... it didn't have to be futile. She could see that now. Each time her thoughts started down their well-worn grooves, she saw how they could be redirected.

"I am a wonderful person," Maya repeated, without prompting this time, contemplating the words rather than rejecting them. "It seems a bit arrogant, don't you think?"

"No."

"Wonderful, though?"

"What would you prefer?"

"I don't know. Admirable, skilled, capable."

"Are you one of those who pins your self image on your accomplishments?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"So, what are you going to do about your friend?"

"I don't know. I was just starting to like him and trust him when I found out he's the same guy. Now I don't know what to think."

Lucy was silent a moment, then, "I think you should go for it."

"Go for what?"

"Trust him. Risk it. Put your heart on the line and see what happens. Having someone around who actually knows you better than a few hours of conversation and monster slaying and questing could be good for you."

"I don't want to rely on someone else, I don't want to force them to waste their life--"

"Eh eh, no. What did you say?"

"I... don't want to waste people's time."

"What did we just say about your value?"

"Yes, I'm worth some time and effort, but not all of it. Not so much that you put your whole life on hold to chase me around."

"And why not? If that's what makes him happy, who are you to deny him his joy?"

"That's a stretch."

"Look, Maya." Lucy sighed deeply. "From what I know about you, you really are a good person. I'm not surprised people keep being drawn to you. But if you keep pushing them away, you'll only turn your deepest fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy. And do you really think so little of the people around you?"

"Huh?"

"You act as if you're imposing yourself on them, taking their time as though you have any power over how they choose to spend their lives."

Maya blinked. "Oh, I... hadn't thought of it like that."

"So which is it? Are you the center of the universe, or are you a worthless waste of time?"

"Maybe I'm both. I could be the black hole around which all things orbit, and into which they are consumed by the endless void of my soul."

"I know you don't believe that."

"But it's fun to say."

"Then here's your assignment for today. Act confident, even if you're not. Pretend you're someone worth the time, and that you don't let your fear of rejection prevent you from building relationships."

"But once I accept him, I can't change my mind and send him away, and what if he gets too attached to my fake confidence?"

"Girl, you have got to get out of your head. You spend so much time worrying, how do you live this way?"

"Pretty miserably, I think we've established that."

"Well, it has to stop. Don't make me follow you around complimenting you loudly in front of everyone. I will do it."

Thank you. Maya felt tears gathering in her eyes as she laughed weakly. “No, please, anything but that,” she joked, but almost against her will she felt herself responding to the challenge. And… today, it didn’t seem hopeless. Sure, the revelation of Andy and Darrow being the same person threw her off balance for a few minutes, but she already felt more settled and optimistic.

“Oh, I’m merciless,” Lucy said. “I will hunt you down relentlessly and make you admit you’re a worthwhile human being.”

“You win. I’ll pretend to be confident in myself.” The fact that she was gradually accumulating people who believed in her more than she believed in herself really did help.

“Good. Now stop making excuses and get back to living. You’re burning luck with all your flimbling. Act.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Good. Now, unless there’s a pressing need to chase you to the ends of the world, I have a quest to finish.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time.”

Maya closed the connection and exhaled, mentally preparing herself.

She’d avoided the minefield long enough.

Time to really, properly, get to know her alleged husband.

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