Chapter 22

A Slice of humble pie? Yes, I’ll take two thanks

Eikman had to return the training circuit Array, so that sucked, but he said if we sparred for a little, he would run out and get a new training Array. Oh, and he took twenty gold from each of us to rent the Array for a week. We figured it was worth it and gave Eikman the coin. It was fucking extortionate prices, but supply and demand would always be a thing no matter where you were in the multiverse. Janet and I were on our second sparring match when Eikman returned, and he had a ridiculous grin slapped across his face. I was beginning to think of that look as the Eikman special.

“Oh shit, looks like Eikmans back, but that grin makes me nervous,” I told Janet as we stopped our spar and walked over to the eagerly awaiting Eikman.

“Ha, I know, right? Fucking creepy. Think he got something good?” Janet asked.

“Looks like Eikman's about to jump out of his shoes, and oh, there it is.” Eikman had actually literally just jumped out of his shoes. His shoes were a mess, and they were barely held together. I figured it was a miracle that the things were still holding. So when he actually jumped out of his shoes, I wasn’t surprised. His shoes dissolved, almost as if Eikman's feet were the only thing keeping everything in place, but as his feet were no longer in the shoes to support them, they crumbled to almost nothing.

Eikman's smile fell as he looked down at his feet. He blinked a few times in evident shock, but eventually, he just shrugged his shoulders in acceptance. The next second, a smile was back on his face, and he bounced excitedly as Janet and I made our way over.

“What’s got you so excited?” I asked Eikman, honestly curious.

“Oooh, I did good. Eikman did good. So good, yes I did, oh yes I did. Haha.” Eikman was almost too excited, and it was starting to creep me out.

“Eikman, chill out before you cream your shorts. No one wants to see that. What did you get your hands on that you're this excited about?” Janet asked.

“The Bangerrang Bammer Array babe! Woo!” I just blinked at Eikman, having no idea what the fuck The Bangerrang Bammer Array was or why I should be happy about it.

“Yeah?” I said in a very half-hearted cheer. Janet laughed and then asked the question I think we were both wondering.

“Travis has a point. What the fuck is a Bangerrang Bammer, and why are you practically bouncing off the walls because you got one?”

“Oh, of course, you have no idea what it is, you locals. You will soon know and then kiss Eikman's feet.” Eikman said, rather proud of himself.

“Hey, watch it with that locals shit. The way people say that word around here makes me want to punch them in the face. Like, we're fucking cavemen just for being newly integrated. Anyone who thinks that can get a foot in the ass courtesy of me.” Eikman had managed to hold onto his smile for about half my rant before he deadpanned and then dragged his hand down his face.

“Oh my god, yes, Travis, your feelings are validated, and you are respected as a sepses bla bla bla. Now, can we get onto the Banngerrang bammer?” Eikman said, obviously impatient to get on with things. I just rolled my eyes at the man and gestured with a hand as if saying, “Well, get on with it.”

Eikman did a little hop with joy and ran out into the middle of the training yard. Eikman placed a box down, opened it, and then did something I couldn’t see, and an Array sprung to life. I had briefly felt an infusion of Mana before the Array activated, and I was sure it had something to do with what Eikman had done that I couldn’t see. However, that didn’t seem to matter as much after the Array was activated.

I watched the colors of the Array fill the training yard. Bright blues and pink’s magical Array circles flew through the air, and bands of gold light flared off the magic as it turned and danced. The magic before me was awe-inspiring, but almost as soon as the Array had filled the training yard with colorful, magical lights, it all imploded to form the shape of a humanoid figure.

The humanoid began to form as the magical lights filled the figure in. Then, after a few more seconds, the lines of runic script that made up the Array shrank and multiplied until a blue and pink humanoid figure stood before us. The Array man was at least six feet five inches tall and had the physique of a Greek god. The figure had no face, hair, clothes, or privet parts, but it looked so fucking epic. It was literally letting off golden steam. I didn’t understand how that was possible, but I didn’t care.

I tore my eyes from the image before me to look at Eikman. His eyes were saucers, and he might have been drooling. He was that caught up by the spectacle. Seeing Eikman in such a state shook me from my stupor, and that helped me find my voice.

“So… um, I guess that’s the Banngerrang Bammer Array. Are we supposed to fight that?” That must have snapped Janet out. Because she quickly chimed in.

“Wait, what the fuck. Fuck that I’m not fighting that guy. He has gold steam coming off him. You see that, right? That's not just me, Right?”

“Wait, no, of course you are fighting it. That's the new training Array. We didn’t spend all that gold for nothing. This thing is top-of-the-line. Or, well, It was top-of-the-line two hundred years ago, but by multiverse standards, that's basically brand new. So you bet you’re ass you’re fighting it. The best part is the guy letting me rent it is a friend, and he said we can rent it as long as we want. It’s only… Um, well, yes, yes isn’t that great, so let's get to it.”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Eikman definitely brushed past something there, but I realized I had never been told the rental price.

“Wait a second. How much is this thing going to cost us?” Eikman looked as if I had just held sour milk under his nose.

“I told you already don’t waste time; time is money, you know.” Eikman was clearly trying to blow me off, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“Eikman, don’t fuck with me right now. How much is it going to cost to rent the Array guy?” Eikman looked like a kid who had been told to eat his veggies, but he ended up telling me the price.

“Fine, if you insist on wasting time reviewing things we’ve already gone over. Fine, fine, okay, it's fifty gold a week. See nothing, really. So, actually, I’m going to need ten more gold for this week's rental, but we can deal with that later. I got a great deal. These Arrays usually rent for four times as much. So, really, you should be thanking me for being such a shrewd businessman.”

It was a ridiculous amount of gold to spend on a training Array, and I almost lost my shit then and there, but I think the need to hit something was just too strong. I decided to let it go. We could always return it if needed, even if it would probably make Eikman cry.

“Okay, so how do we do this? Do I just walk up and try to punch it in the face or some shit?” I asked Eikman.

“That’s my plan,” Janet said as she started walking towards the Array. Eikman’s eyes bulged a bit as he heard what Janet was planning and ran to intercept her.

“Wait, wait, wait, Janet, I need to activate and set up the proper training configuration before you just go hitting the thing. Stop.” Eikman caught up with Janet, but she was determined to punch the thing settings and set up be dammed. Seeing his words were not getting through to Janet, Ekman decided to push past her and beat her to the Array. Eikman used a bit too much force when he pushed Janet. She ended up flying twenty feet before smacking into the ground.

“Eikman, are you fucking kidding me? You fucking asshole,” Janet said as she picked herself up and wiped the worst of the mod off. Janet was pissed. You could see it clearly on her face. I actually reflexively gulped. Janet was maybe ten feet from Eikman when he finished fiddling with something on the Array man’s back that must have been the configuration settings.

Eikman took a step away from the Array, and the Array man, for lack of a better word, stretched. Then its attention landed on Janet as its head swiveled towards her. Janet stopped in her tracks, shocked by the sudden movement of the Array. It looked like she suddenly felt some trepidation about her spontaneous choices. Then the Array man moved.

In a moment, the Array man stood right before Janet. She had not been expecting this, and her stance wasn’t set. So, as the punch came at her quick as a flash, she had no hope of blocking or dodging the attack. Janet was struck in the face, and the next moment, Janet was flying across the training yard. It wasn’t a slow flight or with a beautiful arch, no. This was a fast, brutal punch that shot Janet back over fifteen feet and then drove her into the ground.

I was frozen in shock at what had happened. Janet, a badass warrior goddess, had been swatted in mere seconds like a fly.

“What the fuck, Eikman? Janet!” I was suddenly feeling a whole bunch of emotions, and I wasn’t happy about it. I was scared for Janet, worried that she might actually be seriously injured, piss the fuck off at Eikman, and nervous about what this Array man was going to do.

My priority was Janet. I started running over to check on her, but as I did, the Array man that had frozen as if shut down after defeating Janet lifted its head and looked in my direction. Once I noticed the Array mans attention on me, all I could think was, “fuck, here we go.” And the Array man moved. I twisted around and readied myself for the attack to come, and sure enough, the next second, a fist came out of nowhere, rocketing at my face.

The Array man was fast. Like, holy fuck, the thing could move. I barely got out of the way of the fist in time. I felt the wind of the punch as it passed by my cheek. That kind of did it, and by that, I mean that was kind of my limit reached. I had been jumped and robbed, and now Janet was hurt, and it was all this damn mother fucking Array’s fault, and that was it, I snapped.

I didn’t think I just acted. I felt like this city had shit on me at every step. The only thing I did well was fight, so it was time to do so. I used Step Lightly to move next to the Array man and snapped out a punch of my own into its face. I was actually a little shocked when my punch landed. The Array man's head snapped to the side, but that was all that happened.

My eyes widened in shock, and all I could say was,

“Fuck,” before I was popped into the air with a punch to the gut. Spittle left my mouth as the breath was forcibly ejected from my lungs. I met eyes with the Array man. Well, what he had in place of eyes was more just holes in his head glowing with gold light. It felt like I hung in the air for a moment, breaking the laws of physics, but then that illusion was driven from my mind as I was pounded into the ground.

I lay there in the actual crater my body had made in the ground and tried not to pass out. I managed to hold on to consciousness and started to get back to my feet. This was not over. I was not going to let this fucking Array thing beat me. I would win this fight no matter the cost. It was time to show this asshole who Travis fucking Mullins really… That was when the Array man punched me in the face again. I hadn’t even seen it coming. Then, the world went black.

When I woke up, it was still daytime, but I had no idea what time it was or how long I had been out. Janet must have noticed I was awake because shortly after I had opened my eyes, Janet’s hand entered my field of view, and after a moment, I decided to take it. Janet pulled me to my feet, and I was a bit embarrassed with how much help I needed to rise.

Janet must have seen that as well because I heard her laughing at me, and then she said,

“You okay there? Eikman told me you got put down pretty hard.” I closed my eyes and collected myself momentarily before looking at Janet. I had to squint my eyes at the brightness of the day. My head also hurt like a bitch.

“Fuck you. My head is killing me, and I’m going to kill Eikman when I can feel my face again.” Janet laughed, but I was pretty fucking serious.

“Don’t kill Eikman. You know he’s fucking crazy. He probably thought he was helping us in some fucked up way.” I was slightly shocked to hear those words coming from Janet.

“Out of the two of us, I’d figure you’d be more pissed off. Especially after you got sucker punched by the fucking Array guy.” I asked her.

“Yeah, I was pissed off at first. I mean, like, so fucking mad, but then I thought about it as I was lying there on the ground. Eikman is crazy as fuck, but he is still, I feel, actually trying to help us become better fighters. So maybe this was a lesson we needed. We’re strong, Travis, but far from being the strongest around. This was a reality check, but now it's time to get strong, and this training Array might be just what we need right now.”

I thought about what Janet had said, and it made sense. We were weak, far too weak, and as I considered Janet’s words, my anger for Eikman began to wane.

“Fine. I get what you’re saying, and you're right. I’m still a little pissed off, but I’ll get over it, I guess.” I pouted and crossed my arms. That made Janet chuckle, so I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Come on, get up. Let’s go find Eikman.” I wanted to act like a child, but Janet was right again. So, after a few seconds more of being a pouty baby, I did a few stretches and then let out a sigh.

“Alright, fine, let's go find that crazy fucker.” I told Janet, and we both headed off to find the madman.