Sebastian made sure to keep his face passive as he lead the way outside, his brother close behind. He didn’t want to give away how his heart had dropped when Liam almost gave everything away. There was no telling the damage it could have caused.
“Why are you dragging me out here?” Liam asked as he looked around the path they were walking. He had to know where Sebastian was heading and his frown deepened.
“You know I don’t like to go to this place.” Liam whispered, but Sebastian kept walking silently. Soon the lake came into view, the familiar smells circling them as the wind whipped past. He took a deep breath, closing his eye briefly as memories flooded his mind. He stopped when he reached the shoreline, staring out at the expanse of sparkling water. Liam hesitantly came to his side, looking out with a more solemn expression.
“You know...Most people that have experienced what you did avoid water at all costs, not make a living on it.” He said and Sebastian chuckled darkly, the truth of those words making the memory stronger.
“I was never one to cower in a corner…”
“Then what do you call keeping the truth from Grace?” Liam accused, his frown deepening as he turned his gaze to Sebastian’s profile. Sebastian hummed as he placed his hands in the pockets of his long coat, lifting his gaze to the clear sky above them. This was the reason he had brought his brother outside, not wanting to risk their conversation being overheard.
“I have my reasons.”
“Care to share them?” Liam pressed, irritation clear in his voice. Sebastian met his brother’s gaze then, similar eyes meeting one another. All the Blackwood brothers shared the grey eyes of their late mother. But where one was clear and innocent, the other was clouded and harsh from seeing too much of the darker side of the world. Sebastian sighed and looked back out at the water as he answered his brother.
“She doesn’t remember anything-”
“Clearly.” Liam whispered harshly, but Sebastian continued as if he hadn’t spoken.
“I have thought about telling her the truth several times, but each time stopped myself.”
“Why? Don’t you want to end your torture? Sebastian you’ve pined for this woman all your life! Why put yourself through this?” Liam shouted incredulously and again Sebastian had to bite out a harsh laugh, lowering his head so his hair hid his face.
“If only it were that easy…” Liam looked at his brother worriedly and then sighed, crossing his arms over his chest he turned towards the lake again.
“Explain it all then...So I may understand your decisions.”
“When I came back to London the only thing on my mind was how to step into the role Alexander had left me. I never even considered...considered that I would see her there.”
“How did you know it was her? I didn’t even realize it until the name registered-although I had never even met the woman, only remembered you talking about her when you were piss drunk.”
“She ran into me while I was planning an escape. When I looked down at her...Maybe it was those eyes. Violet eyes that have haunted my nights. Before I could confirm anything she ran off. I tried to convince myself that I had imagined it, that I could never be so lucky to find her again...But there was a pull that was always absent with others. I knew instinctively who she was the minute I saw her. It didn’t take long to inquire after her marital status and get the answer I wanted most to hear.”
“Then why did you not tell her after?”
“Have you heard anything about the circumstances of our marriage?” Sebastian asked and as his brother shook his head he sighed heavily.
“I acted rashly...Not wanting to lose her again I purposely ruined her so she would be forced to marry me…”
“Sebastian!”
“And now I fear that if I tell her the truth she’ll feel like I’m tricking her all over again. Or worse, it will trick her.” He whispered as pain laced his heart.
“I love her as I’ve never loved another...but I want her to accept me as I am now, despite everything. If I tell her the truth it may influence her and I’ll always wonder if she would have chosen me without knowing the past.”
“Shit.” Liam sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Sebastian had to agree with the sentiment as it summed up his current situation.
“I just can’t believe she doesn’t remember...well anything. It seems like such a hard thing to forget.” Liam said and Sebastian shrugged.
“We were all young….and she didn’t have the constant reminder staring back at her…” He reached up, his fingers brushing the leather over his eye.
“Besides, she stopped coming around after the...incident. And then there was the death of her mother...If I had been allowed to leave the manor I would have chased after her. But by the time I was old enough to leave I had convinced myself it would be better to let her forget...I thought I would never see her again and that it was as it should be.”
“What made you change your mind?” Liam whispered and Sebastian closed his eye, his heart hammering in his chest.
“Holding her in my arms and feeling the connection we share. Just one touch sparked that old flame into an inferno. I knew I could never pretend I didn’t still love her. The heart I had thought dead began to beat again and it called for only her. Grace is everything and I can’t let her go.” It was silent for a moment and he looked over at his brother to find him staring wide-eyed at him.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak of something so adoringly...You...You were always so closed off from the world...Except when you spoke of her. Grace has always been the one thing that brought light to your eyes.” Liam whispered and Sebastian hummed.
“That's because she was the one shrouded in it that day…” He whispered as he turned away from his brother, his focus landing on an old tree. It's limbs almost bare from decay and one thick branch that ended abruptly, the scars from the break maring its bark.
“Look Sebastian...I can understand most of what you've told me. But I don't think it's wise to hide the truth. Grace may feel more betrayed that you withheld it...You need to tell her what happened.” Liam said his hand falling on Sebastian’s shoulder. He sighed and shook his head.
“Not yet.”
“Sebastian-”
“I'm asking you as my brother…” Sebastian said as he turned to face Liam, his grey eye pleading for understanding.
“Don't tell Grace. Not yet. Not when I'm...When I'm so close.” He whispered and Liam frowned, but after exhaling a sigh he nodded.
“For now...as your brother, you have my silence...But it won't last forever, so don't wait too long.”
“I won't and it won't be forever...Just until I'm sure Grace has let me into her heart. As deeply as she has burrowed into mine.” He said a small smile crossing his lips. Liam sighed and shrugged, turning towards the path leading back the way they came.
“Well, now that we've finished can we return to the manor? I’m starving after having to wait for you and trudging out here.” He said and Sebastian's smile grew wider as he nodded and the two began to walk back to their home. It was silent until Liam whispered,
“I do have one more question…”
“Ask.”
Liam glanced at him from the corner of his eye, watching his reaction.
“Is it Grace only because of what happened that day?”
“No...Even before that day I was drawn to her. She didn't care much for my company then either. She was closer to Alexander with his calm big brother nature. It's true that after what happened I thought it was only admiration, some hero worship of a child...but as the years passed and she remained on my mind I realized she’s my first love.
“The events of that day may have added fuel to my attraction, but the pull has been there and it has always been Grace. Now that I’ve spent even more time with her I know the truth. I’ve always been in love with Grace and it will only continue to grow with each second I’m beside her...I only pray that she can feel the same about someone like me.”
“Someone like you? Sebastian you aren’t what our parents painted you as. It’s a scar, nothing more than a patch of new skin.” Liam scowled and Sebastian chuckled, wrapping his arm around his brother’s shoulders.
“Is that the professional opinion of my doctor?”
“Also of your brother...Both brothers...You know Alexander and I have never viewed your injury as a deformation. You don’t have to continue to wear that thing…” Liam whispered and Sebastian’s smile slipped a fraction before he could catch it. He shook his head and removed his arm.
“I have my reasons. I’m more comfortable with it on than off.”
“Like a shield?” Liam accused and Sebastian shrugged as he lengthened his stride to move ahead of Liam.
“Have you shown it to Grace?” Liam asked. Silence was his answer and the younger man sighed, shaking his head.
“I hope you know what you're doing.” He whispered, thinking Sebastian couldn’t hear him. The older brother lowered his eye and mumbled,
“Me too…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dinner was livelier than Grace had anticipated and she suspected that Liam contributed a lot to the lighter atmosphere. Annabelle was pulled from her shell by Liam’s wild tales about his travels and Grace enjoyed when he encouraged Sebastian to share some of his own sea expeditions. The four of them filled the dour room with laughter and loud voices, something Grace assumed it hadn’t heard in many years. She let her eyes wander to Sebastian for the hundredth time as he smiled freely, arguing with his brother over the details of a childhood memory. His grey eye flicked in her direction briefly and the corner of his mouth twitched.
His hand slid along the table until it rested on top of hers, their fingers gently entwining. She felt herself softening as she looked at him. Where once sitting beside him had filled her with dread, now it calmed her and filled her with a new warmth that she had never felt before. She squeezed his hand back and his eye widen subtly, but his voice didn’t give anything away as he continued his conversation with Liam. If only he would be honest with her, she could take the next step between them.
As their plates were cleared away Sebastian stood and pulled out Grace’s chair for her. His fingers strayed and brushed the side of her neck gently, sending a shiver down her back that was anything but unpleasant. However, when they began to head for the drawing room, he held back. He bowed his head towards all of them, but his gaze landed on her when he looked up again.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you tonight, there are many issues around the estate that have built up in the earl’s-my absence. I’ll leave tonight’s entertainment to Liam. Behave brother.” He said and Liam grinned placing his arm around Annabelle’s shoulder’s, making the girl blush slightly.
“Of course. I will tell all the embarrassing stories of little Sebastian.” He laughed and Grace smiled, but it fell when she saw the steel enter his grey eye as he narrowed it at his brother.
“Not all of them Liam.” His voice dripping with warning. Liam’s own smile fell and now he was glaring slightly at Sebastian.
“I already said so brother.”
Grace looked between the two men and knew there was an unspoken conversation that only the two of them were sharing. She frowned up at Sebastian and when his eye finally returned to her she was disheartened to see it was shuttered. He cleared his throat and turned his back on them.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“Goodnight everyone.”
Grace watched him walk away and felt her chest tighten with each step that took him further away. It seemed like he was distancing himself in more ways than the literal sense. A small voice urged her to follow him, but she hesitated. Her mind and body once more at war with what she should do. There was that niggling of fear and hurt creeping in once more and she hated it. Just when she was starting to accept these feelings, he begins to pull away.
“Well, we can’t help the responsibilities we have. Aiden, would you be able to step in as a fourth for a game of Whist?” Liam said and Grace turned away from the place Sebastian had disappeared to. She obligingly followed the others into the room and played the game, Aiden her partner. While her body sat in that room, reacting on instinct, her mind was elsewhere. She couldn’t stop thinking about all that had happened since they stepped into this house. Stranger yet...Was the oddest feeling of deja vu surrounding her like a fog. It was almost like…
‘Like I’ve been here before? But that’s impossible...Right?’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sebastian glanced up at the grand clock and set down his work. He rubbed his tired eye, trying to clear his blurred vision. The endless stacks of reports would be straining for someone with perfect sight. He hadn’t been lying when he said things had fallen behind in the earl’s absence. He hadn’t stayed long after gaining the title. With the London Season starting, he had decided the best course was to re-insert himself into society. His lips curled up in a soft smile as he realized what that decision had really meant. If he hadn’t returned to London, he never would have reunited with Grace.
He sighed and leaned his elbows on the desk, resting his face against his folded hands. His conversation with Liam was rampaging through his head, disrupting his concentration even further. The truth of his brother’s words dug into him like a sharp dagger. Grace deserved to know what happened between them all those years ago, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her. He really did want her to chose him as he was now, without any past influences. Besides, there was no telling how she would actually react to the revelation. There were too many unknown factors that could ruin his plans. He wasn’t willing to chance the damage it could cause.
He needed Grace in his life and he didn’t want anything to take her from him. As selfish as that was, he couldn’t stop his heart from clinging to her so tightly. He groaned and buried his face in his hands. Just when he felt so close. So close to her finally being his, Liam had to come and make him doubt what he was doing. However, his determination was stubbornly holding and he would continue to play his hand. Especially with a threat still looming over them from a dangerous man who was more obsessive than Sebastian. The door creaked as it opened and Sebastian sighed. He dropped his hands and picked up a stack of reports without looking up.
“Perfect timing Aiden. I think I’m done for the night. Take these and-” He had lifted his gaze to the man. Only it wasn’t Aiden as he had thought. She shifted nervously, not coming further into the study and he couldn’t make his voice work to invite her in. Both were frozen and unsure of how to react to what was happening. Grace cleared her throat and looked around the room.
“Was this where you and Alexander worked?” She whispered and he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry.
“When I was home…” He rasped, his eye roaming over her hungrily. She was dressed for bed. Her white nightgown did little to hide her figure and the light shawl she had thrown over her shoulders couldn’t shield her from him. He thought he saw her shiver as she began to walk around the perimeter of the suddenly cramped room. His ears were ringing with the thundering of his heart as he forced himself to remain in his seat, afraid that if he moved he would fall upon her like a madman...which would describe him perfectly.
“I think I can imagine the two of you arguing in here...Especially after witnessing you and Liam.” She said with a light giggle that shot straight through him and had him smothering a groan. Her laugh affected him more than she would ever know. He followed her movements with his eye, noticing that she was subtly moving closer each time she turned to look at something new. His breathing was growing shallow as her scent became more apparent each second she remained.
“We would only argue when I wanted to take a dangerous route that he thought reckless. Or about me coming home permanently…” He sighed and forced his gaze away from her.
“Which I guess-in a way, was an argument he won.” He whispered with a dry chuckle. He felt her eyes on him then but, kept his own averted. He hadn’t meant to let the thought slip, but he wasn’t thinking properly with her close proximity. She was silent for so long that he was beginning to think that his mind had conjured her to torment him.
“Maybe…” She whispered and he flinched subtly as he looked over again. She was within reach now, standing only a few paces from his chair. How easy it would be to-no, he had to remain in control. He reminded himself that it had to be her decision, especially with his emotions so raw from Liam’s words. He lifted his gaze up slowly, drinking in the sight of her creamy neck before meeting her gorgeous eyes. There was a spark in her violet orbs that called to him and his nails dug deeper into the arms of his chair.
“Maybe he did...But is that really so bad? I mean...You being back means...that you and I could meet.” She whispered and he thought he had imagined those sweet words falling from her lips. He so desperately wanted to hear some small amount of confirmation that he feared he was misunderstanding. When her eyes began to deepen to that amethyst he held his breath. Could he allow himself a small amount of hope? He started to reach for her, but stopped. His hand was still held out towards her as he hesitated and frowned. Maybe this wasn’t what he thought, was he only projecting his own desires?
As he lowered his gaze in thought Grace smiled gently and her tiny fingers reached out, the tips tickling the palm of his hand. He couldn’t stop his eye from widening as he swallowed again. Their fingers laced together, rough skin sliding along soft and he imagined that was how it would feel to embrace her fully. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the inside of her wrist, feeling the pulse leaping beneath the skin. His eye lifted up to find hers blazing brightly as passion began to consume her. Her lips were parted and her chest rose and fell quickly with her growing excitement.
“It’s late, you should get to bed Grace.” He rasped, the hidden invitation lying just beneath the surface. He saw the hesitation in her eyes and his heart sank. He should have guessed…
“Do you want me to go?” She whispered, her lashes covering her eyes so he couldn't read them. He groaned and held her hand so he could press his forehead to her knuckles like he was pledging himself to her. Which he had...Long ago.
“Never...but if you don't…” He looked up to see her watching him intently. He swallowed and allowed all the pent up desire to leak into his voice.
“I won't be able to stop...Once this begins...it won't end with a simple goodnight Grace.” He warned and watched as heat filled her cheeks, her eyes shining fiercely as they held his. He felt her pulling her hand away and bit back a sigh as he let her go. He closed his eye and waited for the sound of the door closing, not wanting to watch her walk out after taunting him so.
Her palm cupped the side of his cheek, turning his head up again. He didn’t have time to react as her lips pressed firmly to his. It wasn’t like the soft kiss in the garden. This one conveyed the fire burning inside her and how she wanted to relieve it. He groaned and his hands caught her hips. He pulled away from her mouth just long enough to stand, lifting her at the same time to sit on the edge of his desk. Stacks of paper fell over, but neither paid it any mind as their frenzied mouths sought each other again.
Her arms were wound tightly around him, her nails scratching the back of his head and neck. He groaned in delight as his tongue pushed along hers in imitation thrusts. Keeping his weight balanced on one arm, he used the other to reach up and release the tie holding back her locks. The chestnut strands spilled down her back and he tangled his fingers in their thick folds. The same arm supported her as he bent over her, diving deeper until he was certain he had explored every inch of her delicious mouth, her moans filling his ears and driving him mad until he feared he would break.
He pulled back suddenly and her disappointed groan made him chuckle. He didn’t give any explanation, simply swept her up into his arms and left the study with long strides. Her face was pressed against the side of his neck and he grit his teeth when he felt her soft lips brushing the skin with light kisses. Her innocent touches were igniting him in ways no other woman could ever hope to. He kicked the door to his chambers closed when they were finally inside. He was pleased that the servants had kept the fire going, so there was just enough light to see with. He wanted to burn this night into his memory forever.
He took possession of her lips once more as he walked them to his bed, gently setting her upon it. He hovered over her as he had the last time they were together at night, only this time he wouldn’t be stopping until he had completely claimed her. He growled softly as he lowered his mouth to her neck, nipping and licking the skin like a delicacy until he had her mewling below him. She needed to be prepared for what came next, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her more than expected.
Her hands cupped his face and he followed the insistent pull back to her lips, swallowing her moan as her tongue slipped past his. He let her control the tempo of the kiss, wanting her to be as comfortable as possible and enjoying every second of her blossoming passion. At first her kiss was hesitant, unsure of how to proceed in her naive experience, but he patiently urged her further, not having to fake the moans she was wringing from him. She grew bolder, her kiss deepened and her hands slid down to glide along his chest, tugging at the fabric.
Sebastian agreed that there needed to be more skin contact. He retreated just enough to pull his shirt off, flinging it into the darkness before starting on the buttons of her nightgown, unlatching the hidden hooks with incredible speed. Grace flushed brighter as her upper half was exposed to his hungry gaze, the fire casting an orange glow on her pale skin. He caught her wrist as she moved to cover her eyes and nipped at the skin.
“Don’t hide from me Grace. I want you to look at me as I love you...please…” He whispered. He wanted her to see him and only him, as there was only her in his heart. She swallowed, but nodded slightly, blushing even brighter. He continued removing the soft silk covering her until he could fully see the goddess before him. He swallowed at her beauty and wondered how fate had favored him in this moment.
“God you're beautiful.” He rasped as he lowered himself and kissed her tenderly, wanting to convey everything inside him. She sighed softly and opened for him, her hands running up along his ribs to his back, pulling him lower until their chests pressed together. He growled at the touch and the tender kiss turned feral once again as his tongue possessed her mouth. Her fingers inched up to the tie at his hair and tugged, but the knot held and he heard her groan in irritation. He pulled back to look at her curiously and she frowned, the furrow between her brows adorable.
“Untie it.” She ordered and he chuckled, raising a brow at the tone. She turned her face to the side and the blush crept all the way to her tiny ears. She mumbled something incoherently and he hummed in question.
“I like how it looks left down…” She mumbled again, this time just loud enough that he could hear. He smiled wide and she covered her face in embarrassment making him laugh softly as he moved her arm away so he could reach her ear. He licked the curve and she shivered under the caress.
“It seems we share a common attraction my dear. For I also love how your hair looks tumbling down your back or…” He pulled back and stared down at her, her hair fanning out over his pillows. He hummed in appreciation and his gaze softened as he reached up to run the back of his fingers along her cheek. Then he reached back and pulled the thong loose, freeing his hair as she commanded. Her eyes followed the strands that fell over his shoulders with such rapt adore that he sucked in a breath as his heart skipped.
He shifted lower, pressing soft kisses along her chest to her stomach. The memory of his last taste of her fueled his need. It also seemed that she knew what he planned as her teeth dug into her lip and her eyes became hooded. He groaned as he ran one hand along the back of her plush thigh, lifting the leg and spreading her for him. He didn’t hold back, stroking her hard, pulling throaty moans from her that had him swelling, straining against the confines of his trousers. He was close to incinerating and it would take all his willpower to be gentle with her.
“Sebastian I-” The way she moaned his name set his blood on fire and he growled deep in his chest. He felt her legs tremble against him and her fingers tugged at his hair painfully. He pressed the tip of his tongue up against the bud of nerves and she came crashing around him, her cries of pleasure ringing through the silent room. He pulled back and looked down at her, she was breathing heavily, her breasts quivering with each breath.
His own was labored as his member throbbed painfully, begging to be freed. He leaned back to remove the strangling clothes and sighed in relief when the cool air hit his heated skin. When his gaze returned to her, he noted that her eyes had widened and were taking in all of him slowly. He stilled, letting her absorb his form, thankful that years of work had left his body hard and muscular. She licked her lips and he followed the motion, his eye narrowing as another part twitched in answer.
“Grace…” He whispered, bringing her eyes up to his as he moved to join her. His movements were slow and calm, not wanting to startle her by falling on her as he desperately wished. He shifted her legs, settling between them so she could feel his weight against her.
“Wait, Sebastian I don’t think-” He kissed her lightly, cutting off her words.
“Don’t think...Just feel.” He whispered against her lips, then kissed her hard, stealing all thoughts from her so she wouldn’t overthink anything between them. She melted against him, the tension leaving her body as she relaxed under him once more. He groaned and massaged her sides, running his hands along her hips to her thighs. She shifted, her legs bending and hugging his hips on instinct. He slowly reached between them and positioned himself at her entrance, pulling back from the kiss to look down at her face.
Her eyes were clenched shut and she was biting her lip, but this time in fear rather than excitement. He grabbed her chin and pulled until her teeth released their hold and her eyes peeked open. When they were locked fully with his once more he grit his teeth and pushed into her, tearing through her maidenhead. She cried out and he pressed his forehead against hers, staying still as her body adjusted to the invasion. When the first tears spilled from her eyes he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs, holding her head gently.
Finally, her eyes opened again and they were as clear as any crystal he had seen. The fire more intense than before and he sighed in relief, not knowing what he would have done if there was hatred in her eyes. He kissed her tenderly and shifted, pushing gently to test if she was okay. At her soft moan his fingers pushed back into her hair, cradling her head and neck. He pulled back slightly before thrusting forward again, her voice louder this time and the pleasure clear. His next stroke was stronger and he released her lips to hear her needy cries as her nails dug into his shoulders.
He groaned and grabbed her hips tightly, shifting so he could set a faster pace, nearing his own release already. It was like being on the ocean all over again, his heart thundered in his chest as she clung to him and he held her fiercely. Finally having her beneath him was even more amazing than he ever imagined it would be and he wasn’t going to last long through the immeasurable pleasure.
“Sebastian…” She sighed huskily as the first waves swept through her. That was all it took. He groaned as his fingers dug into her hips and he gave one final thrust, spilling himself deep inside her as she quivered around him. She cried out his name and he growled hers in response before kissing her hard as the aftershocks rocked both of them. With a satisfied hum he rolled to the side, sliding out of her body.
He quickly fixed the comforter over the two of them so she wouldn’t catch cold from the night air. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her to him again, nestling her head in the crook of his neck. She sighed happily and curled closer, making his heart swell with pride and love.
“Grace I-” He stopped, his throat tightening as he swallowed the words he had been about to say. Even after what they just shared, he wasn’t ready to fully open himself. She snuggled up against him, her warm breath tickling his neck and it had a strange calming effect on him. He sighed and gently ran his fingers through her hair, playing with the silky strands.
“Sleep love.” He whispered and she hummed softly in response, her breathing already slowing. As the fire burned low he marveled at how right it felt to have her in his arms. Maybe it wasn't at sea where he belonged, but right here beside her. What would have happened if he had chased after her all those years ago? Would he have had more time like this? With her head against his heart as she slept peacefully. He placed his hand on the top of her head and buried his nose in her hair. Knowing she was asleep he whispered into the darkness the words he had stopped before. “I love you so much Grace. I always have.”