Adventures with Pirates
Sweat dripped from Aster’s brow as she slowly dropped her body from the solid handstand down to a perfect 90° plank, her legs and chest parallel with the floor as her hands supported all her weight. She held it for a minute, five minutes, ten minutes, before she slowly eased her feet back to the ground. Some of the crew who had gathered around her in the gym applauded quietly. Her arms burned, and her core was so sore she felt nauseous.
She walked out of the enhanced gravity field and wiped her sweat off with a towel and took a drink of the heavy citrus sports drink Brown had concocted for the crew. Everyone on this ship had to maintain their physiques, and that included the captain. It was how they combated the low standard gravity on stations that could cause muscle atrophy, and meant that her crew was ready for anything, even if they were constantly a little sore. Fine by her though, the pain and exhaustion brought with it a sense of euphoria and vigor. Plus it helped clear her mind and organized her thoughts, human beings weren’t meant for chairs and offices, and the various species of uplifted predators even less so. They needed to balance tedious desk work with real physical exertion.
That feeling of improvement and reward was why she had opted for advanced artificial muscles and tendons rather than traditional cybernetics. Hers, and most of her crews, cybernetic enhancements were more like upgraded muscles than mechanical replacements. They still required regular diet and exercise but improved much slower while providing more power per pound of muscle. And while the start was slow and painful, advanced artificial muscles eventually outpaced the stagnant standard cybernetics, healed like ordinary tissue, and didn’t break down. Meaning that she and her crew had to work extra hard for every little improvement without turning into massive hulking brutes who needed to chow down ten times a day.
Gato was the exception to the rule; him, and his team of marines. They rarely spent any time outside of the gym and it showed. Even Limey who was considered the ‘smallest’ was still a wall of barely restrained muscle. And after about a month of forced bedrest Gato was pushing himself harder than ever. He had lost so much mass on that bed that his fellow marines were calling him ‘little kitty’.
On a technical level it would have been easier to genetically upgrade and modify their bodies, rather than using advanced and expensive cybernetics that bordered on edge of true living tissue. But after the wave of fashionable body modding that swept post contact Earth, both Terran and Union governments had completely banned genetic tampering. Especially after the wave of ‘uplifted’ species flooded society. Medical cybernetics on the other hand were still legal, even if they just about bordered on body modding. Besides, small little genetic flaws would leave future generations plagued with a new emerging host of genetic diseases.
Aster was about to join the Virtues for some flexibility training, when a petite angry voice silenced the room with a single word, “YOU!”
~~~*~~~
Alwen was upset, Gato had already missed his first check-up, and when she tracked done the hulking Feliniod she found him lifting nearly five times her weight. She stalked across the gym until she stood outside the black and yellow barrier that marked the high-g section of the gym and glared.
He didn’t falter under her stare and continued to lift, barely grunting under the strain. “Can I help you Vi?” he asked calmly and nonchalantly.
“You missed your first check in, and when I track you down I find that you’re lifting five times my own weight in…” she looked over to the gauge on the wall “3.6 times the ships gravity!” if Alwen wasn’t so angry she might have been impressed. Terran native gravity was already slightly more than what she was used to, she wasn’t even sure she could walk under gravity like that.
“I lost to much on that bed, I need to recover” he said evenly without interrupting his rhythm.
“No, you need to come to your scheduled appointments. And for that matter,” she said now glaring around the room “I see five of you who also missed their monthly physical!”
Stunned and shamed crew quickly returned to their workouts and avoided her gaze. Now that she actually looked she realized that everyone who missed their appointments were all Sins. Marines directly under Gato’s command. “Those are all your men Gato; they’re following your lead and are shirking their checkups.”
“Look Vi me and my team are the tip of the spear, we all need to maintain peak physical form. That means a lot of hard work and gym time, I’m sorry but this takes precedent.”
“No it doesn’t” a firm voice said behind her, Alwen turned and saw the lathered and sweaty form of the Captain behind her with a towel tossed over her shoulder. “Those monthly checkups were instituted because you and your team are constantly pushing their limits, if any of you tear a ligament or slide a disc out of place then I lose an expensive marine to a long and expensive recovery. Cool down, shower, then follow the doctor to the med bay” she ordered.
Gato didn’t glare or scowl, he only sighed, let the bar down easily and began his cool down cycle. All the other Sins who skipped their physicals followed his lead.
“Thank you for the assist Captain.” Alwen said to the women who was now scanning her with a deep intense stare.
“You’re welcome,” she said distractedly “how long have you been aboard?”
“Um, a little over thirty cycles”
“Not good enough.”
“Pardon?”
“You’ve been slacking on your PT” Captain Astarte said, Alwen had been aboard the Hellworlder vessel long enough to know the Terrans letters, but she had no idea what PT was.
“Um, what does that mean?”
“Physical training, you are nowhere near developed enough after a whole month. Ghost!” she called, and Alice vaulted over in a leap. “I thought I ordered you to bring her to your morning and midday workouts”
“I’ve been trying Cap’n, but she is always busy with this or that. I can only get her in a few times a week.”
The Captains sharp gaze returned to Alwen “Care to explain?”
Alwen blushed in shame, she didn’t know that Alice had been ordered to bring her along. If she had she wouldn’t have canceled so often. “I’ve been studying Terran physiology every spare chance I can, and the rest of my day is taken up by learning advanced science from Bachir and English lessons.” She said looking at her feet.
She felt bad for the crew who had to switch from English to common whenever she was around. She wasn’t fluent yet, but she was starting to figure out a few of the language’s rules. It would have been a lot easier if there weren’t three major dialects of English. British English which was almost so warped and modified it didn’t resemble other English dialects. North American English, which was easier to listen to, but was thoroughly entangled with another Terran language called Spanish. Meaning she also had to learn Spanish, and while it was a little easier to learn, it was different enough from English to raise the total difficulty all together. And international English, a greatly dumbed down and trimmed version of the language the crew generally opted for.
A spark of surprise flickered briefly across the captains face, and something else, respect?, “I see, my apologies but you will have to fit training into your busy schedule. Every member of this ship must maintain a certain degree of athleticism for any emergencies that occur. That goes for you as well. From now on you are to attend morning and midday training with the Virtues. And you might even find that the exercise helps you with that studying.” The captain said as she turned around to return to her workout.
A few minutes later Gato and the rest went to hit the showers and were out a minute later. And she left with the wet marines while trying to reconfigure her schedule. She ended up deciding to drop British English since most of the crew couldn’t understand it either.
~~~*~~~
“Wait! You two are married?” Alwen asked the bartender. The ship had returned to port in Parox, and Alice had once again dragged her out for some fun. Seeing as the ship was going to be in port for a few days, and Bachir didn’t imbibe in any illicit substances, she saw no harm in going a little overboard on the drinks.
“Yes” the Balikstro, Bone’women, said. Her thick melodic accent adding in soft purr to the word. “Is et so strange?” she asked tauntingly, her voice harmonizing with itself.
“Ah, no I guess not. I just didn’t expect it” she spluttered.
“Cooongtratz theeeen” the bartender said in his low smooth drawl, “yooou’re ooofficiiially more oopen minded thaaan ninety percent ooof the galaxy.”
Alwen cocked her head at him in confusion, this one Limey decided to answer “Well don’t be too surprised luv, most other buggers out there don’t even have a sense of homosexuality. Sure some are poly and others are monogamous, but ultimately most Xeno relationships are only concerned with pairings that produce kids. Same for most of the lil’buggers on their homeworlds too”
The next part Alice chimed in on “But something about deathworlders in general allows for wires to get crossed in different ways. Its theorized that since deathworlders are from hostile worlds we come equipped with the galaxies greatest sexual drives to keep the fire going even in the harshest times. How that equals non-heterosexual desires or cross species romance I’m not sure”
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
“And even the range of sexuality varies species to species. I hear that Balter’s got festivals that are like a Bohemian’s wet dream” Limey added with several suggestive winks that went aways to explain whatever the hell a ‘Bohemian’s wet dream’ meant in Terran culture.
“That is misunderstanding” Ukulah, the Balikstro, retorted in her melodic accent. “I have seen Terran orgy before, they are not the same.”
Limey blinked slowly, his reactions dulled by beer, “really?” he asked a little crestfallen, like a personal fantasy was shattered.
“Those are festering pit of hedonism, on Bal’ture its different. Those festivals are celebration of unity and togetherness, of peace between clans, they are spiritual experience”
Limey leaned over Alwen to the Balikstro women on her side “I’m not sure what kinda human parties you’ve been to, but the ones I’ve joined in on are very spiritual experiences” to which Alice responded with a smack upside the head.
“Keep talking like that and I won’t let you sit next to Alwen anymore” she growled.
Limey looked offended “I wouldn’t dare corrupt the ship’s sweetheart”
“Then get off my lap” Alwen said laughing. It seemed that much of the ship had a running gag of protecting her innocence. It never bordered on coddling or patronizing so Alwen let it go on, even played into it sometimes. She was surprised to realize how well she had fit herself into a crew of pirates, how easily it came to joke around with murderers and thieves. Alice often said that they weren’t the ‘pillage and rape’ kind of pirates, though Alwen wasn’t sure what that meant.
“Howw abouuut you, deeeear” the Bartender rumbled in his long-drawn-out form of speech.
“Me?”
“Ooonn youuur worrrld?” he asked.
“He wants to know if your people have relationships other than the pairing of female and males genes?” Limey explained, finally sitting up straight.
“Uh, well yes, but they still produce offspring” she explained hesitantly. Her study of Terran reproductive organs had revealed a new difference between their species, one she wasn’t sure she could explain very well as drunk as she was.
“How does that work?” Wraith asked, he had been throwing his prized knife at a target board to the side of the bar, not saying much but always ready offer his input.
Alwen felt her face flush even after all she had to drink. She started into the inky depths of her drink, and began to notice the blackness creeping in around her vision, maybe she should switch to water. “It’s called chromosomal shifting. After a while partners experience a shift in their reproductive organs to match their mates, making them capable of reproducing with each other”
“And how does that work darling, how does body know when to change” Ukulah purred.
“By the goddess I’m either too drunk, or not drunk enough to explain this.” Alwen groaned.
“Sorry but you’re not getting out of this one” Alice teased, “this is too interesting to ignore.”
She cringed, “Ingested fluids, and that’s all I’m comfortable explaining. Unless you would like to explain the berdz and the beez’ to me.” She said borrowing a Terran phrase she had heard before. Instantly Limey and Alice did a half-cringe, half-vomit face, despite the raunchy nature of these pirates they always got uncomfortable explaining the exact process of Terran copulation. It was all innuendos and aphorisms, not specifics. “That’s what I thought, though as much as I’ve studied I think I could explain it better.”
“I’m sorry but I’m still hung up on this chromo-something shifting.” Wraith interjected again. “How does a species even evolve a trait like that, and how versatile is it? Does a girl grown a penis after a while, and how is it decided?”
Alwen was a little more comfortable with a scientific breakdown than a personal one “No we don’t grow, uh, ‘those’ things,” she said, unable to say the word penis out loud “The egg just becomes the seed, and the other way around with guys. We think it’s a sort of vestigial quirk from back when life was first evolving, back during the era of primordial bacterial that clung to volcanic vents when the atmosphere was too clogged with smoke and ash for photosynthesis. These vents would pop up and then go dead relatively quickly, so the bacteria evolved a way to detach and find new vents. But since the new vents were different to what they were adapted for they found a way to change based on the DNA of the local bacteria. That carried through during the Calcinific boom and the Carboniferous eras to nowadays.”
“I don’t think I followed any of that.” Limey said at the end.
“Its all really old history you can only find in the rock record, and it’s all just a theory. We haven’t found a way to really determine its origin, until recently we thought it was a normal thing. Traditionally its told that the creator gods of fire, water, and wind, spread out all the people of Torwen and weaved them to best fit their new homes, but they would war with their neighbors, so the goddess Ashendra blessed them with the ability to love each other.”
“I take it that’s not in a love thy neighbor sort of way” Alice said.
“Uh, I’m not sure what that means, but it means love as in the act of creating kids”
Her drinking companions went silent until Wraith broke the silence “As the saints once said, ‘I was made for lovin’ you baby-,’”
“You were made for lovin’ me” the rest of her drinking companions chimed in and took a swig of whatever they were drinking. The Terrans did this from time to time, quoting some strange religious scriptures Alwen didn’t quite understand. They laughed and moved on to other topics, like who could drain a mug the fastest. Or how accurately Wraith could toss his knife backwards, or upside down, or blindfolded. That game only ended when he said the tip was getting dull.
Terran and Kaydic’ah bars did not have attached hostels for blind drunkards to sleep off their hangovers like Torweni bars, so she and her friends were forced to drunkenly stumble their way back to the ship as the station entered its night cycle by dimming lights. Alwen was now almost completely blind had rested her head on Alice’s soft shoulder and was half asleep when the group suddenly stopped.
She heard footsteps, several people.
“We don’t want any trouble” She heard Alice growl low and menacingly.
“Don’ matter kitty,” a slimy voice said in front of her, a robber? Didn’t he fear the blades these pirates carried everywhere. She felt more than heard Alice make a soft rumbling sound deep in her throat as several sets a footsteps shuffled around them, flanking the pirates.
“Back off gutter shite, we don’t feel like guttin’ you” Limey said as a scrape of metal rung through the alley. She heard the soft distinctive click of a safety in front of her. That’s why he didn’t fear their blades, they had brought guns, small hand pistols from the sound of it. Idiots.
She had seen these marines and the rest of the crew practice with their swords as much as they trained their bodies. She didn’t doubt their ability took take on a group of robbers, but Alwen didn’t have any weapon and was nearly blind. This was why Torweni bars had attached cots.
“Alley to your left, when things kick up run there and find a place to hide” Alice whispered, so soft only Alwen would have heard her.
“Yer’ out numah’d, drop those pretty swords and git out of here” the lead man called. Just as he finished she felt Alice tense under her and launch forward without warning. Alwen turned to her left and ran forward as she heard the hiss of a blade and the sharp smack of the hilt hitting a jaw. Bedlam ensued, but Alwen paid it no notice as she ran forward. Something within her told her that this was cowardice, but she would be useless in a fight even if she could see.
She ran maybe twenty meters before she found a corner and promptly pressed herself into it. Her breath came in sharp gasps as she tried to listen in on the battle, until she felt a hand latch onto her leg. Panic and adrenaline jolted through her body, a narrow bleary range of vision returned as fight or flight mechanics took over. She looked down a saw a filthy gap-toothed human curled up in a ratty sleeping bag had latched on to her leg.
While Alwen hadn’t been able to join many of Virtue teams intense stretching and endurance sessions, the little she had gotten had toughened her frail frame. She used her trapped leg to drive her foot into his face, he let out a stream of curses as she turned to run further down the alley before he could get up and chase her. She made a few random terms through the tight winding paths of the Terran quarter before she saw a cracked door with light and laughter pouring out into the alley, there was a sign above the door in English, the only word she recognized was ‘bar’.
She bolted through and hid next to the door frame as a set of hurried and heavy footsteps bolted past a minute later. She was sucking in air now, and her narrow vision dimmed, once again leaving her in the dark. She jolted when she felt a rough hand on her shoulder “Woah there girly, had yerself a fright.” A gruff and brassy voice said, his speech thick with a Terran accent and the smell of stale alcohol on his breath.
Alwen tried to force herself closer to the wall, wishing her vision would come back again. She knew that she should have thought ahead of what would happen when a blind alien girl rushed into a random slum bar. She was planning a new escape when a loud roar of heavily accented common rattled the whole bar “Git yer ‘ands off ‘er afore I cut’em off”
The hand instantly left her shoulder in a jerk “Woah Terry, I wasn’t gonna hurt her, she just looked spooked, thas’all” the brassy voice said, scarred but seemingly sincere.
“Es tha’ right” the other man, Terry, rumbled threateningly. Heavy footsteps on creaking floorboards told Alwen the man was heavy and coming her way.
“Oh’nest, come on Terry you ever seen me hurt a scared girly.” The first man said placatingly.
“Oh aye, I know. But she’s wan o’mine. So I’ll take care o’er” the man said arriving in front of them. She heard footsteps as the other man stalked away “Yoo okay lassy” the man said much softer now.
The voice sounded familiar, but that thick accent was what really gave him away “Bosun?”
“Aye, ets me. What appened’, yer eyes all black?”
“Drunk, blind drunk. It will pass.”
“Why’d yoo go drinken aloon?” he said taking her hand and guiding her ovber to what must have been the bar.
“I wasn’t, I was with Alice and the other marines. Some men jumped them, and I had to run, I, uh, got lost in the alleys.” She explained. Though she had snapped at he Bosun on her first day she was still terrified of the man, and had kept her distance. But the Buson always seemed to soft just a bit whenever she was around, so she felt like she could trust this man. And now that she was in semi-good hands she began to worry about the others.
“Ohh I see, don’ worry bout’em. Worry fer those poor bastarts who jumped wan o’ours. Clamey, wahter fer the lassey, she nids’ta sober up, ‘an so do I” He called over the counter.
“Are you all alone here?” she asked. Trying to gauge what he was doing here, as a rule the Terrans never went out alone.
“Ah, aye” he sighed “Me an Kev are ‘aven a row. E’s mad at me fer not knowen e’waz gone for a week in ‘olden. An e’s right ta.” He said softly, firmly guiding her with a massive hand on her back.
“Who?”
“Ehd’o engineeren. Kevin Heizer”
“The one-armed mechanic”
“Thas’im” he said as two soft clinks signaled the arrival of the water.
“You didn’t notice he was gone for a week?” she chuckled awkwardly, she knew very little about the Buson, but it seemed like he might be trying to distract her. Maybe it was nerves, or maybe it was the booze, but it was working. As he talked she worried less for her friends. If the Bosun was relaxed enough to open up to her then there was no reason for her to worry about her friends.
“Yah well, hoo shuild I know e’ got arrested. E’ll diss’pere into the ‘engens fer weeks and then wander why I’m all fussed. The wan time et appens cuz e’s arrested all the sudden I’m ‘enattentive and callous.”
Alwen smiled at the big man, or at least his general direction. His soft words and benign conversation had an odd calming affect “Have you apologized?” she asked.
“Why shuild I, et’s not like I got ‘im arrested” he guffawed.
“Because getting arrested isn’t why he’s mad at you. I’d guess you tried to laugh off his traumatic disappearance, and now he’s upset because you didn’t seem to care” she said with a pat on his huge meaty shoulder.
“Ya think?” he sounded hopeful
“Its all just a guess, I have only ever seen you yelling. And I haven’t met the Cheif of engineering yet. But that’s what it sounds like to me. Just think of an honest way to say you’re sorry and let him know you care”
“Huh” the man said as he lifted his glass and presumably drained it from the gurgling sounds she heard.
Alwen gripped her own glass and started sipping at the water. The panic and run had sobered her out of her delirium and drowsiness, and she was able to reflect on what a weird night this had been. This whole last month had been weird in fact.
She had never really had anyone to go out drinking with people before, or had friends who would draw blades for her like Alice had. She had sipped at fine wines at her fathers parties, gone to social events, and even organized study groups. But while she and her collage friends had chosen to work at the same hospital together, they never really bonded that deeply. They were excited for her and congratulated her when she said she was going to space to work with aliens, but she knew they wouldn’t really be missing her. They had their own lives and careers to worry about, and Alwen had always been more of a tagalong than a real friend. Or at least that’s how it seemed now.
While she hadn’t intended to join a pirate crew, the rest of the experience had been pretty close to what she had dreamed of. She was in space with a crew of aliens who seemed to genuinely care about her, and wanted to help her. She was learning so much from Doctor Bachir that she felt like she could write ten doctoral thesis’ on the subject. And she was somewhere new and exotic, with a particularly sticky floor.
She turned to the Bosun, whose figure was becoming a little visible now, and thought ‘this man hardly knows me, our only real interaction wasn’t even that pleasant. And now here we are comforting each other and talking like friends”
“Hey Bosun?”
“Terry fer now lass, when we git to tha’ ship yoo can call me Bosun, or Highland.”
“Right, Terry. I wanted to apologize for yelling at you when we first met. I’m not sure what came over me.”
“Don’, yoo found yer spine an stood ramrod straight when I threatened yer wards, not many hoo’l dea tha. Et means yer a good doctor, like Brown. ‘Sides, mibe I nid som’un to knock me down a peg samtimes, jus don’ try et enfront o’ the lads when I’m do’en me job. They need ta fear me.”
“I wouldn’t dare. So long as you respect my authority over my patients” she chuckled. He raised something, and it took Alwen a moment to figure out that he had raised his empty cup of water. She raised hers and awkwardly clinked it with his
“Ta ‘ell an back” he said, a weird Terran toast she had heard from the marines many times.
“To Hell and Back”