image [https://i.ibb.co/Xjy8zMf/Titi-Chapter14.jpg]

Once Nate Goiterheads’s body was reconstructed, with over two hundred glue sticks employed, our friends gathered in one of the palace’s smaller screening rooms, with recliners and couches facing a 200 inch screen. As Titi plopped down on an overstuffed couch there fell from his pocket a snuff box, which rolled upon the floor.

“What is this?” asked Cydroidobot, picking up the box.

“Be careful!” cried the boy. “That’s the Make Living Concoction. Don’t spill it, for it is nearly gone.”

“What is a Make Living Concoction?” asked Cydroidobot.

“It’s the powder that brought Nate and the raccoon bench to life. Some concoction stinky old Gonorrena had,” explained the Plotzian boy. “I guess it will make anything live that is sprinkled with it; but there’s only about one dose left.”

“Then it is very precious,” said Cydroidobot.

“Indeed it is,” agreed the Ratsack Tremorroid. “It may prove our best means of escape from our difficulties. But first I will thank you, friend Cy, to take your machete and rip this heavy crown from my forehead.”

Cydroidobot soon cut the stitches that had fastened the crown to the top of the Ratsack Tremorroid’s sack, and the former monarch of Schmegma City removed it with a sigh of relief and hung it on the back the throne.

“That is my last memento of royalty” said he; “and I’m glad to get rid of it. I am now the former Ratsack Tremorroid of Schmegma City. I don’t think Earwax should be the ruler of Bonertania, but I don’t want to do it anymore either.” He sighed. “Now, listen! If we attempt to escape through the doors of Videotape Palace we shall surely be captured. And, as we can’t escape through the ground, there is only one other thing to be done. We must escape through the air! On the roof next to the flying saucer landing pad is a dumpster big enough to hold all of us. If we attach wings and a head we can use Titi’s concoction to bring it to life.”

“That is an excellent idea,” said Cydroidobot.

“Where will we fly to?” asked Titi excitedly.

“To Empress Nobgoblin in Quirk Quadrant. She’s got legal thaumaturgic powers and an army and is sure to help us puzzle out this dilemma,” answered the Ratsack Golem.

“Super genius!” declared Cydroidobot. “I too know Nobgoblin, and believe she will prove a friend indeed.”

“Then let us search through this facility,” said B.M. Foulfinger, “and gather all the material we need to make the flying creature.”

So, glad to be doing anything that might lead to the end of their captivity, the friends separated to wander over Videotape Palace in search of fitting material to use in the construction of their aerial organism. Then the adventurers met on the landing pad, each with a different item for construction of the flying creature.

B.M. Foulfinger and Titi had taken from its position in the foyer the mounted head of a humpty hump. A humpty hump is a large, hairless yokai that is half-camel and half-anteater. It has two humps, each with two tinier humps on top of them. This particular humpty hump had lost its humps, along with the rest of its body, and was mounted to a fleshwood plaque. It still had a long bony neck with a droopy laryngeal prominence, and a long floppy, veiny snout with an odd looking puckered orifice. Its eyes had been replaced with black marbles. With great care and greater difficulty, the emancipated finger and the Plotzian tween had maneuvered it up the stairs to the roof.

The Ratsack Golem arrived with a box of five thousand more glue sticks. Cydroidobot had been to the palace laundry and with the Chainsaw Raccoon’s help lugged four ironing boards to the roof. Finally, Nate Goiterhead had brought a toilet plunger, which was the first thing he saw.

The dumpster itself was rectangular, made of dark brown heavy gauge steel except for its wheels and lid, which were made of black Mukasian plastic. It was very smelly, as it was regularly filled with garbage from the palace’s galley for the incoming and outcoming feature film motion picture delivering fruitbats to feed on. Fortunately the dumpster was empty today, as Earwax had no idea it was even there to be filled.

Using tools that popped out of the tips of his fingers Cydroidobot removed the lid at its hinges. The android was a clever craftsman and was able to use door hinges from the palace movie vaults to attach two boards on either side of the dumpster. Then Titi hot glued the taxidermied head in front.

“Don’t forget my toilet plunger!” exclaimed Nate. “Aren’t we going to use my toilet plunger?”

“What for?” asked Cydroidobot.

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“Why, it can be fastened to the back end for a tail,” answered the garbage golem. “Surely you would not call the Humpty Hump Dumpster complete without a tail.”

“Very well,” sighed the Robotic Emperor. “The plunger shall be used for a tail.” Foulfinger took the plunger and spit on the action end, then slapped it onto the back of the dumpster where the suction cup stuck right on.

Said B.M. Foulfinger, with considerable admiration:

“The Humpty Hump Dumpster is now complete, and only needs to be brought to life.”

Titi took the snuff box from his pocket.

“The thing looks very big,” said he, anxiously; “and I am not sure there is enough concoction left to bring all of it to life. But I’ll make it go as far as possible.”

“Put most on the ironing board wings,” advised Cydroidobot; “for they must be made as strong as possible.”

“No, put the most on the head or it will be too stupid to fly anywhere!” exclaimed B.M. Foulfinger.

“Put it all on the tail!” blurted Nate Goiterhead.

“Do be quiet,” said Titi, nervously; “you have to give me a chance to do this right.”

Very carefully he began sprinkling the Humpty Hump Dumpster with the precious powder. Each of the four ironing boards were first lightly covered with a layer, then the dumpster was sprinkled, and the head given a good coating. Titi moved on to the plunger and dumped the last few grains of powder on top.

As he finished the dumpster gave a huge shudder. The wings began to twitch and the toilet plunger handle swung back and forth. Then the head shook all over and the snout began twitching, then the orifice at the end began coughing and huge dollops of moist, moldy sawdust spurted all over the roof. Then the Humpty Hump Dumpster’s head began making one extremely loud fart noise out of its snout-hole.

“PPPPPPHHHHHFFFFFFFFTTTT!” went the head. It seemed to be in considerable distress and began violently shaking left-to-right, up-and-down. Everywhere it whipped its snout glops of moist, moldy sawdust sprayed.

“Gah!” shouted the Ratsack Golem.

“Ugga-Maggugga!” yelled Cydroidobot.

“Yumpin’ Yiminy!” screamed B.M. Foulfinger.

“Yipes stripes!” ejaculated Nate Goiterhead.

“I think you did it wrong,” the Chainsaw Raccoon said calmly.

“I don’t understand,” said Titi. “Nate and the raccoon didn’t scream when I brought them to life.”

The newborn dumpster golem’s fart-screams intensified. It stretched out it’s veiny trunk as long as it could get, then it tilted its head back and pointed its face towards the sky. The four ironing board wings began flapping furiously, kicking up huge gusts of wind.

Titi and Foulfinger managed to grasp on to the heavy Chainsaw Raccoon’s tail, or else they would have been blown off the roof by the terrible breeze raised by the violently undulating wings. Nate did start to blow away but the Plotzian tween grabbed ahold of the garbage golem’s drier-tube arm. Cydroidobot, who was quite heavy, grabbed the Ratsack Golem, who only weighed as much as a sackful of rats. The Humpty Hump Dumpster rose slowly from the roof and mounted into the air.

“Hey! Come back!” cried Titi, in a frightened voice, as he clung to the raccoon’s tail with one hand and the Nate with the other. “Come back at once, I command you!”

The Humpty Hump Dumpster, already high in the air and still fart-screaming, tilted its head at Titi’s command and gradually circled around the castle’s towers until it could view the palace’s roof and the flying saucer landing pad.

“Come back!” shouted the boy, again.

And the Humpty Hump Dumpster stopped fart-screaming and obeyed, awkwardly waving its four wings in the air until it had settled once more upon the roof and become still. As the dust cleared its long snout became relaxed and became flaccid and more moist moldy sawdust oozed out the tip and splattered to the roof.

Cautiously, Titi approached the humpty hump head.

“Hi, I’m Titiarius, and I’m sort of like your dad. These are your siblings Nate Goiterhead and the Chainsaw Raccoon. What’s your name?”

The head stared at Titi with blank, unblinking eyes, then let a pfft noise out of it’s orifice.

“Can you only speak in fart noises?” asked Titi.

The hump head nodded while making a long “Ppppfffffftt” noise. Every time it made the farty sound it would spit out more moist, moldy sawdust.

Titi explained to the head who they all were and what their current situation. When Titi asked them to fly our heroes to Quirk Quadrant to seek the counsel of the great thaumaturge Empress Nobgoblin, it quickly acquiesced.

“Let us get aboard and start upon our journey,” said the Ratsack Golem.

“I hope you don’t mind us getting inside of you,” Nate said apologetically to his new sibling.

They all hoisted the Chainsaw Raccoon into the dumpster and Cydroidobot threw the sack of rats in after him. Then the others climbed in.

“Eww, it stinks in here,” said Titi.

“It’s moldy,” said the Chainsaw Raccoon.

“And there’s used tissue paper stuck to the greasy floor,” said B.M. Foulfinger.

“Well we’ll just have to make the best of it!” said the Ratsack Golem.

“Are we all ready?” asked Titi.

“Yes,” announced Robotic Emperor. Titi hoisted himself up onto the Chainsaw Raccon’s back and yelled down at the taxidermied humpty hump head.

“Humpty hump, um, thing! Are you ready to fly?,” yelled Titi.

“PPPPFFFFFTTTT-T-T-T-T!!!”

“Then fly south. South is straight ahead.”

“Pffft!,” answered the Humpty Hump Dumpster, briefly. Then it flopped its four ironing board wings and rose slowly into the air; and then, while our little band of adventurers were jostled to and fro inside the dumpster the Humpty Hump Dumpster turned toward the south and soared swiftly and majestically away.

Meanwhile, in the palace, a toilet flushed and Gonorrena exited a bathroom while asking:

“Did I miss anything?”