TIME & TIED: AWARENESS

ARC 1.4 - Of Herself

PART 23b: ROCK BOTTOM 2

It didn't make SENSE, Chartreuse reflected as she stared up at the ceiling of her room. Something about the drug affair felt WRONG.

The thought had been bothering her right through her detention, right through her trip home, right through supper, right up until now. If only she could put her finger on what the problem was!

It related to Julie, Chartreuse knew that much. After all, while Carrie had been in trouble, Julie apparently hadn't been... or at least they'd been seen separately. What was the connection? Why had Julie been called to the office? Carrie hadn't seemed to know, having just wanted to get away from the brunette.

Folding her arms, Chartreuse sat up on her bed and looked over towards her dresser. Perhaps the trouble was that she was asking herself the wrong questions. After all, the discovery of that drug bag had been the central event.

Okay - who knew it had been in Carrie's locker? The principal, the teacher who'd searched the locker, presumably Corry, Tim, herself... and Julie. Yes, Julie HAD to have known - in her vision, Chartreuse had seen Julie taking something from the locker AFTER Corry had done his fiddling. Boy, that was cold, leaving the bag of pills there when Julie could have helped Carrie out.

Yet, in that case, what had Julie taken out of the locker? Chartreuse had thought it to be whatever Corry had put in, but Julie hadn't removed the drugs. So it had to be something else. Right?

Yet that meant that something else had to have been inside the locker too. Something that Corry would have seen, whether he realized it or not. Was there any way to find out the identity of that something? Of course there was.

Chartreuse sprang for a phone extension, only to discover that their land line was already in use. "Azure, get off the phone,” Chartreuse demanded.

"I don't hafta, I'm asking questions about homework," her younger sister replied.

"Azure!"

"Sorry Ben, you need to excuse my sister," Azure said. "She had detention today, it's unsettled her karma and made her all cranky. Hang up now Chartreuse, or I'll tell mom!"

Sighing helplessly, Chartreuse hung up and went to grab her jacket instead. Her family didn’t own cell phones, as their use tended to interfere with the abilities that they had. So she’d need to drop by in person... seeing as she had to know now, one way or the other. Otherwise her sacrifice on Carrie’s behalf could amount to nothing.

***

"Nothing. A whole lot of nothing."

"What's that?" Theresa asked, leaning on the counter of the coffee shop.

Carrie lifted her head to look blearily at the red haired waitress. "Why do you care?" she shot back.

Theresa smiled disarmingly. "Part of my job is to help out the customers. There's not too many people around right now and you look like you could use someone to talk to."

"Well, I don't need anyone. Never have. So take a hike," Carrie said indignantly. Theresa nodded slowly and turned away.

Carrie gripped her glass tighter. "Wait," she amended. "I... I’m sorry, that was rude. Maybe I do need someone. Because I don't have anyone. Not anymore." Her gaze dropped back down into her lemonade. "In fact I have nothing left." She squeezed her eyes shut.

Theresa leaned back onto the counter. "I'm sure that's an exaggeration."

"It's not," Carrie said hollowly. "I don't have my mom. I don't have Julie. Without Julie, I don't have friends. Not really. She’s the only one I ever..." Carrie reopened her eyes and banged her fist down on the café counter, hard enough to make dishes rattle. "How could I let this happen? Why the hell didn't I see this coming? I should have been listening more to my instincts on Sunday. Why was I so blind?"

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"Sometimes truths can be painful to see," Theresa remarked.

"Yeah, well, I wish I could go back a few days and beat some sense into my head," Carrie asserted.

"You think you'd be better off then?”

"Hell yes," Carrie affirmed. But even as she said it, she found herself considering the possibility.

If she WERE to time travel back a few days, if she were to stop herself from calling Julie on Sunday for instance, would her situation now be any better? Or would Julie just have found an even more devilish way of getting to her? Would Carrie have even BELIEVED her present day self? Probably not.

Carrie might be better off traveling back further and kicking the time machine into a really deep hole before discovering it. Except now, that would wipe out numerous events. Including any reason for her to travel back and do it in the first place! One of those damn paradoxes Frank loved to talk about.

Frank. The guy who would probably benefit the most from having the time machine removed from their past. She’d really done a number on him, hadn’t she. Two years worth of a number! God, what might he have been able to accomplish without her messing up his past for her own selfish ends? She couldn’t even begin to imagine.

Ironically enough, Carrie abruptly recalled a time before Julie’s party, when she’d thought a time machine would solve everything. Instead, it had merely caused all sorts of new problems. There really was no quick fix for anything, was there. Especially not for the thing she most wanted to fix...

Carrie flexed her fingers, then took a long draught of lemonade. Theresa was still there. "You know what?" Carrie decided at last. "Life simply sucks."

The red haired waitress smiled. "I dare say that's the most common problem I see around here. And while the cause is often different, talking about it usually does help people. So, anything else on your mind?"

Carrie shook her head slowly. “Nothing you’d understand. Heck, I’ve said too much already," she sighed, pressing her forehead into the palm of her hand.

Theresa leaned in closer. “If it’s not something you can tell me, is there someone else...?”

Carrie let out a quick burst of laughter. “No way! I’ve scared everyone else off! I have nothing left, nobody, nothing..." Her voice trailed off. The more she said it, the more she realized how true it was.

Theresa pursed her lips. “That sort of statement is rarely accurate,” the waitress countered. “Don’t do anything drastic, all right? Take some time to put things into perspective. It’s probably not as bad as you think it is."

With that, the waitress moved off to another section of the coffee shop where a customer was waving. Carrie was left sitting and staring into her drink, contemplating Theresa's words.

Okay, so she obviously couldn’t talk to Julie - but there was only one other person who knew her the way Julie did. About her past, her present, her triggers and idiosyncrasies - and that one guy, the individual who had been subjected to more “Carrie” than anyone else in the whole high school? He was better off without her. She squeezed her eyes shut again.

She wasn't sure how much more time passed before she heard someone addressing her. "What?" she inquired, opening her eyes and looking up.

“I said hey, track tease, have you talked to the math whiz yet?” Lee repeated.

"To Frank?? Why the hell would I talk to Frank?" she snapped back, her thoughts spilling out unbidden from between her lips. "I mean, sure, he's the only other one who knows about what's been going on of late. And all right, so he's someone who knows a good deal about me now. The trouble is, I’m so short sighted that the lines of communication have become completely screwed up between us. To the point where I really doubt there's a chance of ever restoring whatever small rapport there might have previously been, assuming he’s even willing to do so!”

Lee rubbed the back of his head. “Wow, okay, if you say so. I only ask because I found a bunch of your clothes and stuff. Gave it to him to give to you. Guess you haven't got it from him yet?”

Carrie felt her cheeks warming and quickly turned away. "Oh. No, I..." She was reminded of the bag tied to her locker. “Actually maybe... but I haven't seen Frank since class,” she mumbled.

"Lee?" Theresa said, approaching. "You were right, you did leave your drafting assignment here. It fell behind one of the booths."

"Cool," Lee remarked, taking the papers from her. He saluted. "Thanks, speedy service sweetheart." He turned back to Carrie. "And hey, track tease, a final word of advice?"

"Why is everybody a psychologist today?" Carrie muttered under her breath.

"Just wanted to say, an aluminum foil hat'll help you block out those alien mind control rays."

Carrie couldn’t help herself. “What does THAT mean?” she demanded.

Lee shrugged. "I figure something's messing with your mind. Otherwise you wouldn't have such a warped opinion of how people like the math whiz view friendship. Anyway, see ya in class tomorrow.” Carrie found she could only gape as Lee waved and headed back out of the shop.

"Interesting character, that one," Theresa remarked idly.

Carrie nodded slowly as her fingers snared a lock of her hair. She yanked it. Hard. “Theresa, what defines a friend?"

The waitress turned back and cocked her head to the side. "That's an unusual question. I suppose answers will vary. Why do you ask?"

Carrie bit her lip. "I'm not sure," she murmured. Had Julie ever truly been her friend? Conversely, over the last few weeks, had she actually been becoming friends with Frank? No... now she was grasping at straws. But still. The time with Frank - it hadn’t been like her previous social encounters, that was for sure. And who else was there, if not Frank? I mean really, who else? "What time is it?"

"Coming up on 9:30," Theresa said.

Carrie pulled her fingers free from her hair. "There's still time before my curfew then," she said softly. She turned to the waitress. "I'll settle up my bill now."