The void. I felt its comfort surrounding me. Safety. Familiarity. It was the nothingness that I came from. It was where I belonged. And it was where I would stay. I always returned to it, and this was no different. That beautiful emptiness waited for me. A canvas for my thoughts.
But then, in the beautiful nothing, I saw it. A swirling darkness that edged slowly toward me. It came from the horizon and only swallowed more of it the more I watched. It came closer and closer by the moment, demonstrating a terrible power as it consumed the light. I was afraid. I was so afraid that it would catch up to me and make me forget. That it would plunge me into its own distressing darkness. Another familiar emptiness that made me want to flee this time. One that offered no joy or freedom. But it was coming anyway, and there didn’t seem like there was anything I could do to stop it.
The darkness approached and I heard its terrifying din screeching in my ears, the weight of the world crushing my shoulders, the pain… it was an all-consuming sensory overload that ripped everything away from me. And as it inched ever closer, I felt it lurch toward me, and in an instant, I was consumed.
—
I awoke with a shout, throwing my blanket aside as I scanned the room for the darkness, but only found the familiar low lights of my heart in the evening. I took note of my heavy breathing and my shaking hands. I watched the door like a hawk, as if expecting something dangerous to turn the corner and walk in at a moment’s notice. But nothing came.
I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. A nightmare. It had just been a bad dream. I clicked my tongue, laying back down and staring up at the ceiling as I calmed myself. It had been so long since I had proper sleep where I’d been able to dream. After all, I’d spent so much time inside the core module where I barely needed to sleep at all, followed by an anesthetized knockout and then a drunken blackout. Maybe dreaming was becoming such a foreign thing to me that it was becoming hostile.
I closed my eyes and checked the system clock. I still had about another 20 hours before Doc would clear me to get back into the void. I wondered if maybe I could get away with staying up until then, but with my physical frailty, that seemed like an impossibility. I’d just have to spend some more time training in the sims for the day, and then risk having another dream like that. I convinced myself that it had just been a dream, not something that I should expect to happen again, frightening as it was.
I heard a gentle knocking sound against metal from outside the door. Opening my eyes, I turned to see Doc standing there “Hey.” He waved at me “You screamed. Are you okay?”
“Just a bad dream.” I mumbled “Sorry if I woke you.”
“No, I was already awake, just… browsing the colony’s network. It’s almost morning anyway” He sounded concerned as he walked in “Say, how do you spell Arthausen?”
I spelled it out letter by letter for him before I asked “Why? I didn’t think it would be that hard to look up.”
“Neither did I.” He mumbled, taking my spelling down “But that’s what I searched for already. Nothing.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow “It’s not exactly a new condition, I don’t know why Luna wouldn’t have mention of it.”
“That’s the thing…” he mumbled “I called in a favor so I could access to a scholarly relay, get a hold of information from the outer colonies. I only found one public file about Arthausen Syndrome. A Foundation file, actually. And it’s only related to the matter of port security.
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“Oh, yeah.” I shook my head, figuring I was done dealing with that chore now “You know those scanners they have us go through at most ports before you travel by ferry? The ones that detect contraband and illegal cyberware and stuff? They also pick up on psionic resonance. There’s this whole procedure I had to go through with showing security a medical card and everything, it was stupid. Like they couldn’t tell I wasn’t a regular ship core just by looking at me.” I chuckled “Bunch of corporate red tape I guess.”
Doc nodded along “Yeah, that’s the procedure. It’s an odd one. They just say to scan the card and put them through when it happens. No contingencies for if they don’t have this card with them or anything either.
“I dunno, I never worked in a position like that myself. I guess they just call their supervisor or something if they don’t know what to do?” I shrugged. I’d never really thought about what the rules behind the scenes for the ridiculous procedure.
“Right, Foundation and their access levels.” He nodded “But what I find most strange is the lack of scholarly information. This sounds like the kind of condition that’s just begging for a slew of theses, and even just anecdotal notes like the ones I’ve been taking, but… nothing. It’s as if, medically, Arthausen Syndrome doesn’t exist.”
I had to laugh “That’s impossible, I grew up with it. They made a big deal out of scanning my brain and everything at a hospital when I was younger.” I paused “Do you have access to medical records, maybe?”
He laughed this time “You crazy? You can’t just get someone’s medical records, that’s private.”
I rolled my eyes “Gimme here. We’re pirates, I’ve worked on system security more than a couple times. You learn the other side of it easy enough.” I motioned to his pad.
He handed it over reluctantly “Are you saying that you’re a hacker?”
I shrugged my shoulders and began tapping away at the computer “System security and hacker are the same job if you flip it around. Besides, I know what it’s like to be a computer now, I’ve never felt more confident that I could crack anything.”
“Oh, I see, it’s a sort of… takes one to know one approach.” I nodded as he continued “But that must be heavily encrypted.”
“Not if you know exactly what information you’re looking for. I’ve got my medical ID memorized.” I began typing it in, injecting the fifteen digit code into a server query. I shifted several variables to make it look like the terminal was coming from a legitimate doctor’s office. I got rejected twice, but the third query I tried brought up my file, and I was in. I handed the tablet back to him and folded my arms in triumph.
“They can’t trace this, can they?” he asked.
“They might trace it to a doctor.” I mumbled, hoping that I wouldn’t cause some random stranger too much grief with this.
He perused my file slowly “Right. It says here, Arthausen Syndrome. But the file for the condition itself is locked. Some kind of corporate clearance.” I leaned over to look as he thumbed through the file.
“That’s… weird. Why would corpos have a hold on the file for a genetic condition?” I asked.
“See the identifier for it? Medical condition codes have all these different codes for identifying things at a glance, there’s a certain structure to them. Neurology starts with a ‘NB’ for instance. The one for Arthausen Syndrome isn’t something they use for genetic conditions. Or neurological conditions.”
“Huh…? So where would you categorize it?” I asked, starting to get curious about where this was going.
He shook his head “I’m not sure. I’ve never seen a code without an identifier like this. I’m going to save a copy of all of this, if you don’t mind me stealing your medical data?” he asked.
“Go right ahead, I’m dead, remember?” I tried to laugh casually at the gesture, but I was concerned now. What did all of that mean?
There was a long silence as he stared at the data pad. “Meryll.” He sounded serious as he asked “What other medical conditions have you had?”
I shrugged “I… don’t really think I have anything else going on, why?”
He nodded “You’re very healthy I suppose. Don’t worry about it. I’ll… keep looking into this. Thank you for your help.”
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re the one looking into me, it’s the least I could do.” I eyed the data pad, but after a moment, decided it was time to get up instead. I was hungry.
As I stepped out into the hallway though, I had an unsettling feeling. Doc was looking directly at my file. Why would he want to know if I had any other conditions from me instead of just looking himself. I looked back to see him staring intensely at the data pad. What had he found so unusual, and why wasn’t he just telling me about it? I wanted to ask him, but I knew he didn’t like people prying into his secrets already. I was sure that he would tell me if something was really wrong, so I just quietly slipped away and hoped he found what he was looking for.