I couldn’t really argue with Doc when he told me I should sleep in my heart instead of trancing out in the core module all night. I certainly woke up feeling a little better about myself the next day. Dr. Godin thankfully hadn’t invaded my dreams that night, and I felt a lot more like myself when I came to.
Closing my eyes, I saw that I had gotten several sympathetic messages from other members of the crew, as well as Dr. Reese, Dr. Yates, and the port authority, of all things, while I was asleep. It made me feel warm that there were people that at least cared enough to acknowledge what I’d been through, especially the rest of the crew. Even Joel had messaged me, and he’d avoided giving me his contact details until now. I mean, I had his contact already anyway, but now I could actually message him without seeming like a creep who swipes peoples’ addresses without their permission.
Slipping on my leggings and my now-iconic tropical button-up over my shoulders and fastening it to my body as I walked down the stairs to the mess, I was glad to hear the distinctive sound of something sizzling on the stove. I could definitely go for some of Ray’s cooking before starting the day. Trauma or not, I still had work to do, after all. At least the fatty smell of frying meat helped put my psyche at ease.
Stepping into the mess, I was glad to see Ray at the stove and Joel staring at his tablet. I only had to blink to see that he was browsing through headlines from the outer colonies. I wondered if the migration of several of Foundation’s ships had been news out there, or if it had been swallowed up by the fog of disinformation the media presented.
“Morning.” I yawned, strolling up to Ray’s side and looking into the pan. Or pans. She was cooking some kind of breakfast cakes and a pan of ham steaks and sausage meat. That was a surprisingly extravagant breakfast for us.
“Hey Meryll. Glad to see you up and about.” Ray smiled at me. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I leaned into her big fuzzy bear arm and nuzzled against it. It felt so soft. I’d seen the others showing casual physical affection toward her before, and I kinda wanted to do that for a while. I guess I was feeling bold this morning. “Whoa, hey.” She let out a soft chuckle and patted my head with her other hand, her claws gently tapping me like I was a delicate flower that she could rend apart if she didn’t take care. She hadn’t been expecting it, but she didn’t object to my attentions either. “You alright?”
“Just… glad I found this crew.” I smiled back at her and then gestured to the spread. “What’s the occasion for all this?”
Ray pushed the food around the pans to make sure that it cooked evenly now that I’d separated myself from her unfairly cuddleable body. “They dropped off a care package. Not all of it was gonna keep for long, so I figured we’d have a hearty start to the day for once.”
“Ah, the perks of a public assault charge in a small community.” Joel chimed in, sipping from a mug of coffee as he put his idle attention back to his tablet.
“Joel.” Ray scolded, giving a stern glance back at him as she piled a few things onto a waiting plate.
“Glad I could be of assistance.” I intoned sarcastically back toward Joel, patting Ray on the shoulder and moving back to the table to take a seat.
She turned and dropped the plate down in front of me. A substantial breakfast for once. “Eat up. You’re all skin and bones, and you’ve gotten worse about it since you joined us. You could stand to pig out a little bit.”
As I smelled the wonderful bouquet of breakfast foods laid out in front of me that reminded me of mornings in the imaginary idyllic life I’d once experienced, I certainly felt like pigging out. “Thanks so much, Ray.”
The crew piled in slowly, everyone expressing their excitement about the buffet that Ray was all too glad to prepare for us. Mouse seemed especially excited. He had the most labor-intensive and time-limited job out of everyone on the crew right now, and I was glad to see him smiling when he sat down with the rest of us, the stress apparently melting away with the thought of a well-deserved breakfast. I wished I’d had the emotional energy to ask him about what was on his mind the previous night, but the time had passed now, and I didn’t want to open fresh wounds while everyone was in a good mood.
He shot me a few silent, empathetic glances throughout the meal too, though. He had obviously heard of what happened with Dr. Godin and I knew he could do more than sympathize with me. He had probably been in that exact position before, but without a gunman watching his back from around the corner. He hadn’t escaped. I wondered if maybe I would have woken up with things missing or added if Joel hadn’t been there. If I would even wake up capable of the things I took for granted now. It was just a passing thought, though. I didn’t have to dwell on it. It was a good morning, and I’d already spent a whole evening moping to myself about Dr. Godin. I was going to enjoy today. Even if I had to go back out there and see another potential monster of a person.
Today, I would meet a cloning technician named Agatha Andrews. I couldn’t help but note the conspicuously absent title that adorned nearly every other resident of the colony. Agatha was either a very humble person, or she was not actually a doctor in her field. But her being a cloning technician meant that she very well could hold the same contempt and hostility for me that Dr. Godin had shown. I wondered if people who worked for and took care of clones were really the type of people that would empathize with them if they suddenly attained sentience. Then Doc joined us at the table and I felt stupid for having to consider it. He was proof enough.
I was very glad that I had made amends with Joel, and he would be fully present today instead of lurking out of sight. Having the bulky wall of a man with a gun by my side for the intimidation factor would help ease my mind more than a little.
“If this one gives you trouble, I’ll see if I can’t ‘accidentally’ decompress their workshop.” Mouse mumbled at me between mouthfuls of breakfast.
“You need to focus on Theseus, Mouse. Besides, I’ve vetted this one.” Aisling gave me a reassuring smile. She knew better than anyone how shaken I’d been by the previous day’s meeting. “Don’t think this one’s gonna give you trouble. Hell, she might not physically be able to. And you’ll definitely get along with her if she’s anything like she is online.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that, but it put my mind at ease to hear that she approved of them. After the fury I saw in her last night, I knew her standards must have been high. “I’m really glad to hear that from you, captain. Thanks.”
—
Not all breakfasts can last forever. Feeling full and bolstered against the coming day of scientific scrutiny, Joel and I stepped through the gap in the cargo bay that was beginning to show signs of structure; now made of girders and hard edges rather than dangerous-looking torn metal and scorch marks. It was still a hole, but it felt more like a construction site than a blatant hazard.
We walked in silence past the guards in the hangar entrance hallway. They had bolstered their numbers to three. It was a token show of force. We didn’t need protection at our own ship, Skygraves was definitely just trying to intimidate us. Joel still scoffed at their apparently obvious inexperience once we were out of earshot though.
“If they’re trying to make us uncomfortable, it’s not working. I bet I could gun all three of those rookies down and they would be too shocked to react in time. These people are not fighters. None of them.” Joel seemed a lot more talkative than he was yesterday. I guess apologizing did wonders to ease him too.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“You said it yourself, I would probably freeze up too.” I offered. I wanted to be realistic about my own abilities if things really did end up coming to a violent head at the end of our stay on Venus. I wouldn’t just be able to jump into action so easily, right?
“No, I don’t think you would.” Joel murmured hesitantly. I wasn’t sure if he was giving me a compliment or if something had changed since we talked about this yesterday.
I turned to raise an eyebrow at him “What do you mean? You said it yourself, I’ve never been in an actual battle before. I’ve never actually been in a life or death fight. I’m smart enough to know that no amount of preparation is actually going to matter in that moment.”
“That was before I saw you act yesterday.” He mumbled apologetically. “Anyone else wouldn’t have been able to hold that bastard back. They’d be too surprised to put up any kind of resistance. And the moment you had an opening, you threw yourself away from him like you’d planned it. You moved with purpose while you were in danger. You can act under pressure. You don’t freeze up.”
Huh. I hadn’t really considered it, but yeah, I had gotten myself into position to fight back against Dr. Godin when he tried to drug me, meager as my physical resistance was. I saw the opportunity to bite him when he tried to gag me with his hand and I took it. I rolled away from the doctor the moment that Joel made an opening. Maybe the moment-to-moment improvisational skills I’d learned in starship battle simulations was helpful in my physical body too. I understood I needed to take action when a crisis arose, and that extended to my fleshy self as well. Come to think of it, I had made a much more complex maneuver in the hostage situation with Shaw when Doc was in danger as well. “Huh. Maybe I should try picking up a weapon.” I shrugged non-committally.
“We’ll get to that eventually.” Joel didn’t sound very convinced that I was quite at that stage yet. I had to agree. “I said you could act. Instinctually. I still wouldn’t trust you to act rationally in a crisis. Especially if it came to taking a life. You’ve still never killed anyone, Meryll. And that’s something no one can prepare for.”
I nodded silently. I understood that. I knew that if I had to do that, it would be emotionally devastating in a way that I really couldn’t imagine. And a scared little part of me knew that one day I would have to take that plunge. I was an outlaw who couldn’t afford to return to normal society now, and sooner or later, the rougher elements would come for me and it would be me or them. It was a sobering thought that cut through the bravado I felt from being praised by Joel for my ability to think on my feet.
“Did you freeze up? Your first time you killed someone?” I asked, wondering if maybe I could get a story out of him. Instead, there was a long, uneasy hush between us before I realized he was just going to ignore the question.
Finally, he broke the silence. “Enough about that. What’s the job today?” he unceremoniously steered the subject toward something more useful for the moment.
I wasn’t about to push him further on it after that, so I followed along. “Didn’t Aisling brief you? Cloning tech.” I rolled my eyes, guessing that Joel had simply neglected to read the briefing entirely. “She’s been told a little more about my… situation than the other doctors, since she’d probably figure it out pretty quick, anyway. I don’t really know the scope of her research though.”
“So more of an engineer than a professorly type.” He sounded at least a little interested. I already knew that Joel got along better with Mouse than with Doc. Maybe he liked the more practical application of intelligence than the academic.
“Maybe. A bioengineer I guess? Like I said, I haven’t exactly messaged her myself or anything. For all I know, she wants to look at my genetics or… something like that? I really don’t have a good guess.”
“Glad to hear you learned your lesson about coming in prepared after yesterday.” Joel gave an amused huff.
“You’re one to talk, didn’t even read where we were going.” I pushed back.
The two of us bantered at each other, more like the sarcastic jabs we’d had with each other before our big argument than any kind of actual malice. It was a nice normal to return to. We talked about little things. Breakfast, my obvious affection toward Ray, Mouse’s brooding, but we never broached anything important as we walked, just catching up like we hadn’t had a chance to speak to one another for a while.
It worked to kill the time. Before long, we stood in front of Agatha’s workspace, a nondescript building that was denied its destiny as a corporate storefront long ago, its windows plastered over with the same uninviting blinds that hid almost everyone’s work from prying eyes throughout the station.
I knocked on the door before I pulled the handle. No need to be rude so long as Dr. Godin wasn’t hidden inside the workspace. But what I saw immediately made my full stomach turn.
Even just standing in the doorway, I could see rows and rows of people… or rather, not-quite-people, sitting at attention, braced into some kind of slightly tilted holding chamber at the far end of the room, like dolls on display. The four identical living human bodies sat motionless besides shallow breathing that one would have to stare at for a moment to catch.
They all had shaved heads and half-lidded eyes sporting blank stares, not a hint of higher thought on their faces at all. Each of them had cybernetic implants not dissimilar to my own, though some of them lacked the expansion bay on the back of their skull or the embedded terminal in their arm. They all sported neural interfaces next to their ear and a bay for computer blades on their hips. They also all looked thin and weak, much like me, though the condition of my body was due to a lack of personal care, while these people were simply not capable of personal care at all. They were clones, their bodies stamped with branding and identification codes not unlike what I saw on the dead ship core I had seen my first day on Theseus.
And most disturbingly, I could feel them. They had a presence in my psionic perception, like they were open to bridging a network if need be. If they were commanded to do so. I didn’t dare ping them beyond my usual habit of probing an area for electronics, for fear that they would return fire with queries at terrifying computational speeds that I could not match without activating a daunting piece of hardware. I swallowed and wondered if I showed up the same way to them. Just another potential node among many.
It got even worse when I took a tentative step inside and saw that there were multiple bays of this make, with several idle machine cores of different genetic bases, different sets of the same face and build, machine core clones mindlessly waiting to be assigned purpose.
Even Joel seemed unsettled as he stepped in beside me and started trying to make eye contact with each of them in turn, finely honed battle instincts used to scanning for human threats were being thrown for a loop by the uncertainty of braindead husks of human beings unmoving in the large laboratory.
I forced my eyes to focus on the one moving person in the room, and that was only just a little less shocking. A dark-skinned girl with short hair stood behind one of the examination tables in the center of the room, another clone in front of her, staring up into nothing on the ceiling. And when I say girl, I mean to say that she was a youth. She couldn’t have been much older than Mouse, but she emitted a measured aura of assured confidence that didn’t stretch into arrogance. She certainly wasn’t brooding like he would be, either. I quickly pieced together why she didn’t have that all-important abbreviation before her name: She didn’t have the experience for it.
She stared at me in silence for a few moments as my eyes wandered about the room, feeling unsettled that I had once been just as blank as these things that now surrounded me; that they could all potentially be just like me with just a little application of grievous psychological trauma. She was examining me with fascinated eyes like someone who had seen a doll suddenly come to life.
She finally spoke up, awestruck by my presence. “Wow… you really are alive. Like, really alive.” she smiled with an untamed curiosity that made me wonder about her intentions after what I’d experienced on the previous day. It certainly wasn’t the best first impression.
I had to remind myself that it wasn’t malice, though. I was, by all rights, a scientific curiosity. I had to at least try to start on the right foot with this girl. “A-Agatha Andrews?” I ask, wondering if there might be a mistake like with Dr. Yates’ son.
“You can call me Aggy.” her grin twitched upward a little, the fascination never leaving her voice until a light blush suddenly crossed her face and she looked mortified “Oh! Shit, sorry, I don’t mean to stare, just… you’re… are you really a clone?” her face twitched a little. She didn’t think before she spoke, and she immediately felt embarrassed she’d just asked that.
I couldn’t help but at least be refreshed by the honesty behind her fascination and the sincerity of trying to correct herself. It made me feel better that her initial reaction was merely a momentary lapse in social conventions. I gave a dry smile “That’s what I’ve been told, anyway. I’m Meryll.”
“Well, Meryll, I’ve heard a lot about you.” she recovered a little bit of her confidence, ignoring the living body beneath her as she leaned her head down on one arm “I hear you’re a hell of a pilot.”
She was interested in my piloting? With that, something clicked. Oh. OH! That kind of technician! The kind that trains machine cores! I smiled back at the girl as I realized this might end up being a much more enjoyable conversation than I had assumed.