Adapted from a transmission by Captain StonerSteve
[Beginning of transmission]
Captain’s Log … blah, blah, blah.
Lugsy met me at our damaged starship. Sure enough, an enormous chunk was missing from one wing. A group of the local guard dogs lodged an offensive maneuver. This species must be quite larger than I had first thought.
That's when I remembered that the AtmosBubble has AR capabilities. The normalization settings were turned on, which adjusted my vision to make everything look familiar. I’ve turned this feature off for the next time I go on a trek. I need to see what we’re really up against.
Thankfully the sun in this solar system refills my SolCharges just as well as the one in my own. One of these days, I will teach you the fast-charge meditation technique. With repairs underway on the ship, I can now turn my attention back to the treasure hunt that brought us here.
When I asked Lugsy how long before the ship was flight-ready, he had a long explanation that included his mother’s recipe for krill lasagna. My takeaway from the conversation was that our trusty starship would be ready for a quick getaway by the climax of the story. Easily enough time to locate the Golden Bone which is supposed to be somewhere here on Conneticus Branchicus 34 or whatever the heck the computer readout called this planet when we first landed.
Why is this bone so important, you may be asking. It’s a great question! Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer for all questions.
I’m currently in the research section of the ship booting up the computer. Let’s see … I have the interactive desktop opened. Let’s just flip our fingers around a little. Tippity-tap-tap. Typing on a virtual keyboard … and boom! My files on The Golden Bone are laid out across the holographic display.
Ah, here is the backstory for the missing artifact. The Golden Bone is important because it is highly desired by treasure seekers from across the multiverse. Oddly, it only exists in this form in five timelines. No one is sure why, although some histories have been traced. It’s all theoretical, like most historical accounts.
My crew and I were hired by Princess Horacya of Crun-chel to find her family’s stolen treasure. I encountered Her Highness at an event for figures who have undertaken extraordinary achievements. Yes, I was being honored, and no, I don’t want to talk about it. (I bravely rescued the last five Swamp Lizards in existence during a non-euclidean extinction event, no big deal.) The princess wanted the artifact retrieved so she could present it to her mother Queen Rottweil in honor of the queen’s 25th bark on the throne.
That’s what we’re looking for, and why we’re looking for it. My investigation led me to this planet. Only now am I realizing that it is currently under the “protection” of the ruthless MobDog Syndicate. The Captain of the ship’s security Commander Meiji has been running recon with agents from her fearless MouseGuard. Meiji believes the dog bone is being held by one of the toughest bosses in this level.
AI-generated illustration of a poodle standing on hind legs and wearing a blue suit. [https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:4800/format:webp/1*KbAc5beDk92iBRd9x-epJQ.jpeg]
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Image made with Dream.ai
The whole team is outfitted with AsmoBubbles for protection against the atmosphere. Just for fun, I switched the augmented vision on mine to Video Game Mode, Retro Edition. I now see the world in 16-bit. The mob dog we’re looking for is a humanoid dog woman named McPoodle. The crime boss has an apartment building she remodeled into a den of hedonistic pleasure.
According to Commander Meiji’s intel, the Golden Bone is in the penthouse at the top of a ten-story building. She explained that we have to battle through every level of the building. I knew she was enjoying this a little too much when Meiji compared the mission to a Judge Dredd film.
As we stood in-front of McPoodle’s multi-story Doghouse of Terror, my communicator chirped. It was a message from Hugsy the Penguin, my chief engineer back at the ship. The message was to let me know the ship was 50% repaired. This was great news, but unfortunately, the message alert had alerted McPoodles guard dogs.
We are facing a line of robotic canines that are barreling toward us at a surprising speed. I was considering the wisdom of a retreat when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. The next moment, Commander Meiji and the rest of the MouseGuard left from hiding places, landing on the backs of the robot canines. With the flip of a switch, each murderous machine was powered down with a metallic yelp. (I made a mental note to have the bots re-programmed before they were given to new homes.)
Three cheers for Commander Meiji!
As the last barks of the robot dogs fizzles away, my heroic team enters the first level of the doghouse.
Why is elevator music such a vibe? Our trip ends with a Ding!, and the elevator doors slide open. We step out and are faced with the game boss. It was a tough fight, but we finally reached the top floor of the Doghouse of Terror. McPoodle was standing on top of a large desk surrounded by her hench-dogs. Each of them held a semi-automatic foam dart gun. Well, I’m not sure how their weapons look because I switched to the Nerf filter which makes weapons look less scary.
Our AsmoBubbles reflect the foam darts, shielding our charge to the desk. Meiji and I fought back to back. Three mice tackled each hunch-dog. Soon, only McPoodle was left without a pair of holocuffs. I confronted the villainous crime boss with a witty one-liner.
[Insert supplemental audio file]
Captain StonerSteve: “What do you have to say for yourself?”
[End of supplemental audio file]
“I’m McPoodle, the baddest bitch in town. And I can say that because I’m a female dog.”
McPoodle was nonplussed. “Be quiet all of you this gold bone is mine fair and square. I stole it with my own beautifully manicured paws.”
They did look nice. I asked where she had them done. Maybe the crew could take a field trip after we wrap this up.
McPoodle was uninterested in small talk. “Silence fools!”
She reached for the gold bone brazenly displayed on her desk. Meiji was quicker, swiping out a quick paw and snagging the artifact. She promptly dropped it, and the treasure landed with a soft thud.
Commander Meiji: “That’s heavier than I thought.”
The MouseGuard swarmed on the object. They secured it with canvas and rope. Hoisting the object to their shoulders, they carried it out of the room with the commander following close behind. The princess will be so happy to have the treasure returned.
McPoodle must have realized she was out of options. I was reaching for a pair of holocuffs, but the crime boss was quick. She darted through an opening in the wall, which sealed shut behind her. I searched for a button to release the concealed exit, but my attempts were fruitless.
We retrieved the Legend Beyond Imagining, so I’m calling this another successful mission. Let’s return to the ship and see if Lugsy’s crew have finished the repairs. This was a weird timeline and a weird planet. I was ready to leave. They’re not all like this. Some are really great!
A text alert is coming through. Oh, no! One of my dear friends is in danger. We’ll deliver the bone on our way to the next adventure. Hopefully, you can find the data log for that, if you’re interested. Please, share this with another traveler who might find it interesting … or just really dumb.
I have been your captain as we blast off to the next timeline somewhere in the galaxies of the greater cosmos. Until then, safe travels, my friend!
[End of transmission]