Xaxac sat at the dressing table calmly eating his breakfast and listening to the conversation in the sitting room while Lee set out the tools he had used to shave him to dry. It was not rare for Agalon to get up before him on the mornings after he had shifted, but it was rare for Xaxac to awaken so early. He must have fallen asleep again, as the monster.
Agalon was scrying someone, and he needed to be quiet.
“I’ve wrote up a damage report,” Ara was saying to someone far away through a box of dirt. “I need a new containment collar.”
“I had intended to look over that before it was sent,” Agalon said in the voice he sometimes used, the voice that normally frightened people, the voice of a duke, and it scared Xaxac when it had no effect on Ara, when she cut him off.
“Supervision on this issue was unnecessary,” She said.
“That document,” Agalon said with the cool, calm sort of power he sometimes had, “May contain classified information that I have not authorized to be distributed. It needs to be destroyed before it reaches the prison. It won’t make it to the Northern Mountains Province.”
“Is that the real name?” Takashito asked, “I did not know that. We have only heard, ‘The Mountains of Death’.”
“Refrain from speaking, #01S02UN10047,” A voice Xaxac did not recognize said.
“Either way,” Agalon said, “You ain’t gonna get that report. I want to go ahead and file it right now.”
“Yes, your grace,” the unfamiliar voice said. “I’m transcribing. Time of incident?”
“Little bit after… what, 7:30?” Agalon said, possibly directing the question to Takashito, but if he made a response Xaxac did not hear it and Agalon continued, “Little bit after 7:30 there was an accident and some of my property damaged the containment collar. We need a new one, I guess. I’ll pay for it.”
“What happened?” the unfamiliar voice asked.
“It snapped clean in half,” Agalon said, “Whoever’s makin them ain’t doin right by y’all.”
“It snapped in half?” The voice asked in alarm.
“Yeah, at the clasp and the seam,” Agalon huffed, “Faulty craftwork, seems like.”
“It was… snagged on a piece of your property?” The voice asked, “I… I’m sorry, your grace, I need something to put in the report, for the budget.”
“I told you I’d pay for it,” Agalon said as if this was ridiculous.
“Yeah, I know, but we gotta- they’re real big on paperwork down here,” the voice explained. “I have to file that as a donation and file this as an incident. Government work, right?”
“Yeah, it got caught on one of my slaves,” Agalon said, “Tiny little pleasure slave. We had to break it or he’d have hurt himself and,” he laughed, “I ain’t givin him up. Cute as hell.”
“Was he damaged?” The unfamiliar voice asked with fear that was not well hidden, “And… was that damage in any way caused by the behavior of prisoner #01S02UN10047?”
“I don’t reckon,” Agalon said with a smile Xac could hear, with the charm he sometimes oozed, “Nothin broke but the collar.”
“Alright so,” the voice said, “I reckon that’s all we need. It’s a good little trip. Be at least a fortnight, god willin and the creek don’t rise.”
“That’s fine,” Agalon said, “I ain’t really worried about it. Holler back at me if you need anything. I’m severin the scry.”
“Thank you, your grace,” The voice said.
Xaxac moved the brush with the setting powder over his face and drained the last of his coffee, feeling the warmth move down his throat and thinking of the frost he had put in it, hoping it would carry him through his morning workout.
“I need to talk to you, your grace,” Ara said with ice in her voice, “Alone.”
“Officer Sylhice,” Agalon laughed, “In this big house, with my staff? We ain’t never alone. Taka, if you want, you can wait in my bedroom.”
“No, he can’t!” Ara snapped, “You’re being too lenient! He’ll rob you blind!”
“It’s fine,” Agalon laughed again; he seemed to be in a particularly good mood, “My attack rabbit is in there.”
Xaxac giggled himself and tied his hair at the nape of his neck before he stood, walked to the bedside table and opened Agalon’s cigarette case. He stuck one in his mouth and was striking the matchstick when Agalon opened the door and Takashito stepped inside.
“Don’t let the dangerous prisoner steal nothin, darlin,” Agalon said in jest, then closed the door.
“Number 01S02UN10047?” Xac asked, “Is that the number what was on your clothes when you first showed up?”
“Yes,” Takashito said softly, “Building one, section two, Unit Na one, prisoner 47. That is me. #01S02UN10047. 47, to my friends, I suppose.”
“How delightfully organized,” Lee said as he emerged from the water closet.
“You have gotten me in trouble, Mr OfAgalon,” Takashito said, “Do you… do you remember it? At all?”
“I don’t never remember nothin,” Xac shrugged, “I’m sorry. What’d I do? You ain’t wearin a collar.”
“Good eye, Mr Rabbit,” Takashito said, then he stepped forward and pulled the cigarette from Xaxac’s lips, “Do not smoke these. They are bad for warriors.”
“A smoke?” Xac asked as he snatched it back, “They ain’t bad for ya.” He walked around the bed, sat on his side, and picked up his half empty glass of wine.
“That picture…” Takashito said.
“You like that? My buddy Alex painted that for me,” Xac said with pride, “It’s the devil. The devil likes shifters. I hear we help folks who think they don’t deserve it. You look better without that collar.”
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“You do remember,” Takashito said.
“Nah, I just ain’t as stupid as I look,” Xac giggled.
“Pretty low bar to set,” Lee said as he tidied up the dressing table.
“I do not suppose you like to talk about it,” Takashito said, “the shifting.”
“I just don’t remember it,” Xac explained, drained the rest of his wine and wished he had more, “Ain’t no talkin gonna make me remember it.”
“Last night, the duke said that you did remember it, once.”
Xaxac bent backwards to pick up the ashtray from Agalon’s nightstand and frowned before he caught himself and plastered the smile back on his face.
“Yeah,” he admitted, “I kinda remember… this one time…”
“You are not white,” Takashito said, “You are brown. I thought you would be white.”
“Why?” Xac asked, “My hair’s brown. Why would my fur be white?”
“Then who is the white rabbit?” Takashito asked.
“I dunno,” Xac said, took a long drag from the cigarette and stood to stretch, “Makes me… powerful tired. Wears me right out. Still, ain’t we late? What’re they doin?”
“I likely will not be allowed back outside of the house,” Takashito said, “I am late for nothing.”
“Well, I’m late,” Xac smiled, “For a pretty important date. That vet said it’d take a month to get Billy up and moving. I done shifted twice since he said that, right on the day after and then last night. I can’t wait to see him.”
“Xaxac,” Lee warned.
“What?” Xac asked, “Reckon he might be a little bit nicer now.”
“How did it happen, Xaxac?” Takashito asked, “That night? The night you shifted without the moons?”
“Well,” Xac said as he took his last drag; he let it dance across his tongue as if considering his words carefully, “I… dunno. I reckon… I reckon he broke me. Broke somethin inside a’ me. I got real scared. Got… I have these bad dreams, all the time. Lotta… lotta my bad dreams are about water, you know? I… he hurt me and I… I dunno… I don’t reckon I fell asleep but… I thought… thought I was drownin, that he was drownin me, that I was gonna die. I thought I was gonna die an… I got a monster in me. And that monster wouldn’t gonna go out like that. All my life I… I been scared, ya know? Scared that folks was scared a me… but around that time I started thinkin, you know? Thinkin maybe it wouldn’t the moons. Maybe it was me. And if it was me… if it is me…” He leaned forward and ground the cigarette out in the ashtray, “I thought, ‘goddamn right. They should be scared a’ me.’.”
“You are not a monster, Xaxac,” Takashito said as if it would be a comfort.
“Na, darlin, I am,” Xac laughed and picked at the remains of his breakfast tray in a vain attempt to find something else to eat, “And anybody with any sense is scared a’ monsters.”
“You do not look like a monster,” Takashito said, “I have seen real monsters, Xaxac. Real monsters are not… when I was younger, when I was a teenager, studying to become a mage… a group of people came in ships from across the sea. They told us that they wanted to help us, that they were there to speak to the queen, but we did not believe them, because a century before they had said the same thing to the people of what they now call the Fire Colony. And that lie is the reason it became a colony. We did not believe them, because we had learned how to spot monsters. I saw it then. I know what it looks like. It is not a little boy with more strength than sense and no power to make his way in the world.”
“I ain’t a youngun!” Xac snarled.
“You have done things you should not have had to do,” Takashito said, “You should have never been in fear for your life. I am… sorry, Xaxac. I wish I could help you. I wish you could help me. I… appreciate it. But they will just order another collar. I cannot run. Where would I go?”
Xaxac stared at the window overlooking the fields.
“To the sea,” he whispered, “That’s… that’s where folks run. To the sea.”
“I would never make it,” Takashito said, “There are too many of them. Too few of us.”
“Don’t get them kind of thoughts in your head,” Lee warned, “It ain’t… it ain’t worth thinkin about.”
“What’s it like?” Xac asked, “That place, across the sea, where humans can go to school?”
“It has been so long,” Takashito moved slowly, cautiously, and sat beside him on the bed to gaze out the window, “I have not been home in… it’s been over a century. I have lived here longer than I lived there. I was only a child then, as you are now, really. But… I grew up on an island off the southern coast of the mainland. It was hotter there than it is here, and I spent most of my life on the water. It was nothing special, but… my family owned a fishing boat, my parents and I, we went out every morning before the sun. The tiny dragons and sea birds would dart over the waves; they showed us where to go. We lived on that boat, too- at night I would watch the water moving gently as it rocked me to sleep.”
“Then, I wanted to learn a little magic, I tested well, I went to school on the mainland. And it was… beautiful. It was… festivals and music, dancing, pig roasts- they were so different from us but I liked it. I liked them. I didn’t have a lot of money, but… I had friends. I was… good to my friends, I think. We would go down to the beach, go freediving- I don’t… suppose Urillians do that, but even the humans did it then. They could not breathe underwater but they could hold their breath nearly forever. We would find trinkets, and the creatures who never come near the shore, and sell them. The market was saturated, but I think one could make a killing, here…”
“Who’s Imperius?” Xaxac asked.
“I looked up to him,” Takashito said, “I did not know him that well, but he was… there were rumors. He was a brilliant mage, and the rumor was that he dabbled in things he was… not supposed to. Dark magic, forbidden magic. He would have liked your paintings.”
“Was he a shifter?” Xac asked.
“I… do not think so?” Takashito said, “If he was, he hid it well. I cannot remember if I ever saw him on the full moons or not. I think I did. I think… I cannot remember… his engagement party may have been on the full moons. It was a bright night. I… I cannot remember. I am sorry.”
“It’s ok,” Xac said. “It sounds nice. That’s where my family went.”
“What?” Takashito asked.
“My family… they… ran away. They left me.” Xac said and did not realize he had balled up his fists, clutching at the quilt, “But it’s… that makes sense. My sister was pregnant and my parents were old. They couldn’t… there wouldn’t no way for um to… come get me… or tell me. Or Jimmy. I just wish Jimmy… I wish Jimmy’d went with um. But she’s still… Alley, my sister is real smart, and pretty- she’ll find another man and that youngun’ll have a daddy I just hate… I hate that it won’t be Jimmy. I know he woulda loved that youngun, you know? It don’t seem right. I wonder if my parents- you know, the ones what birthed me- I wonder if they ever wanted to raise me? I don’t wonder it a lot, but sometimes, like just now, I think about that and I wonder if they think about me, ever? On accounta one of ‘um had to be a shifter so you reckon they ever sit and think, ‘I wonder if he’s alright, him bein a shifter and all?’. Just… just on account’a that’s worth wonderin about, ain’t it?”
“Xac,” Lee warned, “You’re thinkin too much. Don’t start cryin again. Don’t start thinkin about-”
“Let him cry,” Takashito said, “It is worth crying over. And I think he may be drunk. One should not drink with breakfast… especially not when they are so small…”
“I don’t want kids!” Xac said with so much conviction it nearly pushed Takashito away from him.
“I… do not think you will have children,” Takashito said, “I think you are… do you not… prefer the company of men? You have to take a lady lover to have children. You cannot do it alone. And you… do not seem to… you do not have one, do you?”
“The vet,” Xac said, “that night when… Aggie said it was a secret, that I had hurt Billy. And he said, ‘I’ll pay you to keep this secret,’ and the vet said, ‘I want me a shifter.’. But I don’t want kids.”
He had not meant to cry again, but he was in it now, and Takashito laid a hand on his back.
“Surely they wouldn’t-” he began, but Lee cut him off.
“How do you think there’s so many of us?” He asked. “Move. I gotta slap him when he gets like this.”
“The hell you will!” Takashito said with venom in his voice, “If you hit him I will hit you back! Are you blind? This is a sobbing child! With a good reason to cry!”
“I’m sorry,” Xac said, “Let me go! I’m fuckin up my makeup! I gotta fix it! Aggie can’t see me like this!”
He shoved himself off the bed and went to sit at the vanity.