It was the day after I won against Carol in the practice match. Ririna is probably still busy, so I’m not in any rush to go back into the other world. I still want to train there, so I might still head there for that if nothing else pops up. For now, I stopped by the dorm. Hecate and Katja were the only two there. “Hi.”

“Oh, hey, Iroha. How are you?” Katja was once again sitting on the table with her sword.

“I’m alright. How are you two?”

“We’re splendid.” Hecate was the one who answered back. She stopped sweeping the floor to look at me.

“That’s good. Well… How’s Carol?” I’m worried about her. I can’t forget the sight of her crying when she left the dojo. She was a little unstable. I get that it’s frustrating to lose to the new kid, but we’re on the same side. She should be happy that the House as a whole is getting stronger. I don’t want to see her sad like that. There’s more to it than meets the eye, but it’s not something that’s easy to ask about. Carol’s been distant from the very beginning. I’ve figured that’s just how she was, but I was hoping she’d open up as time went on. Right now, it seems like we’re only drifting further and further apart.

“Carol’s fine. She was upset yesterday, but she has calmed down.” Katja told me about Carol as I walked closer to her.

“Really? That’s a relief. She looked so upset that I couldn’t help but worry.”

“Carol’s not someone you need to concern yourself with. She’s a lot stronger than you think.” There’s a tinge of anger in Hecate’s voice. I know how much she cares about the others. Is she mad that I made Carol cry? I didn’t mean it! She’s not the only one who wants Carol to be happy. I want to make her happy too! I swear!

“Uhmm… Well… I’m glad that’s the case…”

“So? I’ve heard you slaughtered Carol in yesterday’s duel. How did that go?” Hecate joined the two of us at the table. Katja was a little bothered by the way Hecate was acting, but she didn’t say anything. She focused on polishing her sword and tried to pretend nothing was happening. Is Hecate that scary? I’ve seen her scold Carol and Narumi before, but seeing Katja also scared of her is something else. I didn’t even do anything bad, though! Should I have lost on purpose? That doesn’t seem right…

“Slaughtered… It wasn’t anything that violent… I won, but it was close. Carol’s very strong.” I only won because I got the VISS Driver. I have it, and it’s not something that can just be taken out, so it could be said that it’s part of my abilities. It could also be considered cheating, and frankly, I wouldn’t contest that either.

“It doesn’t matter if you won or not. The fact that you’re at Carol’s level in such a short amount of time is very impressive. You’ve gotten pretty strong, haven’t you?” She’s praising me, but Hecate’s pressure is insane! It’s weird, isn’t it? Even if I hold back and don’t use any crazy skills, it’s still unnatural for a normal girl to get strong so quickly! She’s onto me. Katja might have let it slide, but I’m not so sure about Hecate… At this rate, they’re going to hand me over to some kind of weird association that’s gonna have a field day dissecting me! No way! I don’t want that!

“I’ve just been lucky… Ahahaha…” I’m nervous now! What do I do?

“So? What’s the next step? What are you gonna do now?” Me and Hecate lock eyes, and I can’t read her expression anymore. Why is she so interested in this? The answer’s pretty obvious for me.

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“I’m gonna continue my training. I want to become stronger.” Is she afraid I might leave like Narumi? I’m gonna keep training, and I’m gonna keep getting stronger, until eventually one of them falls for me. It’s pretty simple. I’m not planning on going anywhere.

“Iroha, you’re already strong.” Eh? “I want to know what comes next. What are you gonna do now that you’re strong?” I’m strong? Is she serious? The way Hecate looked at me told me this was a very important question for her.

She’s right… I’m already strong enough. They have all already recognized my strength. They’ve praised me before, and now that I’ve won against Carol, there’s no doubt I’m at an acceptable level. Why has nothing changed, then? They were never going to fall in love with me just because I’m strong, but our relationships should have changed. My hope was that, by becoming stronger, they would see me as one of them. I would become closer to them, and then they’d fall in love with me somehow. But that hasn’t happened, they still don’t see me as one of their own. They still don’t trust me. Why? What am I supposed to do? What am I missing? Is a relationship with one of them even possible? Our realities are so far appart.

“Hecate, it’s not fair to ask Iroha that. She only just joined us, so she’s still figuring things out. We may have never had a say in the matter, but it wasn’t easy for us in the beginning either. She doesn’t need to have an answer to that yet.” Katja understood what bothered Hecate, and she stood up for me. I appreciate it, but even now she’s making it clear that there’s a difference between us. One that I have no idea how to cross.

“If not now, then when? Iroha, you need to make a decision eventually. You’re getting stronger? That’s good. But what are you gonna do with that strength? Are you just going to keep getting better and better with no goal in mind? That’s not gonna work. Depending on what you end up choosing, it might be better for you not to stay with us.”

I’m not like them. They’re out there risking their lives to protect people or for each other’s sake. My motives aren’t that pure. Sure, if I can help someone, I’m not gonna let them die. But all I want is love. I suddenly met these four girls, prettier than almost everyone I had ever met before, and I fell in love. Now, I genuinely care about them, both romantically and as friends. Whenever one of them has work, I worry they might get hurt. My goal is to build a special relationship with the girls of the House. That hasn’t changed. But this isn’t something I can say. And now I’m not even sure that’s ever gonna work. I’m missing a step.

“I… I just want to help you…”

“That’s not good enough. You’re just going along with the flow. If you don’t have a reason to fight, we won’t be able to count on you when it matters the most.” Hecate’s serious face softened into a smile. “Don’t get me wrong, Iroha. I’m glad you want to help us. You were a mess at the beginning, and you’ve come a long way. You’ve gotten strong enough to accompany us the next time monsters appear, and I’m sure you’ll do just fine. But I still have my doubts. You can’t fight without a reason forever. Eventually, you’re gonna change your mind, and I’m afraid it may be too late for us then.” Hecate interlocked her fingers in front of her in quite the reserved pose.

It’s not that I don’t have a reason… Maybe my reason’s not good enough… I fight for love… Maybe it’s just attraction… Is that really not a good enough reason? Am I really gonna change my mind at some point? Would I really turn my back on them when they need it the most? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t, but… I’m scared. Am I able to stick with them forever, even if our relationship never progresses? If I got together with Miyuki and had to turn my back on the House for her, I wouldn’t hesitate, would I? I still care about them. I’m pretty sure I do. Can I just say that?

“…”

“Give Iroha some time, Hecate. She said she wanted to help us. Isn’t that enough for now?” The tension had dissipated the moment Hecate started smiling. Katja did a good job keeping the pressure off me, but I’m still unsure of what to think.

“Things will sort themselves out over time, I know, Katja. But Iroha needs to find a reason sooner or later. The sooner she thinks about it, the better. Besides, if we talk about it, we might be able to figure something out together. There’s no way you don’t have some kind of idea about it. Come on, Iroha. Tell us what you’re thinking. What do you want to do now that you’ve gotten better?”

“I…” I don’t know. I just like them. What should I do? “I… I just remembered something!” My chair slides loudly, and I stand up straight in a hurry. “I was actually planning on training by myself today! I should hurry up before it gets too late. Sorry… We’ll have to finish this some other day. Bye!” I ran out of the dorm, leaving Katja and Hecate behind.

What the hell am I doing? Should I have said something? Maybe it would have been fine. No, I would have found a way to screw up. I would have said something weird. I made my way to the portal and got away from the dorm. I’m gonna check how Ririna’s doing and how her work is going. I can keep getting stronger if I hang out with her, and I can use that strength to help her gather more materials. She’d appreciate that, wouldn’t she? Either way, I need to clear my head.

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“She’s going into the forest…” On one of the windows of the first floor, a girl with beige twintails observed as Iroha stepped into the forest.

“Iroha… There’s no way you could have improved so much so quickly… There’s something off about you… I just know it! I wouldn’t have lost to you otherwise.” Carol closed the curtains and turned away from the window. She ran out of her room, taking care not to knock any of her plushies onto the ground.

“I’m gonna find out what you’re hiding. Just you wait…”