I am sitting away hidden in a corner and sitting on the ground having a smoke. This is my second cigarette but I really don’t care at the moment, I need to calm down for a bit. I could hear the laughter of other students walking past the place I am currently hidden. It sounds like they are probably happy… Unlike me…
Today is Valentine's day and I am currently suffering. I hate this day with a passion… I hate the fact it is a day where people just show off their love for their lover… I hate that I want someone to do something for me… Such a childish wish of mine, I know better than that.
“▇▇▇▇▇! What are you doing here smoking again? This is seriously bad for you…” I was taken out of my thoughts by a familiar male voice. Looking up from my feet I could see a familiar warm smile and my heart tighten like it always does. He looked at the cigarette in my hand with a concerned smile on his face but he still came over to sit with me.
“If you don’t want to see me smoke then go away. I am not forcing you to be here, you know?” I hate the fact I act so harsh near him. I don’t want to be like this but I am scared to let down my guard and get hurt. I can’t keep getting hurt.
“Why can’t I hang out with my favorite person? Sure I don’t agree with your smoking habit but I like hanging out with you too much!” I tried not to blush when he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. I couldn’t help but smell the cologne currently on him… He smells so nice…
“Stop touching me. I don’t want you to smell like cigarette smoke and get in trouble with the teachers…” I couldn’t allow myself to be close to him for too long or else he will realize my feelings for him… I don’t want these feelings of mine to be noticed, it will force me to acknowledge them and that scares me.
“▇▇▇▇▇! I knew you care about me! You are just the best friend ever. I don’t care if I end up smelling like cigarette smoke. I mean I can just cover it up with my cologne.” I tried not to let out a weird noise when he pulled me close to him again. My heart was beating so fast and it feels like I am going to die…
“...Quit holding me so close.” I felt so relieved that my voice didn’t sound shaky at all but I could feel the hand holding my cigarette shaking a bit and I hope that he wouldn’t notice how he was making me react to his close contact.
“Noooo! You never let me hug you like this… Don’t you like me, ▇▇▇▇▇?” He placed his head on my shoulder and looked up at me with those eyes that always take my breath away. I felt a strong urge to kiss him but I forced myself to ignore that feeling of mine.
“You aren’t a child so quit acting like one already.” I pushed his face away with my hand that wasn’t holding my cigarette and I felt something wet touch the palm of my hand which caused me to quickly bring it back to my side.
I could see that his tongue was peeking out of his mouth and he had a teasing look in his eyes that just made me want to run away in embarrassment. I hate how he would do stuff like this and expect that it does nothing to my heart… But I can’t pretend I don’t enjoy this.
I am a weirdo. Someone like me shouldn’t be allowed to feel this. If he knew my thoughts he would think I am some freak. I don’t want him to dislike me…
“I should punch you for licking me, asshole.” I hid what I was currently feeling behind a glare. I always do this when I don’t want anyone to see my true feelings… Such a childish way to handle things, I know.
“Sorry, sorry. Hey, did anyone give you chocolate today?” I didn’t understand why he asked me this, he knows how people view me in this school so why would anyone give me any chocolates. He must want to tease me or something like that.
“Yeah, I got so many chocolates because everyone just loves me.” I didn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in my voice. If I felt hurt by this I didn’t even pay attention to it. I don’t care if I am hated, I don’t care.
“...▇▇▇▇▇, do you want to be my valentine then?” While I was lost in my dark thoughts my vision was blocked by something close up to my face. I went to grab what he was shoving in my face and I felt my heart beating too fast for me to handle.
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It was chocolate. It wasn’t homemade or anything like that. It was something that you could just buy at a store for cheap. But it felt so warm in my hand. I could feel my eyes getting warm but I quickly forced myself to hold back this feeling of mine.
“...Who wants to be your valentine?” Even though I said that I wouldn’t give him back the chocolate he gave me. I didn’t want it to leave my sight, I am scared that if it leaves my sight then it would disappear forever.
“Yeah… I am just going to be selfish and just make you be my valentine.” He pulled me into a hug and I didn’t bother to stop him. I was still looking at the chocolate in my hand and I could feel that my lip wanted to smile but I was forcing myself to keep a straight face.
“Ah! Shit!” The moment was broken between us when the cigarette I forgot I was still holding in my other hand burned me and I dropped it to the ground due to the pain. I quickly got out of his hug and started to blow at my finger that was burned. This is so embarrassing…
“Give me your hand ▇▇▇▇▇.” Even though he was asking me that he just went ahead and grabbed my finger that got burned. Before I could ask him what he was going to do, I felt my whole body freeze when he kissed my finger.
He was making eye contact with me as he did this and after a while, he put my finger down. He slowly put his hand on the side of my face and he slowly went to close the distance between us. I didn’t know what to do and it felt like I was going dumb at the moment. His eyes were closed but I didn’t want to close my eyes at all.
When our lips were just about to touch… The school bell rang and I quickly moved away from him. I was breathing quickly and keeping my eyes on him. He had his hand up still in the air where my face used to be and his lips looked ready to kiss just the air.
“...Do you want to skip school early or whatever.” After a few moments of silence, he quickly tried to pretend he was natural and like nothing had just almost happened between us. His smile on his face was a bit unnatural but he still was trying to be normal.
“...Let me get my school bag then we can meet in the usual place to leave school.” I also pretend that everything was okay with me and the fact I wasn’t screaming on the inside. I quickly got off the ground and walked over to the place where the chocolate was just laying on the ground.
I tried not to react when I realized that he was waiting for me so we could walk together. I could hear the distant voices of other students heading to class but I felt like I was walking on clouds currently. My heart felt so light and I wanted to smile like an idiot.
...This valentine wasn’t that bad but I kind of regret not giving him the chocolates I was up late making for him last night. But at least we will be spending time together and skipping the rest of school.
I sat up in my bed and let out a long yawn. I could hear a groan coming from next to me and a mumble of words I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t help but chuckle at that before getting out of the bed. The floor was cold but I felt too lazy to find any slippers.
As I left the bedroom I picked up my pack of cigarettes and my lighter then headed for the kitchen. When I got into the kitchen I opened the window and lit up my cigarette before I started to smoke it. I let out a cloud of smoke and pretended that it was a cloud of anxious feelings.
‘Wow, didn’t think I would have any more dreams from my past life but at least it wasn’t anything that bad. It could even be seen as a good memory, I guess.’ I let out a hum to myself as I remember the dream I had about my past life. I guess it wasn’t surprising it was about valentine's day since today is valentine's day.
‘Past me wouldn’t believe that I am actually with someone that I love and care about… I don’t believe it myself either.’ I couldn’t help but smile to myself when I thought about this. I really am living a nice life…
“Aureliaaaaa…. Why are you up so early with the window open? Come back to beddddd!” I was brought out my thoughts when I heard a familiar voice call out to me in a whining voice and I was wrapped in a blanket with a head resting on my shoulder.
I laughed softly at their tone and put out my cigarette and turned around to hug them in my arms. They quickly snuggle themself deeper in my arms and let out a pleased sigh. I kissed their forehead and kissed them on their lip when they lifted their head with their lip ready to get kissed.
“Fine, fine. But we can’t sleep for too long. I want to do something nice for you after all.” I lifted them into my arms in a princess carry and walked back to the bedroom. They only let out a sleepy reply as they moved in closer in my arms.
When we got back to the bedroom I placed them gently on the bed and went to cuddle into them. I couldn’t get rid of the smile on my face. I felt too happy that it felt unreal at the moment. I really don’t want to wake up if this is a dream. After all this time I will be able to give chocolate to the person I love...