“Hnnngh … uuuf … hooph ….”

An orange, black and white cat appeared over the ledge.

And then the man whose head it sat upon.

Heavily breathing and with every inch of his face contorted in equal parts relief and regret, his palms slapped the damp ground as he desperately sought to anchor himself. Fingertips clawed with every morsel of his will as he slowly brought himself over the precipice, each digit twitching with fatigue.

A moment later–

“Haaaaaaaaaaah ……”

He belly flopped before me.

Yes, like a trout freshly escaped from the piranhas in the lake beside the Royal Villa.

I leaned far enough away that half of me was in another kingdom.

Even so … I wasn’t certain if it was enough.

An unknown man in roughspun travelling attire and the start of an unkempt beard. Clearly a hooligan. And presenting himself to a princess while drenched in sweat! Why, that was worth at least three capital crimes … but today I would waive all four of them.

After all, nothing claimed the thin quality of his clothing more than the tears of joy running past his face.

It was only appropriate. To meet me after escaping a mimic for which I held no responsibility was the highlight of any hoodlum’s day. Yes, even if said hoodlum’s tears of joy seemed to be aimed solely towards the cat in his hands.

Rising upon his knees, he held the feline high like a holy chalice, drenched in a rare shaft of sunlight.

“Oooohh!! Incredible! Pepper saved me! That never happens! This is an omen! Usually it’s me rescuing cats, not the other way around!”

The man beamed as he turned his attention to me and Coppelia.

He blinked as he took in the sight of my loyal handmaiden nibbling on a macaron. Then he did the same with me. Except the blinking never stopped.

Over and over, his eyes took on the soul of a curtain unable to decide whether to stay open or closed. He rubbed them with his drenched sleeves. And then he rose to his feet, moving the cat side to side while wondering why I wasn’t fleeing during the brief moments it was between us.

I wondered the same thing as well.

“... Damn,” he said, narrowing his eyes like a drunkard searching for his table. “Too much grog. Even being around that stuff is enough to make me see things.”

I raised a brow.

“I’ve no idea what that is. But you may rejoice. The light you see blinding your eyes to the point of needing a cat as a veil is very much real.”

The man’s jaw dropped.

For a moment, he made no other response other than a bizarre gurgle. And while I couldn’t understand the words, I understood the meaning. Joy beyond the ability to speak.

Indeed, he stood stock still, his face becoming ghastly pale as all sense of expression left him.

Thus … he left it to the cat.

A far more distinguished communicator than any commoner, the man raising the feline’s paw, before leaning forwards and using it to nudge me in the shoulder.

Poke, poke.

Prod, prod.

Tap, tap.

Hmm.

How novel.

This was, indeed, the most unique insult I’d ever experienced.

Rarely could common hoodlums engrave themselves in history. Yet as I ignored Coppelia immediately joining in to poke me in the other shoulder, I knew at once this man had begun a trend worth more capital crimes than any abacus could count.

Still, the look of disbelief was only appropriate.

“... Princess?”

All the more so since he recognised who I was.

I was utterly taken aback.

Why, this man … he’d guessed my identity!

A commoner whose eyes were wincing through my overwhelming brightness and the appalling amounts of sweat falling from his brows … and he’d somehow seen through my masterful disguise where even my own nobility frequently failed!

I couldn’t believe it. My secret was revealed. My presence in a mere cave exposed.

My hands clenched at once, knowing full well the danger of the situation.

For against the threat of my royal status being recognised … there was only one thing to do!

… To not betray the expectations of my people!

“Ohohohoho!” I raised a hand to my lips, barely covering my smile. “Indeed, I am a princess! You have my congratulations! Why, you have peered through a fog of deception more tangled than any witch’s creation and seen through the subtleties of my expertly crafted persona as a … well, not a princess! Despite your appearance as a common highwayman, I see your eyes are as discerning as even the most trained of knights! … Name yourself, Sir Hoodlum! I shall not allow this feat to go unacknowledged! And depending on what you say, I may or may not allow you to go at all!”

The man blinked.

“Uh, no, we’ve actually met before.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s me. Caban. Caban Oxwell.”

I simply stared.

After a moment, the man’s shoulders relaxed as he purposefully offered a far too easy smile. To my horror, it came with a flash of recognition in the back of my mind. An echo of a memory, ringing to the sound of uncontrollable, maddened laughter.

I rolled my hand, indicating for him to continue.

“We, um, we met at the Royal Villa.”

I rolled my hand again.

“... In your orchard. You sliced a falling shortcake and, well, flicked away the rain. I offered to grade your swordsmanship. You disarmed me in the process. Quite handily, I should add.”

I gasped.

My feet shuffled backwards. Yet it was all I could do to remain standing as the sheer weight of the memories returned to me like a tide reclaiming the shore.

The unkempt appearance. The blasé tone. The outrageous overfamiliarity.

The utter lack of respect regarding bowing, walking away and then waiting for his turn to be denied a meeting.

It … It was him!

The commoner who’d had the gall to draw a sword in my presence! … And then use it on me!

That in itself was awful … but worst of all, now he was forcing me to remember!

How … How dare he!!

“I … I cannot believe it,” I said, barely able to contain my horror. “It … It is you! Why, even now, I remember every detail of that morning–”

“It was, uh, afternoon.”

“That early, crisp morning as vividly as the sun which had only just crested the horizon! You … how did you come to escape your cell?!”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“My … My cell? Well, that was easy. I’ve never been in a cell.”

“You haven’t?”

“Not yet. I reckon there’s still time, though.”

I was mortified.

That this man hadn’t once been discreetly bundled away without due process was outrageous!

Why, my last memory of him was of maniacal laughing in my orchard! Such a suspicious sight was clearly worthy of immediate sentencing! If he harassed one princess in her orchard, then who knew how many he’d callously stolen away from their shortcake inspecting duties under the guise of swordsmanship grading?!

Indeed, as I viewed the hue of his amazed smile and the clear awe in his eyes, I knew this man could be nothing but a prolific disturber of the peace!

“... V-Very well,” I said with a small groan. “I see how this is. Mr–”

“Oxwell. Caban Oxwell.”

“Mr. Oddwell, I realise a chance encounter with me is a dream notion. But to prepare a meeting in such a conspicuous manner twice is highly inappropriate. Neither my orchard nor a cave is suitable for conversation. If you wish for my time, there are official channels, a very long waiting list and also several titles you need to first attain.”

To my horror, I only received a small laugh.

“True, it does feel like I’m skipping a few queues here. But it wasn’t me who decided this meeting. It was Lady Luck.”

“Lady Luck is in arrears. She owes me more than anything she has left to give. She is in no position to bestow fortune upon anyone but myself.”

“In that case, it probably explains how I ended up here. Well, both me and Pepper, it seems.”

“... Who is Pepper?”

He held up the cat. It licked its nose.

And just like that–everything became clear.

Ugh.

I rolled my eyes.

An adventurer with a cat. I suppose that was a tale which told itself.

“The guild is this direction,” I duly said, pointing vaguely behind me. “However, when presenting the cat, do not mention me. No matter how much I helped you climb this modest cliff, I wish for no credit in the feline’s rescue.”

“Uh, right, I’ll keep that in mind … although credit isn’t really on my mind right now. More just the question of what you’re doing here. In a goblin cave.”

He paused.

“... Um, Your Highness.”

I let out a sigh.

“I ask myself that every moment. Be that as it may, this cave is in dispute. It has failed to be sanctioned by my family. And neither goblins nor errant adventurers have the authority to see so much as a single pebble removed from this mountain. Therefore, I’m here to make a settlement entirely in my favour.”

The man’s eyes widened.

He peered towards the sword in my hand, its light no less than when he’d first seen it drawn.

“I … I see! That’s … well, that’s incredible news! Word has escaped about Miss Harten, then?”

“... Who?”

“Miss Harten. Liliane Harten. The A-rank adventurer who’s taken control of the goblin tribe here.”

“Oh, in that case, yes. That’s why I’m here.”

“Amazing! How many knights did you bring?”

“None.”

“Huh?”

“My ears are perfectly functional. I’ve no need for knights to test them.”

“You … You came here without any knights? Did you bring mages, then? From the Royal Institute?”

“Most certainly not. Every mage from the Royal Institute is busy. And until they’ve finished beggaring themselves by removing every artifact from their vaults, they’ll continue to be busy.”

The man blinked.

“I don’t understand. Who did you bring, then?”

“I brought Coppelia.”

I pointed helpfully at the clockwork doll beside me. She offered a cheerful wave.

“Hi there~ I’m Coppelia.” She retrieved a macaron from her pouch. “Want a snack?”

The man only looked confused. Especially at the colour of the snack in question.

“It … It looks pretty black, doesn’t it?”

“It’s a regional specialty.”

“Oh, what region?”

“Ouzelia.”

The hand which had been reaching out in politeness stilled. He brought it back to help hold the cat instead.

“I’m … not really a macaron person. I’ll pass, but thanks.”

Coppelia puffed out a cheek in disappointment. Then, rather than eat it herself, it vanished back into the depths of her pouch to further mature instead.

Neither myself nor the commoner made any comment.

“A clockwork doll,” he said after a moment. “A fitting aide for a princess. But surely, you brought more with you? What about your guards? Your servants?”

“True, they should be with me regardless of time, distance or knowledge of where I am. Regardless, my visit to Marinsgarde was unexpected. This particular detour even more so.”

“Wait … you came here, just the two of you?”

“Indeed, and I would appreciate your discretion on the matter. I happen to be masterfully incognito. But you’ve little to fear. There is no vagrant either Coppelia or myself cannot punt ourselves.”

The man’s brows scrunched in thought.

For a long moment, he wore the look of a man trying desperately in vain to guess the generosity of a princess whose benevolence went as far as wherever my diplomats were ordered to espouse. A wrinkle formed on his forehead as he carefully considered the sword in my hand and Coppelia by my side.

And then–

“Hah … hahah …”

He simply laughed.

My body tensed as I feared a recurrence of my orchard. Yet instead of filling these caves with unexplainable glee, he sucked in a deep breath and rolled his shoulders.

The cat in his hands mewed, not displeased by the motion.

“... Right. Well, I admit I’m surprised to see a princess here. But it’s not like I don’t understand as well. For someone like you, I imagine it’s not your first time leaving your tower behind, huh?”

I was appalled by the insinuation.

Whatever reasons he believed me to be here, this was very much my first time leaving my tower behind. At least without the comforts of a royal carriage. And I was quite the poorer for it!

“It’s the same with my master as well,” he added with a chuckle. “However many drinks he serves, I know he’s not as retired as he claims to be. For a village where his bar is the only decent entertainment around, he’s shut up shop a lot more times than I reckon is good for business. A lot of ‘old friends’ he suddenly misses. You’ve no need to worry, Your Highness, I didn’t see a thing.”

Then, with approximately all his words flying past my ears, he straightened his back.

The easy smile upon his face passed with the acumen of an actor upon the Royal Arc Theatre, replaced by a look of utmost seriousness instead.

The most impressive thing I saw from any adventurer thus far.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard to bring you here, Your Highness. Whether it was news or a sixth sense. But you have to leave. You’re in danger. All of us are.”

“Yes, well, that much is obvious. The damp ground is literally seeking to swallow my soles. I shall need to put the shoemakers of Marinsgarde to work before I depart.”

“No, uh, it’s more than that … it’s Miss Harten. She, well, she put on a goblin hat.”

I raised a brow.

“So I’ve been told. Thank you for the warning, but rest assured, though my eyes may burn from the sight of goblin fashion, I have seen worse in my corridors.”

“That thing on her head isn’t a fashion piece. It’s some kind of magic crown. And it did things … is doing things to her. We looted it from a queen jewel spider. The moment she put it on, she changed.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she isn’t quite there in the head anymore. It started with something about helping Marinsgarde, but I can tell you the town is barely in her thoughts anymore. And now I don’t know what is … only that it’s bad.”

The man pursed his lips. The cat joined him in a frown.

“Miss Harten has a good heart. I’m sure of that. She’d never have reached A-rank otherwise. But that crown … it’s given her power. Power I can’t explain. I’ve seen her paint a sky with a mountain. And from what I can tell, she plans to keep sweeping that brush. That’s why you need to get your knights. You’ll need to get them all, and mages besides, because there’s no telling what that crown is … uh, Princess?”

I held my finger.

“Wait, you’re telling me this adventurer has gained newly derived unfathomable power from a magical crown?”

“Well, yeah.”

“I see.”

I nodded.

A moment later–

“Ohohoohohohoho!!”

My sword waved in every direction, my other hand pressed upon my stomach.

“Ohoho … oohohohhho … ohohohohho … oho … ho …”

Only after the cramping had subsided did I gather myself.

With a smile, I flattened down the front of my hair and wiped a lonely tear from the corner of my eye.

“... My, is that it?”

“Uh, what?”

“So an adventurer decided to nonchalantly test the droppings of monsters by placing it upon her head. All this time, I wondered what could have driven someone to such madness that they’d threaten consecutive late nights for my diplomats. It turns out it’s the most simple. Utter brazenness.”

Indeed, here was a tale as old as time.

How many of the cursed artifacts in the Royal Villa’s vaults were themselves retrieved from the minds of the addled? If anything, this was a disappointment. For being the downfall of the Adventurer’s Guild, I’d have preferred to exploit a more original motive than this.

Still, it could have been worse.

I hardly expected to find such a classic woven within a goblin cave in the first place. Perhaps Coppelia was right.

If given to the right or wrong person, I might be pleasantly surprised.

“Princess … it’s more than madness that crown brings. She called it a crown of empowerment.”

“And she still put it on? I don't even know what that is and know it’s obviously cursed.”

“A crown of empowerment is a special type of hat,” explained Coppelia enthusiastically. “They’re often an archmage’s final creation, since they contain a portion of their magic. Unlike normal magical hats which just makes someone better at what they do, a crown of empowerment can directly confer the abilities of whoever made it. They’re very rare and expensive.”

“Really? How expensive?”

“Extremely. The best ones go for a kingdom.”

“I see.” My mood brightened. “Then it seems this detour wasn’t for nought. This … goblin hat shall be of use to the kingdom as a forgotten glint in my family’s vaults.”

Far from nodding in agreement, the adventurer before me only looked exasperated.

“Princess, wait … I’ve no doubt of your confidence. And your sword–I saw it myself. But so long as that crown is on Miss Harten’s head, it’ll be more than raindrops she’ll cast on you.”

“Is that so?” I smiled and turned. “... Good. The mud would have given me pause.”