The clomp of footsteps and gentle clangs of metal on metal echoed through the tunnel as the group walked. A glowing orb of light bobbed along a couple of feet above Keevan's head, providing a soft glow that illuminated the cave walls and the other adventurers. Ahead of Keevan walked Helen, then Brody. Behind him was Kylie and then Groll was at the end, guarding their rear.

The shadows grew and shrank as the light passed by crevices in the walls. The light’s range elongated and then receded with each bob of the orb above Keevan's head. A faint scrabbling sound in the distance could occasionally be heard over the jangle of equipment, promising the presence of rats or other vermin. Despite the natural formation of stone, the floor of the passageway was surprisingly flat with very few obstacles and a ceiling tall enough that even Groll had no trouble walking.

The group had been walking in silence for hours, focusing their senses on their surroundings. This narrow passage had only two directions; forward and behind. When danger came for them, they would be ready for it.

"Um. Bathroom break?" Keevan said into the silence.

Everyone's muscles tensed at the sudden sound. Then, a chorus of groans escaped everyone's lips as they finally processed the words.

"Really, Keevan?" Kylie said, exasperated.

"It's actually a good idea. We'll take turns as lookouts. With our backs turned for the sake of privacy, of course. Remember to stay alert, even… in the act," Brody said.

The scene shifts to Brody seated in front of the camera.

"Adventurer tip: when relieving yourself, always keep a firm grip on your weapon. Bad things happen when you get sloppy," Brody said solemnly.

The scene shifts back to the group walking through the narrow passage in their previous order.

After finishing their bathroom break, the group continued their walk through the corridor. The gentle clangs of metal on metal continued to echo through the narrow passageway. The clomp of footsteps resounded off the walls, except for the occasional squelching step that had started after the bathroom break. Everyone studiously ignored the new sound.

The rock of the corridor gradually shifted from being a natural formation into one intentionally sculpted. While it was now clearly made by someone, the stone was still rough, not smooth like the quarried stone of a building. Helen reached her hand out and rubbed the stone with the palms of her hands as she walked.

“What does your dwarven intuition tell you about the stone, Helen?” Brody asked over his shoulder.

“Dwarven intuition about stone? Don’t tell me you’ve been schnookered by all that malarky. No such thing. I’m just exfoliating. How else do you think I stay looking so young?” Helen replied.

Kylie and Groll both smiled, but no one dared laugh and incur the wrath of Helen. And, of course, everyone else began running their palms along the stone walls.

The passage eventually gave way to a larger cavern about sixty feet across. On the right side of the cavern there were what looked to be two additional branches leading to other areas in this underground network. A small pool of cloudy water dominated the left corner of the cavern, the walls above it glowing blue with some sort of bioluminescent growth. The blue light gave the whole cavern an eerie azure cast that reflected off the water and moist rock formations.

The ceiling of the cavern was high overhead, home to several stalactites. The floor held a dozen or so stalagmites and there were even a few natural pillars here and there.

Groll let out a low whistle.

“So stunning is the sight of such splendid speleothems as to supply a sensation of sublimity,” the muscular orc said softly.

“What?” asked Keevan.

“It’s pretty, dear,” Helen replied.

“I was going to say it looked just like the lair of an evil wizard that would summon creatures out of nightmares,” Brody said. “Fan out. We must cover the whole area to be sure it’s clear of hostiles.”

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

The scene shifts to show Brody seated with a rock wall backdrop.

“Adventurer tip: When first entering a cavity, you need to ease into it. You can't just go all the way in right away. But be thorough. You may come out soiled and dirty, but you will at least know you got the job done.”

The scene shifts back to the group standing in front of the pool of water they found in the cavern.

“What do you think is in there?” Keevan asked warily.

“Probably nothing,” Brody responded. “Can you see if it’s safe?”

“Um. Okay?” Keevan replied.

The mage turned his head left and right. Then rolled up his sleeves. Then, he reached down, grabbed a small rock, and tossed it into the water.

Kylie covered her face with her palm.

“I meant magically,” Brody said.

The ripples in the water faded, but more appeared near the shore of the small pool. The adventurers backed up as one and readied themselves for combat. Keevan summoned a head-sized ball of fire ready to throw at whatever surfaced.

Bubbles appeared in the water. The surface parted around the hard exterior of a creature with a bright blue coloration, oddly-protruding eyes, eight chitinous legs, grasping claws half the size of its body, and that also happened to be about four inches tall.

“Hah!” Kylie laughed. “It’s just a tiny crab! Keevan was about ready to roast the little thing! I think he must be claw-strophobic. Hah!”

Groll groaned.

Keevan let his fireball disappear and replied, “I’m not. We’ve been in a cave for a while, now. Do you think we can eat it?”

“Not for me. I’m watching my crabohydrates. Hah!” Kylie said.

“It’s pretty small. I don’t think you could get much of a meal out of one, even for one person. Do you know how to cook crab, Helen?” Brody said.

“You betcha. But I’m not about to touch that little guy. Never eat anything you find someplace that’s clearly magical,” Helen said, pointing at the glowing blue algae.

“Alright. Let’s set up camp, everyone,” Brody said.

“Ay, ay, Crabtain!” Kylie said with a salute before breaking into laughter and walking away.

The little crab took its cue and side-stepped back into the water.

The scene shifts to reveal Groll seated in a sturdy wooden chair.

“I have nothing against puns, provided they are cleverly devised. Kylie’s are often… low-hanging fruit. Or, as she would doubtless say at this moment, crab apples,” Groll said with a wince.

The scene shifts to reveal Keevan partially covered by canvas with several tent poles precariously balanced in his awkwardly-positioned arms.

"Every time! How can you be so bad at this after so long?" Kylie shouted, a small tent standing next to her. Her eyes also seemed to be straying to the camera every now and then.

Keevan was slowly spinning in circles, attempting to grab one end of the canvas that was perpetually out of reach.

"If you would help me or teach me how to do this better, you wouldn't have to wait for me," the mage growled.

"Ah, lighten up, Keev. You're too tents. Hah! Get it?!" Kylie said, guffawing and slapping her knee.

"Oh goodness. You've done it again, haven't you, dear? Just put those poles down and let's get you sorted, hm?" Helen said, coming over and helping Keevan with his supplies.

"He'll never learn if you keep helping him, you know. Maybe we should go without tents. Just good old-fashioned bedrolls under the stars. Or, well, stalagmites, I guess," Brody interjected, tying his own tent flaps closed.

"Stalactites. Stalagmites grow from the ground," Groll said absently. He had a book in one massive hand as he sat in a sturdy wooden chair in front of his slightly larger tent with a magical lantern on one of the tent poles to illuminate his book.

"If I had my druthers, we'd be staying at an inn with lovely music each night. Wouldn't that be nice?" Helen said, neatly putting Keevan's tent together as he awkwardly stood next to her.

"Yeah. Why don't we have a bard on the team, Brody? Wouldn't that help with morale or something?" Kylie said.

"Bards are useless in a fight and they're nothing but trouble out of one," Brody replied.

The scene shifts to Brody sitting in Groll's chair with a cave wall backdrop.

"I was in a team with a bard before starting The Undefilers. When we fought, all he did was play his lute and sing about what we were doing. Often, he would only sing about mistakes we made. Then, whenever we were in town, he would try to seduce every woman he met. Many of whom were married. And some of those were with their husbands! It was a nightmare. Great voice, though," Brody said.

The scene shifts to Keevan in Groll's chair with a cavern wall backdrop.

"I don't know why she brought it up, really. No one has said anything in months about me taking too long setting up my tent in the evening. It’s not like it affects any of them negatively. Besides, Helen always does a great job. Very quick, too," Keevan said.

The scene shifts to Kylie in the chair with a cavern wall backdrop.

"Manufacturing drama? I mean, maybe a little. You want people to watch this thing, don't you? I'm just helping you out, man. But fine, if you don't want me to make your job easier, that's okay. Get ready for week-long stretches of monotony and boredom. That's the true adventurer experience," Kylie said.