Chapter 33: Aftermath

Plonk... Plonk… The sound of rocks falling into the stream was interspersed with the sets of footsteps approaching from behind. Sara didn't have to look, she had a pretty good idea who was approaching by the occasional thud of a staff on the ground. It wasn't as though she had exactly hid her trail. At first Sara had just run, run away from the barn, from Thorin, from everything. If only she could have run away from Middle Earth all together, or from the Valar and the knowledge she now was forced to carry. She had been called back to herself when her feet had splashed into the water of the small stream, her boots filling with water. She had run to the forest that closed around Beorn's land on all sides but the west. She wiggled her slimy toes, wringing her nose at the feel of her wet socks. She had easily outpaced the old dog that followed her, but he had the better nose and after a while he had come limping back to her side. Tom raised his head from where he lay several feet away, peering into the foliage behind them as the others came closer. The decaying log beneath her was covered with a thick moss that grew between the deep grooves of bark, and she shifted uncomfortably as she reached for more stones to cast into the burbling stream. Dappled light seeped through the tall pines and reflected off its ever changing surface. Sara liked the water, always had. There was something about the way it moved, the way that life emanated from it, that always worked to calm her. Today, however, it had done little to ease her shifting moods of anger, grief, confusion, and exhaustion. Apparently her current circumstances were not to be washed away like the dust of the road, but to be carried and endured like the scars on her arms. Two sets of heavy dwarvish boots came into the periphery of her vision to the left and a long gray robe to the right. How could she tell them... tell them that their king, that Thorin and the line of Durin would die. In vain she wished that Nori had never stolen her phone and let himself in on her secret.

"Well, have you finished it now?" asked Nori, coming to stand in front of her. She nodded and Gandalf took a seat next to her.

"And?" pressed the thief.

"And what?" she stalled, searching for a way out of this conversation. What she really wanted to do was talk to Gandalf alone, but she knew Nori would never allow it and it would only make it harder to keep things from him. Gandalf, she thought, was not about to go off half-cocked and tell the company everything, as Nori would be likely to do. She was not yet sure if she should tell Thorin, Fili, and Kili about their fates, but if they were to know, she wanted it to come from her and no other. They deserve that much at least.

"I believe Master Nori, a more prudent way to approach the subject would be to ask specific questions," suggested the wizard, withdrawing his pipe from his robes. Nori huffed, irritated and impatient.

"Very well. Do we succeed in taking back the mountain?" he asked. A vague idea began to form in Sara's mind of how to get rid of the dwarves without revealing too much of her hand.

"Yes," she said, dropping a white stone into the water. "The mountain is reclaimed by the company."

"What of the rumors of Smaug? Are they right? Is he still in the mountain? Is he alive?"

"Yes," she said. Another splash, another white stone. "He is there and very much alive." Bifur said something to Nori.

"Do we find the Arkenstone? Do the other clans come to our aid and help to drive out the worm," translated Nori.

"We find the arkenstone," she said. "But we don't need it. Lord Elrond was right, we wake the dragon and he takes it out on the people of Laketown, destroying it. Smaug is killed by Bard The Bowman of Laketown after Bilbo discovers a weak spot in the dragon's armor. A talking thrush brings a message from Bilbo to Bard and he uses the last black arrow to kill Smaug who falls on the burning town obliterating it."

A new thought struck her. If she did have family in Lake town as Balin had suggested, they might be among those who died in Smaug's attack. The rocks grated together in her clenched fist. Yet another chance she might lose someone she loved, thanks to the Valar.

"Ms. Sara," called Gandalf, bringing her back to attention.

"How many lives lost to the dragon?" repeated Nori.

"The book doesn't give an exact count, but says about ¼ of the town's population died and the town itself is in a flaming ruin," she said.

"That's not what I meant," replied Nori nonchalantly, waving his hand in the air. "Are any of the company lost to the dragon?" She glared up at him.

"Did you not hear me!" she said, her voice raising in volume as she flung the handful of stones at his feet. He jumped back startled by her outburst, his feet plunging into the shallow stream to avoid her throw. "An entire town is destroyed and ¼ of the people die. This is the same town where I might have family. Do their lives not matter just because they're not dwarves, not part of the company?" Bifur sat on her other side and took her hand in his squeezing it as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry. That was tackless," said Nori. She let out an angry breath.

"No," she said after she had reeled herself in a bit. "None of the company are killed by the dragon." It was quiet for a few moments before Bifur spoke.

"He wants to know about the elvin road," said Nori. "Are Beorn's warnings merrited?" Sara hesitated to reply.

"Yes," she finally admitted.

"How so?" asked Gandalf after he blew several large green smoke rings.

"The spiders that radagast talked about…" she started.

"What of them?" asked the wizard, letting the hand holding his pipe fall to his lap as he scrutinized her.

"They have spread further north. We get caught by them and it's only due to Bilbo that we escape." A shiver of revulsion crawled down her spine and gooseflesh popped up on her arms. Sara didn't mind spiders, infact her grandmother had often called her to exterminate them, but spiders as tall as a man or larger, that was a different matter altogether.

"Spiders are not so bad," said Nori. "You say we escape right?"

"Not so bad! Are you crazy? Spiders larger than you are no big deal? Even if you don't think so there is still starvation to deal with, and an enchanted river that makes you fall asleep and forget everything if you touch it." Bifur shook his head.

"Does someone fall in?" questioned Nori, setting himself on a rock midstream, heedless of the water lapping at his feet.

"Bombur falls in and we have to carry him for four days. When he wakes up he's forgotten everything that's happened since Bilbo's house."

"That is problematic," mussed Gandalf, a small blue ring floating past the tip of his nose.

"That's not all," said Sara. "The elves are the biggest problem. They take the company captive for weeks, I'm not even sure how long." Nori looked up clearly shaken.

"We are captured by elves?"

"How do you get yourselves out of that debacle?" asked Gandalf.

"Bilbo," she said. "His magic ring is very handy. He is never actually caught."

"He is a clever fellow that Mr. Baggins," nodded the wizard.

"Thorin and Dwalin are not going to like this," said Nori, reaching into the water, picking up a pebble before throwing it back. Bifur grunted in agreement.

"Then don't tell him," said Gandalf. The thief's head jerked up.

"We have to tell him," insisted Nori.

"Would you risk your success merely to save yourself some discomfort?" asked Gandalf, cocking his eyebrows. Nori was quiet, contemplating. "If you tell Thorin and the others about the dangers on the road ahead, it could sway them to take a different route all together." Bifur shrugged his shoulders as if to say "So what?" This did not go unnoticed by the wizard.

"We don't know what would happen if you were to change from your chosen course," continued Gandalf. " If you go South you would be hunted by Azog, and the North takes you too close to Mt. Gundabad, and both choices take you hundreds of miles out of your way."

"We don't know that for sure," said Nori. "The other roads may be safer. The book has not proven infallible thus far."

"Exactly," replied the wizard. "You don't know anything for sure, except that the elvin path thought dangerous is the most guaranteed to see you safely on and on time to the mountain. Can you say the same for the forest road or the other paths?"

"He's right" said Sara. "The book is still the closest thing to sure we have."

"Perhaps," said Nori. "But see here Gandalf, just what do you mean by 'you' and 'your'?"

"Exactly what I said," he replied. "You and your."

"He's not coming with us," said Sara simply. "He has other things that need taken care of."

"You mean to say that we face all these perils without a wizard?"

"Precisely," said Gandalf. "But it is not as though you were helpless, I am sending Mr. Baggins with you and the Valar are sending Sara." Nori did not look convinced.

"You won't make it through the forest without Bilbo and certainly not away from the elfs," said Sara. Nori drew her keys from his pocket and clicked the button on the laser pointer compulsively as he thought for several moments.

"I still dislike all the secret keeping," he said finally, taking a clear pebble from the stream and slipping into his pocket with the keys.

"Perhaps not," said Gandalf. "But if you tell, you put all the others lives at risk. Do you not think that Thorin would try and find another way to Erebor?"

Nori sighed in defeat. "He would, if only to avoid the elves, and if by some chance he didn't, Dwalin and Gloin would be sure to convince him."

"So are we agreed," said Gandalf, tapping out his pipe. "Thorin nor the others are not to know."

"We are agreed on the subject of the elven path yes, but what of after? What of Smaug and Laketown?"

"I suggest you ask your foringn consultant," said the wizard, turning his piercing gaze to Sara. "What do you say of Laketown." She thought for several moments before answering.

"Assuming we make it that far, we will warn them to evacuate the town. That should save lives without messing anything up. We will just have to make sure we find Bard and have him stay behind." She paused. Did they really need Bard? Sara already knew Smaug's weakness. Did Bard have to be the one to do it? She was not sure.

"And why would he volunteer to stay behind and face a dragon on his own?" asked Nori skeptically. "He would be mad to do so."

"I will tell him," said Sara hastily. "I will tell him it's his destiny. I could even show him the book on my phone. He is the heir to the city of Dale and becomes king after Laketown is destroyed."

"Perhaps," said Nori, still unconvinced.

"Think about it," she insisted as the haphazard idea grew in her mind. "If he knows he will kill the dragon, knows its weakness, and he knows he'll become king what would hold him back?"

Nori shrugged. "So you intend to tell the others about the book after we have escaped the elves?"

"Yes. After we escape the elves I will tell them." She was careful not to specify exactly when.

"Very well," said Nori, getting to his feet. "I will remain silent, but only for the sake of the company, and under the provision you tell them after we leave the elves." He pointed at Sara.

"All right," she agreed.

"Now," said Gandalf. "I suggest you two return to the others and assure them that Sara is quite safe."

"What of you," he asked. "Evening is not far off." Bifur gave Sara's hand one last squeeze before he stood.

"I wish to confer with Sara about some other matters unrelated to the company or quest," said Gandalf, waving them off. "Go now, Sara will be safe enough with me. Go assure Thorin that we found her. He looked quite distraught." Guilt and grief swelled in Sara's gut at the mention of Thorin. She pulled a chunk of the green moss from the tree she sat on as the dwarves returned the way they had come

"You were not truthful," said the gray wizard. "I thought you didn't like being called a liar."

"I don't," she admitted. "That doesn't mean I never do it. But this time I told the truth."

"Well if you did, you didn't tell it in its entirety," he said.

"I had to satisfy Nori," she said, pulling another chunk of moss off the bark beside her. "He would have caught me if I lied, but because he was expecting and watching for it, he failed to notice I didn't tell the whole truth. I needed to talk to you alone."

"I see. And what did you wish to discuss with me? What are you hiding?"

"The last chapters of the book. Gandalf, there are five chapters after the death of Smaug."

"And what do these chapters describe?"

"The Battle of Five Armies," she replied, her voice so quiet even she had trouble hearing it. "And the deaths of Thorin, Fili, and Kili."

He looked at her sharply. "I thought you said there were no casualties among the company."

"From Smaug," she clarified. "They are killed in battle Gandalf." Her voice cracked as an all too familiar tension began to build behind her eyes and temples. "They come all that way to reclaim Erebor, just to die in battle defending it."

"Perhaps you should tell me in detail," suggested Gandalf, as he began to repack his pipe before lighting it. He was well through his pipe a third time, and the bare patch on the log had grown to a considerable size when she had finished telling him the contents of the book and answered his questions satisfactorily. She even showed him exact excerpts from her phone. The sun had gone down and they sat in the light of Gandalf's staff, Tom's head in her lap as Gandalf stared into the darkness.

"So I have sent Thorin Oakensheild on an errand of doom," he said after many long minutes of heavy silence.

"What am I to do Gandalf? I'm so confused. Why have the Valar sent me here? Why move me around at all? I can't tell if I'm meant to change things, or if trying will be what brings about the book's end. Nothing is clear. Reality and the book only match up to a point, but there are gaping holes in the story. Some of this seems to be because of me, like the fact that Fili and Kili didn't die in the river. But what about Azog? He is supposed to be dead. I don't know if Tolkien was a creator of a world and book gone mad, or if he was just a really selective author who had somehow got ahold of the history of Middle Earth. On top of all this, there are the visions for the mirror which I have no idea how to interpret. I am starting to understand why Dumbledore had a pensive, it's just too much to keep in my mind at the same time and impossible to organise my thoughts."

"What visions?" asked the wizard. "You spoke of no visions."

"I looked in Lady Galadriel's mirror," she said, and she began to tell him what she had seen, hoping that he could make more sense of it than her. She left out the images of her and Thorin, a bit embarrassed to tell him about the kiss and the scene in the hayloft which had surely been alluding to this afternoon, but made sure to relay all that was relevant.

"I don't want to put too much stock in what I saw," she said. "But lots of it matches the book, reality, or both. Lady Galadriel said the mirror never lies and only shows things that are possible in the future, but I know that just because it's shown doesn't mean that it's set in stone. Or at least that's what I think, honestly I'm just tired of all the guessing."

"Quite the quandary," he admitted, stowing his pipe away. "But truly if the Valar have given you all this knowledge, then surely they sent you here for a purpose."

"What? What is my purpose? Do I tell Thorin to go back, save their lives and the lives of countless others by keeping the war from ever happening? But what about Smaug? You've said it's too dangerous to leave him alone, and while I think the Lord of the Rings could still happen at this point, I just don't know. Everything is so twisted and confused. What should I do Gandalf?" He didn't speak for several minutes and Sara just sat, her head in her hands trying to regulate her breathing.

"I cannot tell you what course you should take," he said finally. "Only give you advice. Ultimately you must make the choice for yourself. You are the one with the knowledge of the near and distant future, the one sent between worlds at the will of the Valar."

"What kind of cruel gods are they?" she said bitterly, her fingernails digging into her scalp. "Why send me to earth only to call me back to watch Thorin, Fili, Kili and countless others die, possibly even my family in Laketown, if the Valar have seen fit to leave them alive till now. No benevolent gods would do that."

"Has it occurred to you that it is not what they want at all," asked Gandalf sitting up straighter. "I would not dare speak for them, but I do know that their motives are good and they value the lives of those under their stewardship here in Middle Earth. Even yours, or they would not have gone to such great lengths to alter it."

"How would you know that?" snapped Sara, not looking up. "It doesn't seem that way to me."

"Do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks Ms. Sara," said Gandalf, his voice growing in intensity and power. "Or have you forgotten my true nature? I am not merely an old man in a gray cloak who happens to be a wizard. I was sent here with four others to help guide the peoples of this world." His voice genteled. "I serve the Valar just as they serve Eru Iluvatar. They do not give me orders or tell me what to do or when. Instead they endow me with their ideals and grant me the power to effect change, guide others, and inspire hope, leaving the details to me. So don't feel jilted simply because they did not leave explicit instructions for you."

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"But I don't even know the end goal," cried Sara jumping to her feet. "I don't know how they want things to end up, so where am I guiding things to?"

"You think I have knowledge of the end of all things? I am wise, not all knowing," he said.

"Then how do you know what to do?" she asked, jamming her hands into her pockets. He was silent for a moment watching her.

"I take my knowledge of what the Valar value and work from that."

"And what do they value?"

"Life Ms. Sara, life, hope, love, charity, and all that is good they work to bring about. Simultaneously they fight the darkness of Morgoth, the master of Sauron and author of all that is evil, twisted, and perverse. If we work to fight the dark and preserve the good things in this world then we are doing the Valar's will. That is why I choose to do what I do, and how I guide my actions. If you lack a direction, let these things and your knowledge of the future guide you." Sara sat once again, feeling numb as all her cloying thoughts vied for her attention.

"I'm still not sure what to do," she said forlornly, rubbing her forehead with a grubby hand leaving a smudge where her fingers passed.

"You never will be sure," said the wizard getting to his feet. "Life is full of uncertainty and we can only do our best. For now we should rest and leave tomorrow till it comes. Sleep will ease your mind and with the dawn you may find that your problems have realigned a different way than yesterday and the cloudy thoughts and uncertainty have cleared." It was as if his words broke a dam inside her and weariness washed through her. All at once nothing sounded better than to lie down and sleep for a hundred years. Even her bones seemed to protest as she stood, feeling frail and fragile as she followed Gandalf through the night back to Beorn's. She had not realized just how far she had run earlier but as they passed through the trees, she could tell it had been quite a fair distance. They were making their way back through the fields of flowers that were now still and quiet save for the chirping of crickets and Gandalf's soft humming when Sara broke the silence.

"Would you still have sent Thorin on this quest knowing what you do now?" she asked. The wizard ceased his tune and was thoughtful for several minutes, almost long enough that she thought he would simply not answer.

"Yes," he said finally. "I still believe that Smaug poses too great a threat to the free peoples of Middle Earth, especially if Sauron has returned as I fear he has. Dragons are capable of devastating destruction and I fear many more people would perish in his flames over the years than those lost in the battle of the five armies. And as you say it may be possible to save even their lives. However I do not have knowledge of the distant future as do you." She had been afraid he would say that.

"I really only said those things to get rid of Nori so I could talk to you," she admitted. "I'm not sure it's even possible to get them to evacuate, let alone prevent the Battle of the Five Armies."

"From what you told me of the book, it seems that nothing will stop the Goblins attack on the north." That was true enough. The book had said the Goblins were already making plans to take over the north; Smaug's death and the company coming through the mountains had simply afforded them a stronger motive and a good opportunity. They walked in silence, both lost in thought, until they reached the gate in the hedge. Sara walked through and into the yard, Tom's tail smacking her thigh as he ran ahead. Gandalf's footsteps had fallen quiet and she turned to look back at him, stepping back into the light from his staff.

"Aren't you coming in?"

"No," he replied. "It's as you said, I have other places to be. I must return and report to the council on my findings."

"The empty tombs?" she asked. He nodded. "What will they do?"

"I will urge them once again to move against the necromancer in Dol Guldur," he said. "If indeed he is a necromancer, though I suspect there is much more to him than that. I know of only one power that can call back the nine from the grave."

"You think it is Sauron?" she asked.

"I do." A heavy gloom draped itself over them at his words.

"You could be right," she said, crossing her hands over her chest as the chill night air blew past her. "I can't say for sure," she added hesitantly. "But I do know that he's not through causing trouble for Middle Earth just yet. It might be him."

"Do you have any advice for a wizard?" he asked. At first she thought he was joking, but when she met his eyes it was clear he was not. Realizing he was quite sincere, she thought for a moment.

"If we actually make it through this," she said. "You should keep a close eye on the Shire in the years to come." He nodded.

"And what will you do Sara?" She shook her head.

"I have no idea yet. Do you have any advice for me?"

"I'm not the one with knowledge of the future," he countered.

"What if I tried to stop the company from going to Erebor?" she asked trying to keep the desperation from her voice. He looked down on her with sad smiling eyes.

"I feel that even if you were to tell Thorin of his fate he would still go on to reclaim the mountain. Do not underestimate how determined he is. He is a king and as I know him, he will do all in his power to provide for the future of his people. Even if it means he never lives to see it."

Sara wilted for she knew he was probably right. It was a sort of thing Thorin would do, part of what made him who he was and if she were honest one of the reasons she was so attracted to him. He was a proud and determined king. That's right he's a king, she reminded herself. Somehow she always had a hard time thinking of him in that capacity, not that he didn't breath out authority as if it were carbon dioxide, but even from the beginning he had always just been Thorin, that stubborn dwarf who was in charge of this ragtag band. Why was he, a King of dwarves, even making advances toward her. She was most definitely not what somebody would look for in a queen, and not only that, she didn't want that kind of responsibility. What the Valar had heaped upon her was quite enough already. She just wanted to find her family and live a normal life, or as normal as it could be after all this. An old but steady hand gripped her shoulder.

"You will make the correct decision," he said, trying to assure her. "The Valar have placed their trust in you and so have I." His words, far from putting her at ease, were like tight bands wrapping around her chest, constricting her breath as the stifling weight of expectation hung upon her. "They have given you the tools and knowledge to do what is necessary. Now it is down to you to make a choice and act upon it." She didn't respond or even look up at him. "When you have made your decision you can send word to me using Lord Elrond's falcon which should be arriving with word from Lady Dis any day now. Let me know what you choose and I will support you in any way that I can. For now I will tend to the necromancer and see if I can root out who wants you taken as a captive and why." His hand fell from her shoulder and the light from staff his dimmed to darkness as heavy footsteps trod up the path behind her.

"Back at last little Sara," said Beorn, approaching them, a lantern in one hand and the reins of a tall grey horse in the other. "These lands can be quite dangerous by night," he said inlining his head to Gandalf. "Even for a wizard. Come inside little one, the young dwarf brothers are quite worried over you." He handed the horses lead to Gandalf. "Travel well Wizard and see that you return my horse safely."

"I will. Thank you for your generous hospitality. May your bees make ever more and ever sweeter honey."

"Indeed, I pray they may," said the giant man, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. Gandalf' swung into the saddle giving Sara one last encouraging look.

"Remember," he called back to her as he turned the horse into the dark of the night. "When your heart wants lifting, think of pleasant things. And watch after Bilbo and the others!"

Beorn snorted. "Much good that will do you when inside a sick forest."

Sara let her fingers trail through the thigh high purple clusters as she walked around the edge of one of Beorn's bee pastors. The ever-watchful Tom was several paces ahead, chasing the large grasshoppers that jumped from plant to plant, the occasional snap snap of their wings breaking the relative quiet as they took to the air when the dog got too close. The first few days at his house she had tried her best to avoid the bumbling yellow jacketed insects and the giant had teased her upon seeing her duck and run to avoid one, but he had stopped when she had told him she was highly allergic to them, and that even though Benadryl was enough to help Kili, if she were to be stung that she would be at risk of death. Not for the first time she had wished that her first aid kit had included her spare EpiPen. Beorn had caught one of the lazy drones in his hand and hummed and buzzed to the little insect and then released it once again saying she would not need fear his bees any longer. He had been right, for any time one got close to her after that they would change course and fly away.

It was the second day since Gandalf's departure, much to the discouragement and complaint of the drawers when they had discovered his absence. Several of them had been under the impression that the wizard had intended to see them all the way to the mountain, but Sara had explained where and why he had gone. With the wizard missing a new sense of urgency was felt and the company redoubled their efforts to finish their labors and be on the road once again. The weeds in the garden had been eradicated, the stables and barns were clean and tidy, fences were repaired, and the bowls and utensils for the company had all been finished thanks to many long hours on the parts of Bifur and Bofur. Dori and Bilbo were almost finished with the extra clothes this morning thanks to the added help of Balin and Ori, and Bombur had prepared and packed food to fill the bags. Sara and Nori had insisted that he pack more than he originally thought necessary, for that was one thing they agreed upon, they need not go hungry if they could help it. But none had worked so hard or tirelessly than Thorin. All yesterday the heavy blows of his hammer on the anvil had sounded through the stifling summer air. His original prediction of two to three days to their departure had been drastically shortened as he threw himself into his work with an unprecedented determination.

Fili and Kili said they had rarely seen their uncle so intense and focused on his work and would not be surprised if he finished later that day and the company departed the next, though they were at a loss to their uncle's shift in demeanor. Sara however had little trouble guessing what had brought about the change. Since their shared time in the hayloft, Thorin had only looked at her once, when she had come into the hall behind Beorn, and Fili and Kili had almost knocked her over with their hugs. His face had conveyed conflicting emotions, worry, longing, confusion, hope, frustration, and desire, or maybe she had only seen her own feelings reflected in his blue eyes. Whatever the truth of it was, they have not spoken since then. She had been avoiding him, staying clear the forge and he for his part never staying long at the table or indoors longer than necessary, only returning inside just before sunset and quickly retiring to bed. Her efforts to avoid him had let her all the way out here, though if she were honest, she was avoiding them all. She still hadn't come to a decision but seeing Thorin, Fili, and Kili only brought a gnawing ache to her chest, reminding her of their possible fates and only made her design that much harder. She knew Fili and Kili had noticed her poor spirits as had Bofur and several of the others, but she had not given them the chance to pin her down and ask why. Nori had done his best to continue to run interference for her, deflecting the others questions and finding obscure out of the way jobs for her to do, but the work had run out and she had opted for a walk rather than be around the others.

Sara found a patch of clover and lay on her back, head her resting on the snoozing dog behind her as she watched the fluffy clouds drift languorously from east to west. Throwing an arm over her eyes she tried to empty her mind of thought and had almost managed to convince herself that she was not in Middle Earth it all when soft footsteps brought her back. She had come to recognize the soft pad of Bilbo's large bare feet and as she pushed herself off the ground she spied him walking down the worn dirt path along the edge of the field, his right hand tucked into his waistcoat pocket. She knew all too well what occupied his hidden fingers and wished she could spare her friend the grief the ring would bring him and Frodo. He was so lost in his own thoughts that when Tom got to his feet and went over to lick his hand, the distracted Hobbit had startled letting out a yelp. Bilbo's head swiveled looking for Sara and upon spotting her he made his way over settling himself beside her. Tom came to rest his head in her lap, whining until she scratched behind his ears.

"You're certainly distracted today," she said. Of all her companions she still felt comfortable around the hobbit. Something about him always put her at ease and she was suddenly very grateful he was here. "Something on your mind Bilbo?" He withdrew his hand from his pocket and smoothed his fingers over the honey colored hair on his feet. "Missing home?" she asked.

"A bit," he admitted. "But not as much as I would have expected. It seems the further we go and the more I see, the less I miss home. It is as if the hole that ought to be there is filled with every new adventure, experience, and breathtaking vista. I don't know what's come over me but I find myself eager to take up the journey again. It is most unlike a hobbit," he said sheepishly.

"I suppose it's a good thing we're on an adventure then," she said smiling at him. She lifted her hand from Tom's head but he whined pathetically till she resumed her ministrations to his soft floppy ears.

"What of you Sara, what troubles you as of late. Everyone has noticed your declining mood and I have not seen you truly smile or heard you laugh in days." She shifted uncomfortably, tugging at her necklace.

"It's nothing," she said quickly, almost reflexively. He looked like a balloon with a slow leak as she watched him withdraw into himself and after a moment he got to his feet.

"I will leave you to your own thoughts then," he said. "Just know that if ever you need a listening ear, you have mine." He gave a sad little smile and wave that yanked something free inside her. She had been wishing for days now that she had a confidant, someone to tell everything to, but telling Fili or Kili or any of the other dwarves had been out of the question and talking to Gandalf was not realy like talking to a peer. But here was Bilbo. She remembered her resolve to be a better friend to him and he was willing to listen. She knew she could trust him, not only to keep the secret without prompting, but also to give her sound advice, or at the very least a more unbiased view than hers.

"Bilbo wait." He paused, looking back at her and she took a deep breath, steeling her nerves. "Do you really want to know?" she asked. He tilted his head to the side, watching her. "It's just that it's a very long and complex story and once I tell you ... well nothing will be the same for you, in fact it will likely make things more difficult. I don't want to burden you but truthfully I need a good friend to talk to, and I am tired of holding you at arm's length." He came and sat himself beside her once again.

"You carry some great secret don't you Ms. Sara?" he said, plucking a purple clover, twirling it between his thumb and forefinger. "I have sensed it from the very beginning only I did not want to press you about it because it was clear you did not wish to speak of it."

"Has it been that obvious?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Not to the others, but our meeting and subsequent conversation raised several questions for me. After Gandalf's arrival you held yourself back more"

"You surprise me," she said, watching him evenly. "Even so, I can't tell you everything. But I think what I can, should be quite enough. Do you want to know or would you prefer the simple life?"

"If I wanted or was destined for the simple life," he said smiling at her and resting his free hand on her arm. "I would never have run out my door and followed you."

She told him everything, about the book and its ending, about the visions in Galadriel's mirror holding nothing back, and she even told him of the confused yet very strong feelings she held for Thorin and what had happened in the barn. She spared him no detail, left nothing out, as she had with the others. His large brown eyes had filled with tears upon hearing of the deaths of their companions, the destruction of lake town and been horrified by the battle. The only things she still withheld from him were the nature of the ring in his pocket and the events to come 60 years in the future during the war of the ring. She even told him about the White Council and Saruman's actions after. As she talked she felt a weight empty from inside her, as though the sand that had filled her body poured out of her with every word. She knew it was still hers to carry but with it was no longer stuck inside her, she can set it aside and rest when needed.

"I can see we have a very difficult path ahead of us don't we," said Bilbo leaning back on his arms looking at the sky as a summer breeze blew the curling locks on his brow to and fro. "I admit you have cured my wanderlust, I truly hate spiders and was already dreading the dragon. But you I think you have it worse, you have an impossible choice that will only be complicated further by the love and care you hold for those in the company." She sighed, nodding.

"On the one hand, I can tell the company and convince them all to go home so Smaug is never bothered, Laketown is never burned and the dwarves are all safe. But who knows what kind of peril that would spell for the future, especially since Saroun has or will return and the Goblins are planning mischief of their own." She paused. That was a new thought. With the goblins on high alert and looking for trouble, the path back to the Blue Mountains could be very dangerous for the dwarves, especially with Azog hunting them.

"On the other hand I say nothing until we have escaped the elves like I planned with Nori. Maybe we save some of Laketown, but many will still die in the Battle of Five Armies, including Thorin, Fili and…. Kili." It hurt to say it out loud.

"Are you sure they must die?" asked Bilbo. "Maybe knowing of their possible demise will be enough to put them on guard and save their lives."

"I don't know," said Sara running her fingers through her lose hair, tugging at the roots. "I would hope so, but I have no idea. All the significant events in the book up to now have happened, even if not in the exact same way, and I would think that major character deaths would count as one of those events, even a Tolkien is cavalier about death."

"You care for Thorin a great deal don't you."

"Yes," she admitted haltingly. "I do, and Fili and Kili as well. I care for you all, you are my friends and the closest thing to a family I have known other than my grandmother. I don't want to see anyone get hurt. It was almost too much when Thorin and Fili were hurt after the whole Azog thing." She stopped. Had that really only been a week ago? With all that had happened and all that would happen it seemed so much longer. "I can't imagine them going to war Bilbo, it makes me physically sick. I don't know how or if I can or should stop them. You tried to stop the war in the book, but that didn't work, they went to war anyway. And something is just not right with Thorin at the end of the story, up until he talks to you after the battle, and I can't think why he should change so drastically."

"That is quite troubling," said Bilbo. "And most unlike him." Sara flopped back in the cool clover, rubbing her forehead. "I'm sorry I can't really help you make your decision," he said.

"It's okay Bilbo, it's not your job, but thank you for listening to me. The more I talk and think about it, the more the choice becomes clear. Although I don't like it, I think the original plan I made with Nori may be the best."

"What about Thorin, Fili, and Kili," asked Bilbo. She sat up, her shoulders slumped. "What will you do about them?"

"I don't know. No matter what I say, I doubt I could keep them from fighting in the battle and obviously I can't physically force them."

"What about Dwalin and the others," suggested Bilbo. "What if we got their help to lock them in the dungeons until it's all over. Erebor must have dungeons." Sara tried to imagine that happening and failed.

"Even if the others did go along with it, which I doubt, they would hate us for it. Thorin is to stiffnecked for his own good. That and it's probably treason and would get the others in trouble. But we aren't dwarves, maybe we could trick them into the dungeons as a last resort, but I prefer to find another way." Bilbo nodded, his brow furrowed in deep thought as he leant forward and plucked a shiny green beetle from the hair on his foot.

"When exactly do you plan on telling them about the battle?" he asked after he set the insect on a nearby bloom. "Nori and Bifur don't know it yet, is that right?"

"Yes," she said rubbing the mark on her hand, which had scabbed over already. "They don't know yet. That may be one of the hardest parts, telling them about the battle. They are all going to hate me for keeping it a secret."

"I don't think they will hate you but they will be very angry," he said. "What are you going to do about Thorin? You can't go on ignoring each other, we depart tomorrow. He is no doubt confused because of the kiss and your subsequent rebuttal."

"I'm still confused over it, I mean he is king and a dwarf so what does he see in me. Why would he start something like that. I like him… but why does he like me?"

"Yet there is no doubt that he does," said Bilbo. "Thorin is not the kind of play with the feelings of another unless he is serious."

"I know and it only confuses me more. He is king. I care deeply for him but I don't want to get even more tangled up with him." It was quiet for several moments.

"Strange," said Bilbo hesitantly. "I never took you for a coward."

"What?" she asked, her head snapping up.

"I never took you for a coward," he repeated. She stared at him dumbfounded. It was unlike Bilbo to be so blunt with his words. "You admit that you care for Thorin, and you know for sure that he cares for you, and yet you would hold yourself from him."

"I have no desire to become a queen," she defended.

"You think he doesn't know that," said Bilbo dubiously. "You told me of your conversation with him the night you discovered your true origins, and his chief argument against you becoming Fili's true heart sister is that his people would not accept you as a princess, no less a queen. Do you really think he would pursue you unless he knew of a way for it to work out in the end? He's not a fool."

"I suppose not," she said after a few moments.

"Then tell me, Sara, what is truly holding you back?" She dropped her head.

"I'm afraid he will die and leave me alone?" she said quietly. "I don't want to be alone."

Bilbo shifted closer and laid a hand on her arm. "And that is a valid fear," he assured. "But it is by no means a certain thing. Who knows but you may be successful beyond your wildest dreams, Thorin Fili and Kili may all be saved. But even if not, will you live your life in the shadow of that fear, for that hardly seems a life worth living. Life is meant to include both pain and pleasure, joy and grief, love and loss. No one lives forever forever Sara, and you never know which day will be your last, but if you let fear rule you, you will never live at all. Which will you choose, I wonder, love or fear?" He squeezed her arm and got to his feet. "As for me, my stomach is empty and lunch calls. I will leave you now for you have much to think over and decide." As if to corroborate his statement his middle gurgled unhappily. "Come Mr. Tom." She was a bit surprised when Tom followed Bilbo back around the edge of the bee pastures leaving her behind with her swirling thoughts.

The yard was empty of all but two by the time Sara hurried through the gated hedge. The two occupants were Beorn and Tom, all the animals having been shut away in the barns and coops. She made her way past quickly and had her foot on the first of the broad wooden steps of the porch when Beorn called to her.

"Little Sara." She paused and turned to see him beckoning to her from one of the barns doors across which he was drawing a thick bolt. Hesitantly she made her way over to him, glancing nervously at the sinking sun.

"Yes?" she asked, walking with him as he moved to the barn windows securing them as well. "Do you need something?"

"I want to talk to you," he said, turning to her. His and Gandalf's warnings came to her mind. She had not been so jumpy any the other nights they had stayed here, but something was off about this evening. It was too quiet. There was no chirp or drone of night insects and even the animals were all silent. Something was definitely different. Beorn whistled for Tom who had been sniffing about one of the hen houses and Sara jumped at the sudden piercing sound in the silence.

"Shouldn't I get inside," she said, rubbing her hand over her upper arm. "You said it's not safe outdoors after nightfall."

"So I did," he replied. "But you are with me and it is still safe for the moment. They will not arrive for several more hours." Sara looked up at him.

"Who will arrive?" He shook his head.

"Never you mind, you will be safe enough, but first I have a question for you."

"Okay," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to another. "Shoot."

He quirked an eyebrow at her before crouching to be level with her. She took a step back but he caught her arm gently, frowning.

"Do I frighten you?" he asked.

"Maybe a little," she admitted. "But I suppose I shouldn't be afraid. I mean you did save me. Thank you by the way. I don't know what would have happened if you were not there."

"I was not there for you," he said seriously. "I was hunting. By rights you should be afraid of me. I am a giant bear."

"Well yes, I guess in that form you can be terrifying, but still..." There was an awkward pause. "Is that what you wanted to ask me?"

"No," he said. His next words, the question we asked, took her utterly by surprise.