I didn't know what I was expecting when I jumped into the big, scary rift of time and space, but this sure as Hell wasn't it. I expected a short, but scary, scene of something that looked like it came out of Star Trek-all black and bright stars-and then a quick re-entry into something more normal. That was not what I got. While this may seem silly, what I go was a whole lot more....disturbing. Space and time roared around me, blue strands of energy surged around me and I felt like a giant was ripping me in half. The atoms that made up the very fiber of my existence were straining as they struggled to resist the force pulling them apart. The fabric of the universe were screaming in agony and decided to take that rage out on me with frightening glimpses of parallel worlds that had diverged into squarely unrecognizable things.

I saw short rodents with a singular, giant eye in the middle of their grotesquely-shaped torso, I saw dinosaurs wearing lab coats experimenting on short creatures that looked reminiscent of humans but with none of our intelligence.  What scared me the most about it, was that I could understand what he was saying; they were cries of pain and pleas for death. My face grew blanched as I saw how fragile our superiority was, all it took was for one rock to not have been to trap us at the bottom of the food chain. 

I felt pain like none-other. It was all a heady rush of confusing pain. My glands pumped out chemicals but when they arrived, they found no injury to numb. So they just sat there, only adding to my pain. What a shame it would be for me to survive all of the monsters in my life, only to die at the magical equivalent of a crashing airplane. 

The pain disappeared just as suddenly as it came. One second we were in a tunnel of doom, one second later we were in Washington. The rapid shift from mind-splitting nastiness to calm, idyllic peace gave me nausea. I couldn't find a good place to throw up so I just threw up on my boots. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one as I saw out of one corner in my eye Lionel and Sandra also gracefully disposing of their meals in violent convolutions. 

I heard a repulsed, male voice say "That's groovy, dude. Just throw up on the floor that I just got cleaning. Real polite,"

Normally, I would have been mortified but I wasn't quite feeling it today. "Hey. Guess what? Fuck you," I growled as I was leaned against the wall for much needed support. I managed to flip him the bird with both of my hands without falling, so that was a plus. He raised one eyebrow as he is hands went for his gun. Things would've gone downhill real soon, if not for Sandra. "I am Sandra Josephs and I am claiming protection under Federal Statute 147," 

"Well, if it's 147 then I guess my hands are tied," he said as his hands went away from his gun. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Where did you guys come from anyways?" He said, still cautious. 

Sandra was about to answer but I opened my big, fat mouth again and said simply "Avalon," I knew that wasn't the right answer when he pulled out his taser and shot me with his taser. While I may have a high pain tolerance, the few milliamps that hit my chest didn't seem to care how tough I was and I fell like a sack of potatoes.

When I woke up I found that I after I looked around groggily, I was in a large enclosed room with no obvious exit. The walls were made out of some weird black metal that probably did nothing good for me. 

"Oh, looks like Sleeping Beauty woke up," a voice that seemed to come from no one source but from all around me. Not willing to be screwed with, I said "How many times did you say that already? I bet that you say that to every guy that gets his ass landed in here,"

"Doesn't matter how long I used it, it's still funny cause you're the one in a box," came the voice again, this time with more amusement than before. 

"Fuck it," I thought as I began to channel power into my hands but frowned as they fizzled out before they had any weight to them.

"Ahh, yes. You must have noticed that you can't use your power in here. Fun fact, the metal around actually inhibits use of magic. Expensive but nifty," the voice said with even more insufferable arrogance.

My teachers always said that I had trouble responding to authority figures, I figure that I should be proving them right again. My face turned into a snarl as I willfully collect power into my hands again. The magic didn't want to respond, but I was nothing if not stubborn. All I needed was some additional effort, and then voilà! A hefty order of force coming right up! 

I spun around suddenly and lobbed it at the wall behind me. The moment I let it out of my hands, the magic started dissipating. What should've smashed open the wall like a fist through paper, only left a still satisfying crater. "How's that for not being able to use my power, aye? You did say that it was expensive, right? Looks like you'll be filling out some extra paperwork now and there'll only be more if you don't let me the fuck out of here!" 

There was a silence and then I heard a quiet "fuck," A moment's pause later, and turrets popped out of the corners on the ceiling to shoot me with some nice, good electrical pain. 

I woke up again, this time in a large holding cell with a bunch of other ingrates. They were a smattering of people ranging from twitchy mana addicts to buff, silent men with tattoos scrawled all over them to a small, meek lady sitting by herself in a corner. They were looking like I was the new guy they were going to beat into submission. Well, fuck that noise. If I had even just had my coat and the stuff in them, I wouldn't have given them a second thought. But well, I didn't so I had to get old-fashioned.

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I walked up to the meanest looking one of them, and said "Your mother is a whore and you're gay," I smiled widely at my schoolyard taunts. He just looked over me lazily, and after examining what he saw, he dismissed me as no threat.

"What are you trying to do? We weren't about to beat you up for at least a few hours, you know. Do you think that since you're a wizard, that'll scare us?" He said emotionlessly with the boredom of a man that had been locked up more than the once. He and his five buddies started grinning at the prospect of a brawl that they didn't even have to start. The one I was talking to decided to grab my shoulder, to which I responded with punching him in the throat with my fist which was enhanced with magic. It sent him flying and left him gagging with his hands around his neck.

"Any of you inbred tools care to try to mess with me?" I grinned like a madman as I looked each and every one of them on the eye, making sure that they were picking up what I was putting down. They looked at each other, and decided silently to bum rush me all at once. Well, this was going to be fun! 

I enveloped my fists with force and I stepped forward to meet one of them's charge with a jab to his chest, everybody could hear the crunch of broken bones as he fell to his knees. I then broke into a run to the one furthest to my right, he tried hitting me but I dodged with reflexes born from supernaturally fast creatures. Not a single one of his blows could land as I slipped between them like they were moving through molasses. I grabbed his head-when he saw my wicked grin, his face paled-and head-butted him. I turned around slowly to cock one eyebrow at he remains three "Well, are you just going to stand there like children or are you going to beat me up?" They advanced at me slowly, spread out, wary of any sudden movements.

After being used to fighting vampires, this was practically bullying! I took pity on them and shouted "Boo!" They all jumped back like they just saw the Devil himself. My already wide grin grew ever more wide, to the point where it seemed like my face was about to split in half. Oh, how easily scared were the mundane! They had an expression on their face that shouted terror. 

"How about you go and help your friends over here back up," I said as I jerked my head towards the heaps of meat that lied on the floor. They still didn't move, only watching me like rabbits in front of a wolf. I sighed and moved to the opposite corner of the cell, allowing them to move without fear of another beating. 

Now that I have established my dominance in the only way those apes could understand, I could wait for rescue in relative safety. I casually looked at them trying to pull their unconscious friends to as far away from me as possible. It was funny seeing how they couldn't pick them up so they had to drag them across the floor. The addicts looked like they were about to jump out of their skin. They never were very stable, and the little show I put on for them only set them off more. The lady didn't act like she saw any of it, only staring at the same corner she probably had been staring at since she got in here. Why was she in here anyways? She looked more like a housewife than a criminal. I walked over to her, sat down next to her, and asked gently "Why are you here?" 

I was not prepared for her rabid response; she leapt onto me like a barracuda. I yelped as I struggled to yank her off of me, I was using my magic too! She just refused to be pushed off of me! She started clawing at my face and shouting gibberish. I finally managed to get her off of me after I threw her off after using my feet to launch her into a wall. 

Gasping and disheveled, I said "Good talk, real productive," I expected a frenzied assault again but she just went back to staring at her corner. I shook my head as I sat back in my corner to wait for someone to arrive that I could talk to. Surprisingly, one of the junkies said to me "She's been like that ever since she got here. Refusing to talk to anyone and stuff. We think she's in shock," 

"Over what?" I said with no small curiosity.  All I got was a shrug and one of the thugs saying "Be damned if I know, she's a wackjob,"

I gave up this line of questioning and went back to waiting for Lionel or Sandra to bail me out of this mess. After an hour nearly passed, I grew tired of waiting. I was silly for even assuming that they even knew where I was. Hell, I could even be in some secret facility! I could have been out of this already if I had my tools but hey, beggars and horses. I guess I was going to have to get out by the old-fashioned way. 

"Hey, any of you guys got any meth?" I said casually as I walked over to the junkies. They only raised an eyebrow and of of them wordlessly handed me one of her small, blue crystals that she stashed away somewhere. "Ross Hashanah," I drawled lazily as I took the crystal meth into my hands. I nodded my thanks and went back to my corner to do completely legitimate wizardly stuff. I'm not going to use it for myself, I promise! I wondered if summoning a demon would be a bad idea, being in an enclosed space and all.