Sandra and Lionel looked at me in astonishment, they just couldn't believe what I pulled out. "What?" I said in annoyance at whatever got them all fish-mouthed again. They just stared more at me, this was starting to become a recurring thing for them. "Listen, if you don't tell me what's got you all like deer in headlights, nothing is going to get done here," I said as I sighed,

They opened and closed their mouths for a while before Lionel managed to form words and say "Jack. I know that this is Avalon, where mysteries abound and nothing is certain, but why in all of the Hells of religion do you have a rocket launcher?"

"Honestly, I don't even know. Most of the weapons that humanity has ever created, unless modified by magic, are useless. If someone tries to shoot me with an arrow, I'll just redirect it right back at them-same goes for bullets. So unless you enchant it, it's less than worthless," I admitted to them with slight chagrin.

"I'm assuming that other people have the same Gift as you do, but if it's useless then why even bring it out when it'll probably literally blow up in our faces?" Lionel said to me as he eased himself into a chair next to my desk.

"You assume correctly; even worse, there will definitely be people in that mob that have a better control of force than I do. That's why I'm using this as a diversion so that we can run like the desperate people we are," I said as I checked if I loaded the rocket launcher correctly, I would hate for all our efforts to be squashed by a misfire when we managed to survive some of the worst things Avalon had to offer. 

I heard Sandra slump to the floor behind me. I turned around and stopped my inspections to see what had happened. I saw Sandra lying on the floor, back against the wall. Immediately, Lionel rushed over to check on her and said frantically "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He started checking her pulse as if that would help in any measure. I moved over to check on her. "What happened? Never mind, don't answer that," I said as I rummaged in my coat to bring out my herbal tinctures. "I have crushed Fairy Wings and Dragon's Tooth that'll help you feel better," 

She said nothing and just smiled as she shook her head at me. She laughed harshly as she answered us "It's not that. I just can't believe that Avalon really was as bad as the rumors said it was. I thought that all the ghost stories they told us about this place were just some conspiracy theories hatched up by some loons. But look at this place; I've seen more things that science couldn't explain in a hundred years," I was worried by her response, I've seen enough straights come to Avalon only to descend into hysterics by the disturbing things that they've seen. 

But before I could do anything to stop her mad laughing, she stopped abruptly and said "Either this is a dream or I've finally gone insane. Just get me and Lionel back home so I can try to drown my memories of this Hell with cheap bourbon. That or having us all die at the hand of an angry mob so I could at least hold onto my sanity," Lionel didn't know what to say to this and frankly, neither did I. We all certainly didn't want to die in a small apartment with yellowing walls.

We were saved of having to form an answer to that by the noise of scores of angry people waiting outside. I cautiously poked my head out to see just how badly we were going to die. 

Luckily, the majority were just a bunch of cheap thugs that the Don managed to scrape together but unfortunately, there was a single, solitary figure that worried me. She was Lexa Fletcher; monster-hunter extraordinaire, the Lawful Good mage of Avalon that somehow succeeded both in retaining her morals and staying alive. She could quite conceivably kill me. 

I turned to Lionel and Sandra so I could tell them what I wanted them to do, "I'm going to be very stupid a few minutes from now, so if you want to live I need you to find a place that won't collapse on you," Before they could reply and before I could wimp out, I grabbed my rocket launcher and jumped out of the 3rd-story window. 

I softened my landing with my magic and my coat fluttered in a suitably dramatic way. I extended my right arm, fingers splayed out, and shouted "Tremebundus!" The ground around them shattered and sent chunks of cement flying into their bodies. I hoped to at least wound Lexa with that, but she calmly raised up a triangular shield of blue energy and was completely fine. "Fulgur!" I shouted and energy in the form of a green adder manifested. It rushed forward at an astonishing pace but Lexa merely tapped her foot and a great, stone wall appeared to block the blow. 

Now it was her time to fight. She lifted her arm and formed her fingers into claws. A blue circular array with runes and glyphs moving around on it that came from no language that I recognized which disappeared as soon as they appeared. It measured five feet across and appeared in front of her hand and before I could guess what that was going to do, black chains leapt out of it and wrapped themselves around me. They yanked me to her and left me on the ground, I tried to keep ahold of my rocket launcher but my fingers closed around only empty air. I struggled to get free but they were tighter than a giant's hold. I screamed uselessly in fear as I saw her pull out her rapier and raised it with her thumb over the hilt to make it easier to stab me when I got pulled close enough to her. 

I tried to use my Gift to break the bonds holding me, but Lexa had killed enough mages to know what to do by now. Instead of breaking the chains, the chains just glowed green and then the spell rebounded and broke my ribs. I screamed in agony as I felt my bones get reduced into tiny, painful shards. I tried to squirm out of the way but the chains were relentless. I locked eyes with her and begged silently, she had nothing in her blue eyes but stoic indifference. I prayed silently to a multitude of gods but none intervened, why would they when I had pissed off so many of them. I watched as the thin blade plummeted down at me, I closed my eyes so I didn't have to watch my own death.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

I felt the blade press against my skin but then I heard a loud whooshing sound and then I felt an explosion just a few feet in front of me. I gingerly opened my eyes as my ears rang painfully to see Lexa hundreds of meters from where she stood above me. She laid sprawled on the street, unconscious and unable to kill me. My body slackened as I was reprieved, I tried to turn my head back so I could see who pulled my ass out of the oven again, but it was probably Lionel. I heard him breathe heavily and rapidly with adrenaline. Once he saw that Lexa was no longer a threat to our lives, he let the rocket launcher roll out of his hands.

I stood up, which was a miracle in of itself considering that when I did it felt like I was being stabbed a thousand times over, and walked over to Lexa's body. I checked her body for the expensive healing potions that I knew a wizard of her caliber always carried around; I had to make do with experimental drugs. I found one that somehow managed to not get crushed to pieces, and quickly downed it. 

I didn't kill Lexa since at the end of the day, she was a good person and I probably deserved the beating she dished out on me. I wasn't about to leave an unconscious woman with a whole lot of enemies out on the streets either. I tried to remember who she worked for before I remembered that she worked for The Church. I pulled out her phone from her pocket and dialed the only number in it. The phone barely rang before it was picked up, "Hello?" a voice said tentatively in answer. With no sugarcoating or grace, I said "I'm not dead nor is Lexa, you might wanna get someone here before one of her rivals finish what I did not want to start," I didn't give them a chance to reply before I ended the call.

I immediately collapsed from the pain again as the potion kicked in and forcefully knit my body back together. After the red haze of pain disappeared and fainting was no longer an immediate problem, I said to Lionel "What took you so Goddamn long? I nearly died again,"

Surprisingly, it was Sandra that replied "Sorry to disappoint you, but it was me who saved you. Not Lionel," 

"Oh. Good job. I'm going to buy you a cookie later," I said surprised that she got over her breakdown from earlier enough to operate a rocket launcher. "Where is Lionel anyways?" 

"Right here, trying not to get killed," I turned my head to see him huddled behind a car. "Good idea, next time I'll join you," I said.

I got back up and announced "We can't afford to keep lounging around, we need to get out of Avalon and to Earth,"

"Couldn't agree with you more, Jack. Couldn't agree with you more," Lionel said as he scrambled over to us. We walked out of the destroyed parking lot and jacked someone's blue sedan; the only vehicle that survived my fight with Lexa. Lionel and Sandra ignored the felony and climbed in behind me. The car was dirty and unkempt, there were empty bags of chips, crushed bottles, and suspicious things that mold growing on them; but right now this meant nothing as long it got us out of harm's way faster. I tried unsuccessfully a few times to force the ignition with my Gift until the engine finally turned on and I muttered a silent thank-you to no god in particular. 

We somehow felt safe in this rusting tin can that'll do nothing to shield us but there was something in that false sense of isolation from the rest of the world that comforted us greatly. I pulled onto the main roads expecting an ambush to head us off or a sniper to kill us but we were oddly left unmolested. We got a chance to relax and collect ourselves from the day's crazy events which we most definitely needed. There were no assassins in shadowy alleys to kill us nor wizards to bombard us nor mythical beast to smash us to bits, only neon signs running on damned souls and street vendors selling something-best-not-thought-about-on-a-stick. We saw nothing out to kill us for the entire journey, maybe they finally decided we were getting too costly to kill-whoever "they" was. 

Suddenly, Lionel said "Stop. That's where we were told to wait for our ride back," He pointed at an abandoned factory still splattered with blood. Sandra raised one corner of her lips in disapproval and said "That's a real welcoming place, not worrying whatsoever," I silently agreed with her on that, that was not a place that I wanted to go into-but go into I would regardless. We got out of the car and walked inside of the factory. What awaited us in the middle of the factory floor was a glowing blue miasma that stretched from floor to ceiling. It wasn't very wide but big enough to cover all of us. Occasionally, electricity would race through it before quickly dissipating. We looked at each other gingerly before stepping forward as one to enter it. What would await me on Earth, the ancient birthplace of humans? Is it as soft as we all think it is or it is another place to make pissed off? Will I have enough time to get whatever the Hell the Historian wanted or will I be killed in spite of all the times I had cheated Death already?