Okay, I’m not the handsome, admirable and cool protagonist anymore, sorry for disappointing you guys. You know it was really a good time and such… but even I have to be “a piece of shit who can’t control his rage and cries after his committing his sins” sometimes right?

Hey I explained my conditions, issues and struggles way before, in my former world. Why do I assume that the people (with seemingly telepathic superpowers) which are maybe reading my mind at this exact moment are new people, the people which are reading are most likely my loyal readers which went through this shit all the time with me. So they are used to it and won’t hate me because of a silly thing like this. They know me as good as I do. So I should rather say:

Thank you guys!

That said, I was able to comfort myself with those silly monologues. I killed goblins and cried period.

I need to confirm things now, before I move on. Well let’s make some goals. It's obvious now, that I’m not suited to be a protagonist, so let’s just ditch the silly ideas to be an adventurer, get a good job at the [Miner Guild] and get also a steady income!

I would really like to do that, it would make many things easier, but I guess I still want to become an adventurer. Well, I won’t become something like the hero, but maybe a good D or even C-Rank, that would be good to. Collect herbs, kill some low-level monsters and enjoy life. It would be several times better than the life in my former world, where I had to just study off my younger days to get a shitty job for my older days and die eventually after getting too old.

So I guess, becoming stronger as an adventurer, with the first step paying the fee for the guild, becomes one of my goals now. Good.

Next, confirm my relationships. At the moment I only have the old man which could work as my instructor but the thing is, I don’t want to have a big bond with him. As an adventurer I will continue to use this fighting technique and won’t hide my true self anymore, in this world I will be more honest as in mine. I will use the anger to get stronger. But it's clear, that even here, this way of thinking is considered as wrong.

After training with the old man I noticed and learned many things, most importantly that this world and also many other “isekai” worlds known from novels or MMOs are kinda like the middle ages of my world. People have some kind of honor in their fights, which the knights from my world had too. The one man vs one man thing. No, unfair playing. It's also needless to say, but the people in the middle ages believed in magic too. Only after the first world war began and firearms were involved that way of thinking shattered into pieces.

That thing, this honor is still apparent here. An adventurer may be a ruffians job, but those ruffians have still their pride to work in that job. I mean there is a reason why the kids admire adventurer in that city and way parents teach them it, it is considered as “good” overall.

For me at least, who wants to kill if he gets inflicted by pain, aren’t any morals like that. So instead becoming one those heroes and their weird, strong sense of justice I should make up my own rules of morals.

I will protect myself and act like that scum side of me wishes to act, I will consider relationships with people if I have to but keep them distant so that the bonds won’t really last r long.

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If I follow that rule, I should be able to live in this world as a “good” person and won’t get into too much troublesome things.

Sure I could also try to become a better person or something, change my way of thinking which I just hid in my former world. But why should I? In this world I don’t really have a reputation, a past, an image or people which control me, I’m only here by myself. So I could just do a restart of my life here and see how the humans react to they how I truly am. I mean, being more honest is also good thing right?

While I was making up my mind, I was approaching the goblin corpses and collected their drops. There was a lot of cloth. The goblins wore something like a cape or a cloak. I folded them neatly and put them into my bag, which I also incidentally got from the old man.

“You need something to collect the ears of the goblins, I mean you have to prove somehow that you slayed them right?” (old man)

Damn, which ear again?

At the end I just cut both ears, so I also put 20 goblin ears in the bag and also the berries which the first goblins used as the bait for the rabbit.

As I reached the corpse of the tenth goblin, I remember something important again. I got a feeling of pleasure, similar when you masturbate, but I didn’t really ejaculate though, after I killed the third goblin. I also got that feeling when I killed the tenth.

So I guess it isn’t pleasure because of sadism, then I would have got it many more times. Because the tenth wasn’t really my most gruesome kill I made, it was seven.

I broke its legs, ripped of its arms and twisted its neck, then I slowly sliced every part of its body til it died from bleeding. Yup, I’m scum and that's a gruesome dead. It's even more scary because I’m still able to make calmy monologues like this.

But one thing is weird. After killing the third goblin and receiving this feeling of pleasure, I was able to rip off the arms of the goblins. I wouldn’t consider myself as that strong to be honest, even if I was in rage.

So my assumption is, I got stronger after the feeling of pleasure, maybe it's kinda like a “Level Up”. My stats increased and so did my general strength. I couldn’t make a comparison with the 2nd one though, because that happened after I killed the last one. If I want to prove this, I need to get into another fight and hope that it happens again while the battle is still ongoing.

☆☆☆

Delicious.

At the moment I’m eating the berries which the goblins used as a bait for the horned rabbit. Their taste was sweet and calming. I was still covered in blood though. It might look strange seeing a dude in red eating berries with the same colour. Maybe you could even think that I bathed myself in berry juices.

It was then, when I heard sounds from the bushes behind me. I immediately put the berries in my bag and prepared my dagger. I never took of the gauntlet so I was ready pretty fast.

A rabbit appeared from the bushes and was staring at me with its dark eyes.

After staring each other for a while, I figured that it wanted to eat some berries so, so I put down my dagger and took out some berries of my bag. I guess I was right because when I did the careless action, putting down my knife and making me an easy target, the rabbit didn’t do anything, I actually realised that only after I had the berries in my hands already. I’m really stupid sometimes.

When I gave the rabbit some berries with my left hand, the one without the gauntlet, it snatched the them faster I could see and at them with a surprising pace. Usually I enjoy berries and let the taste stay in my mouth for a while til I take the next one. Guess animals think different huh.

After it ate all the berries in my hand, it was staring on it for a while and then it did something which I never saw coming.

I pierced my open hand with its horn.

Well, I shouldn’t dramatise it too much, but it didn’t really pierce it, I think it actually did it gently this time, like if you pierce your skin with a needle carefully. Definitely not like the other rabbit did with the goblin. That one just rammed its horn into the back of the monster.

So after it a gave me a small sting on my hand and when I licked the blood which was running from there, the rabbit turned around walked slowly away from where it came from. I didn’t feel any anger, maybe because I didn’t recognize the sting as something harmful and the rabbit really didn’t seem like it was going to hurt me either.

After walking the halfway to the bush it turned around and was staring at me again. No, to be more precise it was staring behind me, at my bag.

So when I took my bag and stood up, it continued to walk. I guess I’ll follow it for now.