I really like the first person point of view.

Because in those the protagonists use “I” and try to explain their situations. Naturally they aren’t speaking with themselves loudly. They do monologues in their mind, which we, as the readers, are able to read. Or we are viewers which are able to see the mind of the protagonist, if you formulate different. (creepy in a way I think about it)

After reading so many books with this perspective, I started to make those monologues myself. Like if I were a protagonist, which would technically be true, since you can consider yourself as the main character of your life and such. Which would in turn mean everyone is a protagonist and makes it to something not-special.

Anyway, it wasn’t that easy first. Because things like thoughts aren’t just monologues which you can easily write down. They are rather fast and messy. Constantly flowing around in your head like the ocean in the storm or something.  

I’m the only one which is able understand them. No, actually even I sometimes don’t understand what I’m thinking. After trying to make monologues, treating myself as the “main character”, speaking to an imaginary reader in my mind. I learned  to understand myself better, see and accept myself.. because I was literally telling myself about myself.

Still, I wasn’t able to convey everything into those monologues. There are things which I understand well but don’t want to say it even if it's in my head only. Some stuff is better left unopened after all.

Though, if I’m honest. I totally had the fear that there are people with telepathic powers which could always read my mind and since my thought process become similar to a story written in the first person view, it would be way too easy to understand my thought process, because it would be literally an open book.

I guess my plan worked, a plan which wasn’t mentioned in my monologue but was my intention. No, maybe I’m just showing off and claiming that it was my plan to seem more cooler.

I was still crouching on the grass but my breath got steady again and I wasn’t trembling anymore.

A self-introduction monologue to calm myself down, assuming that a story just has started because the situation was way too familiar to me at this point, because I accompanied so many other guys on their similar but also very different journeys which too has begun with this kinda start.

Then also remembering what I loved the most to sway back in my fond memories of my beloved stories. Indeed a perfect way to bring peace into my mind. I’m truly a genius.

No, wait, if you call yourself a genius, wouldn’t you just have nullified that fact? Similar to if you say you did something for the sake of being kind, which would exactly mean, you aren’t really a kind person at all.

But in turn again, I just said that I’m aware that what I claimed could be wrong, which would nullify the second claim too. Means I’m a genius after all? No, wouldn’t that mean again...

Ah,  this is confusing, the fact that this happened (maybe even happening) several times when I started to think in monologues doesn't really make it better at all. After I was totally aware of myself and my personality because I was explaining all my actions all the time to myself or to be more precise to my “imaginary reader” which may could exist as telepathic superhuman or alien.

I lost the ability to judge myself properly because I could say, for example which was the mistake and could say afterwards I was aware of that mistake. Basically I could just play with my own words and change meanings. I’m making my own mind games here.

With a throbbing head I stood up and looked in the direction of the city/big village. My head was indeed hurting, better not think much about myself now but focus on the situation which I’m in at this right moment.

Let’s follow the usual pattern of the “other world stories”: What do I remember? and What will I do now?

The last thing I remember is, how I fell asleep at 1am. I finished again one of my beloved novels and read afterwards a manga too. After that I was also “daydreaming” for a while before I actually fell asleep. The tiredness makes my delusions more realistic and helped me to space out, and I guess would fall in a real dream while spacing out.

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I think I was imagining once again what I would do when I was added into the story, the novel which I read had a scene which I really wanted to change.

I don’t really remember what happened in the dream, but I remember what I did in my “daydream”. So according to that I may have actually turned the delusion to the real dream. Which would mean… I’m in a dream right now? Hey, isn’t that similar to that movie?

I looked at the rising sun. No matter how I thought about it, this felt way to similar how I usually wake up, with the difference that I’m not in my bed but on grassland. Also, I usually know the difference between dreams and reality. Dreams aren’t able to reproduce the feeling I’m having now, the tiredness from waking up early, which I’m used to because I do that everytime to study in the morning. Diligent student after all.

Also my dreams are similar when I read. I’m a ghost which sees the protagonist and reads his mind. Basically if I’m the protagonist in my dream, I see him in third person and hear his thoughts in first person, exactly the same, when I read my novels and imagine the scenario. Like a movie which I watch. So this is definitely not a dream, I think so at least.

Well, I never had a dream with two moons anyway, which is incidentally the main reason why I assumed this was a different world like in the stories I read and started monologuing shit.

In the morning, I’m used to see the moon in its many different phases while I’m heading to the bus stop. But this day started with showing me two moons. Both were in the full moon phase, one had a blue and the other had a red gleam.

I woke up on the grass next to a tree, heard the river next to me and saw a big, mysterious forest behind me. Also there is a village a further away.

It really was similar to the most of the other world novels, indeed. Just waking up suddenly with no real reason or explanation. Well, the goddess part was left out.

A beautiful goddess in a greek toga (for some reason that is used the most isekai stories) patiently and with a gentle voice explaining the situation. And most importantly, granting a cheat-like power which makes life in the other world much easier and gives the story a carefree vibe.

Naturally not all of them work like that, but the most and popular ones. Dense, cardboard cutout protagonist, which has that personality because of the readers, for their self insert. And since it wouldn’t be a good story if it was realistic, he gets an op power or item which can only explained as a cheat.

Basically to fill the lack of awesomeness which the typical reader has, the author gives the protagonist a special power which helps him most of the times. Naturally he will include some drama moments with losses and such, but the protagonist has always have to win at the end right? I guess that too is a cheat power.

In my case, then I apparently become something like the main character of this maybe other world story, I didn’t got a cheat whatsoever, maybe because I’m not a cardboard cutout?

I think meeting a beautiful goddess would be a legendary experience but at the same time, someone like me would just make terrible mistakes in front of her and well I don’t think I deserved it anyway, I’m not really a good guy.. like those dense but “pure” protagonists.

Social anxiety, inferiority complex and depression are pretty much traits of myself. There is the thing which I’m totally aware of, which most likely caused the other traits to appear but well I never went to a psychologist and perhaps I only am over analyzing myself right now.

I was able to do be the honor student, make presentations in front of people or make conversations with classmates, was kind, never complained, never made any problems, caused a fuss, accepted the horrible truth and still continued to live a life which would the common man consider as a “happy life.”

So It wasn’t like, as if I was bullied or had a pretty grave trauma, which would be also one of those common protagonist traits if I think about it. Maybe the like revealing something like that as the backstory, just to make him something better as a cardboard cutout.

It’s true, that I wished countless times for situations like that, meeting a beautiful goddess or get summoned into another world, because as I mentioned earlier. I don’t think my world was that fun, even I actually had to. The apathetic view of life I mean, the stories seemed way brighter than anything else. Why something like that never happen to me? Why can’t I be in one of those stories? If I could I’m sure I will...

But I knew in my heart, that I wouldn’t be able to deal with it, deal with a situation like in those guys in the stories. I would never become the same as them,  because I’m still me, even if I tried to be a main character so much, I would never be one. I would act, how I would act or how I would decide to act I guess.

I still wished for it dreamily, in the believe it wouldn’t happen anyway. I guess I expected the bittersweet ending of the man, who just wished for something which would never come true.

Incidentally. that is mostly used in tragic romance stories, the guy loses his lover, he tries to live a life in regret and staying still but eventually moves forward.

I would actually prefer to regret and think all the time of my lover, if I were that guy. It would be more romantic, and if I really loved her, I should do that. Well, not that I ever have fallen in love, I only think I would maybe feel something like this eternal, undying love for my fictional, imaginary beloved ones, but never for real lovers.

A wise man said once that lovers and friends would come and disappear. The only one, who would stay with you, was yourself. You have been with yourself when you were born and you would be with yourself when you die.

This parting, separation  in reality just sucks. For someone who loves romance stories, fictional, dreamy and wonderful romance stories. It just sucks.. That’s why I aimed for a bittersweet ending in my life. An ending of an unfulfilled wish, because that’s better than the former.

Well, apparently someone heard my wish, which was supposed to be let unfulfilled and made it come true, even if I never asked for it or expected, believed that it would happen. This is what people call miracle. Something which is so god damn unrealistic but still wonderful. Something which you usually only believe, not expect to happen but still happens despite of all circumstances occasionally.

My wish was granted, so it’s now my turn to take actions. This is exactly like in my beloved stories, so shouldn’t I know pretty well what I have to do now. I mean I really read many of them after all.