I activated soul sense, immediately locating my soul. I hadn't really gotten a good look at it the first time, so seeing it fully now was intimidating. It was like a jet-black amalgamation of tiny beings forming a larger entity, riddled with moving and stationary thorns everywhere.
I take it that you found the soul?
“Yep.”
*sigh of relief* Good, good. Now, uh, do you see the…formation of the soul? The patterns of the little guys?
I saw what Sys was talking about. When I saw my mother's soul, the small particles were revolving around the central core, like how the moon revolves around Earth. But they weren’t all moving in the same direction. Some were going around, some top to bottom, and others diagonally. Initially, I thought these were impurities because they weren't moving uniformly. However, when I saw the stationary particles and those obstructing the smoothly flowing ones, I realized I was wrong. The different directions were essential for the soul's proper functioning. To understand this, look at small particles back at earth. Let’s say, the electron. The electron has quantum spin, which in simple terms, is the act of “spinning in multiple directions at the quantum level.” It’s a crucial part of electrons and subatomic particles, since without it, the physical and chemical properties of matter would collapse. In a sense, quantum spin is what holds matter together. (not at the same level as gravity and such, but you get my point.)
Going back to souls, why do they need particles moving in different directions? Well, a soul is not physical. That’s obvious, right? But, that means a soul is ever-changing. This means it is always in motion and constantly releasing energy due to its non-solid form.. To contain it, and to prevent any substantial amounts of leakage, it seems that the god of this world created humans’ souls as a group, rather than a single being. They made it such that the soul would be in perpetual motion, fueling the human body. But, how? How does that work? Well, let’s say that there were no smaller particles orbiting the core. Without any particles to create a barrier and to lead the energy back into the soul, hence the perpetual motion, it would just leak out. This is where the particles come into play. They provide the barrier, and a direction for the energy to return. But, if all the smaller particles went in the same direction, that would indirectly create a single use for the soul. See, the soul is always moving. The particles don’t stop it, but rather redirect the ever flowing energy that comes from it. If it helps, imagine it as a car tire that always moves forward. If the particles only go in one direction, in this case forward, the soul would only be used for the body itself, “physical”.(organs, the body itself, you get it.) This is why there are 2 other “flows” that exist. The top to bottom one is for the brain, “mental.” (along with the personality, thought processes, etc.) The third is for mana itself, “magical”. Now, all 3 of these have a “reverse order” that balances them out. An example would be “physical”, with how it goes around clockwise, and its “reverse order” going counterclockwise. Since the clockwise one deals with the enhancements of the body and its physical properties, the counterclockwise one would be in charge of when certain body parts need to rest. (the heart, lungs, liver, etc.) They go hand in hand with mental, since the counterclockwise would send up a signal for the brain to realize when it needs to rest. It was set up all like this to ensure the steady and proper rate of usage for the soul’s natural discharge of energy.
……..A “yeah” would’ve been fine.
I noticed that my "soul flows" were not as large or efficient as my mother's. My physical flow was slow and small, the same for the other two. Impurities blocked their paths, and many were deeply rooted in my soul. The weakest flow was my mana flow, with only the left diagonal one functioning.
How did you even know all of that? The soul and its flows?
“You told me right before the chapter started.”
Oh yeah………wait, what do you mean “chapter”?
I decided to focus on my mana flow. It needed to be balanced out the most, and mana would be most helpful with improving my meditation mastery. “How do I begin meditating?”
You need to open small doorways leading to the outside. This will welcome pure mana emanating from the outside world. It may come from people passing by, the death of a small wild animal nearby, or even the photosynthesis of a close by flower. Every living being contains a soul and emits small amounts of pure mana from normal acts. After all, every act—physical, mental, and especially magical—requires the soul’s energy.
“I’m assuming this is why you warned me about evil spirits?”
Exactly. These small doorways will also be visible to wandering spirits. Not all are harmful and some might even ignore you, but generally speaking, an open soul is the perfect target for a restless evil spirit waiting for a second chance. It will be my responsibility to hide you from them, but most likely, they will see through it. I'll warn you of their approach, so you must be ready to quit at a moment’s notice. An evil spirit will only need a few seconds to take over an infant’s soul.
“Yeah, that’s uh, not terrifying at all.” I would be lying if I said I wasn’t at least worried. The whole idea of some malevolent ghost creeping up on me wasn’t fun to imagine, even more since I had already gone through that experience. But, I had to do it. Rather, I wanted to do it, and that was enough for me. “So, how do I open these doorways?”
All you need to do is first sense the outside mana. When you do catch the trails, you need to visualize a “bridge” or something similar to connect the mana to your soul. It can be anything, from a wire, a USB cable, or even just a normal bridge. As long as it is capable of connecting the two, it should work.
I followed System’s advice- you know what. I’ll just call System Sys for convenience’s sake. I followed Sys’ advice and started trying to sense any mana trails. Surprisingly, I immediately found a couple of them. I figured my soul magic must have boosted my capability at sensing mana. I then tried to imagine a bridge connecting the two, and yet again surprising me, it actually worked. The mana trails went over the bridge and headed right to my soul. It was now the hard part. I carefully directed the mana trails towards the soul flow, using the very little mana I myself had and my pure mental strength. It was a very strenuous process, trying to perfectly control both while still trying to ignore the outside world. Eventually, the mana started combining with the impurities, leading to the impurities becoming clearer. However, this hurt badly. With each impurity becoming more pure, it felt like my chest was being squeezed. My heart went through periodical compressions, and my breathing started to become rugged. It seemed that my body had to get used to the new pure particles.
Despite the pain, I thought things were going smoothly. The mana had already purified one, and I was starting to get used to meditating. But, of course, I wasn’t that lucky.
There’s a spirit coming your way. Quit now.
I was going to comply, but I had seen that there was one impurity that was so close to being pure. I knew that this was a slow process, and that any kind of progress was important, so I figured that I could at least wait until this was done.
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What are you doing? Abort.
“In a bit.” It was this close. I had to wait.
Beric, abort now.
“Just a few seconds.” It was right there.
BERIC!
I didn’t answer as I focused on the impurity. Despite my attention being completely on it, and the fact that I was oblivious to the outside world due to my soul sense, I still felt a chilling sensation. I then heard a terrifying cackle belonging to only what I could have assumed to be a spirit.
FORCE SHUT DOWN.
My eyes burst open as I jolted in place. My breathing became strained as an intense burning sensation burst through my chest. My infant body couldn't handle it, and I cried out in pain. My mom rushed in, trying to comfort me, but it didn't work. My chest hurt too much for words to console me. It felt like a wildfire brewing inside me.
20 minutes had passed before the inflammation had begun to ease up. It still hurt like a bitch, but it was bearable now. My mom kept on singing lullabies to me, which I now could understand. They were of the first king, King Edrius, and his triumph in pushing back the Demon King and his army back to their islands. 10 more minutes had passed, and I had finally stopped crying. My mom then put me back in the crib, kissed my forehead, muttered a silent prayer for me, and left the room. It was just me and Sys again.
What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you to listen to me. I told you to stop meditating as soon as I tell you. You....You could have died back there. Even worse, a fucking random spirit could have overtaken your soul and damned you to be a spirit for the rest of eternity too. You might not know this, but eternity is a damn long time. Matter of fact, forget the spirit. Your entire journey would have ended right there, and you would become Death for all of eternity. You know why? Because no one else is as dumb as you. No one else would ignore me when a literal ghost is about to overtake their soul. No one else is dumb enough to take Death’s place.
“......”
I know you hear me.
“.......”
SAY SOMETHING!
Sys was right. I should have ignored the impurity. I should have just stopped meditating. I was an idiot for being blinded by my goal……..but that’s not why I didn’t answer. There was something else that caught my attention. Right before Sys forced the shutdown, I experienced the "life flashing before your eyes" moment. I saw the chocolate cake for my 5th birthday. I saw the old friends I used to have before we eventually drifted apart. I saw all the schools I went to as I grew up. I saw my parents' proud faces as I showed them my test grades. I saw my grandpa’s impressed face when I told him of my dream. I saw…..my death to that truck.
You might think that’s what caused me to not answer. Nope. It was the realization afterwards. I actually….missed my old life. I was sad that I would never go back to it. But, this didn’t sit well with me. I thought I hated that life. After all, I did all of this. I made that whole deal with Death for another life in a different world, not a second chance at my old life. So, then why? Why was I so sad? I don’t know. I don’t know why I felt these feelings towards the life I had harbored so much hate for. But, I did realize something else. It’s only in death when one can value their life, and it’s only in life when one fears death. Just think about it. People generally only become fearful for their life when they’re in life threatening situations. It’s in these scenarios where people’s “true selfish sides” come out, and they’ll do anything to save their own skin. Another example would be how people tend to worry about their life’s meaning and remaining regrets when they know their time is close. That’s why bucket lists are a thing.
Then, we look at life itself. So many people worry incessantly about death that they even forget to live. They work tirelessly for ample money to pay for better housing and health just to delay the inevitable. They follow religions for the possibility of there being an afterlife. They make names for themselves to make a mark on the world to prove they existed, knowing that eventually they will die. Some people live a life so mundane that they don’t even feel alive. They repeat the same thing every day over and over, restricted by higher beings who control what they do and say. They know they can’t escape, but they still cling on to a small hope that things will change, so they continue to obey, waiting for that day. They wake up, work, sleep, rinse and repeat. They keep doing this, until eventually, their hope does come true, but in the form of something else, Death. Maybe that’s why people only value their life when they’re about to die. They’re too wrapped up in “living before Death comes” that they don’t truly feel alive. Their schedule is so bleak and overdone that they become numb. It’s only when their life becomes endangered that they realize how much of their life they wasted. It’s like….you only really feel “alive” when Death is near. I would know, since that’s what happened to me.
“Sys, I’m sorry. I really thought that that last impurity could be purified before time was up. I was….greedy and dumb for not listening.”
…….Sys?
“Yeah, it’s a….nickname I came up with for you.”
……Beric, you know that…if you die…I die?
“I know…..and I’m sorry.”
…….It’s funny. I never really heard of people who apologize to their own systems.
“First time for everything?”
I guess.
Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. The sunlight began to go away, and the pale moonlight began to shine through the window. I heard footsteps coming to my door, presumably my parents. I was also starting to get tired, so I figured I’d get some shut-eye.
Beric.
“Yeah?”
I’m not a perfect system. I keep forgetting about things, which leads to you getting angry at me. I’m also quite talkative, which I’m sure a lot of people would find annoying. I also….don’t always obey, which is like….what a system should always do.
……
You’re not perfect either. You have some…… interesting thoughts on life. You’re also not exactly the obedient type, and you….are really, really ambitious.
…….
But, I think that’s why we’re a perfect match. We know what’s wrong with each other, and we can help each other grow since we…both have the same type of problems. So, that’s why I think…it’s best if we learn to forgive and forget. I believe that is how we’ll grow best.
“......That sounds good.”
Yeah?
“Yeah. Let’s shake on it.”
……I don’t…have hands.
“Oh yeah. I guess I’m also forgetful.”
…….I guess you are.
Silence ensued as we recollected on what had just happened. The dark room mirrored the grim near-death experience I had just gone through, with the dim moonlight mirroring the close save Sys had done for me. My parents were in bed now, their snores giving it away. It felt....peaceful, but I knew it couldn't stay like this. I needed to continue.
“Okay, so do you have anything you should mention? Like, anything you forgot that would help me out?
Uhh….I don’t thi-Oh shit.
“What is it?”
I can assign quests.
“....Uh huh?”
I could’ve assigned a quest for you to find your soul. If you did, you would have gotten experience points and leveled up, which in turn would have increased your stats, like mana.
“.......You’ve got to be-.”