To properly meditate, you must use the exact same method you used to perceive your mother's soul. However, this time, your focus should be entirely inward. You will not be seeking external mana trails. Instead, you must direct your attention to your own essence. This task will be particularly challenging given that your soul is currently in its most rudimentary form. Without active mana currents, detecting mana trails would ordinarily be difficult. Fortunately, your soul magic provides an advantage. Since you are already familiar with the appearance of a soul, your subconscious mind will be more adept at locating your own soul. This is due to the inherent "radar" that your soul magic possesses for detecting souls.

“What if I still can’t find it?”

Then I guess you’ll have to wait till you’re older. It wouldn’t be strange for you to not find your soul. Your soul contains an unfathomable amount of impurities, being the lowest soul rank.

“Then, how do people even meditate in the first place?”

People usually have their souls lose some of their impurities automatically as they get older. This is because of how they grow up surrounded by leaking mana from other people’s mana currents, be it from their family, friends, or just public areas. The effects of pure mana have a positive effect on the infant’s soul, which leads to it canceling out the negative impurities.

“So, can I just call for my mom, and use her to purify my soul?”

You can, but it’s a very slow procedure. It will only purify it enough for you to start meditating by yourself by the time you reach 12. Puberty coincides with this, as it signifies that your soul has become pure enough to begin independent meditation. Now, this is only because of your present soul rank. With your “Abyssal Void” soul, it will take at least a decade before you can purify it on your own. For other people, it may be different. Some are born with inherently purer souls, owing to their lineage or divine blessings. There are also specific traits and blessings that expedite the purification of one's soul rank, but you lack these advantages. So, your best bet would be to either commence meditation immediately to compensate for your initial soul rank or to utilize your mother’s leaking mana and wait for the next 11 years. There is also the option of waiting until you’re around 7 or 8 to start meditating, since your soul would be much stronger by then.

“....You're saying that, I was born with the lowest soul rank, and I have no unique traits or blessings to help me?”

Yep. But you know what you do have? The best system you could possibly ask for.

“Let’s just move on.” I was a bit peeved from this, considering how I was done dirty with my soul and place of birth. But, I think I could make it work. As long as I could focus on elevating my soul rank right now, I would be able to catch up to strong people blessed by the gods. For my plan to succeed, I needed to not only be formidable, but to have capable allies. For all of this to happen, I needed to figure out a way for me to easily find my soul. I thought back to how I found my mom’s soul, using my soul magic…..Hold on, I used soul magic for that.

“System, I used soul magic for finding my mom’s soul, right?”

Yeah.

“Then, that means I used mana, or at least, a little bit?”

I see where you’re going. You’re correct in assuming you were using mana, but it was a minuscule amount. Your mother’s leaking mana was the primary reason you were able to detect her soul. If you meditate and replicate what you did when locating her soul, you might be able to see a small trail of mana leaking from your own soul. However, it's not guaranteed you’ll be able to perceive it. You also need to consider your physical state since you’re just a newborn. The likelihood of sensing your soul is reduced, and there's the added risk of roaming spirits harming your soul.

“Why’d you even tell me to meditate then? Isn’t it impossible?”

That’s why I told you to trust me. I have a proposal, one that will guarantee that you’ll be able to find your soul.

“What is it?”

I will forcibly open a small mana current to create a discernible trace for you to follow. This will inflict intense pain for a short period, so maintaining your focus is crucial. You must act quickly because malevolent spirits may also sense the current. If they do, they'll pursue you, so you’ll need to trace it as fast as possible. If the spirits catch up to you, they may whisper deceitful promises of power and fame, trying to lure you into their grasp to overtake your body. You must remain clear-minded and ignore anything you hear. If you succeed in finding your soul, I'll shut down the current and bring you back. You'll then be able to locate your soul independently and commence meditating.

“....This isn’t what I had in mind when I made that deal with Death.”

Should’ve added more specific conditions.

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I couldn’t really deny that. I probably should have rethought my conditions better. “How bad is it going to hurt?”

Combine stepping on legos and stubbing your toe.

“Oh no.”

Along with getting a hangnail.

“I can’t do this.”

Maybe you can’t. But you have to.

“Does my choice not matter?”

No, it does. It’s just a matter of “you can’t” or “you won’t.” It’s all up to you. Either we do this now, or we wait until your balls drop.

My options weren’t looking too good. Should I endure generational-level pain and be pursued by malevolent spirits, or wait eleven years before I could even begin to grow stronger? Many would argue that waiting is the wiser choice. The first option is fraught with too many risky variables, and my soul magic would still enable me to develop at a faster rate. Hell, I could even wait till I was at least 7. Slow and steady would be the sensible approach. After all, it was the tortoise that won the race. Except, this isn’t a race. It’s a journey—a journey where I aim to become the greatest adventurer. To achieve this, I need power. Not just any power, but unparalleled power that could obliterate any obstacles in my path. The kind of power that could even rival the gods....Ugh, I can’t believe I just said that. Whatever—my point is this: the hare only lost because it was complacent. It was so arrogant and certain of its victory that it ended up sleeping, turning a supposed easy win into a distant, unattainable dream. The hare lacked ambition. It wasn’t willing to endure agonizing pain to win. It wasn’t prepared to sacrifice everything for its dreams. But I am.

“Let’s get this over with.”

You sure?

“Hurry up with it before I pussy out.”

Alright then. First, go into that state you were in previously, and I’ll open up a current.

It was much easier to “disconnect from the world” this time around. I was kind of surprised by it, but I chalked it up to my soul magic.

It’s open.

I then felt a sensation akin to a gust of wind emanating from the area near my heart. Along with it came the worst pain imaginable. It felt as though there was a gaping hole in my chest, with my literal life seeping away. It was like experiencing a heart attack and a seizure simultaneously. My mind staggered, and my focus began to dim, but I somehow managed to perceive a small trail of mana. As the sharp burst of pain started to subside, I quickly followed the trail. I began to discern the outline of a circular shape, but just as I was approaching, a chilling voice echoed from behind me.

“You left them.” The voice contained spite and disdain. It was raspy like sandpaper being scraped against wood.

"Your parents, your friends, your very existence. You forsook it all. You sacrificed everything." It felt like with each word, it was spitting out poison right at me. The crazy thing was, despite being a singular voice, it felt like there was an echo to its words, as if multiple spirits were berating me.

“???, realize who you are.”

How did it know my past name-No, I couldn’t worry about that. I kept going forward, ignoring whatever the spirit said.

"Pursuing this unattainable dream will not bestow upon you what you seek. It will only reveal a truth, a truth that will bring you unimaginable pain. A truth that will make you regret ever endeavoring this."

Almost there. I saw my soul now. It was the same shape as my mom’s, but it was much darker. Honestly, it was pure darkness. The only reason why I knew it was there was because of the outline, and the tiny trail of mana leading to it.

"Halt before you delve too deeply. Humanity is not fated to achieve the impossible, nor are they meant to grasp their dreams. Humans exist merely to perform in a divine spectacle for the gods' amusement. If you do not wish to uncover the unfathomable horrors of humanity's true purpose, then relinquish your quest. Return to the sanctuary of slumber, before you witness more than you can bear."

I finally reached the soul, and I dove right into it. There was no way I was going to listen to some random old spirit, especially one that tried to tell me what to do. You already lived your own life. Let me live mine, fucking bitch.

Instantly, my eyes opened and I was back in reality. I was back in the wooden crib, looking back up at that shabby wooden ceiling. I heard the chirping again, and small rays of sunshine were beginning to leave the window.

Good job, Beric.

“You weren’t kidding about that pain. I was considering calling it quits.”

Well, you’re going to have to bear similar pain when you begin meditating. Are you able to find your soul on your own now?

I decided to call it “soul sense”, since it was….sensing souls. I know it doesn’t sound great, but simplicity is underrated. I also liked it since it sounded similar to “sixth sense”, since sixth senses are usually correlated to sensing spiritual things, like souls.

Can you shut up and continue already?

….I activated soul sense, and I began searching for my soul. It was significantly easier now, as its complete blackness, in a sense, made it distinctly stand out.

Great, you found it. Now, you know what impurities look like, right?

It was easy to tell them apart from the functioning parts of my soul. I zeroed in on the stationary impurities. “What now?”

This is the challenging part. Meditating is a process where you focus deep within yourself, and manually use your innate mana’s positive effects on the impurities. You must also exercise caution in selecting which impurities to purify. Certain areas of the soul have numerous functional components, while others are in desperate need of enhancement. Think of it as balancing out your soul, and you have to decide which part needs an upgrade first. This process is already lengthy and arduous, not to mention the added difficulty of being an infant. However, given that you know what to look for and have an idea of what a fully functional soul should resemble, it should be possible for you. But, it will take time and energy. Luckily, we have plenty of the first one. The second one will depend on you. Are you ready?

“You’re going to block me from the spirits?”

I’ll do my best.

Well, that’s comforting. “I’ll start now.”

Good luck.