My girlfriend is a perfect ten, no doubt about it. She's intelligent, witty, lights up a room, and is more than just easy on the eyes. But every Persian rug has its flaws; hers is that she never eats. Let me start at the beginning.

I can't say our meeting was particularly funny or quirky. It doesn't even make that good a story. We met at a bar. I'm not exactly the outgoing type, so I can't even claim I won her over with a clever pick-up line or anything like that. She just sat beside me, smiled, and asked, "Hey, you wanna buy me a drink?"

Now I was pretty sure she was just looking for a free drink, but damn if that smile didn't seem worth a few bucks to keep around a little longer, so I agreed. As the night went on, things got a bit fuzzy as I knocked a few back. I remember we joked and laughed far longer than most of my conversations last, and at some point, I even got her name (Wendy) and number, but looking back, there was one odd part to the whole night. She never ordered another drink after that first one, and when we left, her glass was still full. I don't think she actually drank a single drop that night.

Well, anyway, fast forward a bit, and after a bit of back-and-forth texting, I got up the nerve to ask her out on a date. Despite all our texting, I was more than a little surprised when she said yes. Again, it wasn't anything special, we were just going to have dinner and watch a movie, but when we met up she explained that she'd already eaten, something to do with an old friend coming to town, but she told me I could buy her a drink while I ate. Again, looking back, I don't remember her having a single drink. Though at one point, she must have. When I returned from using the restroom, her glass was half empty. After that, we went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show (It was a temporary run for Halloween) and generally had a great night.

Things went on like that for a while. We'd make plans, but she'd always have an excuse not to eat anything. Sometimes, she'd forgotten and already ate. Other times, she was trying out a new diet. But whatever it was, we never really had dinner together.

As time went on, we'd meet up for something in town, drinks, movies, etc, and always ended up at my place after because it was closer. You see, Wendy lived way outside town, "out in the boondocks," she always said. At one point, I asked why she lived out there, but she said she enjoyed the solitude, adding that the forest at night was a thing of beauty. I told her she was a thing of beauty. She laughed it off and made me forget about my questions for a bit. But after that, I kept asking about it, wondering when I could go check out this place that kept her so entranced that she didn't want to move to town. Finally, one night, she gave in to my pestering and invited me to visit her place.

She was far enough out that she didn't really have any neighbors, and if you weren't careful, you'd easily miss her driveway as it looked more like a forest trail at a glance.

When I first saw the place, I thought it looked more like a log cabin than a home, but she had power and a satellite dish, so we could still watch TV cuddled up on her couch together. Without going into too much detail, we had a pleasant evening, and I ended up staying over.

If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

Things got a little weird when I woke up in the middle of the night alone in the bed. I got up and used the restroom, only to find she hadn't returned when I got back. That's when I started hearing the sounds.

Outside the house, I could hear something...large moving. It was grunting and growling as if it was dragging something. A moment later, I heard wet tearing sounds as it seemed to be scarfing down something, a lot of something. It was more than a little unnerving. I was thinking about making a break for my car when it got quiet. A moment later, I heard the front door open and close. Wondering if it was Wendy...or something else, I decided to check it out.

Sure enough, Wendy stood just inside the door, but the odd thing was she was stark naked. I was slightly concerned, but when I asked what happened, she just shrugged and said. "There was a bear outside digging in the trash, so I chased him off with this." She held up a can of bear spray.

It almost made sense. Not that I'd be willing to go confront a bear in the middle of the night, but then again, I was a "city boy" who didn't know any better, so maybe "country folk" (her words, not mine) just treat bears like oversized raccoons. However, there was still one glaring question that I had to ask. "But why did you go out there naked?"

She looked down at herself and laughed. "Well, I suppose I don't worry about clothes out here all that often. I don't get many guests, and there aren't any neighbors. I guess I just forgot!"

That was more than a little odd, but everyone has their quirks, and it wasn't worth starting a fight in the middle of the night. I just decided to shrug and leave it be.

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of breakfast. I figured this was it. I was finally going to see Wendy eat something! Just as I got up, Wendy walked into the room, carrying a tray with two eggs, some toast, and orange juice, but it only looked like one serving. When I asked her if we were sharing, she laughed and said, "Oh, I already ate earlier!"

I have to admit, the food was good, but I was somewhat frustrated. Why did she never eat in front of me? I was just about to ask this question when she excused herself to use the bathroom. Realizing this was my chance, I snuck over to the fridge to look inside. Inside the refrigerator was one egg carton, missing precisely two eggs, one container of orange juice, missing just about one glass worth of juice, a loaf of bread, missing two slices of bread, and some butter, which looked like it was missing just a few scrapes. There was nothing else, not even a condiment. The only food missing was easily accounted for by my breakfast.

When I heard her finishing up, I snuck back into the bedroom and pretended to be just finishing breakfast. The rest of the day went pretty normal, and I headed home in the early afternoon. However, as I was leaving, I noticed the bear spray she'd left by the front door still had the little plastic security tag in place, meaning it had never been used.

After I got home, I decided to do a little digging. It turns out that around where Wendy lives, there have been reports of several missing hikers and campers. The most recent was a family that disappeared the same night I stayed over. Combined with the fact that she never eats... Well, let's just say I'm starting to get concerned. She's never shown any aggression or hostility to me, but next week, we were planning on going camping together, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's not such a great idea...