Howdy! from Hell.

Vivian found herself in quite a dilemma. Even her best demon couldn't break this subject. His resilience was apparently more than anyone in her department could handle. When she asked Volgaf what was so difficult about this one, he looked confused and ashamed as he shrugged. "I dunno, boss. He's just so...weird. It gets to ya after a while."

Well, enough was enough. How did the human saying go? If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. She fixed her best "I've tortured so many people I find your attempt at bravado boring" expression in place and marched into the cell.

Suspended by his wrists to the opposite wall was the subject. His current physical manifestation had only been around long enough for it to grow the shadow of a beard. As was standard procedure, he was primarily naked to make him feel ashamed and vulnerable. His physique was nothing special, even by human standards. His muscles were underdeveloped, and he had a bit of a belly on him, but nothing else note-worthy stuck out.

Right now, the subject was still intact since, in his frustration, Volgaf had apparently atomized the subject's last body, and this one was newly issued, all of its musculature and nerves intact. This should have been just another victim in an endless sea of victims Vivian had tormented, but something was off. This one was smiling.

Vivian kept her face carefully neutral as he attempted to wave with one of his manacled hands while grinning. "Well, howdy! Yer a new face around here! What happened to old Volgaf? Last I remembered, he was saying it was time someone else dealt with me. I'm guessing that someone is you?"

The deviless stared at him a moment, trying to understand what was happening before she responded. "You...you do know I'm here to torture you, right?"

The subject nodded. "Yup, and we'll get there shortly, I'm sure, but yer just doin yer job, and that's no reason to spoil a perfectly delightful conversation before that!"

He looked thoughtful a moment before his expression changed to some sort of confusion or consternation. "Oh, but where are my manners? Name's Alen Smith. Nice to meetcha! Miss...?"

Vivian sneered. "You may call me Mistress Vivian. I've broken the spirits of countless souls in Hell, and soon you will be no different..."

Alen smiled and nodded, his head bobbing up and down in a congenial way that infuriated Vivian. "Oh, I'm sure of that! No doubt about it! As soon as you walked in, I said to myself, 'Now there's a woman who knows her business! Yer in for it this time, Alen!'"

He looked thoughtful a moment before his expression turned apologetic. "But I'm afraid Mistress Vivian is just too much of a mouthful for little old me! So I'll just call you Vivian, and you can call me Alen. I'm pretty sure before we're done here, we're gonna be on pretty close terms after all! No reason to let a bit of stuffy formality get between us!"

Vivian's face contorted in rage at his audacity. "Before I'm through with you, you'll be begging for the privilege of calling me whatever I tell you to! I will visit torments on you, unlike anything you've ever dreamed of! So consider this your first actual day in Hell, and pray that it's your last!"

Alen nodded with that same infuriating grin on his face. "Oh yeah, I've no doubt! For the record, if yer anywhere near as good as the rest, I'm sure I'm in for a real rough time here shortly! I'd like to apologize ahead of time for any insults I might throw yer way. Especially anything about your ancestry or your choice of pastimes. That'll just be the pain talking, and I hope you won't take any of it to heart! Eventually, I'll just end up screaming incoherently before I 'die' again. I just want you to know I realize yer just doing yer job, and I don't actually hold a grudge. You and me? We're good!"

Vivian laughed cruelly. "Oh, it's not just a job. I happen to enjoy tormenting pathetic little souls like yourself!

Alen shrugged, his grin never wavering. "Of course you do! You have to do this all day, every day, for forever. If you didn't like doing it, you'd be miserable! You gotta take pride in your work! And look at you! Yer the one they go to when no one else can get the job done! You must be at the top of your field!"

Vivian preened under the compliment a little before scowling. How was this pathetic little man getting in her head like this? It was time to stop humoring him and get started on what she came here to do. It was time to break him. "Well, I suppose we'll find out. I hope you're ready. You're in for a long night..."

Apparently, the man refused to be cowed. He continued to grin and nod. "Yeah, I suppose it's about that time. Let's see what someone at the top of their field can do! Weirdly, I'm kind of looking forward to this!"

-

Vivian approached the room once again. She'd done it. She'd finally broken that strange little man. It had taken days, but she'd finally seen the hope leave his eyes as he'd finally slumped in defeat! So why did she feel so unfulfilled as she approached the room to his cell once more?

Usually, after breaking a particularly difficult soul, she'd been filled with pride and swagger, but this time she felt like she'd lost something in her victory, and she couldn't figure out what. Still, she had a job to do, so she straightened her back, put her best scowl of annoyance on her face, and opened the door.

There was the pitiful human. Alen, was his name? She could see the hopelessness in his eyes as his gaze met hers. He took a breath, probably to scream, cry, or beg for mercy. It wouldn't matter though, there was no mercy or relief to be found here. She was almost a little sad to hear the waver in his voice... "Hiya! Welcome back!"

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Vivian blinked stupidly for a moment. She's obviously misheard. "Um... I'm sorry, what?"

Alen nodded as if he'd been expecting that response, that stupid grin wavering for the first time Vivian had seen, replaced by an...apologetic look? "Yeah, sorry about yesterday. I admit that the pain really got to me there, but that's no excuse for everything I said. Especially the parts about yer mother. I'm sure she's a lovely...demon? Still, what I said was uncalled for, so please accept my apology!"

Vivian could not believe her ears. After everything she'd said and done to him the last couple of days, this Alen was apologizing to her? True, some of his insults had been more imaginative than usual. Especially those where he'd described a series of acts that Vivian was confident was physically impossible for the participants involved, but after a few centuries, the insults a victim spewed as they were suffering just became background noise, something to be forgotten or ignored.

Before she realized what she was doing, Vivian responded. "uh, yeah. Don't worry about it... All's forgiven..."

Alen's smile returned, more dazzling than before. "Thank you very much! I was worried I went too far with some of those. Though, in my defense, you were even better than I'd expected. Still, that's no excuse."

The shackled man gave his best shrug. "Well, best to leave that stuff behind us. Today's a new day, I've got me a new body, and I'm with the most beautiful demon in all of Hell! So tell me, how's your day going?"

Vivian blinked rapidly. This was all probably just some stalling tactic to buy himself more time. "You know nothing you say or do is going to save you, right? You're in Hell. There is no escape. I will torment you as long as it takes to leave your soul broken and empty."

Alen nodded in that same stupid empty-headed way of his. "Oh yeah, fer-sure! But that's no reason to be rude, eh? We'll get there when we get there, but this here is the best part! We get to chat for a little before you get to work, and I get to enjoy the company! No reason to let what's comin to ruin the here and now!"

Vivian laughed, with only a slightly hysterical edge the sound. "Did I hear you right? Eternal punishment and suffering is no reason to ruin a few minutes of chatter before the torment begins for the day? I can't figure out if you're insane or just plain stupid!"

Alan's face had a serene expression on it as he nodded in agreement once more. Was he capable of any other head movement? "Well, I suspect it's a little of column A and a little of column B. You know I've been here a little over a thousand years already? At first, I hated y'all and everything you did. But then, one day, my demon came in and just started going on about how bad his week was going. He complained about how overworked he was and how stressful his job was. All I could do was shrug and answer sarcastically, 'Tell me about it!' and he did! He spent the better part of the day just going on about how bad his day was, to the guy he was going to torment as soon as he was done!"

Vivian looked nonpulsed. "And let me guess, you realized we are just like you, and right then and there decided to have a brighter outlook on 'life?'"

For once, Alen shook his head no. "Hell no! I couldn't believe that idiot would think I'd be sympathetic at all! He'd tormented me for decades before this. Why would I care about his problems? But like you thought a bit ago, I realized this could buy me a few precious moments before he started tormenting me again, so I played along. This went on for years. He'd come in, and I'd lend a sympathetic ear. As a bonus, I got to catch up on all the gossip in Hell. Apparently, Beelzebub had a thing going with a succubus who worked the pits of flame at the time, and there was a question about whether her kid was his or a mortal's. It was hot news, let me tell you!"

Vivian remembered that bit of drama. It had caused some significant waves in Hell back then. But that had been at least a few centuries ago...

Alen continued. "Well, anyway, this went on for a while. Years, decades, maybe even a century. I couldn't tell you exactly when, but somewhere along the line, I realized I was genuinely enjoying our little chats! Probably that stocking shelf syndrome I heard so much about back on earth. Anyway, sooner or later, the brass caught on and realized I wasn't as tormented as I should have been and sent in a new demon. Took me a while to win that one over, but a sympathetic ear is a hard thing to resist forever, and sooner or later, she gave in too! Since then, I've been bounced around from one demon to another, then one department to another. That's what brings us together here!"

Vivian couldn't believe her ears. Either the human was insane, or she was. He'd already been broken at one point and then simply gotten better? Because of office gossip? She shook her head. "Ok, whatever. The inane drivel stopps here. It's time for me to get to work!"

Alen went right back to nodding, with that infuriating apologetic smile on his face. "Fair nuff! I suppose I chatted yer ears off a bit there. For the record, despite what I'm probably about to say, I would never actually judge you based on yer sexual preferences, whatever they are! You got a right to pursue happiness however you chose, and I wish you luck with that. Now, let's get started!"

-

Vivian was exhausted. It had been a long day. She'd been torturing this odd little human who'd demanded over and over to speak with the manager of Hell. She'd broken the human's spirit eventually, but it had taken longer than anyone short of that idiot Alen. Right now, all Vivian wanted to do was sit back and relax after a long day. After all, she'd earned it!

As she walked into her residence, Vivian was met with the delicious aroma of dinner. Then, as she set down her case files, she was greeted with the now-familiar, "Well, howdy!"

Alen poked his head out from around the kitchen doorway. "Oof, you look rough. Lond day?"

Vivian nodded exhaustedly. "Uh, yeah, I had a real alpha "Karen" today. Took a lot longer to break than usual. I actually had to fall back on the flaming clown spiders!"

Alen shook his head in disgust. "Oh yeah, I remember those! Real nightmare fuel that. Well, anyway, never mind. Why don't you come in and take a load off and tell me all about it! I got some chicken fried steak cookin up, and dinner'll be ready in no time."

Vivian leaned in and gave Alen a quick peck on the cheek. "You're sweet. Tell me, how was your day?"

Alen handed her a glass of something he called "sweet tea" then got back to working the mysteries of the kitchen he'd insisted they installed when he'd moved in. "Oh, same old same old. You know, Narlack, the ever-burning, hasn't had a proper pedicure for those hooves of his in over a century? So I cleaned them up right quick while we went over his torment regimen. Just like the horses back home! Don't tell him I said that. Anyway, we found a few weak spots in his torment, and I bet he'll see a 10% increase in efficiency for breaking bank managers from here on out!"

Vivian nodded while sipping her drink. "Excellent! I hear the new inturn is in charge of your torment next weak. Unfortunately, he's a bit over-eager and keeps atomizing his victims before they can break."

Alen grinned. "Well, as Hell's first official torment auditor, I'll see if we can't straighten him out right quick. Oh, if you remember, could you pick me up some sweat potatoes tomorrow after work? I got another recipe that'll knock yer socks off!" He looked at Vivian's cloven hooves pointedly for a moment. "Uh, figuratively speaking."