"...Captain..." One of the men softly called out for Emma as she watched the men pile the dead. Their bodies were marred and ruined beyond recognition that made the virescent spear doubt if they were even human. The men slowly piled the bodies one by one in somber silence.
"...How many times is it lieutenant?" Emma softly asked as she watched a small lifeless body being carried by the soldiers with care. Her face remained impassive, but her glistening eyes betrayed her.
"...It would be the seventh time sir..." The lieutenant finally answered as Emma’s pupil trembled for a second.
"...We can't even save a fucking village..." Emma cursed softly as the lieutenant shook his head.
"It could not be helped. We have been deployed far beyond our reach this time. We can't possibly have known that they-"
"There were seventy children in this village, lieutenant..." Emma cut off as she watched another small body add to the pile. "...Seventy, kalva damn them all, children... not even one of them were spared." Emma tried to suppress a groan, but her body refused to be cowed.
"We can't be blamed for this captain! We have tried our best! We rode for 7 days straight with little to no rest for Urum’s sake!"
"...Yet still I couldn't save them..." Emma mumbled as she watched the mountain of corpses stacking on top of each other.
"Captain... it is not your fault..." Emma did not reply as she listened to the priest giving off one last litany for the dead, preparing their cremation.
"... I've promised them, you know?... I promised to be there if it happened... it did... and I was not there." Emma whispers as the raging fires emitted a powerful wave of heat. Unfortunately, however, the painful pang in her heart was stronger than the flames.
"...Just how much longer will this last?" Emma mumbled as the men could offer no reply. The men wanted to offer solace to their worn-out captain, but her defeated eyes simply refused in all attempts to do so. Emma watched as the fires consumed them all. Men, women… children.
...I failed you... I failed you all... Please forgive me... I...I was not strong enough... I am simply not strong enough…
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Lucy's eyes snapped open as the dream passed. Her entire body felt sore as if she had slept for days. She blinked her eyes several times, trying to remember the last moments before she blacked out. As her mind slowly cleared, a feeling of dread and panic rose from her chest.
Where are they? Lucy thought, body screaming in protest as she forcibly pushed on. Where is this? It was only then Lucy realized she was not in the orphanage as the old musky wood she had grown accustomed to had been replaced by smooth chiseled stones.
Lucy tries to open her mouth to call her name, but her parched and dry throat could not even let out a croak. Where are you?? Lucy thought in panic as she quickly got up from the bed. The pain in her right leg suddenly flared as well as her shoulders as she moved.
The pain made her flinch, but that was all as she was driven to find the missing children and sisters. Are they dead? No, they can't be! I was there to protect them! I was there when... no no this isn't happening, this can't be happening!
Lucy stumbled towards the door, dread had finally settled in. This isn’t real. It can’t be real. Kalva please, don't do this to me! "Emma... Rose… Iva... anyone… where are you?" Lucy tried to shout for their names but failed as her voice was too weak.
"Ivy… Telma… please… anyone." Lucy tried her hardest to scream, but to no avail. Answer me damn you! Lucy demanded- no, she beggged as tears welled up from her eyes. The world was frighteningly cold and quiet as she was forced to a crawl.
Move, damn you! Lucy cursed her body as it was too heavy, too weak to even reach the door. They can't be dead. They can't be. "No no no no no..." Lucy was about to lose her control when the doorknob turned.
The door opened, revealing a surprised Iva carrying a tray of vegetable soup and water. “You're awake." Iva mumbled in her usual tone of annoyance. When Lucy did not reply, her small face frowned slightly as she placed the tray on a nearby table and turned to leave.
"I'm going to tell big sister Emma and the others now that you are-!!!" Iva was cut off when Lucy suddenly grabbed her shoulder. "Hey! Let go of me you..." Iva could not finish her words as Lucy's eyes stared in disbelief. Despite her weak grip, Iva could not move, fearing Lucy might fall.
The young lady’s sapphire eyes blinked again and again as if she could not believe that she was there. Tears broke free from those eyes as her hands trembled. Iva was surprised yet again when Lucy pulled her in for a hug. Her hug was so tight for someone to look so weak and frail. Iva made a move to break free again when she heard a soft sob.
Lucy cried softly as she embraced the living success of her sacrifice. All the pain and guilt she held slightly lessened. It was small, but it was something. "You're alive... you're alive... thank goodness... oh thank goodness..." Lucy whimpered as she burrowed her face deeper into Iva's shoulder.
Her entire body trembled in relief, her shoulder sinking low as if it was all a bad dream. "Sister Lucy?" Lucy raised her gaze to see Emma's wide eyes. She was holding a tray filled with antiseptics and medicine that fell down against the floor as her right hand covered her mouth.
"Sister Emma..." Lucy tried to stand and embraced Emma as well but stumbled as the strength in her legs failed her.
"Hey be careful!" Iva manages to catch Lucy just as she was about to hit the floor.
"Sister Lucy!" Emma seemed to snap back to reality as she rushed to her aid.
"S-sorry..." Lucy replied in embarrassment but was quickly cut off as Emma embraced her tightly.
"You fool! How could you do that!" Lucy blinked in confusion as Emma pulled back, revealing a pair of glaring eyes that made Lucy flinched.
Her eyes looked so scary that Lucy did not dare to meet hers. "I thought you were going to die! We thought you were going to die! Oh, I should have scolded you more, you brazen child! Do you know how... h-how worried we were??" Emma slowly losses momentum as the tears begin to cloud her eyes.
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"Why d-did you... fight like that. W-who told you to fight like that!" Emma's eyes were a mess as relief and frustration burst forth from her voice as it trembled. "Don't you ever throw away your life like that again. You hear me?!" Lucy timidly nodded, but Emma was not satisfied.
"Do you hear me??" Emma was so angry that all Lucy could do was nod even harder, but it still did not satisfy Emma as she asked, even louder this time. "Answer me young lady!"
"Y-yes!" Lucy barely answered in time as Emma glared for a second longer before embracing her again.
"Y-you… do you have any idea how terrified I was..." Emma whispers in a relieved but terrified voice. "I-I... I thought we were going to lose you after you… after you fought like that. W-who taught you to fight like that?" The hug tightened as Emma's voice threatened to break.
"I-It... it was as if... it was as if you did not care whether you live or die anymore..." Lucy froze as Emma's words struck closer than she was willing to admit. "I t-thought you lost your mind...” Emma repeated the words again as her arms trembled.
"W-who hurt you, my child? W-what could have made you scream like that?" Lucy could not reply as the nun’s voice trembled. “I-I thought you were broken. I-I- oh Urum’s light.” Emma pulled back again, revealing a messy face as tears fell down across her cheek.
"Don't do that again, you hear me?" Emma whispers as her hands tremble. "Don't you even dare think to pull a spear again. Never hold a weapon ever again, do you hear me?" Emma said as Lucy quietly nodded back.
"Lucy dear, look me in the eyes." Lucy did not move as the grip slowly tightened. "Lucy..." Lucy did not have the courage to resist anymore as she slowly lifted her gaze. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Emma's desperate eyes baring down on her.
"Promise me you will never fight again... promise me dear..." Emma begged like a mother does to her child. Begging for her to stop and come back home as she refuses to let go. The warmth in those eyes was so unfamiliar to Lucy, scolded for the first time.
Strange... Lucy thought to herself as she slowly opened her mouth. I'm being shouted at but... why am I so happy?
"I..."
W-why? Why am I so happy? She thought as she finally mustered the words into her mouth. "...I wish I could..." Lucy meekly replied as her voice was as fragile as snow.
Emma's eyes widen as her grip suddenly tightens once more. "What do you mean? Lucy, you can, and you should. You don't have to risk your life and fight anymore. You could live in peace with us! No one here is going to hurt you!" Lucy's eyes widen at Emma's words
She felt her throat tighten, strangling the word out with difficulty. "I...I can't... I still-"
"You have done enough!" Emma cut Lucy off as tears welled up in her eyes once more. "You... you have done enough, Lucy; you don't need to fight anymore... please... let go of your burden, it was not your fault..." Emma cried as Lucy could feel her chest turn into lead.
"It was not your friend’s fault, nor is it yours. You don't have to suffer for things you haven't done." Lucy's eyes widened as Emma's words were familiar... far too familiar.
"H-how did you know?" Lucy softly whispers as Emma's lips trembled, revealing a sad smile.
"Have you forgotten who always comforted you during those cold nights, child?" Lucy's eyes widened as Emma continued to smile. "Y-your nightmares… l-let go of your nightmares, child. Please. I am here for you. We are here for you." Lucy trembled as Emma pushed on.
"It was not your fault...I...I do not know the full story, truly I do not... but I do know that you have suffered enough." Emma whispered as she took Lucy's hands. "You have suffered so much... at such a young age, my child. I do not know what it is that made you suffer... but please... enough is enough... let go of it..." Emma's words strung a cord within Lucy.
Tears welled up against her will as her hands slowly trembled. Her mouth quivered in sadness as she tried to gather the words into her mouth once more. It was hard, it was excruciatingly hard to gather the words, but she succeeded in the end.
From the deep recess of her scarred and mutilated heart, Lucy whispered what she always wanted to say for the rest of her lives, both the past and the present. "...C-can I?" Lucy whimpered as tears broke free from their prison. Her throat was already dry, making her voice tremble and break with each word that passes on through her lips.
"...C-can I tr-truly s-stop fighting?... I...I-I have known nothing in life... but to kill. I killed, and I killed, and I killed. I am no longer… I am not clean..." Lucy looked up once again as tears ruined her face. "...I... I am dirty sister Emma..." Lucy whimpered as she took a deep, shuddering breath.
"... I am so filthy that I fear the Gods no longer hear my pleas..." Lucy could not bear to face Emma any longer as she buried her face in her hands. "...But... I... I-I... I j-just... I wanted to stop... I really... really really wanted to stop." Emma could no longer hold it in as well as she embraced Lucy once more.
"Of course, you can... o-of... o-of course you can dear..." Emma whispered as Lucy cried in her arms. It was quiet at first as she tried to hold it in, but when Emma gently caressed her back, she could no longer hold it in. A terrible and painful wail escaped from her lips.
Lucy cried. She cried as if the decades of torment she endured till now had finally been released. "I!... I... I really wanted to stop!!!..." Lucy cried out loud as Emma cradled her gently as she continued to cry.
"...I have killed so many. I have lost so many, but I never wanted it. I never wanted any of it! I really did not want to fight anymore!" Lucy cried, as Emma shuddered softly.
"Y-you don’t have to. I-I promise you, y-you don’t have to." Emma cried softly as Lucy wailed.
"I-I'm dirty Emma! I am so dirty!" Lucy cried as Emma shook her head and whispered.
"W-we all are dear... it's ok... it's ok... the Gods forgives us all... and even if they did not... even if the whole world hates you for it... I'll forgive you Lucy... I... I’ll always forgive you..." Lucy's eyes widened for a moment before she howled like a wounded animal once more.
The two cradled each other in their arms. Their warmth engulfed each other as they continued to cry out in pain. It was painful; it was heavy, but Lucy could finally truly breathe for the first time for as long as she could remember.
Her cold and lifeless body felt a tinge of warmth that she had long since forgotten. It was... warm. So warm... Lucy thought in a haze. Amongst them, however, was a young girl, conflicted beyond words as her thoughts struggled to find meaning.
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You killed dad... you killed dad... Iva thought over and over again as she tries to remember the pain, the loss she had felt when Lucy took her father's life. ...Yet no matter how hard she tried, Iva could not help but feel sorry for Lucy.
Whenever Iva saw Lucy's face, her blood would boil as she was constantly taunted by the murderer of her father who got off scot-free. The murderer enjoys a peaceful life outside instead of being locked up in the dungeon.
But... look at her... Iva's consciousness whispered softly as the anger in her heart flared. She killed dad! She does not deserve to be forgiven! She- Lucy broke down, lamenting to a sin Iva did not know. ...But... she is broken... like us... Her consciousness whispered as the anger weakened.
The vindication was still there. The flame that called out for blood lingers at the back of her mind... but now... now she was not so sure anymore. The flame flickers as her chest tightens ever so slightly.
All Iva wanted was to see the woman before her broke down in tears, just as she did when she murdered her father without remorse. A revenge she dreamt of the moment she met her... but seeing Lucy break down now, Iva felt at a loss. The void was still there.
The bleak emptiness was still there. Still empty and null. For a moment, there was satisfaction in her torment, now it was nothing short of pity and guilt. …She’s so sad. Iva thought as Lucy clawed desperately for warmth.
Just look at her... she is already in pain… do we still have to hurt her?... The little voice whispered as she sighed inwardly, watching the murderer break down like the little girl she is. What do I do?... Iva thought in confusion as she watched in silence as the two cried off their hearts to their content.