I feel so cold. So unbelievably cold. Where am I? I cannot tell, darkness consumes my vision. Not a hint of light surrounds me, I cannot even determine if my eyes are open. Ice, ice is the texture of my skin, the feeling inside my soul.

I am so very cold. Is this what it feels like to die? Is the emptiness within me a manifestation of my death? Time passes, and yet what must be a second feels like an eternity. The Universe was created and destroyed in the time it took to have this thought. I am everything, and I am nothing. My blood feels as though it is freezing within my own body, trapping me within the shell of myself. I cannot move, I cannot think, I cannot feel.

My eyes open, I see deep, dark shades of blue. Bubbles float upwards from my mouth. I try to breathe and I only inhale the very liquid that I am suspended in. Pain, so much pain. Strength comes from my fear as I push towards the surface. The dark blue slowly becomes lighter, and lighter. My brain feels as though it’s holding the weight of the world, and it’s seconds away from failing. My vision begins to return to darkness as I reach the exterior of the water, for my soul is about to abandon its capsule.

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Light floods into myself as I clench the sides of solid sheets of ice surrounding me. I cough and cough till there is nothing left within my body. It is difficult to make out the view in front of me, but it is brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. As my eyes adjust, I see snow, trees, and the deep lake below. I lay my head down, my body drenched with frost. It appeared that it was rather easy to take the wrong step when walking on a “frozen” lake.

As I slow my breathing, I comprehend the thoughts that had tormented me during my moment of weakness. Was this what God felt like? Completely alone in the void, centuries passing in the blink of an eye, knowing all there is to know but knowing nothing at all? Having no fear, no happiness, nothing but the absence of all that makes you human?

In the moment, I was the pure manifestation of existentialism that had followed me all my life. Those who have said that moments of death slowly gripping your corpse cause the most profound thoughts, are most certainly correct.