8.6

Mother and Father stayed up late last night.

Jewel could smell and see the fatigue that clung to them. And she had heard them going towards Father’s study after dinner instead of to their chambers.

They very pointedly did not discuss what had kept them up far too late this morning.

Musing on how the training had been going, confirming where Jewel and Alexander’s education would be improved or delayed.

Other matters that would have been strange any other year but were now common, as it had been since this spring started.

Jewel finished her porridge quickly and considered Alexander, who appeared to have not noticed Mother or Father’s tiredness beneath the facade of normality.

“What shall we be doing now?”

Father looked a bit confused.

“I just said, you will be working on the aerial maneuvers, Alexander will-”

Jewel shook her head to his words, waiting until he gave pause to correct him.

“I meant about the messenger, about the war, what are we going to do now?”

Mother and Father looked at each other. Alexander looked confused but gave a firm nod when Jewel glanced his way.

Without an answer she continued.

“I can hear you talking late into the night, I can read glimpses of your missives, I can smell how terrified you are Father. I want to help! What can I do? What will we do?”

Jewel had to struggle to keep her voice quiet, demure, gentle. She held tight to her voice to speak exactly as she knew she should. To hold back the rumble, the growl, the deep resonance that she could hear echoing back to her in the bones and hearts around her.

“If you tell me more training will help, will ease your fear, I swear to you, Father, I’ll do it.”

She looked to Mother. Jewel’s voice was threatening to swell. It was already breaking through in unseemly growls and little buzzing warbles more akin to the calls of ravens then the tones and timbres she practiced to perfect and maintain.

To be in voice the daughter she could not be in any other way.

“If sitting in the spinning circle all day every day and turning wool to thread will help? If it will smother the horrible, awful stink of fear pouring out of you? I promise you, Mother, I will do it!”

Jewel felt tears on her cheeks. She could feel in the stones around her the way her voice was breaking into an unladylike rumble.

The way that she was failing to live up to being her parent’s Daughter in the one way that she had held onto since she had failed to stop growing.

“But I am doing all of these things already! I am doing everything I can and still Father reeks of fear every waking day. He smiles falsely to make me feel better! Mother, Father you hide from me what will help. Please tell me what we are going to do?”

She felt a tremble ride up and down her coils, felt and could not restrain the urge to arch her neck and back, flare her wings. Make herself seem bigger despite her already terrible vastness.

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Now Jewel stopped needing to hold in her voice, the rumbling fell off, it was suddenly hard to even make more than a whisper.

“Please... Tell me what will make you less afraid.”

Mother took a heavy breath and before Jewel realized it there was a chest pressed against her nose, arms looped under her horns and fingers running through her mane where they could reach.

Her mother’s head resting against her own and softly murmuring.

“Oh my poor daughter, you are too young to have to do this. Barely old enough to worry about your first blood. And taking on burdens even women twice your age would be ill prepared to stand under.”

Jewel laughed and nuzzled up against her Mother despite how improper it was.

How long it had been since she was held anything like this? The Wyrmling whispered softly, quietly as this was not a proper place (if there even was one) to speak of it.

“We don’t even know if I’ll ever have a seasonal bleed, Mother.”

To which Mother simply laughed heavily against her daughter and shook her head against her daughter’s brow.

“We are not so lucky for that. Oh sure maybe it won’t be normal but I’m certain it will be something. Likely something astoundingly overwhelming and blessedly absurd like everything else about my dear daughter.”

If her mother was not in danger of being lifted by the motion Jewel would have recoiled and splayed her wings to the rafters of the dining hall.

She settled on croaking in shock and surprise.

“MOTHER!”

Which seemed to be the cue for Father and Alexander to join the two of them.

Her brother wrapped around her neck where it joined her shoulders and chest. Her father joining Mother close too her head to run his hands through her mane.

“I am sorry, my Daughter. There is nothing you can do to banish my fear.”

Jewel tensed at that, ready to deny it but he shushed her softly.

“But that is because you should not try. Fear is not the enemy of Bravery or Valor. It does not dishonor me to be afraid. Anymore then it dishonors you. I am afraid, your Mother is afraid, Even your brother is afraid.”

There was a muffled denial from Alexander but Father just laughed and leaned over to tossle his hair before standing back.

“It is not Fear that is dishonor, but Cowardice. To let Fear rule you, to let it drive you away from what is needed to protect your family. To let Fear drive you to betray those you are sworn to protect? That is Cowardice.”

He shook himself and Jewel smelled a hint of relief but still he stank of his fear. But if that was not something for her to fight then, what was Jewel supposed to do?”

“Fear will pass, I do indeed fear now, Daughter. I fear this war. I fear for you, and your Mother and your Brother.”

He stood tall before them, voice carrying into the hallway.

“The only thing any of us can do in the face of that fear is to prepare, to make alliances, to muster Rochford and all our lands to best be prepared to face it. To seek aid and bring forth the honor of our Neighbors and friends. To make ourselves ready before the war and before every battle.”

Mother gently brushed her hands through Jewel’s mane one more time before pulling back to wipe her daughter’s eyes with the sleeve of her finery.

Father met Jewel’s gaze and sighed heavily, letting his expression fall into the exhausted pain that Jewel had smelled on him for seasons now.

“But if you are going to hear of our plans in part and piecemeal you might as well attend the meetings. It is best for you to know the whole instead of fragmentary parts.”

He smiled at her and Jewel could see he was sad in his eyes and smell some pain to him.

“If that will help you my Daughter. I would be a coward not to offer it.”

Jewel could not find words, only nod and cry unseemly tears.