Now is not the time. I give the door another knock, just in case anyone is watching, but I still don’t get an answer. Is the man stuck inside the business building now? Did they drop it on his head like the Wiz of Oz? Like the Wiz movie? That would be an unfortunate way to go.

I turn around, pretending to look discouraged, but there's no one there to see. I head for home. It’s a short walk. I give the business building another glance and now it says Night Business. Night business. That’s a good idea. I go back inside my apartment and close the door, triple locking it and loading another stool in front of it. Two cans on it this time. Can’t catch me unawares.

I sit in front of the TV. Time to kill a little time until Night Business comes on. My night business. Not the show.

It’s still on the nature channel or whatever it is, some kind of nature adjacent channel. I tune all the way in, looking for clues. The man with the turtle car is gone, and there’s something else going on here. It doesn’t get an introduction, so I’m not sure what it is yet. We're zoomed all the way out, some kind of a picturesque ocean view with cliffsides and open blue skies.

We're all the way zoomed in now and there's two goats, standing at the edge of the cliff and they’re both chained to the same pole. There’s no narration, so I don’t know what to expect with these goats. They prance around, kicking up dickens and leaning on each other and bending down to pick up some grass with their goat teeth. The camera zooms in on the face of one of the goats until we're right up on its eye. Goats have weird eyes. Weird demon eyes. Then the camera zooms all the way back out and pans the cliff side. Goats are just standing there now.

The program goes to commercial. I sit back. The program comes back on, but now there’s three goats. They could of at least explained why there was another goat. This one is a little bigger than the other two, but it doesn’t do anything too extraordinary. It just does goat things, like the other two. Prances around. Are they going to have a death match? Is a giant black buzzard going to come in and swoop one up with its beak? I lean in closer.

This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

Another commercial break. This is riveting. I run to the kitchen to grab a snack. A real snack this time. I need to munch on something while I watch these goats. Those goats eating on the grass made me hungry. They make grass look really good to eat. I have one eye on the TV and the other in my fridge but I’m running out of time. I need to get back. I grab a jar of pickles and gallop back just in time for the show to start back up.

This time, there’s four goats. Wow! This new one is also about the same size as the other ones, but it’s black and has one horn that's crooked against its head. What a beaut. I open the jar of pickles and dunk my hand in, drawing out my briny fist clutching a wet pickle. I’m leaned way over now, eyes close to the screen, chomping at the pickle. It goes to commercial. “Aw c’mon!” I shout at the TV, “I only got to see them for a few minutes! Fuck!” I lean back, disgusted. There’s a commercial about dry cleaning fluid, a new kind of candy, some kind of heavy equipment that lifts other heavy equipment, then the show comes back on.

“Yes!” I plunge my fist back deep into the pickle jar, then leave it there when I see what comes on screen. Five goats. My mouth is agape. I whisper “Five goooooooats...” I shake my head. The camera once again pans the cliff, then zooms in on the goats. The new goat is different from the other four. This one doesn’t look right. The camera once again zooms all the way in for a close shot of the new goat's face. It’s furry, like a goat’s face should be, and it has a beard, then the camera zooms all the way on to the new goat’s eye. It’s all round in the middle. Like a person eye. The camera zooms back out and the full face is on the screen. The goat lifts it’s leg up to it’s mouth and a finger comes out of the hoof.

The finger is put to the goat’s mouth and one of the eyes winks, then in the background, someone says “shhhhhh...” I’m floored. What a twist. The show is running credits now and my hand is still in the pickle jar. I pull it out and my hand is green and wrinkly. I look at my fingers. “Wow. The fifth goat was a tricky person pretending to be a goat. And those other goats didn’t even know! Jesus!” I shake my head as I walk the pickle jar back to the refrigerator. “How did they... Jesus!” I get the chills.

I look at the clock on the microwave. I’ve been watching the goat show for six hours. I look at the window and it’s full dark. “Fuck yeah!” I say “Now that’s how you kill some time!” I run to the window and look at the business building. Now it says FUNKY. Hell yeah. Time for some Funky Business.