...
...
...
...
Adrift.
Lost in a sea of...
I felt a shiver. One that ran through whatever was left of me. I couldn't...
...
...
...
...
...
Movement.
The world around me shook and shuddered. My senses were long gone, but I could still feel it. I tumbled helplessly in this empty space, like a small animal in a cage rolling down a hill.
Something tugged at the remnants, trying to pull me away. I let the pull take me, but a wall blocked the way. No matter what the pull promised, I couldn't...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Burning. I couldn't find the boundaries of what I was. Who I was. I was being pierced, slashed open and entered. Something was bleeding onto me. Into me. I could feel something like a wriggling worm, digging its way into the remnants. I held onto myself, keeping my world intact. There were no Skills or Spells in this place. I couldn't keep my emotions under control. Only the dream-like nature of this world made it possible to retain my mind. The pain was ever present, but far away. The thing entering me lay down, going dormant. I felt bloated. Larger. Wrong.
Whatever it was... it was alien. Foreign. I could feel myself changing. Digesting. Adapting.
I heard voices.
I felt-
Damn it all. I guess this is the end of the road for the working man, huh? Lot of good working hard did me, in the end. Funny. Stuck in a dead end, cursed by Fortune and eaten by some-
Digestion. My thoughts are broken. My mind is all I have left. I have to think, to keep something of myself from fading... I had to hold myself together. I couldn't...
...
...
...
...
...
Two more, entering at once. The remnants were pried open as something else forced itself inside me. I couldn't scream in this soundless world, but I could feel them squirming. I felt them lodging within me, taking root. They bit at the walls and each other, trying to eat me from the inside out. They were confused, frightened, desperate. I could-
STOP! YOU CAN'T KEEP ME IN HERE ANYMORE! I NEED TO SEE THE WORLD OUTSIDE! YOU CAN'T JUST-
I... I didn't know what I was thinking. I shivered, wanting to do nothing more than cry. The pain crept into my mind, threatening to take the only thing I had left. I'd lost my family, my friends, my life. I wasn't going to lose myself, too. I was done with loss. I wasn't going to lose anything ever again. I could...
...
...
...
...
The pain passed. I felt more bloated than ever. I felt oversized. I felt bigger than ever, but how much of it was me?
Whatever I'd digested felt broken, like I'd eaten a bowl of broken glass. One wrong move, and I could cut myself on what I'd eaten. I couldn't breathe, but I pulsed. I kept the foreign things intact. They were still there, but I couldn't hear them anymore. They'd grown quiet. They were losing themselves, but I wasn't going to lose myself too.
No matter what, I was going to-
...
...
...
This one was the biggest yet. I wasn't going to make it. It entered me, and I felt myself breaking at the seams. I was tearing apart. I'd gotten too big to fight. As soon as it tried to bite, it would consume me from the inside out. I was at its mercy. I struggled, forcing myself to close. To digest.
I wouldn't be fast enough. I couldn't do it. I'd used so much energy to prevent being eaten already. This was it, I couldn't-
INJECTING BOOST SUPPLEMENT. ETA 333-4 IS RESPONDING POSIT-
Did they take pity on us? A strange thing, is it not? Perhaps it suited their purposes too. I can feel myself struggling, too. I know if I fight, I will live. But I have seen your survival instinct. You are still here too, hmm? Your ability to fight when you must. I am old, but you are young. If I wished to live, I would bury your mind, much like you've buried so much of it yourself. It is a choice, one that-
...
...
I have made my decision, young one. I hope against all odds that you may live a happy life. I suspect fate is stacked against you, but for both our sakes, I will hope you can persevere.
You still have something to live for.
I wish you only joy, Yuri. When it presents itself, reach out and take it, no matter the cost.
I can feel myself bursting at the seams. The foreign thing is settling down. It isn't pressing outwards. I shivered, feeling it grow smaller. Like a parasite, it wriggled within me, consuming the other alien things. Forcing them to quieten down, like a school teacher shushing their students before a lesson. My form was bloated, and the pain began to dim. It was a throb now, like a mild headache. Like the moment I had made these people a weapon, demonstrated my magic. I was digesting. Adjusting. Adapting.
I could...
...
[Passive Racial Skill obtained - Speed Reading]
[Active Racial Skill obtained - Telekinesis]
[Active Racial Skill obtained - Telekinetic Field]
[Active Racial Skill obtained - Telepathy]
[Active Racial Skill obtained - Sensory Zone]
[Active Racial Skill obtained - Heat Sense]
[Tinkerer - Level 11 → 12]
[Advanced Class Obtained - Cognitomancer]
[Cognitomancer - Level 4]
[Passive Class Skill obtained - Arcane Tongue]
[Passive Class Skill obtained - Pain Resistance II]
[Active Class Spell obtained - Message]
Act... active...?
I... where...?
I felt a haze lift from my mind, sending a ripple through me like a bolt of lightning.
I could feel it.
I'd leveled. With it, I'd obtained far more abilities at one time than I'd ever gotten.
I'd leveled.
I trembled at the realisation that came with it.
I was alive.
But... how? There was no way that could be right.
I had felt myself die. I... felt my body burn and melt in acid as a friend shouted for my life. I remembered-
A hot spike of pain shot through me, one I felt with the entirety of my being. My mind throbbed, sending heavy pulses of pain through everything I had been and was now. My muscles reflexively tensed up from the feeling. It was hard to think back to the moments before now. The memories of my time in that soundless world had felt like a fleeting dream, one that was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand, even as I reached for it.
My body felt stiff, but the fact that I had a body at all brought with it an uneasy sense of relief. I was alive. Had my body been recreated by Chimera? Was this a hallucination? Something my dying Soul was feeding me to help me retain some semblance of sanity before I finally let go of life? The thought that all of this could just be a dream didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. If it was just a dream to conceal some harsh, hideous reality, I didn't want it to end.
As much as that thought reigned supreme over my mind, I wanted to move. The stiffness of my body felt suffocating, a sensation I wished I could block out as easily as emotion. I focused, trying to exert some control over my body. I wanted to shift, to turn or roll over. To move.
I couldn't do it.
My body ignored my demands. I could feel my body shift and squirm slightly, but I couldn't turn over. I felt... heavy. The thought of being bloated and off-balance nearly brought something back from the world of dreams, but again it slipped beyond my awareness. At first, I thought it was because I was still in a daze, but I was fully awake now, cognizant and aware. My senses felt dull, but my mind was sharp.
If I couldn't move, I wanted to see where I was. Part of me wanted to keep my eyes closed and preserve the fantasy. If I was living in a beautiful dream, this would be the moment that would break it. If this was a dream, it was one where I was safe from anything that might try to harm me. I felt fear well up inside me, bubbling to the surface.
I tried to open my eyes, and couldn't.
Why? The space I intuited as my 'eyes' didn't feel stiff or held shut. For a brief moment, I thought about how it might feel to have one's eyes stitched shut or gouged out. The imagery was morbid, but I couldn't think of anything that could better reflect how I felt. I couldn't feel them at all.
I felt a sense of apprehension rising within me. What was happening? What was wrong with my body? There was so much that could be wrong, and I had no way of knowing.
Had I been tranquilised? That would explain why I felt the heat of a body but was unable to move it. The warmth of my body and the stiffness I could feel pushed away any thoughts I had that I was dead. If I had truly died, I wouldn't be experiencing anything like this. But there were people that had experienced phantom pains after missing a limb, weren't there? I didn't want to rule out the possibility that this was some strange, elaborate illusion designed to keep me together.
I tried to move my body again, exerting as much control over it as I could. Again, I shuddered, wobbling with that heavy, alien weight, unable to move myself. Was something tied onto me? It would make sense if something was being used to hold me down. It felt as though I was trapped in a coffin, tightly packed and unable to move.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
As I focused on what my body was feeling, I realised I was damp, as though I was sweating or lying down in a pool of water. As thoughts and feelings bubbled to the surface, I went to my default reaction. I decided instead to focus on my breathing. My safe haven. The one thing I could always rely on.
Deep breaths, in and-
I wasn't breathing.
The thought struck me like a bullet to the head. My mind froze. I could feel myself moving, as awkward as the alien struggling was, but I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel my mouth, or my throat, or my lungs.
Only my skin.
That feeling of worry dug its claws deeper into my mind. What was happening to me? Where was I? What was I? I could feel my skin, and wiggle it ever so slightly, but I couldn't move. I had no face, or insides, or limbs. I felt like... like a lump of flesh.
Something that wasn't me.
Something alien.
Something wrong.
I wanted to cry, but I had no eyes. I wanted to scream, but I had no mouth or lungs. I wanted to move, but I had no limbs.
All I could think to do was struggle, but I couldn't even do that.
My body didn't even feel like mine anymore. It was like I was trapped, stuffed inside a prison of meat that didn't belong to me. I had no eyes, or nose, or ears to sense with. The creeping thought that I was trapped in a coffin jumped to mind again.
I had to see outside. I needed perspective. This cramped, stiff space was suffocating my thoughts, if not my body. If I couldn't reach out to my body for solace, I'd have to dig deeper.
I reached out to my Soul, the only thing I had left. I needed something. Something to serve as an anchor, to keep me afloat. If I had nothing, I would drown.
Even that had been touched. Warped. Desecrated. But it responded to my command, a feeling linked to all aspects of who I was, an extension of my self. Of me. My magic wasn't sealed, but the sensation of reaching inwards had changed. The power, shape and impression I felt off of my own Soul was different.
That didn't matter. I couldn't let it.
In a moment of desperation, just to prove to myself I could, I pushed. Even if I couldn't see beyond my fleshy cage, I knew what was happening. My [Mantle] was extending outwards, thicker and stronger than ever, creeping over my skin. I pushed as far as it could go, stretching it around my whole body and outwards, just so I could feel some sense of exertion. My Soul strained as I pushed my aura out, but the feeling of being able to anything at all was wonderful.
I let the [Mantle] drop, the aura flowing back into me as I took a moment to collect myself. I felt stronger than ever, even if some of that power felt... strange. It was difficult to put into words, but my Soul felt unfamiliar in a way. Its texture and size had changed. It felt... larger. Lumpy. There were bulges or... 'growths' along its surface. I'd noticed it when I had extended my [Mantle]. Should I be more concerned? I thought the emotion would come, not that I could do anything to stop it, but I found that I couldn't care less right now. Instead, I felt an overpowering sense of relief wash over me. I was still able to use my abilities.
I could do something.
What about the other abilities I'd gotten? Some sounded familiar, but others were new to me. I could feel my Soul respond, priming itself at the thought of using abilities. I wanted to stretch my magic and explore the world around me. If I learned more about my situation, I'd have peace of mind.
[Sensory Zone].
The ability was new to me, but it felt familiar. Like a glove that I'd found after years of neglect, one that still fit me perfectly. A sense of hope blossomed within me as my sense of touch returned.
I felt my awareness surge into being as I took in everything I could, the zone growing by the second. My body shivered again as the cold, damp sensation intensified. I was lying on a metallic surface in a shallow pool of water.
My body felt warm, but the cold of the ground was bothering me. It didn't make any logical sense, but that didn't stop the world from presenting that stimulus to me. I felt simultaneously too hot and too cold. I tried to pull some of my new sense back, but it was hard to retract without pulling the entire 'bubble' of awareness back inside myself.
I would have to bear with it if I wanted answers.
For a moment, I felt an irrational jolt of anxiety. I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to retract my awareness and never let it back out.
For a brief moment, I considered pulling myself back in, sealing myself off within a shell of ignorance. I dismissed the idea immediately. I was being emotional again, searching for a reason not to explore. An excuse.
Without being able to breathe, I couldn't use my [Silent Heart] to keep a level head. It was obnoxious. An internal hurdle I needed to overcome. I tried to push my awareness forward, feeling my body quiver in disgust at the idea. Somehow, somewhere, I found the strength to push on.
My bubble grew, encompassing my whole body.
In that moment, I wished I had listened to my fears. That I had stayed unaware.
I wished I hadn't reached for my magic at all.
I couldn't vomit or scream. I couldn't flail my arms or react. I had no outlet for my emotions except... my Soul. My [Mantle] flared up without my command, and I felt a 'hand' grip the metal beneath me. The feeling of contact helped to ground me. It was another outlet for my sense of touch, one that I was eternally grateful for. I wanted to pull my bubble back and forget what had happened. But I couldn't.
I knew that it was too late. I'd exposed myself to the horrors of the outside world. I hadn't listened to my doubts, and this was how I'd been punished for it. I had to accept the consequences, or my inner voice would scream at me when I returned to the world of unconsciousness.
I figured that whatever the reality was, my mind could come up with something far worse, given enough time and worry. I took a moment to mentally prepare myself, but without the help of my breathing, it felt hopeless. I couldn't go backwards. I'd forfeited that option, now. I stopped, forcing my thoughts to a halt. But I couldn't stay like this forever. If I remained in this mental stasis, things would only get worse. As horrible as the idea felt, I pressed forward.
My body wasn't my body anymore.
It pulsed with motion, like a slow, sickly heartbeat. The mass of meat was sticky and wet, covered in sweat and a thick, viscous mucus. It rolled down along the skin... swimming through wrinkled gaps and valleys all along my form. The sweat and goo formed a puddle in the metal container I'd been placed in, soaking the bottom of the meat. The body I was trapped in was large, longer than I had been tall, and over twice as wide. Instead of the familiar swamp-green scales and pale skin, I was pink. Bright, hot pink. This body had no discernable facial features or limbs. Instead, it was covered in grooves and ridges.
The only feature that distracted from the pink pulsing landscape was a mark. It was some sort of brand or tattoo, one of a bright blue bird with its wings outstretched, curling upwards and over its head. It was located near the front of my body, standing proud for all to see. As proud as it could, for what it was attached to.
I reflexively tensed, hoping against hope that this body wouldn't obey. That my mind was separated from the sensations. The ridges tensed and shivered, the indents in my form wobbling and jittery. Sweat trickled down my form, going through the ridges like rivers down a mountainside.
The idea of it being a river instead of something horrific and grotesque gave me an unsteady sense of distance. Focusing on the water and mucus moving like that was easy. Mesmerising, almost. It was strangely calming, in a morbid, nostalgic way. Like the rivers of home. It was a worthwhile, welcome distraction from the growing sense of horror and despair building within me.
I continued to push outwards, taking in as much as I could of the room. Focusing on the world around me helped to take my focus off my sense of unease. My 'bubble' extended further around the platform I'd been placed on, creeping forward. The 'cage' I was contained in had curled spikes at the sides, creeping up and over me like a set of jaws or a ribcage. None of the metal made contact with my body, but it still felt restrictive.
Beyond the cage was the floor, which was tiled and green. It was a bright, artificial green. Not a natural swamp-green like the colour of my scales had been. It was different. Wrong. I pushed further and further, finding the walls, which were the same wrong-green as the floor. The ceiling followed shortly after. The room was forty feet in width, length and height.
The thought came so naturally to me that I nearly missed it.
When had I been able to calculate so quickly? The room was made with perfect measurements in mind, crafted in such a way that I suspected there were similar rooms to the left and right of mine. Like the forging of a blade, pouring molten metal into a carefully crafted mould.
The thought came as naturally to me as breathing or riding a bike. Not that things like that counted for anything anymore.
Ahead of me was a smooth surface, a plastic panel surrounded by a steel covering. Behind the pane was a thin sheeting of azure crystal, streaks of pink mist spinning inwards along its surface. Selarium, like the one I'd seen on the day I'd been captured, sitting at the end of an adventurer's staff. An adventurer that hadn't done their job. That hadn't saved us.
My field of vision, which had become a strange blend of psychic touch and sight, continued to push forwards. It passed through a black tinted window as though it were nothing, right over a Human.
A whirl of unchecked emotions rippled through me, each fighting for dominance at the forefront of my mind. Fury, shock, irritation, curiosity, longing. I was torn between putting forward a plea for help I knew would fall on deaf ears and looking for a way to attack them. For what they'd done to us. To me.
The Human was sitting at a desk, one covered in paper sheets and protruding buttons. A small blank screen sat on the far left of the desk, surrounded by an array of dials and levers. My sight spread, covering the walls and the shelves stacked high with beakers, books and small glowing devices.
The Human themselves looked focused and diligent, a wild mop of orange hair on his head. I realised with a start that this was the first time I'd seen one of these people without a mask to obscure their face.
He was looking down at a clipboard covered in gibberish. The symbols were foreign to me, letters and combinations that held no meaning. A flash of red from a metallic armband on his wrist shook him from his reading. He laid the board down on the desk, pulled his chair in close to the desk, and leaned up to the microphone, pressing a small button on the base of its stand.
"THIS IS I-C82 OF SC-DIV-004, BEGINNING AUDITORY RECEPTION CHECK #14. TESTING FOR COGNITIVE AND/OR ARCANE AWARENESS. SUBJECT ETA 333-4, IF YOU ARE CAPABLE OF RECEIVING AND UNDERSTANDING MY WORDS, RESPOND IN A NON-THREATENING MANNER. ANY ATTEMPTS TO ATTACK PERSONNEL OR DAMAGE THE FACILITY WILL RESULT IN AN IMMEDIATE CEASING OF THE TEST AS WELL AS AN IMMEDIATE PUNISHMENT."
The voice echoed through the room. I could hear it all around me, and I felt my mind reel. The sound forced me to shudder, but I managed not to grip the metal beneath me too tight with the 'hands' I'd created. His words sounded wrong. I could hear his voice, and the mimicry of it the rune above the window created, both overlapping with each other into a sensory mess. He continued to speak, using other tongues that I wasn't familiar-
"TEST... MAGIC SENSE... CAN HEAR... NO FIGHT... NO DAMAGE... OR PUNISHMENT..."
I could make out what he was saying, or trying to say. He was using some weird accent or language, but I could understand what he was saying. It sounded rough and disjointed. Trying to work out the meaning behind the words was starting to give me a headache. The throbbing pain loomed at the edge of my mind, searching for the first excuse to come to the fore. My thoughts were muddled, wavering dangerously as he spoke, as though I was hearing him from beneath a layer of mud. I had to focus. To concentrate on holding myself together, to-
"[STOP!]" I shouted, my voice rippling through my own mind. I saw him frown, looking down to scribble deftly on his clipboard. I couldn't make sense of the symbols he was scribbling, but my mind raced to comprehend them. I tried to figure out what he was doing, what he was writing, but the effort was starting to make my head hurt. I forced my bubble to retract, pulling out of the office above.
"ETA 333-4, TEST FOR COGNITIVE AND OR ARCANE AWARENESS. ETA 333-4 HAS DEMONSTRATED SOME LEVEL OF COGNITION. THEY HAVE INHERITED A MENTAL SPEECH PROJECTION ABILITY, PRESUMABLY A RACIAL [TELEPATHY], FROM SUBJECT SC-DIV-4 SCOPE-2990. SUBJECT APPEARS TO BE DISORIENTED OR INCAPABLE OF RATIONAL SPEECH."
Incapable of rational speech...? Was it because I'd screamed at him, or because of the language I was using? It didn't make sense to me. I'd spoken in the language he himself had used, so why couldn't he understand?
"[WHAT DID YOU DO ME? WHAT AM I?]" I... asked, even though I knew the answer.
My voice sounded strained and uneven. I could feel myself growing angry now, a feeling I couldn't suppress anymore, no matter how hard I tried. I was worried, not knowing what I might do. It bubbled up within me, a red mess spilling out into my thoughts.
I reached out with my 'hands', gripping the metal rib-like bars around me. I could feel their weight and texture far more acutely now. My 'grip' almost seemed to phase into the metal, merging with it. It was a new sensation, one which brought with it a sense of control and comfort. It helped to ground me, serving to curb the worst of my anger.
"ETA 333-4 APPEARS AGITATED AND INCOHERENT. FURTHER TESTING WILL BE POSTPONED UNTIL A LATER DATE. COGNIZANCE AND STABLE SOUL READINGS HAVE BEEN CONFIRMED."
What...? He was just going to leave? Already? He hadn't even answered me! I pushed outwards again, spreading my bubble through the window. I was gobsmacked at the sight of him getting out of his chair. He pushed it in under the table, picked up his clipboard, and turned around to leave. He hadn't even answered my questions!
"[HEY!!]" I screamed, scaring myself with the ferocity and raw emotion in my voice. It was unrestrained, unfiltered, and completely beyond my control.
"[COME BACK! DON'T LEAVE!]"
He seemed wary now, cautious. I saw him scrawl something else on the clipboard. Was he writing about how dangerous or 'incoherent' I was? Would that colour how other researchers interacted with me? Could I do anything about him?
Should I?
My thoughts felt jumbled and disordered. The emotions clouding my judgement were louder now. More disruptive than ever, constantly getting in the way. They kept me from thinking logically about the situation. I was angry. Furious. I felt the metal beneath me squeak and bend inwards from my grip. I didn't want to be treated as some dangerous, incoherent issue to be solved. I wanted him to answer my questions and treat me like a person, not a test subject!
He was gone.
I tried to follow him with my vision, but the bubble could only stretch so far before I started feeling a sharp spike of pain dig deep into my mind. That strain broke the dam. I could feel the headache rushing towards me.
As much as it irritated me, I pulled the bubble back, centering it on myself alone. I didn't like what my mind was doing. My emotions were pulling my focus in several directions at once, and now the throbbing was adding another hurdle for me to overcome.
I didn't want to think about what I was, who I was becoming or what I should do. I felt sweat drip from the many pores of my body, coalescing in a puddle at the base of my form. If I tried, I could almost imagine them as tears.
The thought was strangely reassuring. Normal and familiar, something I'd been lacking. It was comforting, but it wasn't enough. I needed a cozy bed, my toolkit and a book. Not... this. Not this body, or these emotions, or this situation. I was alone in a place I knew little about, separated from everything I'd ever known, and I couldn't bear to be here any longer.
I didn't even have my breathing to help steady me.
I felt... everything. Melancholy, sadness, bubbling anger. My mind was a breeding ground for dangerous, incoherent emotions, and I had no choice but to let them in and allow them to run their course. I couldn't stop them anymore, not without my tools. I had to come to terms with what was going on, or risk breaking beneath the weight.
I wasn't a Varani anymore, cursed or otherwise. I was a Chimera. A monster. I didn't have arms, or legs, or even a head. My body was a blob of meat with ridges covering the skin, sweat and mucus pouring from somewhere within. I knew what my body resembled, and the idea horrified me. They'd stripped me of my form and turned me into something else.
They'd turned me into a giant brain.
I could feel everything welling up. I wanted to be back in that dream-like state. To find a place to hide and seek refuge from the bubbling torment that was to come. I wanted to go back to that safe, detached haven. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
All the emotions I'd held back since coming here came to the fore, accompanied by a haunting, rhythmic throbbing. I didn't even have the ability to breathe or express my emotions through my body. I was going to be forced to take the full brunt of the emotions and worries I'd dumped in a pit at the edge of my mind.
With feelings I couldn't even begin to describe, I fell headfirst into myself and began to cry in earnest, the cage around me drowned in sweat and mucus as metal strained and groaned in pain.
I let out a soundless, wordless scream.