The next few weeks passed in a blur for Elena. Yet somehow, she knew that today was going to be a bad day. She couldn't explain why or how she knew, but the feeling sat heavy in her gut, an unshakeable premonition.
Each morning had begun the same way: a rude awakening as freezing cold water splashed across her face. The team had started rotating who woke her up, but even on the days when Lily was responsible, Thomas always managed to ensure Elena received her customary ice shower.
As the days turned into weeks, Elena noticed her body gradually adjusting to the new routine. She found herself waking earlier and earlier, lasting longer during weight-lifting sessions. The yoga stretches, once arduous and sweat-inducing, no longer left her feeling drained afterward. She even managed to make it to school on time after consuming the required breakfast.
The class schedule repeated itself with clockwork precision each week. Mondays, as Elena had come to understand, always involved honing their powers and learning to work collaboratively with others. Tuesdays were dedicated to visiting different guilds, where they learned about each organization's functions. As they drew closer to testing, these visits also served as scouting opportunities, with various guilds showing increasing interest in potential recruits.
Wednesdays were reserved for arena days, a prospect that both thrilled and terrified Elena. Thursdays involved learning about the various monsters that inhabited their world, coupled with intense sparring sessions that left her body aching but her mind sharp.
Fridays, however, were a different beast entirely. These days were designed as a "fun free-for-all," where students were expected to venture out and assist the populace, learning the ropes of being a good adventurer. They would typically gather in the main hall of the adventurer's guild, unlock their assigned compendiums for small quests, and help people around town.
These Fridays also served another purpose. Existing groups would use this time to chat up potential recruits, getting to know them better. It was also the day when certain trainees would choose to slack off, taking advantage of the relatively relaxed atmosphere.
As the weeks progressed, Elena found it increasingly easy to discern who genuinely cared about putting in the effort and who simply wanted to get through the training as quickly as possible. The divide between those destined for premier groups and those likely headed for the dregs became more apparent. Yet, she noticed with some surprise that sometimes these two circles overlapped in unexpected ways.
On this particular Friday, Elena walked past a group of students heading out for the day. She was usually one of the last to leave, appreciating the extra time it afforded her to work on her abilities in relative solitude. Her familiarity with her new body grew daily, and she even started to notice things about her peers that would have escaped her attention mere weeks ago.
As she made her way through the courtyard, Elena caught sight of Adrian waving at her. He was deep in conversation with some members of an apothecary guild, his family's prominence in the potion-making world evident in the way he carried himself. His insight into the craft was invaluable, a fact not lost on the guild members who hung on his every word.
Elena returned his wave with a small smile, a twinge of discomfort settling in her chest. Adrian's crush on her had become increasingly obvious, bordering on what she privately termed as "simping." She had tried to cool his jets, emphasizing that they were friends and nothing more, but her attempts had been in vain. Apparently, her forthright attitude with him was interpreted as a deeper sign of harbored feelings, or so he seemed to believe.
Despite her irritation at his persistence, Elena couldn't bring herself to dislike Adrian entirely. He was a good kid at heart, and he respected the fact that she was married. Still, the situation added a layer of complexity to their interactions that she could have done without.
As she continued her walk, Elena's thoughts turned inward, grappling with a new worry that had begun to gnaw at the edges of her mind. It was something she had been trying to ignore, to push aside, but now it was becoming impossible to dismiss. The realization hit her with the force of a physical blow: she was starting to see herself as a girl, and it terrified her.
Elena made her way back to her room, the weight of her thoughts slowing her steps. She sat at her desk, her eyes drawn to the mirror before her. For the first time since this bizarre transformation began, the face looking back at her didn't feel like a stranger's. This realization sent a shiver of unease down her spine.
Deep down, Elena knew she was a guy—she remembered her life before all of this, her identity, her experiences. But with each passing day, that part of her seemed to slip further away, becoming harder to hold onto. Every day, Elena became more real, while John faded into a memory of a person who no longer existed.
As she sat there, staring at her reflection, a torrent of conflicting thoughts and emotions flooded her mind. 'Who am I becoming?' she wondered, her inner voice tinged with desperation. 'Am I still John, or am I turning into someone else entirely? It's like I'm losing pieces of myself, bit by bit, and I don't know how to stop it.'
Elena closed her eyes, trying to conjure memories of her old life. They felt increasingly distant, like faded photographs losing their color. 'I used to love watching football with the guys,' she thought, 'but now I can barely remember the rules. The other day, I caught myself gossiping about fashion with some of the girls, and I actually enjoyed it. What's happening to me?'
The fear of losing her identity mingled with a growing sense of comfort in her new body, creating a nauseating cocktail of emotions. 'I hate to admit it,' Elena thought, her mental voice barely above a whisper, 'but sometimes... sometimes this feels right. The way I move, the way I interact with others. It's becoming second nature. And that terrifies me. Am I betraying who I really am by adapting to this?'
She opened her eyes, meeting her own gaze in the mirror. The face that looked back at her was beautiful, feminine, and increasingly familiar. Elena pondered the nature of identity and self, questions she had never before needed to consider bubbling to the surface of her mind.
'If I lose all traces of John, do I cease to exist?' she asked herself. 'Or am I still me, just... different? Where does John end and Elena begin? Are we the same person, or am I becoming someone new entirely?'
The guilt of these thoughts weighed heavily on her, pressing down on her shoulders like a physical burden. 'I feel like I'm betraying my past self, my wife, everything I used to be,' Elena thought, a lump forming in her throat. 'But at the same time, I can't help but wonder... is it so wrong to find some peace in this new existence? To stop fighting it every step of the way?'
She reflected on the changes in her relationships, how differently people interacted with her now. 'The way people look at me now, treat me... it's so different,' she mused. 'And the worst part is, I'm starting to expect it, to feel comfortable with it. Am I losing myself, or just... evolving?'
Elena touched her face, watching her soft blue skin deform under the pressure of her fingertips. It took her several minutes to remember that as John, she used to have a wrinkle there. It took even longer to conjure the image of her old face looking back at her with worry. The changes weren't just physical; they were creeping into her thoughts, her emotions, her very sense of self.
She reflected on the little things that had been adding up. She had started to enjoy the feeling of her new body, moving with a grace that felt alien yet strangely comfortable. She caught herself admiring her reflection, appreciating the way her hair framed her face or how her clothes fit. The feeling of wearing a skirt felt liberating, while pants now felt restrictive. She would occasionally find herself adjusting her blouse or shaving her arms during her daily showers without a second thought.
It wasn't just about looking good; it was about feeling right, feeling like she belonged in this body. And that realization was both comforting and terrifying. The sense of ease in her movements, the natural sway of her hips, and the soft curves that had become familiar all felt disturbingly right. She couldn't ignore how her hands seemed to instinctively know how to adjust her hair or how she had begun to favor certain styles of clothing that accentuated or hid her new form.
There were other moments too—moments when she instinctively responded to "she" or "her" without flinching, moments when she found herself thinking in ways she never had before. The camaraderie she felt with the other girls, the way she slipped into conversations about things that never interested her before, like fashion or makeup, felt natural now. It still felt weird talking about her past life with them, so they knew that topic was off-limits. It was as if her mind was adapting, reshaping itself to fit this new reality. And what was worse, Elena was certain she didn't realize each time it happened.
A part of her, the core of her, wondered if she was losing herself. She had begun to notice details in makeup, finding a strange satisfaction in perfectly applied eyeliner or lipstick. Even the simple act of choosing an outfit had become a form of self-expression that felt surprisingly fulfilling.
Elena remembered her life as John, when she and her wife would go on dates. Back then, she was always the guy who could throw on a shirt and pants and be ready to go in 5 minutes—15 if she needed the three S's. But now? The thought of walking out the door after just throwing on a shirt felt tantamount to treason. Her brain now went through an elaborate process: "Did I put on the shirt with the built-in bra? Can you see it when I walk out? Does my makeup make me look like a slut? Is my skirt in proper fashion, or are people going to get a show?" And all of this took time—time she never used to spend on her appearance.
She couldn't deny the internal conflict any longer. The lines between who she was and who she was becoming were blurring. The memories of her past life as a guy felt almost distant, almost like they belonged to someone else. It was getting harder to see herself as just a guy, especially when everything around her reinforced this new identity. The longer she stayed in this world, the more she felt like she was becoming someone new, someone she didn't fully understand yet.
But who could she tell? Who would understand? Elena had wanted to talk about her struggles, to share the tumultuous emotions that churned within her, but something always held her back. She considered talking to Lehara, but what good would that do? While Lehara could sympathize, she couldn't truly empathize. Nobody could. Elena felt a deep-seated reluctance to burden the girls with her problems. A part of her, the part that still clung to her identity as John, insisted that as a guy, she should be able to handle this herself. It wasn't right to bother the girls with it, even if they were her friends now. They had their own problems, their own challenges in this world. Why should she add to their burdens?
The thought of discussing her feelings with Marcus or Thomas was quickly dismissed. Marcus was a good guy, sure, but they weren't close. Their relationship was that of a drill instructor and a trainee, nothing more. And Thomas? Elena almost snorted at the thought. Thomas would just be an ass about it, probably make some crude joke or use it as ammunition for more teasing. No, talking to Thomas was out of the question. Rowan might have been an option, but he was always off doing something, never around when Elena needed someone to talk to. In the end, it all circled back to the same painful realization: in this regard, Elena felt utterly alone in the world.
At least Lehara was good at recognizing when Elena was getting too stressed and needed a break. She would make sure Elena and Lily had some time away from training, from the boys, from school, from work, from everyone that wasn't the three of them. During these moments, they talked about fun things from Elena's world or interesting aspects of their current one, and it was always fascinating to discover the similarities between the two. A few times, they asked about Elena's family or posed personal questions, but it still felt wrong for her to delve too deeply into her past life.
These moments of respite, however, didn't prevent Elena's mental breakdowns, which were now occurring semi-weekly. The latest source of her anxiety was a rumor she had overheard about her friends potentially leaving soon for some unknown venture. She had only caught bits and pieces of a conversation between Thomas and Rowan one morning through her door. The possibility that they might have to head out before she finished her training. She still wanted desperately to join them, but the timing might not be right for it.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
As the sun began to set, casting long shadows across her room, Elena decided she needed some air. She got up from her desk and began a jog from the tavern to a small training hill reserved for school students. It was usually fairly quiet on a Friday late afternoon when most trainees went off to decompress from the week. Today was no exception.
As Elena approached the training hill, she spotted a familiar figure sitting alone. It was Lily, her posture hunched and her gaze fixed on the ground. Elena set her books down and greeted her friend, but when Lily looked up, Elena was startled to see that she had been crying. Concern immediately flooded through her, pushing aside her own tumultuous thoughts for the moment.
Elena sat down cross-legged in front of Lily, leaning back with her hands propping her up. She felt the warmth of the setting sun on her face as she asked, "Heya Lily. Is everything okay?"
Elena had been expecting Lily to express worry about her not joining their group again, but Lily's response caught her off guard.
"I was worried about you," Lily said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Elena forced a laugh, trying to brush off her friend's concern. "Worried about me? Lily, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." She gave Lily her most genuine smile, hoping to put her at ease.
But Lily shook her head, her eyes earnest and filled with concern. "No, you're not. I've seen how you're struggling. You're amazing, you know? You're strong, beautiful, and kind. You have the looks and brains that girls would kill for. But you keep bottling everything up inside."
Lily's gaze briefly flitted to Elena's face before focusing on a point just past her shoulder. "I've been keeping track, Elena. You're sleeping an average of 1.5 hours less per night than you were a month ago. Your appetite has decreased by approximately 20%, and you've lost 3.2 pounds in the last two weeks. You've started biting your nails again, something you haven't done since your third week here."
She paused, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her notebook. "Your training performance has improved by 35%, but you're pushing yourself harder than necessary. I've noticed you staying late after class, practicing forms until your hands shake. You've also started using more feminine products - your hair care routine has expanded to include three new items, and you've been experimenting with different makeup techniques."
Lily's voice softened slightly. "But what worries me most is how you interact with others. You've become more withdrawn in group settings, speaking 37% less. I can only imagine this is also translating to classes at the academy as well. When someone refers to you as 'she' or 'her,' your right eye twitches slightly - it's almost imperceptible, but it happens 72% of the time. And you've stopped talking about your past almost entirely. The last time you mentioned your wife was 18 days ago. And when Lele and I bring it up, you quickly change the subject."
She leaned forward, her eyes briefly meeting Elena's. "You're changing, Elena. And that's okay. But you're fighting it so hard, and it's hurting you. I can see it in the tension in your shoulders, the way you clench your jaw when you think no one's looking. You're carrying so much weight, and I... I just want to help. You don't have to go through this alone."
Elena felt a flush creep up her cheeks, embarrassed by Lily's detailed observations. She forced a laugh, trying to brush off her friend's concern. "Lily, I appreciate your... attention to detail, but I'm fine. Really. There's nothing to worry about."
Lily's brow furrowed, her gaze intense but not quite meeting Elena's eyes. "You’ve also started lying about your mental and emotional health. Elena, the data clearly indicates you're not fine. Your behavioral changes are significant. I think... I think it's because your mind is struggling to adapt to your new physical form. It's causing you distress."
Elena clenched her fists, feeling her irritation rising. "Lily, stop it. I don't want to talk about this. There's no 'struggle' or whatever you think is happening."
But Lily, missing the emotional cues, pressed on. "Elena, it's okay. I've read about magical transformations and their psychological impacts. Your body changed so suddenly, and it's natural for your mind to need time to adjust. There are documented cases of individuals experiencing similar difficulties when—"
"Lily, I told you, I'm fine," Elena interrupted, her voice shaking slightly. "I don't need you to explain my own body to me or tell me what I'm feeling. And I don’t want to discuss it. I told you I’m fine and I’m fine."
Lily leaned forward, her voice softening in an attempt to be comforting. She put her hand on Elena’s trying to connect with her. "Elena, you're a girl now, and that's okay. It's normal to feel confused or scared. You don’t have to go through this alone. You're strong and beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with embracing who you are. I'm here for you, and I want to help you through this time."
Elena felt something snap inside her. The simple words "you're a girl now" were like a trigger. "Lily, just stop it!" she yelled, standing up abruptly. "I don't have to go through this alone? Really? I don't have to go through this alone? Tell me Lily, who the fuck is going to know what I've been through? Oh? No one? Fuck you!"
Lily looked taken aback, her eyes wide with shock. "Elena, I just want to help."
Elena took a deep breath, trying to steady herself, but the words continued to pour out of her. "I don't care! Fuck, Lily. All I wanted was to come up here and get away from everything. And when I saw my best friend up here I was hopeful that maybe we could spend a relaxing evening together before you leave. And you spring this...this...this bullshit on me? Are you fucking kidding?" Deep inside, a small part of Elena knew she was venting and that Lily didn't deserve it. But the rage she felt inside didn't give that thought a chance to survive.
Lily looked up at Elena, her eyes wide and confused. She started putting some stuff away in her bag. "I'm sorry Elena. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just trying to—"
Elena cut her off, yelling down at her. "For the past month or two, every fucking person around me has been slowly killing who I am. Slowly burying the memory of me under piles of 'Ma'ams' and 'Misses'. And instead of helping me get him back, you keep trying to bury me further with your fucking 'data' and 'observations'? Are you trying to erase me completely? I get those idiots at the school who don't know any better, but you? I just want a fucking minute to be myself, to think, and you... God dammit. Every fucking day I look in the mirror, and every day you sit there and treat me like I'm some goddamned science project. I'm not your fucking experiment!"
Elena was pacing back and forth at this point, her emotions spiraling out of control. She saw a tree about two meters away and, in a moment of blind rage, punched it with all her might. She felt her fingers break on impact. "FUCK!" she yelled in pain as she grabbed her bloody fist.
"Elena..." Lily looked heartbroken. Her eyes were welled with tears, and even though she wasn't saying anything, her expression was begging Elena to stop.
But Elena couldn't stop. The dam had broken, and all her fears, frustrations, and anger came pouring out in a torrent of callous words. "Fuck you and everyone else, Lily. You did this to me. You and your fucking notes and observations. You made me into this...this...stranger! You think you're helping? Fuck, you're just making everything worse! That's not what friends do to each other. Instead of helping me stay me, you're just being a heartless, cruel bitch. You're so obsessed with your notebook and your studies that you can't see how much you're killing me! Just leave me the fuck alone, Lily! Maybe then I can actually breathe for two god damned minutes without you hovering over me like some desperate, pathetic fucking loser!"
The moment the words left her mouth, Elena regretted what she had said. The words hung in the air, sharp and biting like a slap to the face. The hill fell silent as the weight of what Elena had said settled between them. If Lily had been physically slapped by a master with all his might, it would have hurt both her and Elena less.
Lily froze, her expression changing as the words hit her like a physical blow. For a moment, she just sat there, staring at Elena with wide eyes. And then her gaze shifted downward, focusing on something Elena hadn't even realized was there.
Elena followed Lily's gaze and was shocked to see that she had summoned her blood magic into the shape of a gauntlet. The cruel and wicked-looking weapon was formed of blood and seemed ready to hurt something...anything...Lily. Elena released her magic as shock filled her. She hadn't even realized she had done it, and the implications of her unconscious action terrified her.
When Elena looked back at Lily, she saw her face crumple in a way she'd never seen before - a mix of shock, pain, and something deeper, something broken. The tears were now streaming freely down Lily's cheeks. She stood there, stunned, all color drained from her face.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. I just wanted to be a good friend," Lily meekly said before turning and fleeing from the hill. She didn't even grab her things as she got up and ran. Her movements were clumsy and desperate as she fled the area, almost tripping over her own feet in her horrified rush to get away.
Elena stood there, her anger dissipating as quickly as it had come, replaced by a crushing wave of regret and guilt. The sounds of Lily's feet slapping the ground echoed in her ears, a stark reminder of what she had done. The anger that had flared so hotly moments ago was fully replaced by a cold and hollow emptiness. She had crossed a line, and she knew it. She never laid a hand on her friend, but she had hurt her all the same. Someone who had only ever tried to help, even if only in her own way.
She wanted to call out to Lily, to apologize and take back every cruel word she had said. But the guilt and shame kept her mouth shut and her hooves rooted in place. Unable to move, unable to undo the damage she had just caused. Weakness overtook her knees and she sank back to the ground, burying her face in her hands. "What have I done?" she whispered to herself, the weight of her cruel words hanging heavy in the air.
As the reality of what had just transpired sank in, Elena's mind began to race. She replayed the conversation in her head, each word feeling like a dagger twisting in her gut. How had things escalated so quickly? How had she lost control like that? She had never been an emotional person, but now? They roiled through her like a tsunami, destroying everything they touched.
She looked at her hand, the one she had used to punch the tree. The pain was still there, a throbbing reminder of her outburst, but it paled in comparison to the emotional anguish she was feeling. Blood was trickling down her knuckles, and she could see the beginnings of bruises forming. It would need healing, but right now, that was the least of her concerns.
Elena's gaze fell on Lily's abandoned belongings. The sight of them made her heart clench. She crawled over to them, her movements slow and heavy as if she were moving through molasses. With trembling hands, she began to gather Lily's things. A notebook fell open as she picked it up, and Elena couldn't help but glance at the page.
What she saw made her breath catch in her throat. The page was filled with notes about her - observations, concerns, ideas on how to help her adjust. It was all there in Lily's neat handwriting. Elena realized with a start that Lily had been paying far more attention than she had ever imagined, noticing things about her struggle that Elena herself had tried to ignore. She knew Lily was observant, but this was detail on another level.
There were notes about Elena's sleeping patterns, her eating habits, her moods. She had noted that Elena’s voice has increased in pitch 8%, her gait had shrunk by 5.8 cm, her body language with female peers had shown increased openness whereas she had shown a 20% increase in physical distance from male peers. Softer fabrics, grooming rituals, it was all there. Lily had even jotted down ideas for activities that might help Elena feel more comfortable in her new body. Evidence of Lily's genuine care and concern was on display for anyone to read. And much of it was spot on.
Elena felt a fresh wave of guilt wash over her. She had accused Lily of not understanding, of not really trying to help, but this notebook told a different story. Lily had been trying, in her own way, to be the best friend she could be to Elena in this impossible situation.
She felt sick to her stomach as she closed the notebook gently, unable to bear looking at it any longer. She finished gathering Lily's things, Elena noticed something else - a small, wrapped package tucked away in Lily's bag. Curiosity got the better of her, and she carefully pulled it out.
It was a gift, neatly wrapped with a small card attached. With shaking hands, Elena opened the card:
"To Elena, my dear friend. I know things have been tough, but I want you to know how much your strength and resilience inspire me. I hope this little gift brings a smile to your face. No matter what, I'm here for you. - Lila Clementine"
Elena felt her heart shatter. The realization of how deeply she had hurt someone who cared so much about her was overwhelming. She clutched the unopened gift to her chest, tears streaming down her face.
The sun had almost set now, casting long shadows across the training hill. The warmth of the day was fading, replaced by a chill that seemed to seep into Elena's very bones. Or perhaps that chill was coming from within her, from the cold realization of what she had done.
She knew she needed to find Lily, to apologize, to try to make things right. But how could she even begin to make amends for what she had said? The cruel words she had hurled at her friend echoed in her mind, each one a fresh wound.
Elena stood up slowly, gathering Lily's belongings in her arms. Her body felt heavy, weighed down by guilt and regret. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She had to fix this, somehow. She had to try.
As she started to make her way down the hill, Elena caught sight of her reflection in a small puddle left by the morning's rain. The face that looked back at her was tear-stained and miserable, a far cry from the strong, confident image she had been trying so hard to project.
In that moment, Elena realized something. In her desperate attempt to hold onto who she used to be, she had been pushing away the people who were trying to help her become who she needed to be now. She had been so focused on not losing John that she had been blind to the fact that Elena needed friends, needed support.
The world hadn't stopped changing just because she wanted it to. And in refusing to adapt, she had hurt the one person who had been trying the hardest to help her through this impossible situation.
As Elena made her way back towards the school, her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She knew finding Lily and apologizing was just the first step. She had a lot of soul-searching to do, a lot of hard truths to face about herself and her new reality.
The path ahead was unclear and daunting, but one thing was certain - Elena couldn't keep going on like this. Something had to change, and it had to start with her.
And for the first time in months, Elena felt truly alone.